"Of course I'm out of my mind; it's dark and scary in there..."
Princess Luna was grateful to have returned to her duties of creating masterpieces of the evening sky and shepherding Ponies’ dreams while guiding them through nightmares. It gave her a reason for being, and guiding Ponies through their traumas and fears in a way helped her to deal with her own.
She was thankful beyond words to find that her subjects appreciated her work far more than they had in her youth. Astronomy was enjoyed by Ponies of all ages and walks of life, from scientists to amateur hobbyists. Her work as the Princess of Dreams was still done on a quieter, more intimate level, but still appreciated by those who had been its beneficiaries.
A few nights after the Grand Galloping Gala, Luna fell through the Dreamscape, arrayed before her like a galaxy of crystal balls of bubbles. She could observe snapshots of the Ponies’ dreams through them, but it was mostly their color that informed her as to the dreamer’s state of mind. A normal, pleasant dream was simply clear, allowing her to peer at its contents. A bad dream would be tinted an angry orange, while what was or would become a nightmare was a dark red.
Luna spotted something she had never seen before. This sphere was far larger than the typical dream, and pure opaque black. She couldn’t see or sense any of it at all. If a nightmare was red, how bad must a dream be to be black? Curiously, it wasn’t connected to the rest of the web that made up the Dreamscape. It simply floated slightly ominously off to one side, with no other dreams orbiting it.
Knowing what they said about curiosity and cats, Luna still entered the dream. If somepony needed her help, it was her duty as a Princess to ensure they got it.
She was in a long, darkened hallway. She couldn’t make out the walls, or if there was anything on them.
At the far end of the hall was a door, which Luna cautiously made her way towards. The door was painted a dark blue with eight small rectangular panels arranged in two columns along it. The paint was cracked and flaking and the doorhandle was once a bright brass but was now a corroded green with black flecks. The door had long cracks running vertically throughout it. Above the door was a party banner made from a sheet of butcher paper. Someone had painted the words, “Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here…” in an eyewatering assortment of bright, cheerful colors surrounded by splotches of colorful paint. Definitely sending mixed messages there…
From under the door, Luna could see and hear flickering flames and smell smoke, which carried up through the cracks in the door which faintly glowed with an angry, orange light.
Luna got a definite feeling she shouldn’t be in here. Do not open this door… her survival instincts insisted.
Luna opened the door anyway and stepped through.
Luna had been expecting flames, instead it was painfully cold, cutting through her short coat and directly into her bones. It was at least freezing if not below, and foggy out. She could only see a few feet ahead of her, and each streetlamp had a blinding bright halo that further obscured her vision. She could make out shadowy shapes that were far larger than her lurking almost out of sight.
“Hello?” she called nervously. She wound up inhaling some of the fog, which burned her throat and lungs. She let out a hacking cough and tried again. “Hello?” Her voice was deeper. The shadows didn’t respond to her calls, simply drawing back into the fog and out of sight. Luna was somewhat grateful they hadn’t responded or attacked her. Some sort of instinct from Luna’s ancestors told her that making noise in this place was a good way to get eaten or killed.
Where was she? It wasn’t some place from Equus that she recognized from Ponies’ dreams, the buildings were square and cement, though an attempt had been made to paint them brighter colors which didn’t show up well in the night.
Luna couldn’t see the stars or the night sky at all, the fog covered the entire sky. Being cut off from the moon in another Pony’s dream was concerning to her. It was her door back out of them.
There was nopony around but her, and there didn’t seem to be a crisis that she could see. Luna simply set out walking, feeling far more lost than normal in a dream. There were faint overlapping whispers whose words she couldn’t make out. Not a friendly environment.
She eventually heard music. It might have been useful to her to know that it was Queen’s Under Pressure. Following her ears eventually the fog cleared a bit. It was a sort of circular clearing in the middle of the street, and a shaft of sunlight made everything much brighter, almost harshly so.
The buildings were brighter and more colorful, though dark vines sprouted from the street and seemed to be strangling them. Luna could see cars parked neatly along the side of the road, they were organized by size and color. In the middle of this, a tree sprouted from the asphalt as though it were dirt. It was a very large, very old apple tree. The apples were a beautiful metallic gold that glinted in the sun. Wrapped around one of the branches of the tree was a massive red and black snake with yellow eyes hidden behind sunglasses, just vibing to the music that continued. Luna wasn’t overly fond of snakes, though she also didn’t outright hate them, but this one seemed content to nap in his tree.
Luna moved on.
It was when she started hearing voices she began to panic.
You know, you wreck everything you touch. Why not try and make something for a change?
You won’t ever let anyone love you because you don’t think that you’re worth loving!
Breathe, just breathe…
Knowing that this is all in my head doesn’t make it hurt any less.
You’re coming back … right?
How come even together, there can be loneliness?
You’re just like your father you selfish bastard!
We're all hostages to what we love. The only way to truly be free is to love nothing. And how meaningless would that be?
We get the broken ones…
I am the Good Boy and I rule over the dark, wet caverns of Hell. I want Nothing, Nothing at all. And I will have it…
Give in, give in, I want you back…
Once upon a time, I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart…
There was a horrible static in the air, something you felt, not heard. Beneath that there was a deep, repeating beat. It would change patterns periodically, but it was always based around groups of four.
Luna felt panic clawing its way up her throat from her stomach and tried to keep from screaming. To her shock, something actually did leave her mouth a cloud of dark blue smoke with twinkling lights like stars.
Familiar evil laughter filled her ears. “Oh, no…” Luna muttered her voice still hoarse from the toxic fog.
“Ah, I’ve missed you too…” Nightmare Moon purred once she was fully formed. She blinked. “Are you … taller?”
Luna gave an enraged scream and fired off a blast of magical energy, which had no effect on her evil counterpart.
Nightmare Moon cackled. “Oh, sweetie, I’m part of you! You are NEVER GETTING RID OF ME!” she screamed.
Before Luna could retaliate, a third voice broke the silence as snow blew through the fog. It was a rich baritone singing in an almost lilting sing song.
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’all’s neighborhood
The demons squeal in sheer delight
It’s you they spy, so plump, so right
For though the groove is hard to beat
Yet still you stand with frozen feet
You try to run, you try to scream
But no more sun you’ll ever see
For evil reached from the crypt
To crush you in its icy grip
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller
Can you DIG IT?
A shadowy shape stepped into view and then passed harmlessly through the fog. Nightmare Moon let out high-pitched whimper like a frightened puppy and even Luna had to force herself to not scream.
Art by BijutsuYoukai!
No matter where you looked at the stallion, your eyes kept being drawn back to those teeth. There were far too many of them, and they were like knives sticking out of a drawer. Teeth like that couldn’t exist outside of a nightmare; they’d cut the owner to ribbons.
The fact that he had a large gossamer pair of butterfly wings did not make him any less scary, especially as the wings had markings that looked like monochrome goat eyes.
His flesh shifted blurred like smoke revealing yellowed bones underneath. There was never any blood or viscera showing, merely bone and a pitch-black void that contained it. Whenever the flesh would disappear from over his eyes, there would be a small red starlike mote of light in the socket. Rather than the hooves a Pony’s fingers ended in, he had curved wicked claws like a raptor hinting at a predatory nature. That curved red and black horn was also very familiar…
The … thing gave a weary sigh. “I’ve spent centuries practicing that and I still don’t sound like Vincent Price,” he complained.
“Sombra?” Luna asked hesitantly.
The stallion gave her a shocked expression. “Sombra? No, I’m… Oh.” His face became wooden. “Oh, OK, I see. I guess we all look alike to you oligarchs, is that it?” the dark stallion spat. “Why not just give me a papercut to the raw nerve and squeeze some lemon juice on it? I mean, it’s not like I call you ‘spareribs’ or anything despite the fact you do look good enough to eat!”
“We aren’t food!” Nightmare Moon countered.
The Sombra look alike gave her a blood-freezing grin. “Yes, you are, you’ve just gotten fat and lazy and forgotten that fact…” He paused. “Are you afraid of the dark? Do we still haunt the darkened corners of your mind? Was there something you couldn’t make out in the shadows when you were a filly? Did you never leave your hooves outside the covers when you slept? You are our prey, our lambs for the taking. The world is our hunting ground and you are our meat.” He tensed as though he were going to spring any second. “I haven’t had anyone real to eat in longer than you can conceive of,” he whispered. “At least make it fun for me and run… No? Well, more for me then…”
He sprang, and let out a yelp as something grabbed him by the neck.
In icy tones, a familiar voice snarled, That is quite enough, Jargon…
Luna and Nightmare Moon turned to see me with my teeth bared at the dark stallion as I held him by the back of the neck. The scary stallion had gone completely limp in my grip like a kitten being picked up by its mother. He was also unusually silent.
I turned and gave the two Ponies a sharp-toothed grin. Hello, Lune-bug. I thought I told you to stay out of my head… I sighed. And hello to you, too, Nightmare. Not nice to see you again…
Luna pointed at the stallion I was holding. “Who is that?”
This is Jargon. He’s an Umbrum. A creature of darkness from pre-historic Equus. Also called the Vashta Nerada as they travel through shadows and eat Ponies. They’re the reason Ponies are afraid of the dark. Any and every shadow was a door into your home for them. He’s also my son. Technically. He and his brothers crawled out of my head and into your world one night and made themselves very much at home. … Discord is my middle child, actually. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?
“Who’s the youngest?”
If you have to ask, you clearly don’t already know. Figure it out…
Nightmare Moon was eyeing Jargon. “He’s … terrified of you…” she worked out.
The Umbrum are Amortal. They can’t die due to never having been alive in the first place. Like me, they just come back. However, I can kill them off permanently, which is a horrifying prospect to them, so yes, they’re afraid of me.
“You cut Tulkinghorn’s head off, made him explode, and locked us in your mind behind ten thousand firewalls!” Jargon snapped.
And look how much you’ve mellowed out since then! Right, scram.
Before Jargon could flee, Luna had to ask. “Tulkinghorn?”
I grinned. Ah. When the Umbrum were very young, they asked me to give them names, so I counted them and named them after the birds from the novel Bleak House because it amused me. Their names are Hope, Joy, Youth, Peace, Rest, Life, Dust, Ashes, Waste, Want, Ruin, Despair, Madness, Death, Cunning, Folly, Words, Wigs, Rags, Sheepskin, Plunder, Precedent, Jargon, Gammon, and Spinach. The strongest and most evil of them who kicked his way up the ranks to become their leader I named Tulkinghorn because it seemed appropriate to name him after the evil lawyer character. As Jargon mentioned, there was a rather nasty case of infanticide once I realized that he was never going to stop eating Ponies and would they then spread to the rest of the universe. I shrugged. Definitely an act of sufficient enough evil that I could have gotten the Kindly Ones called down on me, and I have to live with it for all Eternity.
“How comforting,” Jargon muttered.
I still have that sword, kid…
Jargon’s eyes widened. “No, I’m good! Thanks, love ya, Dad!” He dissolved into shadow and quickly flowed away.
I … tolerate you, too, Jargon… I sighed, knowing he’d hear. I glanced at the two Alicorns of the Night. I’m not dreaming, I just felt something that shouldn’t be there moving around in my mind. Not a pleasant sensation. I came in to have a look, and luckily got to you before Jargon did. How did you get in here?
“I was in the Dreamscape and thought this was a nightmare. I’ve never seen anything like it…”
Ah. Not a nightmare, no. I spread my arms and gestured at the foggy, eerie city. Welcome to Hell! Seeing Luna’s expression, I quickly added, This isn’t your Hell, it’s mine. The universe inside my head. I spend most of my time in here, and it’s grown quite a bit, but given how … uh, loco I am, it’s not safe for me, let alone a Pony. Was there a door? In here, a doorway you came through?
Luna nodded. “Yes, at the end of a hallway. It was blue and … warped.”
Cracks? Peeling paint? Old doorknob? Luna nodded. Ah. The front door to the apartment I grew up in. That would be … hidden, but it seems that if that’s how you got in, that’s the only way you can get out. I pointed in a vague direction. Shall we try and see where it’s gotten to?
“How many places could there be?”
Picture the biggest thing you can think of, larger than all the stars you can see in the sky. Are you picturing it? Luna nodded. Good. Now forget that entirely, because in here is infinite. With infinite hiding places.
“And you don’t know where you put the door?” Nightmare Moon sassed.
I didn’t move the door; you did by entering. And this place is my mind, things like location and geography are immaterial and very changeable. If it wants the door hidden, I could search a thousand years and not find it. Still, best to try, neither of us would last a thousand years here. Well, I have, but it’s not an experience I want to repeat. I stuck my tongue out and tasted the air. Mmm. Deeper down. Of course. I’ll lead the way then… With that, I started walking in a seemingly random direction.
“You make it seem like we’re going to be attacked at any second…” Nightmare Moon said, Luna surprised to find herself nodding in agreement.
Frankly I’m astounded we haven’t been while having this conversation. I must be in a good mood or something. What happens to you if you die in somepony’s nightmare?
“’Tis not pleasant, but we both merely wake up, and I must attempt to help them another night.”
Hmm. The sound had a very deliberate feeling to it. Since I’m not dreaming, and since this is me we’re talking about, I think that if you die here, you die in the waking world… All of my eyes widened and began to scan around me with worry. Shit. I wish I hadn’t realized that. Now my mind will definitely try to kill you…
“Arachnos…” Luna called softly. I turned and stared at the pair. “Why are you so afraid? You’re not dangerous or anything!” With those words, blackened vines sprouted from the asphalt, ensnared the two versions of the Princess of the Night, and dragged the screaming through the street as if it were water.
I turned and beat my head against a nearby light post. You just HAD to tempt fate! In here! I snarled. It was odd to think of my mind racing whilst I was inside of it, but I had very little time. OK, if I were me, where would I drag Luna and … Night … Mare … Moon. Oh, shit… With that realization, I began to tear the street up with my claws as I began to dig my way down after them.
Luna woke up and coughed, feeling like she was hacking up water almost. Luckily, she was no longer tied up. She slowly stood up. A familiar voice groaned. Luna spotted Nightmare Moon a few feet away, almost mirroring her movements, an act she wasn’t comfortable with.
Nightmare was rubbing her head.
Luna sighed. “Why are you here?”
“You’re the therapist, you tell me. Why’d you change your look?”
“What?”
Nightmare squinted at her. “Something’s different about you, I just can’t work out what yet. More importantly, where are we?”
Luna glanced up. She had thought the fog was bad. This “sky” was cement with the ends of roots poking through cracks. She hadn’t felt so cut off from the moon and stars in some time. A small mercy was that it was far enough overhead that she could comfortably fly without crashing, but it was very oppressive.
The rhythm of four she hadn’t quite been hearing was gently shaking the ground and rattling her bones.
1 … 2 … 3 … 4 … 1 … 2 … 3 … 4 … 1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4
The speed and pattern would change seemingly without rhyme or reason, but it was always themed around a base of four in some way.
Taking a look at the ground now, Luna realized they were in what looked like the world’s biggest scrap pile. It was mounds of rusty, discolored junk that seemed to have fallen at random and been piling up for eons. Toys, faded and torn books, clothes that were more hole than fabric, a bicycle, a large poster with the words “Zuckerberg is Watching You,” and just piles and piles of refuse.
Not knowing what else to do, Luna set out walking, Nightmare reluctantly following.
“You know we’re being watched?” Nightmare asked, her tone almost conversational.
Luna nodded. “Yes, I feel it too. I don’t think I want to know by what. At least there’s no fog so I can see…” She wished she couldn’t. It was a depressing sight at best.
They came across a bridge spanning … it might have been a river in another life. It if hadn’t been fatally polluted it was a river of crude oil with garbage floating in it. The black sludge oozed slowly along underneath them and gave a chill that went to the bone.
“Don’t tell me you want to see where that goes?” Nightmare griped.
“It’s like you can read my mind.”
“I’m part of you, remember?”
“I try not to,” Luna groaned. “Yes, that might lead us somewhere.”
“If we die, I’ll kill you…”
“Fair,” Luna said with an amused snort.
They followed the river of toxic-looking sludge until a newer type of fog began to choke the air. It was easier to breathe but was oddly rainbow-colored instead of one single color.
The ground began to shake with a rhythmic pounding as if a gigantic hammer was driving a pony-sized nail into the ground every … four seconds.
Eventually the fog cleared to reveal … a factory. It was like some mad confectioner’s dream: all smoothly turning cogwheels and towering smokestacks pumping out thick clouds of rainbow smoke. It looked like a clockwork fantasy castle, complete with a portcullis and a moat of that blackened sludge. Glass pipes lead from the inside of the building down to the moat, noisily slurping up the ooze.
In cursive neon above the door was the name of the building, “The Rainbow Factory.”
Luna was confused. “Is this supposed to be Cloudsdale?”
Nightmare glanced at the nightmarish landfill surrounding them. “No, far too earthbound for Pegasi. Unless the city fell somehow. But why would he have that in his mind?”
Not remotely wanting to, Luna headed in as it was the only stable structure or sign of life she’d seen since falling down here. It was indeed a factory with a full-scale assembly line system stretching clear out of sight.
To the two Alicorns’ right a series of pipes spat out the toxic sludge from outside directly onto a conveyer belt. Luna heard a buzzing of large wings. Changelings? She turned right as a gigantic wasp flew into view, overshooting the two ponies entirely. Its forelegs had been encased in serrated metal blades that it used to quickly slice the sludge into smaller blocks.
As the sludge was whisked further down the line, a roach quickly pulled and shaped it like it was some sort of taffy. Luna stared in amazement as both color and texture started appearing in the mix. In moments it had been turned into a living, breathing anthropomorphic fox.
A pill bug grabbed the fox who let out a yelp at the contact before dragging him away. Filled with a morbid curiosity she knew would likely get her killed, Luna followed the vulpine, Nightmare Moon trailing after.
She nearly instantly regretted it. Further back was like a slaughterhouse, with various living beings having things done to them that would haunt her dreams for the remainder of her life. Someone had seen way too much horror at 3 a.m. …
Once the unfortunate victims had been sufficiently mutilated, they were stuffed into boxes with no regard for the way they were folded, clearly violating physics in several cases. All of the assembly line workers were over-sized insects, and most of them had instruments of torture embedded in their flesh that they used to carefully sculpt the black goo into … Victims? The insects were incredibly chipper as they worked, acting like an artist sculpting a block of marble into something beautiful rather than doing something like ripping a pony’s teeth out. The boxes were tossed to a giant spider hanging from the ceiling who tied them together in silk before tossing them onto a forklift. They were then driven to the back rooms…
Each box had a label. “Naked at School or in Public.” “Weeping Angel Attack.” “End of the World (And it’s Your Fault!).” “Family Reunion.” “Your Children Escaping.” “Your Death.” “Witches.” “Being Turned into Hamburger.” “Bugs Laying Eggs in You.” “Big Test You Failed.” “Giving a Loved One Cancer.” “Your Mother.” “Your Father.” “Christmas.”
“They’re … they’re making nightmares,” Nightmare Moon realized. “It’s an entire factory to make nightmares, and quite efficiently.” She glanced at some of the boxes and shivered at what she’d seen going into them. “I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again…”
“No…” Luna agreed. On the wall were two posters, one of which read, “Zero Days Without a Dismemberment,” and the second read, “You don’t HAVE to be crazy to work here, but it helps!” Those were definitely Arachnos’s blackened sense of humor at work.
The factory PA system suddenly crackled to life. A male began to sing to the workers.
‘Harmony and understanding, sympathy and trust abounding, no more falsehoods or derisions, golden living, dreams of visions. Mystic crystal revelation, and the mind’s true liberation, Aquarius, Aquarius…’
The tone suddenly became much more threatening as the song continued, ‘Let the sun shine, let the sunshine in, the sunshine in!’
Luna could see light begin to pour through the windows and the fur on the back of he- his neck began to stand up as he had a panic attack. Daylight meant pain, noise, suffering, heat, life … people. He wasn’t safe during the day, make it stop, please put the sun out! Luna blinked. Those weren’t his … her feelings. Were they how Arachnos felt about daylight? It explained a lot…
The insects working at the factory were all chatting nervously. “That’s not possible,” a large ant said with fear clearly in its voice.
Luna stared in alarm as the walls began to bubble like a liquid. Some of the bubbles burst, oozing yet more of that black sludge. As beams of light began to break through, the insects began to burn and shriek where it hit them.
As the entire building began to rapidly crumble to ash, a wasp wailed, “BUT I JUST GOT PROMOTED!”
In seconds, it was over, and the sludgy remains oozed into the moat and floated on downstream.
Luna heard a sound at the edge of her hearing, Ehhehehhehheh… He’d heard it before, in the forest as a filly, a fox’s laughing bark. It sounded very pleased with itself…
The endless junkyard had apparently burned away as well, leaving clean cement sparkling in the harsh, bright light. Luna screwed her eyes shut; it was really quite painful.
Ow. That shouldn’t be possible, there’s no sun in here… Luna cracked an eye open to see me, sunglasses covering all of my eyes. I held a pair out to her and Nightmare, which they both gratefully took.
“I … felt feelings that weren’t mine when the sun rose. Were they yours?”
Ah. “Snuff out the sun to feel safe?” Yes. Those were mine. My apologies. If I’m transferring memories or emotions, even unintentionally, that’s not good… Might even be dangerous for you.
“Where are we?”
I gave a multi-limbed shrug. My subconscious. Part of a song I enjoyed a long time ago dealt with a Rainbow Factory “Where your fears and horrors come true.” So, my mind turned it into an actual location to create my nightmares. They’ve got quite a backlog due to the fact that I’m terrified to go to sleep. Whatever you saw, they aren’t actually evil or even sadistic. Their function is to give me nightmares, and they excel at it. They view their work as making art, and in a way, it could be seen as such, if you view horror and fear as art.
“Why insects?”
I grinned. Bedbugs. They didn’t bite you, did they? I added quickly with concern.
Luna stopped in his tracks, feeling a little more of his sanity fray away. In the deeper voice that hadn’t gone back to normal, he seethed, “I just got mentally scarred for life … and it was a PUN?!”
I gave him an apologetic grin. Would I be me if it wasn’t? I twirled my fingers as if I was wrapping yarn around them, pulling a near-transparent line out of Luna’s mind before I ate it. There. No more body horror keeping you awake the rest of your life.
“What about me?” Nightmare Moon snapped.
I shrugged. Sorry, it doesn’t work on dead parasites…
Nightmare Moon gave an enraged scream and lunged at me. I caught her by the tail, swung her around multiple times, and let go. She flew off into the bright cement wasteland and landed miles away from us, causing a mushroom cloud to form.
I turned to Luna with an embarrassed smile. Sorry. Should I not have done that?
Luna chuckled. “Glad you did. Gods, I was insufferable. ‘Look at me, look at how evil I am, eternal night, bleh, bleh, bleh…’” Luna finished, sticking his tongue out playfully.
I laughed. You know vampires don’t actually say ‘bleh, bleh, bleh’ right?
Luna laughed. “I know. I visited Transylmaneia and accidentally nearly got engaged to the vampire king shortly after becoming an Alicorn. I didn’t know who he was, but … well, I staked him pretty well before returning home. It was enough to convince him to leave Equestria alone.”
I laughed. You as a vampire bride would have been … interesting. As the Father of Monsters, your monster-hunting skills always terrified me, and I was always thankful I never had to face you on the battlefield.
Luna nodded. “At least my youth was not all ballgowns and tea parties. I was as good as any stallion in command.”
I’ve talked to the spirits of the soldiers who died facing you in battle. You were … terrifying. Not that I’m not… I glanced at where I’d thrown the physical manifestation of Luna’s trauma. Well, both the factory and Nightmare Moon will be back, the latter much sooner. Best to put some space between us, yes? I snapped my fingers and teleported us to a new location in my mind.
We were thankfully out of my subconscious now, on a dark street lined with doors that stood upright without being in a wall or a building. Thankfully there were streetlamps.
Luna glanced up at the foggy sky, glad for at least something that was visible. “No sun? Ever?”
I thought about it. On … very rare occasions, I have good days. It’s possible then. But growing up, I never liked the sun as it meant I’d suffer. Dark is cool, quiet, and safe.
“Where’s this place?” Luna asked.
I pointed at a stop sign that had the name of the street: “Memory Lane.”
Luna shot me a look that said, Seriously? I had the good grace to look embarrassed. I pointed at the doors. Not every memory I have, since that’s quintillions, but behind each of those doors is a memory of mine. If it’s not locked, you can look, but you might not like what you see…
Luna nodded and walked over to one of the doors. The address plaque made no sense whatsoever. “What is that?”
Space/time coordinates so you know exactly when and where the memory was formed … if you can read them. Ah, no, not that one please, too angsty. Try across the way.
Puzzled, Luna nodded and crossed the street. This door was a dark red. Luna opened it and stepped through. He was in a library and spotted a familiar face.
Honestly, Starswirl, being the greatest wizard in the history of the world has its advantages, but you have no social life. And that’s coming from me, so believe me, it’s a serious concern.
“I am trying to keep this world you made balanced! Do you not care?!”
Of course I care, but at what cost are you maintaining the balance? When was the last time you checked in on your friends?
“What is your obsession with my social circle?!” Starswirl erupted.
Being starved for love and approval can cause resentment that builds in the shadows. I hope you don’t come to regret your pursuit of knowledge above all else…
With that, Luna found himself on Memory Lane again. He tried another door. He was now in a vast dark cavern filled with hundreds of ponies of all three tribes holding candles. From behind Luna, my voice cut into the memory, Oh, I like this one, this was Grogar’s funeral.
The eulogy was in progress. “We gather here not to mourn, but to celebrate this loss. It was hard-won and should never be forgotten. It was thanks in part to Grogar that the nation of Equestria has been founded. His evil will live on in our legends for all Eternity. … Well, he ain’t gettin’ any deader! LET’S PARTY!” The cavern erupted into cheers as the party began.
There was an amused snort. Ponies… I muttered.
Once we were back in my mind proper, I stretched. I did honestly enjoy that one, if I’m being honest. Still, it could have been- My eyes widened. Say, do you want to play hide and seek?
“What?”
Great! I’ll seek, and YOU HIDE! Before Luna could protest, I’d shoved him through a portal as a sound like rushing wind passed over just where he’d been.
The portal snapped shut. It was even darker and foggier down here. There was the occasional streetlamp providing light, but it seemed like Luna was the only thing there. There wasn’t even the faint whispers and four-based patterns he’d almost gotten used to.
Luna sighed. “My duty since I ascended has been to help guide ponies through the worst of their dreams, and I am trapped in the mind of one of my only friends with no way out, and a high probability that I’ll die.” He kicked a stone. “Delightful,” he grumbled. “Why is my voice not back to normal?”
I’d get used to it, if I were you, I’m amazed you haven’t figured it out yet… But then it can take others a while to catch up with my point of view…
Luna turned and saw eerie green light as something was stepping out of the fog. He crouched down and spread his wings, prepared to charge or flee as needed. It was a fox, larger than he was, and walking on its hind legs. They were shaped more like a human than a fox, with bushy black eyebrows and faintly glowing yellow eyes. They were wearing a loose white kimono that had a scales, stars, and dragon pattern with yellow edging. Small planets orbited their neck like a solar system as a necklace, and they were wearing a grey conductor’s cap with the word “Guide” on it. On their right middle finger was a thin black ring and on their left middle finger was a thin white ring. They was carrying a black lantern in which green ectoplasm and small spirits swirled while serving as a light source. In their other paw was a white and red fox mask with a gold spiderweb in the corner. Light radiated from their head.
Art by BijutsuYoukai!
Hello, Lune-bug, they said with a smile, using Arachnos’s nickname for the Lunar Princess.
Luna was very nervous, expecting whatever this was to be a trick or to attack her.
The fox was hovering a foot off the ground and small plants and weeds would sprout under its paws where they walked.
You won’t believe me, but I have no intention of hurting you, I’d like to help you get back to Arachnos so you can get out of here. I apologize for them shoving you down here, they saw something coming to kill you and figured this was the best way to keep you alive. Take your time, but whenever you’re ready, we can head out.
“Who … what are you?”
The fox grinned. Arachnos calls me ‘Smug,’ though that’s not my actual name. I’m the person who gave them their powers and status as a Demiurge and set them up with a small universe to build and run. So far, they've been doing a decent enough job, though that may change. They have certainly made mistakes.
“Why do you keep calling Arachnos them?”
Ah. You aren’t the only one who will be needing some new pronouns at the close of this chapter. It will make sense in time, most things do. Though, what fun is there in making sense? the fox finished with a grin. You will have to trust me if you want to make it out of Arachnos’s mind alive, the fox finished.
Luna sighed and nodded, setting off after the fox. The fox’s voice was masculine, though strangely light, and somewhat lilting, and she couldn’t get an idea of their body shape under the kimono. It seemed curvaceous. “Are you a mare or a stallion?”
I’m a fox!
“But what is under your robe?”
The fox gave Luna a manically cheerful grin. Void. They handed her the mask, which dissolved on contact. For next time.
“‘Next time?!”
You’ll get there when you get there. Shall we?
“Do you even know the way?”
Of course, I know everything. There are shortcuts in here Arachnos doesn’t know about.
The two set off in a direction of the fox’s choosing. It was strange to see, the fox physically made the motion of walking, but continued to hover about a foot above the ground. Small plants and flowers bloomed underneath each step, leaving a convenient trail to follow should anything be tracking them.
To Luna’s surprise, the fox started to sing. Loudly. “All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey, I’ve been for a walk, on a winter’s day, I’d be safe and warm, if I was in L.A., California dreaming, on such a winter’s day!”
It grinned as the ground began to shake. Time seemed to slow down as a huge shape charged out of the fog towards them.
Luna’s mind raced as he began to crouch into a defensive position. I’m going to die alone down here with a strange creature, and we’re both unarmed.
Almost lazily, the fox reached up and grasped their halo, bringing it forward and hurling it like a discuss. The halo expanded and the beams of light seemed to grow sharper before it cut the charging monster cleanly in half, returning to the fox’s head like a boomerang.
The fox gave Luna an almost chilling grin. What makes you think I’m unarmed? They flexed their cooked-spaghetti arms to make the point. They then held out the lantern. The bloody grey shape dissolved into green mist and was sucked inside, and the lantern glowed brighter as another ghost joined the horde. We were being hunted, I thought it would work best to bring it into the open.
“Are you reading my mind?”
No more than I’m reading everyone else’s. And their internet history, the fox added, looking nauseas. Nothing personal, I just can’t turn it off. The pier is this way. The sidewalk dissolved under their hooves and paws, and they were on a rickety looking pier with a gondola tied to it. All aboard! The fox said cheerfully. Their transport looked like it would sink to the bottom of the river and had a distinctly gothic look with black wood and a skeleton carved into the front.
After Luna reluctantly climbed on board, the fox hung their lantern in the front of the boat and followed, untying the rope and taking the oar. Please keep your hooves and wings inside the ride at all times, in case of emergency, there is no exit. As they shoved off, the fox began to sing yet again. “There’s no earthly way of knowing, which direction we are going, there’s no knowing where we’re rowing, or which way the river’s flowing, is it raining, is it snowing, is a hurricane a-blowing?”
Luna tried to distract himself from his unwelcome companion by examining his surroundings. He was thankful to see a clear and starry night overhead, though there still was no moon to serve as a way out. There wasn’t any noticeable scenery, just what appeared to be rolling hills speeding by them. The river began to become choppy with large rocks in it. The fox expertly steered them around the obstacles even as the ride became rougher.
The boat approached a bridge, and the fox ducked as they went under. When they passed through, the river had turned to blood. The fox took them left at a fork in the river and under another bridge. This time the river was chocolate before a third bridge changed it back to water. The fox was rowing a frantic pace and Luna noticed with horror a distinct lake of horizon and the rushing of water growing louder. There were no hills ahead, just an expanse of sky.
“I think there’s a waterfall ahead!” Luna yelled.
Yep! That’s what I’m aiming for! You should probably hold onto something!
Luna could only scream as they went over the edge. The stars rushed past turning into linear streaks before spinning in a way that made him want to vomit. He closed his eyes well before the crash.
Luna groaned and slowly opened his eyes. He was on solid ground again, for that he was grateful. He glanced up at the sky and stared in awe. Far too close for comfort in the sky was a black hole. He glanced around. He seemed to be on a floating island adrift in the night sky, slowly orbiting the black hole. Rising out of the ground were hundreds of standing rectangular slabs of rock, all the same size. He squinted before hobbling over to one. Carved into the dark rock were the words: YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH.
Luna tried another. NO ONE COULD WANT YOU.
HUMANS ARE INHERENTLY EVIL, THOUGH THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS.
NO ONE LOVES YOU.
EVERYTHING YOU DO IS WRONG.
YOU ARE A COSMIC MISTAKE.
HOPE IS EVIL AND A POISON.
IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU DID NOT EXIST.
Luna’s heart was pounding, he closed his eyes and tried to breathe slowly to drown out the accusing writing.
When he was done, a voice softly said, Hey. Sorry for the detour, but you needed to see this.
Luna opened his eyes. “What is this?” He pointed up at the black hole.
Arachnos’s heart. Not literally, the fox added quickly.
“And these?” He pointed at the … gravestones or whatever they were that told him his existence was a crime.
Arachnos’s core beliefs.
Luna’s eyes widened and he stared at the monument to self-hatred. “Oh, gods,” he breathed.
Yes. The fox gave Luna an almost pained look. You are … special to Arachnos, I am hoping you can help to pull it out of here.
Luna’s heart hurt. There were so many of them… He sniffled. “I don’t know if he’ll listen.”
The fox gave a gentle smile. They will.
“I don’t know. I’m scared, I’m alone, and my body feels like it’s the wrong shape.”
Actually, it may be the right shape. Look.
A mirror formed in front of Luna. He blinked. “I’m-”
A stallion. And rather a handsome one, as far as I am able to judge such things.
“Why did Arachnos turn me into a stallion when I entered his mind?”
Barks of soft laughter. They didn’t, you did. That is your soul made manifest, what it is is the truth of you.
“You … you mean I. No. I can’t … that’s completely absurd! I … I’m a stallion? Inside?”
Mmm-hmm. You can unpack that once you’re safely out of here, but you, my sweet Lune-bug are a Prince, not a Princess.
Memories surfaced in Luna’s mind, of preferring to wrestle the castle colts into submission as a filly than attend tea parties, preferring battle to suffering through etiquette lessons, of his mother having to force him into hatefully frilly dresses, of bonding with his generals almost as if he were one of them.
Luna let out a small gasp. Slowly, the corners of his mouth turned up. “I’m … a stallion?” he tried again, less hesitantly. A long-buried part of him screamed for joy, it was almost taboo, but it felt so right to say, to think, to feel. He chuckled. “I’m a stallion.” This time there was no question. He touched the glass. “Is this what I would have looked like?”
Yes.
Luna nodded approvingly. “I … do look good. What now?”
The fox grinned. Go find out. The way up and out is over there. A small circle was carved into the stone.
Luna stepped into it. “You are … more real than anything in here. What’s your name?”
The fox smiled wide as the moon. Oh, that’s simple, it’s- The portal activated, and Luna was gone.
There you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you! I called gratefully. I found the door while you were gone! It’s just across that bridge there!
The door was indeed across a bridge over a looming chasm. Luna sensed a trap. I crossed it with no problems and beckoned him over.
Luna cautiously stepped onto the bridge and the earth began to rumble. Curse his instincts…
A massive shadow erupted from the chasm, nearly knocking Luna off the bridge. It unfolded into a familiar visage. “YOU LITTLE FOAL!” Nightmare Moon shouted. “YOU CAN NEVER BE FREE OF ME!” Luna took a step back. Nightmare Moon cackled. “Nothing to say from the sweet little Prince?”
Luna closed his eyes and grit his teeth. Breathe, just breathe, a voice whispered, you’ve got this.
Luna opened his eyes and stared at the part of himself he hated the most, the embodiment of his resentment of his sister, the being who had caused so much suffering, and his own monument to self-hatred. In a level voice, Luna said, “I do have something to say, and these are the last words I will ever say to you.” He took a deep breath. “FUCK YOU!!!!” he screamed. His horn crackled to life and Nightmare Moon glanced up. A sword the size of a city block made of night sky descended and cleaved her apart before she dissolved away into faint whispers.
Luna panted and grinned. “Ha!”
I understandably had an expression of fear on my face at that display. Remind me to never piss you off. Glad you’re feeling better…
Luna un-summoned the sword and nodded at the door. “Please be in my room in five minutes, it’s very important.” I nodded, and Luna stepped out of my mind and back to safety.
In his room, Luna shivered slightly as the feeling he didn’t know was dysphoria settled over him again now that he was back in the body he’d been born in. There was a light knock at the window, and Luna let me in.
Luna took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I have a lot to discuss with you, Arachnos. For tonight, I will deal with one matter.” My spine nearly broke as he telekinetically dragged my ear down to his mouth to yell into it. “YOU’RE GOING TO THERAPY IF I HAVE TO DRAG YOU THERE BY YOUR-”
I don’t have genitals, I interrupted.
“Mane,” Luna finished lamely. “And since I know that you will put it off, I will make the appointment for you for next Monday at 2. Be there, or I will hunt you down. The practice is in Canterlot, on the corner of Briddle and Hay. You no longer have the option to avoid this, is that perfectly clear?”
I nodded mutely. Luna continued. “After what I have just gone through, I will need extra therapy now, so you get to join me. I will be checking up on you to make sure that you are attending your appointments. Please let me know if you prefer another practice but give it a few weeks to make sure.”
I nodded. “Good night, Arachnos,” Luna said testily. “Please make sure that if I ever wind up in your mind again that it is a less hazardous environment. I will call you on Monday.”
I flew away and Luna collapsed into bed. “I may never sleep again,” he groaned. “Good gods is there a lot to unpack in there…”
I was tending to my garden the next morning when my phone rang. It had a very distinct ringtone. ‘Let the sunshine, let the sunshine, the sunshine in, let the sunshine, let the sun-’
I picked up. Hello, Celestia. What’s up?
There was a pause. “My … brother has been up all day excitedly talking to me. It will take some getting used to, referring to him as such. But … it honestly explains a lot. He won’t tell me how he figured it out, and he’s asking to speak to you.”
Ah. I … it does explain a lot, actually, Luna being a he instead of a she. I’ll be right over. By the time I’d hung up, I was in the castle foyer. The guards showed me to Luna’s chambers. Hello, Lune-bug.
Luna blinked. “It’s strange, it sounded exactly like… Never mind.” Luna set his cup down and cleared his throat. “I haven’t slept in some time; I have been doing research. I believe I am … trans? Is that the word? I am a stallion in a mare’s body.”
I nodded. Yes, trans is the correct term. How did you come to this realization? I blinked. You were a stallion in my mind last night, and in your dreams when I woke you up. I didn’t even notice you were a stallion instead of a mare last night.
Luna chuckled. “Neither did I, I … met someone in your mind last night who pointed it out to me, a strange fox shaped like a human, with a personality very similar to yours. Was that you?”
I blinked. Possibly. Or a part of me, anyway, I’m not sure. Once I’d shoved you through that portal, you were … hidden from me. I think it helped keep you alive.
“The fox referred to you as ‘they’ instead of ‘he.’”
I grinned. I’ve often felt more like a they than a he, gender is … odd to me. Very fleshy, and the constructs around it are baffling. What may I do for you?
“Is it possible to turn me into a stallion? Permanently?”
I nodded. You are certainly not the first nor the last trans stallion in this world, there is indeed complicated magic to permanently help a pony of any gender transition. In your case, however, there’s a problem. Luna frowned. Your magic is permanently tied to the cycle of night and day on this world. Changing your shape involves using and altering your magical signature since your physical form is a part of that signature. Altering it would have consequences to the physical nature of the world. The moon may stop orbiting, or worse. To perform that spell on you, you would need someone who has beyond an expert grasp of magical theory, especially transformative magic. Someone who has routinely performed that spell, and who often casts high-level, complicated magic. Someone like … me.
Luna blinked. “You would do it for me?”
I nodded. It would be an honor, but I will not do it right away. You need time to adjust to this, and the world needs time to adjust to you.
“How so?”
How do you think the nobles of Canterlot would react if you became a stallion this exact second, with no warning or announcement? Luna’s expression looked like he had swallowed a lemon and said it all. I nodded. Exactly. You can of course begin to transition immediately, but take it slowly. Let others get used to the new you as well. Begin by living and dressing as a stallion, and see if you desire a new name. I promise I will cast that spell well before the year is out, but I ask for your patience.
Luna nodded. “I have been thinking of taking the name Lune.”
I like it! And it is not too great a change from your deadname, just a more masculine version. I will report my progress in therapy to you no more than an hour after my session, agreed?
Lune nodded. “I expect a full report, but only what you are willing to share.”
I gave a slow bow. “Talk to you then!”
Monday came. I went to my appointment in the shape of a stallion to make things easier. Out of lifetimes of habit, I was chronically early to my appointment, which was a good thing as I was stuck outside the door rereading the brass plaque with a growing sense of horror. The office for the therapist I had been signed up for read, “Dr. Frank N. Furter, Therapist.” I blinked. No, it hadn’t changed.
I sighed. If I open this door and find Tim Curry singing “Sweet Transvestite,” I am burning this city. After he finishes.
I headed in. Well, no Transylvania convention in sight, it just looked like a typical therapists office with encouraging posters on the wall and soothing paintings. I went to check in. “I have the two p.m. appointment? It’s under ‘Aaron Noss.’”
“Of course, take a seat an I’ll let the doctor know you’re here.”
Moments later, a light blue stallion with green eyes and a pad and pencil cutie mark stuck his head out of his office. “Mr. Noss?”
I headed in and sat down on the couch, fidgeting slightly.
“How are you today?”
“Fine. Nervous. I … have a lot of issues, but I want to work through them. I … know they’ll never fully go away, but hopefully they won’t destroy me as much.”
“Where would you like to start?”
“May I change into something more comfortable?”
Dr. Furter blinked, but nodded.
I stretched out into my liontaur Draconequus form, ducking so I didn’t puncture the ceiling with my horns. To start with, the name I most commonly go by is Arachnos. I’m an immortal demiurge, I created this universe, and I’m also crackers, but I usually make it work for me, I finished with a grin. I sighed and continued. I have … a lot of self-hatred, rather severe depression, I have Autism, I’m extremely anti-social even though I know it would help, I’m a disasterist, and I’m very self-sabotaging. When I was alive, a neighbor thought I might be bipolar. I really don’t understand the way ponies and other creatures think and have difficulty relating to them. Where would you like to start unpacking that?
“Let’s start with why the neighbor thought you were bipolar.”
A lot of the time, I get so depressed that I can’t move or do anything for weeks, and everything is hopeless, and I’m convinced that there’s no reason to live. But then rarely, I get so happy that I feel like I’m full of electricity, and everything’s wonderful, and I have to run around and do everything at once. I didn’t sleep when I needed to, and I lose my self-control and inhibitions.
“Well, that does sound a bit like Bipolar II, but I’d need to meet with you for at least a month before I could begin to diagnose you.”
That’s fair. May I ask a question?
“You just did, but yes.”
Your name. Frank N. Furter? Not exactly a typical name.
“My father ran a very large hot dog empire, all the kids got hot dog related names. My brother Hot Link is a model, and my sister Brat Worst runs a deli. I am a licensed Doctor, but I put ‘Therapist’ on the sign because it has warmer connotations.”
That all makes sense.
“May I ask a question?”
I grinned. You just did, but yes.
Dr. Furter gestured at my lower half. “Why don’t you have …?”
A penis?
“Yes, that. It’s a bit obvious since most creatures don’t wear clothes.”
I haven’t had one since I died and came to this universe. I didn’t enjoy having one, and often wanted it removed. It’s easier to just not have a physical sex. I mean… I shapeshifted into a stunningly gorgeous mare, and then a movie-star handsome stallion. Neither gender feels like me. I’m more feminine than masculine, but I don’t feel like there’s a gender there. I just got shoehorned into being male by genetic lottery, and I’ve been trying to act that way ever since. Often failing. I don’t get why your body dooms you to a certain role in society, and why you can never cross over and mix roles.
“This is something only you can determine, but it sounds like you may perhaps be nonbinary? It’s something I’d be happy to explore with you in future sessions.”
Is that your way of trapping me into coming back for more? I said with a smile.
Dr. Furter smiled back. “Yes.”
I sighed. I’ve avoided this because I knew a therapist’s lifetime would be much shorter than mine, but … I’m looking forward to trying. I can at least do that.
“That’s all I’ll ask for. Just try the things we work on.”
I smiled. I can do that.
Thing were looking like they might get better, but I still thought it best not to press my luck.
I'm back!
Yes, Arachnos is finally getting therapy! 
He needs it.
We also finally got to meet "Smug" in the flesh!
As a lot of you had guessed, Luna is transmasc in this setting. Subtlety is not my strong suit. Lune was entirely OOC during his confrontation with Nightmare Moon, but if I could tell my self-hatred to fuck itself, I would too..
And yes, I/Arachnos am nonbinary and am fine with any pronouns, but will gladly take "they/them." The things you find out about yourself...
As always, please point out any spelling and grammar mistakes as I was speeding when I wrote large parts of this.
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Wait is Luna a girl or a boy in this universe?
Oh okay never mind.
11903102
Sorry, not quite sure how the second them is an error as it's referring to about 30 characters and so is a plural. Please let me know, and thank you!
11903118
No that’s the correct way to write it. It was originally the.
Well, when you are his literally life-time source of income, he has to.
11903128
Ah, I see. Many thanks for catching that and the explanation!
11903139
There's a reason Arachnos doesn't flash around the fact they technically have infinite money.
Dr. Furter...Dr. Furter...Frank N.?
Walk the moon one foot quote from the lyrics
I'm glad my eyes were not deceiving me.
Ah, another chapter. Arachnos' mind seems rather music-driven given the multitude of song lyrics and other music references (rainbow factory, the Thriller monologue from Jargon, the handful of musical lyrics).
Here's hoping that 1 Therapist's lifetime is enough to make good chunk of progress for Aracnos.
Congratulations to Lune for learning of himself and coming out. I hope things go well for him.
That was trippy
Finally, it returns
11903650
Whenever I let my imagination out, people want to know what drugs I'm taking and in what quantities.
11903275
I do try to avoid making people hallucinate if at all possible!
11903234
It's a reference to the Rocky Horror Picture Show, if you look it up, perhaps have incognito mode on...
11903452
Memories will randomly spout up in Arachnos's mind, and they have perfect recognition of billions of years of existence, so there's bound to be some favorite songs in there!
I'm happy for Lune too.
And yes, the first therapist will be a good enough start!
I won't question how you write this story, but personally, I've always seen Luna more as a tomboy than a he. Sure, tomboys can be a he, but I mean a feminine tomboy like maybe a good example can be a tsudere.
11904135
I know. I'm just asking if that's the character's full name here?
What's with this part? Is it supposed to be a laugh or what?
11904289
No idea, I think it was just an error from copying and pasting so long a chapter. Thanks for catching that, it's been fixed!
11904192
Yep, unlike most ponies, Doctor Furter has a middle initial. But just an initial, no name it stands for.
The two types of stories I follow: ok, but updates frequently and absolute banger, but updates are rare
I'll be damned if this isn't one of the most consistently creative stories I've ever read on here. I read the first four chapters back when they initially released and just had to reread it all and catch up after seeing this updated.
Huge props as well for all the representation throughout the whole thing, but this chapter especially. And of course congrats on figuring out your identity, you love to see it.
Why wait? If it's that bad just do it.