A human makes a faustian bargain to save their own life, ending up as a griffin chick in the care of Fluttershy. With dark powers hanging over their head, will they be able fulfill their end of the bargain even if it means betraying their new family?
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Well I’ve read many stories of variable quality of human into ponies. I think this is the first of human into griffin I’ve read. Let’s see how this goes!
There are a few misspellings and incorrect words, but I'm liking the idea so far so you have my interest, I'd like to see where you take this.
I recommend downloading Grammarly
10774103
Thanks for the suggestion. I forgot that was free. I went back and edited the first chapter. I can see why people were complaining about the grammar.
Wait a minute... something doesn't seem quite right here...
That has to be the funniest mistake I have ever encountered in a story.
Jesus christ, Pinkie. Just... @$%&.
revision key:
mistakes
corrections
suggested removal
suggested alteration
There's an 'e' in your sugar.
Capitalize 'celebration', it's part of the name of the festival. Also, if it's the one thousandth SSC then you should change '995 CE' at the start of the chapter to '999 CE'.
First exclamation point should be a question mark. Princess with two s's'. Also, I'm not sure which one, but there should definitely be some kind of punctuation to indicate some measure of stop after 'Princess', for proper emphasis.
Princess with two s's'.
You're, not your.
Having Rarity say 'they are' instead of 'they're' doesn't seem right. Speaking of, there're a lot of instances of you not using contractions and it reading robotically. Rarity and Fluttershy don't refrain from using contractions in everyday conversation Also, it'd be a 'secret' lover, not 'secrete'. Pretty sure no one in the Canterlot Gossip scene would have any interest in knowing about Ponyville's historical connection to someone who enjoy's Celestia's secretions. Moving on.
Missing opening quotation.
Cup Cake is married.
Call it pedantic if you want.
The difference between the groaning sound of something straining under a heavy weight and partial, physical break in something.
I...don't have anything to say here.
'not the worst' is what you mean to say.
or
Either make a contraction that says 'I will', or if you're going for more casual speak, just remove the pronoun.
10904895
Thanks for all the catches. As you can tell, spelling is not my strong suit. The one thing is that this takes place five years before show start, not one.
Black rain is usually a sign of fallout