First Person POV
I am Starlight Glimmer, concerned about Twilight Sparkle. Despite her fame and position, or perhaps because of it, she doesn't have a coltfriend. Worse, in the past couple of days, she's been acting odd. Personally going to the post office and teleporting directly to her room, watching Spike closely and taking notes while he cooks, and today, Hearts and Hooves Day, she ordered everyone to vacate the Palace of Friendship.
I was worried she would take advantage of Spike, but I saw him hanging around the boutique. That just leaves summoning an incubus. As somepony who had abused magic in the depths of loneliness, I owe it to Twilight to keep her from falling into darkness. Hopefully this won't take too long, I do have a date planned with Sunburst.
I slip past the ward set at the entrance to the palace, modulating my aura to match Sparkle's. Then it's a simple matter of casting a modified cloud walking spell to silently trot up the stairs to her private chambers. She's been cagey about letting me in there before, and I had ascribed it to her need to schedule everything. Now, I’m not so sure.
I crack open the door and take a sniff. No sulfur, so she hasn't summoned the incubus yet. The scent is a little musty, with a noticeable cheese aroma. I ease the door open. Unaware, Twilight levitates a spoon to the mouth of a My Industrious Human plush.
"Here you go Anon, it's your favorite! Mac and cheese, made with milk fresh from my teats."
I can only stare in horror as she prods the fabric of the plush's mouth with the spoon, then pops it into her mouth.
"What the actual buck."
Twilight's head whips around to look at me, her pupils shrinking to pin pricks.
"I- uh,"
I glance around, seeing MIH posters covering her walls, figurines posing on the shelves of her bookcases, a jar half filled with a cloudy liquid and a green figur-
"You have failed me for the last time, my apprentice!"
Oh Celestia, please not her Stellar Insurrection roleplay. I break the shaky telekinesis trying to choke me.
"Twilight, stop it. I know you're embarrassed, but it's not the end of the world. We both know what that looks like, right?"
She groans.
"Shut up you normalnag! Don't you have a coltfriend to go be disgustingly happy with?"
I sigh. I really don't want to do this.
"The circle is now complete. When you sent me to Canterlot to reconcile, I was but the learner; now I am the master."
Twilight scrunches harder than she has ever scrunched before, her face a mass of wrinkles and disdain.
"Are you threatening me, Master Normalnag?"
I raise an eyebrow.
"That doesn't even make sense."
"S-shut up!"
I sigh again.
"Look, I know it's hard finding a colt who isn't a golddigger, but this can't be healthy."
Twilight lifts her chin.
"My love for Anonymous is true and pure!"
"Is that what Cadance says?"
Twilight doesn't meet my gaze. I gingerly step into the room.
"If anypony can help you, she can."
My friend clenches her jaw.
"It's not that easy. She can check compatibility and encourage ponies to be honest about their feelings, but that's it. No way of finding my true love or anything like that."
My heart sinks. I hesitantly pat her on her withers.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you had already talked to her about it."
Twilight doesn't say anything. I frown. This isn't helping her, time to change the subject.
"So, My Industrious Human, huh? I hear good things about it."
Sparkle rolls her eyes at my "subtle" transition but goes along with it.
"There's a lot to like, and something for everypony."
She turns a speculative eye on me.
"If I turned you to the ape side, you'd be a powerful ally..."
Well, at least she's feeling better.
"I tell you what, I have some time before my... thing. Where do we start? I've seen a lot of porn for the slate game, it might be nice to get some context for it."
Twilight snorts.
"Yeah, no. Not unless you want to lose half your bits in Builder Raffles. Honestly, I think the best starting point for you is one of the early spin offs, the one marketed towards little colts. You might recognize some things from your friendship lessons."
I’m not thrilled to have to watch a show for little colts, but it's for a good cause. Twilight shuffles through her crystal grid and plucks one to slot into the illusocaster. An image forms on the far wall with text that reads, “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood” floating over small model houses as a xylophone plays. How do mares even like this colty stuff?
I bury my face in my hooves.
“I’m a bad mare.”
Twilight nods in mock solemnity.
“Yes you are. We all are.”
“He’s, like, the perfect father, gentle, patient, nurturing…”
“Not to mention channeling his whimsy into telling creative stories that teach moral lessons.”
I bite my lip.
“They HAD to know what they were doing, starting and ending each episode with changing his clothes and shoes. Practically flaunting his socks and those long, foal-chasing legs.”
My evil friend pats me on the withers.
“There were some cultured gentlemares making the show, for sure.”
I take deep breaths and try to will the fire in my belly to die down.
“And I have an hour before I am going to be taking my coltfriend on a romantic date. He’s going to be smirking at me the whole time, teasing me about being a frisky mare who only wants one thing.”
Twilight frowns at me.
“That’s what you get for being a normalnag. If you’re going to whine about that, get out of my room.”
I glance at the clock again, then turn towards her.
“I probably should. I...I don’t think I will thank you for corrupting me with your ape stuff, but it was kinda fun hanging out.”
Twilight gives me a wry smile.
“I had fun too. Good luck on your date, and try not to think of socks.”
I groan and charge up my horn to teleport. Maybe not directly to the Crystal Empire, I have some last-minute shopping to do.
I am Sunburst, Royal Crystaller, pretty handsome, and coltfriend to one of the most powerful unicorns in Equestria. Which is why I had so much fun trying to make her tail flag in the restaurant. The poor mare was clearly affected by the holiday atmosphere, and I did my best to keep her distracted. But as the day turns to night, it is time to pay the piper. Not that I particularly mind, Starlight can do the most wondrous things with her magic. I set my clutch wallet on the side table as my marefriend follows me into my home.
“Sunny, I have something for you…”
I had been looking forward to that as well. I turn and grin as I accept the bag she had been dragging around all evening.
“Aw, now I feel like a bad coltfriend, I didn’t get you anything. Maybe I can give you something else...”
I lift the contents into the air in a levitation field. It’s a teal button-down sweater and a set of shiny black hoof covers. I can’t help but smile in wonder.
“These are perfect! Now I won’t have to worry about messing up my mane when putting on layers, and these hoof covers are so elegant!”
There’s an odd hunger in Glimmer’s eyes as she perks up at my reaction.
“Why don’t you put them on, and we’ll figure out what I get in return~”
I bite my lip at the tone of her voice. It’s going to be a wild night, and I am nearly as impatient for it as she is. I give her a show as I slide my hooves one at a time into the sleeves of the sweater. She is visibly flagging as I button up from the bottom, leaving my tuft to peek out from the top. I barely have time to slip into my new hoof covers before she pounces.
I love Hearts and Hooves day.
Cadance sits before a massive corkboard full of pictures, pins, and strings. Shining lays wrung out behind her, a delirious smile on his face. She carefully wraps a purple string around three pins to make a triangle. She cackles to herself.
“Soon… soon…”
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Is...is that a cum jar?
Trying to kill Glim Glam to hide your secrets is useless. Because after all, no one's ever really gone.
Those damn wholesome sexy humans, poor mares never had a chance.
what you wearing, jake from starlight
10638081
Since there was no word about Twi having a dong and it was described as "cloudy" we must assume it was a marecum jar...still pretty nasty lol
I thought that cover art looked cute.... oh wait... OH GOD
I feel like implying that Mr Rogers is lewd should make you go to pony hell.
10638295
Uh, Khaki's.
10638081
Don't get that mixed up with the Miracle Whip.
10638684
The juice looks to cloudly for that my gamer
anyone else do the State Farm jingle when reading the title xD
Gosh this is an impeccable read! Everything develops so swimmingly and the humor bar is set super high with this one! This story is just so friggin' nice to take in and enjoy! I hope ya didn't mind, but I just had to make a reading on this fic of yours!
Audio Linkeryloo!: https://youtu.be/1BT3T6MH3DQ
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)
10638372
You know, it took me a while to get that, but after recalling from memory of THAT event, I need to grab soap and wash my brain....
10639937
Normalnags get out NEEEEEEEEEEIGH!
And the cover art's gone. Rest in peace.
10640207
Ehhhhhhh!! You know it to be true!
Aww. The old cover art is gone. It completed this.
10640227
I dunno, I had a knowing chuckle when I saw it come up, that jar represents dedication and perseverance. It's more wholesome than, say, the art/story combo of a self-insert dating a Pinkie Pie who cut large holes through both her cheeks because she knew it was his fetish. Or the fluffyabuse factories. I suppose it's all relative though.
Ya got a hearty chuckle out of me. I hope there's follow up showing Cadence's plans coming to fruition. Thanks for creating and sharing!
10638041
Thanks for commissioning the story and sharing!
10641774
You DON'T want to know what we know... Let's just say something transpired a long time ago that we wouldn't want you to question life.
10641930
i.ibb.co/K7Wp6ct/1589594360836.jpg
10642462
OH THE HUMANITY!!!
I came back to this story to tell you guys that I wonder what they'd think of bob ross. Definitely worth the time it took, I know.
10660196
Yep, already saw it.
10642462
Tf
10640344
can you tell me what the old cover art was?
11682100
No clue anymore. Been two, almost three, years now since I even saw this fic
11682322
Buggar. Thanks for telling me atleast