In the Ponyville Railyard, towards the back, in a old siding by themselves, sit 6 old hopper cars filled with gray gravel. The cars are rusty, the letters on them having faded long ago. The cars have not been touched in ages, and seemingly serve no purpose. Scootaloo aims to find out why the cars are there, and what purpose they serve. Now she wishes that she'd left well enough alone, because when something has been abandoned, there's always a reason behind why it was........
(This is my first foray into the world of MLP horror stories, so hopefully this goes well)
Featured as of 5/4/22?!
Holy cow. Thank you everypony!
Chapters (1)
you did a really good job Scar.
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Hello MikiStenBeck,
And thanks!
I really tried to make this a good spooky story, and it seems that I did well
awesome stories mate keep it up cant wait for the next story
You Scar did a fantastic job writing out this superb horror story.
I see you've also seen Haunted Henry.
Have a like and a bunch of buttons
Interestingly Interesting.
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Hello shining paladin,
And thank you
I'm glad that you enjoyed this story so much
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Hello Skyblazer9,
And thank you
This was my very first foray into MLP horror stories, and I wasn't sure if it was going to go well or not, but I gave it my best (even scaring myself, as I wrote it at night, when I was alone) and I'm glad that I did so well
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Hello The Blue EM2,
And yes, I have. "Haunted Henry" scared me as a kid, but as an adult now, it's one of my favorite episodes of "Thomas the Tank Engine". I thought about using this reference here, and then decided to go with it in the end, hoping that someone would get the reference, and I was right. Someone did
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Hello black night sun,
And thank you
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Hello Fujimi200SX,
And thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed this story so much
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I share similar feelings. It was probably my introduction to horror, and it really shows David Mitton's skill as a director.
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You're very welcome.
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It was mine too. This episode scared me so much as a kid, but at the same time, it also contained my favorite funny moment in all of "Thomas the Tank Engine"; when Henry said "Stupid Bird!" after Edward told him about the owl
However, looking back at "Haunted Henry as an adult, I noticed a few things. For instance, while it was confirmed that Old Bailey put up the amber warning lamp, and that his coat was (for some reason) the one hanging in that tree, it was never actually confirmed that he closed those gates, made the signal red, was the source of the light inside the station, or was the mysterious figure watching Henry go by at the end. And if it wasn't Old Bailey, who did those things, and why? There have been fan theories/fan videos on this topic over the years, but it's never been confirmed in canon lore. (Though if it really was a ghost, they wouldn't really be able to confirm that, as this show is made for really young kids, and they don't want to scare them too bad. They obviously failed, as "Haunted Henry" scared me so bad as a kid, but they never confirmed any ghosts either) Just some food for thought
Yeah, that's certainly a disturbing story to read at this hour.
I'm reminded of this whenever I hear "You...Disturbed...my sleeeeeeeeeeep!"
In all honesty, you've captured the true charm of a ghost story. It's simple, yet it tells what it needs with no needed faff. It brings up a curiosity, a tragic tale and just raises more questions and even leads into more story potential.
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The best ghost stories leave some things to the mind. Though there was a trend in the 1920s of having ghost stories have completely rational explanations (the Arnold Ridley play The Ghost Train is an excellent example).
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Hello Charlie_K,
And if I made you afraid to sleep tonight, then I think I did a good job writing this story, wouldn't you agree?
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Hello The Stainmore Phoenix,
And bingo! You are correct, my good Sir/Lady. I saw this video a few months ago, and it remains to this day the scariest "Thomas the Tank Engine" fan-made story I have ever seen. "Demons" is the reason why I'm afraid of being alone at night, and the reason why I had to take 2 days to write this story instead of just one; I got too scared the night I started it when I got to writing the scary parts, and I had to stop until the next day. It inspired the spooky part of this story, almost word for word in places, though with a bit of my own flare. I think that it worked in the end
And that's what I was worried about with this story. I've read plenty of other MLP horror stories, and all of them left things vague, open to interpretation, or had ambiguous endings. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to fully capture that here with my story, but I got the ball rolling to try anyway, and it ended up being quite good. Dirk told Scootaloo some of the story of the 6 Old Gravel Cars, but left key parts vague, though exactly why he did so is left open to interpretation. Scootaloo comes back at night to see for herself, and sees not only the spirit of Oilcan, who seems to be a Demon, but she also saw the spirits of 8 other railroad workers who died on the job. Why were they around the gravel cars too? Again, it's left open for the readers to decide. And finally, when the last big twist is revealed, that Dirk was actually a ghost too, and the ending was left vague, and raised questions. Yes, it showed that Scootaloo was scarred by what she had witnessed, but what about when Dirk talked about Oilcan's spirit snatching victims? What did he mean by that? And why is he, and the other 9 Spirit trapped in the Railyard, and why is Dirk a warning-Spirit? Again, left open to interpretation
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Yeah, true. Though kids don't really think about certain things like adults do. I didn't think about these questions related to "Haunted Henry" until just a few years ago when I was around 21
Hmm. I think I have heard of this play, though I know very little about it
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It's very good. If the name of the playright rings a bell, he played Private Godfrey in Dad's Army, and Daisy Ridley is his great niece.
So!
Fun Fact:
Last time I was on a train (GO from Hamilton to Toronto) I passed 3 railcars of gravel looking rusted to hell, no numbers, sitting sidelined on a little offshoot. I just assumed that they and the pile of railroad ties (both new and old) were just there for work being done nearby.
Now I'm not sure I want to know the answer. So! Thanks for that.
Amazing story. Love it.
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He's Daisy Ridley's great-uncle? I'm no fan of hers, but that's still a pretty cool fact. I'll definitely make sure to look into this play now
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Hello TheBrony,
And I'm glad that you enjoyed this story so much. Thanks for the compliment
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Hello KCMA,
And imagine those 3 gravel cars being 6 gravel cars, same appearance, though instead left in a disused/abandoned part of a railyard, surrounded by bushes, and overgrown weeds, seemingly having no purpose. Perhaps you saw the Real Life version of the 6 Old Gravel Cars, who knows
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It's fantastic stuff. I shall now take my leave so I do not clutter up your comments section.
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Yeah, it is. I learned something new today because of you, so thank you
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tracks they were on were overgrown with weeds, I don't need to imagine. I came expecting Biscuit level education, instead I got the "Nope!" answer.
I thought you'd appreciate knowing that.
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Oh, so maybe those were the Real Life Gravel Cars
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couldn't be, there were only 3 of them!
:edit:
Unless the other 3 were hiding.
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Np.
I'm going to use the same quoted paragraph someone else used to illustrate a couple tips for you, if you don't mind.
Normally when you have a full-stop at the end of a spoken line and follow it up with 'X said', a comma is supposed to be used, so the paragraph should read:
The underlined pieces are double-spaced. Your grammar and punctuation is decent, which is good, because you'll learn more as you continue writing.
Here's how I would adjust it:
Hope you don't mind some friendly advice, have a good day/night sir/madam.
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Or, the 6 cars were split into 2 groups of 3, so that they could be in 2 places at once. You saw half of them, which means that the other half are lurking somewhere else
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Hello Alcatraz,
And thanks for the advice. I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing, so thank you for showing me this. I'll keep it in mind for the future
I read this a few months back and forgot you were the same guy who wrote this story. It's really good; I wish there were a reconciliation or end of the cursed box car. Congrats on the feature box.
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Hello HumanSVD,
And I'm glad that you like this story. It was my first foray into the world of MLP horror stories, and I think that I did a good job with it. And that's the thing about MLP horror-stories; almost all of them have endings that are vague intentionally, or left open to interpretation. This story is just like that
Well done. I wouldn't call it a horror, but a nice mystical night story. Suspense tickles the nerves, the narrative is not very long, and there is enough mystery left in the ending. For not all secrets are meant to be known by mortals.
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Hello Saelen,
And thank you. And yes, maybe this story did straddle the line between horror, and supernatural thriller, but it was more or less a prototype; my first foray into the world of MLP horror, and I think that it was a good first attempt. And yes, I left some things open to interpretation/up to the readers's imagination, such as the real reason why the 6 gravel cars were put on that siding. Dirk knew, but never revealed the answer, and of course, Dirk's statements at the end of the story
This was really good for your first attempt at horror. Gave me chills more than once.
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Hello Moosetasm,
And thanks. If I was able to give you chills, then I did my job correctly