• Member Since 16th Aug, 2020
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notaproxy


The universe is too beautiful to go on unobserved.

T
Source

Fluttershy saves a mysterious griffin egg and becomes magically bound with it as a reward. Now forced to raise a little carnivore, Fluttershy hopes her experience with animals will help her. However, when harrowing happening start occurring around her humble hermitage, even she must admit her little Gwyn is a little creepy.


At the brink of death, a human makes a deal with an ominous figure for a new life. Now reborn into a new land with a new body, they just have to lay low and fulfill a simple promise and they will have a long and happy life ahead of them. But as they begin to adjust to their new family, their bargain turns out to be not quite as good as it seems.


(Sex and sexuality are discussed, but there is no actual sex. Gore will be light if at all and will come with a warning)

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 48 )

Well I’ve read many stories of variable quality of human into ponies. I think this is the first of human into griffin I’ve read. Let’s see how this goes!

There are a few misspellings and incorrect words, but I'm liking the idea so far so you have my interest, I'd like to see where you take this.

I recommend downloading Grammarly

10774103
Thanks for the suggestion. I forgot that was free. I went back and edited the first chapter. I can see why people were complaining about the grammar. :facehoof:

"Even I had let out a little yell of excrement when I saw the news in the paper."

Wait a minute... something doesn't seem quite right here...

Excrement - noun - waste matter discharged from the body; feces

That has to be the funniest mistake I have ever encountered in a story. :rainbowlaugh:

I hope you didn't just hit "fix all" as some things, due to the natural state of ponyisms, don't really work with normal language grammar checks.
For example:
Unless Angel bunny had a run in with a surprisingly obtuse protractor, I think you misspelled his name.

10784248
Thanks for pointing that out. Unfortunately, that is the type of mistake that spell checkers/grammarly can't catch.

Jesus christ, Pinkie. Just... @$%&.

"The core of the deal is quite simple. You will be reborn in a new world, as one of the natives," The figure begins to recite, almost as if reading off a script. "The species you will be reborn as has a lifespan of about one hundred and fifty of your human years, opposable thumbs, and can fly. A pretty good deal if you ask me. As you will start as an infant, you will be given to some caregivers who will look after you until you come of age. You are not to leave your caregivers, nor are you make them, or any other creature aware of your origins. If you do, the contract will be void and you can go back to where I found you. In exchange, you only have to help me with a cretin task in a few years. Are you interested?"

I think you meant "certain", not cretin.

And once again, WTF Pinkie. Her reaction, or lack of a proper one, kinda makes her look plain unlikable.

So he openly agrees to be evil? That's a major dissapointment, I was only just starting to like him but now that's rendered moot.

And again about Pinkie, her later interactions with Zecora and Gilda DO kinda make her look speciest in hindsight.

10788790

Jesus christ, Pinkie. Just... @$%&.

That is the reaction I was going for.

10788794

I think you meant "certain", not cretin..

Thanks for the catch.

And once again, WTF Pinkie. Her reaction, or lack of a proper one, kinda makes her look plain unlikable.

While, frankly, I think Pinkie can be kinda unlikable when put in serious situations.

10788801

So he openly agrees to be evil? That's a major dissapointment, I was only just starting to like him but now that's rendered moot.

They would argue they are just be pragmatic.

And again about Pinkie, her later interactions with Zecora and Gilda DO kinda make her look speciest in hindsight.

Ya, they all kinda are, although I they get better in later seasons. Also, you forgot the buffalo, they were speciest against them too.

I am interested in the whole overthrowing a democratic government thing. Also in my opinion that S.M.I.L.E. Agent was out of line. Like would they think to check if an Egg could do that? I know if I was in a world like this I wouldn't, besides by the time they learned that it had randomly appeared Fluttershy had already touched it and none of them thought to check either.

(Sex and sexuality are discussed, but there is no actual sex. Gore will be light if at all and will come with a warning)

What about the violence tag?

10797320

What about the violence tag?

There might be some of that, but I don't expect much more then standard action level violence. That said, some of that violence might be directed at minors. I will try to provide a warning when it comes up.

10797313

I am interested in the whole overthrowing a democratic government thing. Also in my opinion that S.M.I.L.E. Agent was out of line. Like would they think to check if an Egg could do that? I know if I was in a world like this I wouldn't, besides by the time they learned that it had randomly appeared Fluttershy had already touched it and none of them thought to check either.

The overthrowing a democratic government things is mainly a reference to the CIA doing that all the time. I have not decided if it will become relevant again in the future.

The S.M.I.L.E. agent was defiantly out of line. They were stressed and felt under attack, so they were digging. That said, in a world with things like the alicorn amulet, trying to cook with a egg that randomly showed up on your door step might not be the best of ideas.

10797367
Fair enough, though I will say is that most of that information is not quite common knowledge, unless your a Unicorn your not gonna be learning about magic unless it is part of your work, you have a interest in it, or some other reason that eludes me at this time. Though I am quite enjoying the story and can't wait for the next chapter :twilightsmile:

The tension in the room suddenly spiked, as the first chips of egg started to fall. Everypony waited to see what horrors the strange egg may produce.

My bet on what comes out is... a newborn baby griffin. And the purple one better not try to do any invasive sCiEnCe stuff to it :pinkiegasp:, because... You just don’t do that to a newborn:flutterrage:.

10788910
It really just makes him unlikable. He knowingly makes a deal with the devil to save his life to fuck over future friends and ruin his new lease on life, and if he doesn't he'll be killed. That just makes him look like and asshole, and says the future of the story is set in stone as miserable because no matter what he's fucked.

10797557
I am glad you are enjoying it!

10797623
Don't worry, she wouldn't do anything invasive.

10797754
Well, your not wrong. But you can't have character development if the characters start out perfect. As for if the future is already set in stone, you will just have to wait and see.

Excellent story keep up the good.
And I have some fanfic ideas you mite like to write

10807076
I am glad you are enjoying it. As much as I would like more ideas for stores, it tends to be the writing that is the choke point. A already have an idea for a short story after I get a little bit of a back log on this story.

10807080
I sent some fanfic ideas on your home page

Interesting chapter! Thanks for the update!

I loved the Angel bunny POV. I rly hope you did t just off Angel.

The matron is nightmare moon

10827426
It was certainly fun to write.

I had access to the largest library in the known world, with extensive writings on both foulcare and other species.

I think you meant to say "Foalcare"? Although the irony of the misspelling is both dark and funny either way. It's hard to imagine Angel bunny going on and on for as long as he does, but it was interesting to see his point of view. I hope he survives, but knowing what kind of story it is, I can't say I'm going to be surprised if he doesn't.

Is it supposed to be angle instead of angel bunny?, you used it 3x.

I suppose we're going to see how much control they have.

I think her agreement only said she had to help them with something years later not all the time.

Does she need to be loyal otherwise? It'd be an interesting dynamic either way.

If she does willingly kill angel bunny it would make any potential revelation later that much more difficult as she probably wouldn't want to admit to knowing what she was doing when she killed angel.

If she is forced to it's less consequential as it couldn't be a negative against her in a revelation in the future but cements that she can't get out of the agreement even for relatively minor things.

But if he can't get her to do relatively small things how is he going to get her to betray them all later after she's brefriended them all, especially since she just met the bunny and the bunny was attacking her so she doesn't even have any direct attachment to it.

You aren't going to kill angel bunny but since you've already setup the scenario I don't know how you can keep the dark theme going without following through with it as if she can ignore this why not everything else?

10827828
Thanks for spotting that. I seem to have a weird talent for ironic typos.

10827834
Thanks for the catch. That is the type of thing spellcheck can't catch and my brain auto-corrects. And yes, Gwen's deal only involves a certain event in the future. That doesn't mean the Patron won't have other tasks for her. The whole killing Angel bunny things is basically a test of loyalty.

10827900
He said it was

"A perfect chance to prove your loyalty."

I'm saying that her starting to back out of the deal now basically guarantees she's not going to follow through with anything bigger later.
While if she does as requested it could go either way.

If she's willing to risk being sent back over a bunny that she not only has no relationship with but is also being attacked by there is no chance that she will betray the others once they are her friends and family.

I think it'd be showing your hand too early in the story unless we are already over half way through.

So many eyes upon Ponyville now, a place where absolutely nothing interesting happens.:derpytongue2:

10838096
Exactly. Nothing interesting at all. In no universe does anything interesting ever happen in Ponyville.

Well fucking shit is going the fuck on. Fuck.

Interesting.... verrrrryyyyy interesting....

This chapter was jumping from perspective to perspective a little bit too much for my taste but i guest it's needed to setup future events. Quite an interesting story so far, i would prefer for it to have more main character perspective as it is quite interesting to see them find out things about this new world, analyze them and make conclusions.

10846423
Expect more main character perspective in the future. They were literally just born and don't understand the language yet, so their perspective is a little boring right now.

Sweet, Dossier files are always fun.

Just so you know:
Persecution: noun
1. hostility and ill-treatment, especially because of race or political or religious beliefs.
2. persistent annoyance or harassment.
Prosecution: noun
1. the institution and conducting of legal proceedings against someone in respect of a criminal charge.
2. the continuation of a course of action with a view to its completion.

Huh, interesting. quite unique to say the least. Never read a fic with secret equestrian secret agencies being explored

10848298
Well, Celestia has ruled for a thousand years. That does not happen by itself.

10848137
Thank you for the catch.

A necklace? More like a slave collar. And she may as well BE cursed for all she willingly brought it on herself by taking the deal.

Nice chapter. I love the hints at all the different contingences going on and now I'm curious to see what they entail, or for that matter what a Nightmare Pinkie Pie would look like in this universe.

All in all, good job world building, but now I have to know, what's up with Operation: Selene? Obviously they are talking about potential cadets for the elements of harmony, but do they actually know who's going to wind up with one, or are they just guessing? And if they do know who is going to get a element; then the question remains, how?

10849805
Thank you! I would love to hear speculation on what each operation is! As for your questions about Operations Selene, the answer is [Redacted].

No reason? There is EVERY reason to kill it. It came into her crib weilding a knife. Its obviously homicidal.

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