• Member Since 9th Sep, 2019
  • offline last seen 21 minutes ago


I have no idea what I'm doing



The Nightmare is gone and Luna's return has been welcomed by everypony but there is someone else that was alerted by her return. Someone that has been gone for a long, long time... and now, her past has come back to haunt her.

Cover Art by: JodTheCod

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 17 )

A amazing way to start off a story, going to favorite this and the sequel. Hopefully will get to see more of it.

No worries mate. I see a lot of ways to build this story

There's... A lot of dialogue without periods/question marks/ whatever. With so much dialogue ending without them, it should have been easy to find and edit those mistakes. This is the most obvious grammar error of the story, though I'd recommend looking through the dialogue section of the writing guide on fimficition for the less obvious grammar errors I missed.

Now that the critism is out of the way, I tbh am not sure if you're going go back to edit the story but I really don't care because I probably won't have time to reread this in the near future. Anyways on my opinion.

For what I've read it's a pretty good story(grammar errors not included) though some scenarios infuriate me such as someone/somepony making a guess that is correct which would be one in million such as the doctor guessing some treat was in Luna's dream. There could be so many, hundreds of thousands(not really but you get the point)of different AND more reasonable reason to why Luna was in pain, but the doctor, guessed something not really likely and was right. This scenario infuriates me to no end. If you had a multiply choice answer and didn't know the answer you would go with the most reasonable answer instead of picking something else not likely to be the answer. But the part that's most annoying is when he/she is correct.

I mean sure you can choose an unlikely answer but getting it right? If he/she got it wrong I'd be absolutely fine with if just a little miffed that he/she chooses an unreasonable/unlikely answer.

After that, there's not much. There were some areas I personally would have changed but it works both ways. Other than that I don't have too much to say besides it was a good story.

Sure I may be a bit odd but I absolutely hate and despise that scenario. So sorry if that one scenario tilts my judgment of the story as a whole a little.

Your contribution has been noted reader. Thus I will edit this story and fix those problems as soon as possible!

Is there anything else you would like to contribute?

I had just finished my last comment and saw I had a notification. I thought is that an old notification? I check it and I'm like wait, But I literally just pressed finish editing less than 20 seconds ago. Now I'm confused because I'm not sure if I was editing that comment, or just created it.

Edit: After a quick reread of my last comment, I think I went overboard ranting about that scenario.


(In response to your edit)

Ahhh I see. When you say it like that I guess it does sound annoying.

I’ll prioritise editing this story considering I just updated the main body.

Celestia smiled and followed Luna’s gaze, “He was nothing… but a man. A species with the strongest of wills. A species that is everything creation has to offer; Ambition, curiosity, destroyer and creator, graceful mercy and cooperation, undying fury and pure hatred for those standing in its way. A species that is immensely flawed, but driven towards divine perfection. A species whose destiny lies to walk amongst the very stars themselves. To rule them all.”

Best way to word all of humanity.

Our destiny is the heavens above, but the only thing standing in humanity's path to its destiny is humanity itself.

I'm getting serious 40k vibes from the fathers description, especially with the double aquila. Who is he based on?

Hmm, at the top of my head, I know I pulled things from 40k and Final Fantasy. Though the double-headed Aquila originally came from a symbol in Stellaris, mate.

I'm fairly sure Warhammer is older than Stellaris but fair enough

Oh, I have no doubt Warhammer is older, mate, but at the time I got a two-headed eagle design from a flag emblem choice in Stellaris. The current version is just a more refined version compared to the cover art I commissioned prior to this one.

Luna traced the words with her plated hoof as she read the unknown tongue, most liekl;y butchering their pronunciation.

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