Mission Log: Day 1
Mission Time: 0000 Hours
Location: Unknown
Current Mission Objectives:
- Complete a self-evaluation of self and armour.
- Examine nearby supply crate and take stock of equipment and weapons.
- Scout the surrounding area for threats.
- Locate a freshwater source.
- Establish a suitable base of operations.
- Perform a combat training refresher course.
- Make contact with the native sentient populace.
John One-One-Seven, reporting.
Moments ago I was attending San Diego Comic-Con International, suited up as Master Chief, from the video game, Halo.
I had just purchased a replica of Cortana's Chip and a UNSC Dog Tag from a strange merchant before I fell unconscious.
When I awoke I appeared to be in some crumbling ruins, located within a strange forest, and the armour I wore was now fully operational. I also discovered a supply crate near me that contained weapons, equipment, and supplies. Not to mention, I also have a version of Cortana in my head now.
My mind also seems to have been altered, as I now think and behave similarly to the real Master Chief.
Cortana has detected a nearby settlement on the other side of this forest, which I will investigate once I have completed my other mission objectives.
If this is the world I believe it to be, then there is no telling how the locals will react to me. Caution is advised for the time being. I do not remember my old name, so for now I shall take the identity of my current form, until such a time as I can recall my old self. If the inhabitants of this land ask about my identity, I shall inform them that I am a Spartan, and my name is Master Chief. I shall also attempt to keep Mission Logs during my time here, as a way to convince myself that this is real, and not some deluded dream or fantasy.
Master Chief Petty Officer John One-One-Seven, signing off.
End of Mission Log: Day 1
WARNING: This story is undergoing a major restructure and the first chapter will be completely rewritten. The story title may also be changed. The plot of this story is being changed slightly to accommodate new ideas.
It's been awhile since I've read a Halo displaced store but it's looking good so far keep up the good work
Captain Keyes
This is interesting so far. However, there's two things you should keep in mind.
First of all, always start a new paragraph whenever a different character starts speaking. The entire conversation between Twilight and Spike was all one paragraph, making it confusing on who was speaking.
Second of all, like with dialogue, start a new paragraph when talking about a different subject matter.
For example, in the paragraph where the MC talks about finding the vendor suspicious and then the Fimfiction displaced stories, I suggest you make those into two seperate paragraphs. Doing so would make your parageaphs have a nice flow to them.
Anyways, good luck, try not to stress yourself, and have fun.
Geez, overreacting much?
11280505
Thanks for the input, as I said this is my first time writing fanfiction and I appreciate the honesty. However, I wouldn't get your hopes up for a constantly updating story, since I'm normally busy with school, so odds are this story won't be updated too regularly. But I am hoping to get the next chapter out soon, since I know exactly what I want to put in it, and I already have the ending good to go, even if it may change. Again thanks for your advice.
I like the story I think it's good
First time writing a Displaced, eh? word of advice for future chapters: don't cross over nor summon other displaced until after the story has progressed, the character has gained some growth, and the world has been built. And if you do decided to do one, be caution as it can make or break the story. Too many writers often make the mistake of doing too many cross-overs, or said cross-over holds no importance.
11281007
Good point, but this story is only going to focus around Master Chief and the Equestrians, so no other displaced will appear in this story (unless I change my mind further along). I am however, planning a crossover between this story and a few others I have planned, some of which will be more displaced characters, so I'll use your advice later on while writing those stories. Thanks for the feedback!
Hope to see more soon
I liked your first Chapter so far and am interested in how this story will progress.
What I am really afraid of is how Master Chief has
This sounds extremely OP to me and could result in some extreme Power creep problems.
I am not sure if this a vital part of the story or not as you hinted that you already have some events you want to happen and an idea for an ending. If this ability to summon any Halo related weaponry is not vital I would try to scale it back a bit. Otherwise it could be hard to put you MC in tough spots as he could just summon a covenant energy sword or a pelican to get out of dodge.
To be fair the Master Chief already is extremely strong by design and is hard to put in a tough spot.If you want him to have those vehicles maybe make it a one time summon so he does not have a get out of jail free card. Or you could limit his summoning vehicles to only a Warthog or something along those lines.
For weapons I have similar concerns, if he can summon anything at any time his enemies would have to be extremely powerful with countermeasures to his weapons or with an ability to suppress his summoning powers which would introduce new problems, like what is the in world explanation for the suppression effect and how does the MC summon in the first place.
Again I would recommend to limit that ability, maybe he has a set few weapons he can summon from something like a small dimensional pocket or a bag of holding etc. Or just give him some weapons with infinite ammo and not have him summon weapons at all. Let him wake up and find some weapons around him as like a starting gift from the merchant or something like this. If you want more later on let Cortana have blueprints and let Twilight or someone the MC trusts in the story build them with magic. This would limit him somewhat.
Or let the weapons have limited ammo so he cant just use them for everything and has to consider what weapon is best for the current situation. Later on he could use magic to make more ammo or have his summoning slowly give him ammo over time like a cooldown.
Then again maybe you have already thought about all this and have scaled the future enemies and problems accordingly or introduced limits yourself, if that is the case you can mostly disregarded my concerns. I just wanted to draw your attention to something I believe could be a huge headache later on in the story. Since this is only in the description and not yet part of the published story I hope I could draw your attention to something that if need be can still be changed without extensive editing.
Anyway have fun writing
PS: Maybe you fully intent for MC to be extremely op, if so that ability would be fun and could really enhance the power fantasy and make some good comedy.
11282822
Thanks for the advice, if I'm being honest, I was still figuring out the whole "weapon summoning" power. After I read your comment I actually brainstormed some ideas. Such as, requiring cortana to summon weapons-therefore if cortana was removed Master Chief would be without his arsenal. Also having a limit to what he can summon, for example, a handgun or a rifle would be simple, but something like a transport ship would be impossible. I did think about limiting him to just UNSC weapons, but then realized that the halo sword and the gravity hammer are actually covenant weapons, so that idea was thrown out the window. I'll experiment some more before the next chapter, again thanks for the input.
11283526
After careful consideration I have finally decided on how Master Chiefs summoning power will work. For the beginning of the story, he won't have this power at all, and instead will find a supply crate upon awakening, a gift from the stranger. This crate will contain all the gear he will use for the start of the story, but he will eventually unlock his summoning power later on. I have decided that Cortana will have schematics for everything he can summon, therefore, Cortana is essential for him to summon his arsenal. That way, if Cortana is removed from Master Chiefs helmet, he will lose his power. This strategy will be used against him towards the end of the story. Still deciding on what exactly will be in the crate, but we will definitely see cool gear (most probably no vehicles though, unless some sort of miniature version of the vehicle that grows to the correct size, so he only has one of each vehicle, but still undecided). Hope you enjoy what I have planned.
I like the concept of this story and the way it's going. So keep up with a good job.
Curious on what will happen next
I wonder if there is any plans with Spike in this?
update?
So, any word on an update? Concerning that there's been nothing said since last year.
11635723
Sorry about that, but when I wrote this first chapter I really only had a rudimentary idea on where the story was going, and since then I've had a bunch of different ideas for it that clash with the original plot, so my plan has been to rewrite this chapter but not release the new version until I have a definite plot line established, which I'm still working on cause I was desperate to release this chapter and then kind of abandoned it to write ideas for other stories, which I know is probably reckless, but I did anyway. I have an idea on how to rewrite it, and give my oc more depth, an actual backstory and a motivation, since before he basically just got dropped into equestria and started murdering bad guys, which made no sense for a character that moments ago had been attending comic con. So my new idea is he's a soldier that dies on the battlefield because he gets betrayed by the US government which gives him justified anger which he directs towards people/ponies he deems irredeemable. Honestly the way I want to write this character makes him out to be more like doom slayer than a Spartan but I've been trying to work around that problem. No clue when the updated version will be released so I wouldn't hold your breath.
11636324
Appreciate the info, boss. More that other authors have given, which most of the time is nothing. Gonna keep my eye out regardless for an update. The premise is something that I can't ignore lol. Keep on keepin on, friend.