- Member Since 17th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen April 30th
overlord-flinx
I'm 40% jokes, 30% serious, and 20% romance. The Last 10%? You tell me. Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/overlord_flinx
overlord-flinx
Joined 17th Apr, 2012 ·
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Oh this definitely needs a sequel
Okay, that was both hot and extremely fun. I definitely wanna see the sequel!
...especially if Aria and Adagio decide to try and 'beat the game' wagering their clothes against Trixie's to determine who's "on top" at the end of the night.
Oh, I absolutely want the sequel to this.
I thought this was mostly beautiful, but Sonata suddenly for no obvious reason saying Trixie had 'won' a sex date with all three Sirens instead of a date with one might have been below the standard set by the rest. See, if your story wasn't so good, you wouldn't get these kinds of complaints.
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I wrote it that way as a subversive joke since Trixie would think "Oh! I'm winning three dates with this girl? That's wild!" when it reality Sonata never said who it was with. Maybe not the most well executed, but I still think it allowed for the right delivery punch. Thank you for your critique though.
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LIGHTLY EDITED:
MockingBirb gets ten points knocked off their reading comprehension score.
I was distracted by something when I was at that paragraph. I blame...someone other than you!
The leap from using sex appeal as bait to plotting an orgy was still a bit much for me, though. Sorry I thought your story was mostly beautiful but not perfect!
I would like to see a sequel taking place immediately afterwards. Trixie, somewhat frozen to the spot by the whole thing, then gets the double whammy of Sonata pointing out that, with her sisters on the way to pick her up, she expects the triple date to take place right now. Adagio and Aria can park up, and then the four of them can walk to that restaurant on the next corner.
Then they can have a lovely dinner together, all go back to Trixie's place, start undressing... at which point the red ball is found, rolling out of the sleeve of Trixie's discarded coat. Sonata realises she's been duped, and the three of them beat cheating Trixie to a pulp. And then steal half her stuff, just for the fun of it.
Ok, I want a second chapter.
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Would a second chapter be better, or another story?
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Second chapter.
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Although I'm already tracking the sequel, making it all one story might get more attention.
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You might be right. That's what I was worried about. That I might've made a wrong call. I'll just take it down and retool it a bit. Thanks all.
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2nd chapter
That was hot. But hopefully Sonata or Adagio gives Trixie something for her trouble...at least a 69.
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That’s the idea. But who knows if Aria doesn’t come back to return the favor.
...well, damn!
Although...I think you need to change the rating now, from T to M.
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...OH! I didn't even realize it wasn't! Yikes. Uh, sorry kids!