Today I will be reviewing Voices of the Father by Exalted Aussie which promises to be a sad, tragic story involving Princess Luna. Judging from the title, and perhaps guessing a little, I would bet that the memory of Princess Luna’s father was going to haunt her in this story. Let’s find out, shall we?

TVoices of the Father

• MLP: FiM
• Sad
• Tragedy

The return of Luna was welcomed by everypony... well... not everypony...

• Human
• Celestia
• Luna

ExaltedFiction · 8.2k words  ·  280  7 · 8.6k views

Do beware of spoilers ahead! Do check the piece out before reading through the story.

Skipping my spoiler warning again? I give up…

Summary

Luna's return has been welcomed by everypony but there is someone else that was alerted by her return. Someone that has been gone for a long, long time... and now, her past has come back to haunt her.

Content

Well, turns out that my prediction was pretty accurate. This story delves into looking at the past of the two regal sisters and the relationship that they had with their father. The story focuses on Princess Luna’s perspective into the series of events that would lead her and the readers to feel for her, especially with what has transpired as proffered in the story after she had turned into Nightmare Moon.

From the start of the story, I believe that the author has done justice to the characterization of Princess Luna. The adoption of more old-fashioned, or perhaps traditional, methods of dialogue by Princess Luna, along with her patented “Royal Canterlot Voice” made her character accurate and relatable in my eyes. It could be arguable that Princess Luna’s emotions of fear and anxiety in the constructs of her imaginations or dreams were too jarring or perhaps even too overexaggerated. However, I posit that the author’s assessment of Princess Luna’s emotional state was fairly justified. As a newly reformed villain, I would not be surprised that she would still feel a sense of anguish and fear that she might be doing something wrong in every moment. She would most likely feel that cloud of insecurity and constantly judge her own actions then and now, particularly as she was a co-reigning monarch. Hence, the author’s take on Princess Luna throughout the piece was fair.

While that was just, I found the development of these emotions in the story somewhat lacking. I expected myself to be more invested into the character who was Princess Luna and her struggle with her emotions and her past with her father, but regrettably I was unable to feel that strength of that. I think that the best way I could put it would be the shallow depth in which the emotions were explored before the next character spoke, or before the story simply moved on. The author shows this emotion through Princess Luna’s actions, but it was oftentimes a short description of how she reacted to a new stimulus in the story.

I felt that more could have gone into the development of Princess Luna’s thoughts and her reflective state of mind. That constant self-doubt, fear and anxiety could have been beautifully amplified in the development of her emotions and would bring out the extent to which she felt bad, simply put, for what she had done. Through Princess Luna’s thoughts, I think that a constant pattern would ring out to emphasize that. That repetition would hammer the point down when executed at key junctures of the story, such as when Princess Luna realizes the gravity of her past actions when she was Nightmare Moon closer to the ending of the story.

I think that the speed in which the story ran through also meant that there was insufficient time to let those emotions sink into the reader and Princess Luna, to enhance the relatability of those feelings. I believe that the story’s pacing could be more dynamic in nature. The story could slow down and inspire a greater level of suspense, to bring out that creepiness from the context of the situation in when Princess Luna was suddenly left by herself in the unknown darkness with no protection, for instance. The suspense of finding out what the unknown was about in the story would be extremely motivating for a reader to ask for more.

The last thing that I would like to discuss would be the reveal that Princess Celestia’s and Luna’s father was not equine, but a human I believe. Granted, I think that this so-called father of theirs was probably not a father in the traditional sense, but potentially as a step-father, or as someone who raised them to maturity. It was an interesting point to bring up, and I wonder how or even whether this bipedal father of theirs was capable to torment Princess Luna from the grave as a metaphysical force, or was it entirely a construct of Princess Luna’s own imagination. This brings up a myriad of possibilities for the sequel following this piece that would hopefully seek to explain these questions to satisfy my curiosity.

Though, I wished that the introduction of the two regal princesses’ father would be better foreshadowed. I found it strange that Princess Luna would not think back to her own experiences with her father earlier on in the story. I opine that there were many opportunities that the author could have inserted Princess Luna’s recollections and potentially her regrets of the memories of even her younger, even immature days. This could be suitably tied into how she was confronted by that young filly probing her on the subject of their father. I would expect a greater level of kinship and family between the father and his perhaps adopted daughters, which is left to be proven and seen for myself, in the story.

Language

Technical errors are fairly common. Let’s take a look at a few recommendations I would like to make to the author.

Punctuation

Luna looked straight ahead, “F-fourteen…” she whispered, a thought entering her mind, making her look back at her sister, “No wait Tia, in my dreams, there was a voice… and something else“

Luna looked straight ahead, “F-fourteen…” she whispered, a thought entering her mind, making her look back at her sister, “No wait Tia, in my dreams, there was a voice… and something else(.)“

Alone, she patrolled the night, and alone she watched over her subjects as they slumbered into a deep well deserved sleep.

Alone, she patrolled the night, and alone she watched over her subjects as they slumbered into a deep well-deserved sleep.

…rubbing a silver plated hoof on the little filly’s back slowly and methodically, “Take a deep breath little one, take as much time as you need.”

…rubbing a silver-plated hoof on the little filly’s back slowly and methodically, “Take a deep breath little one, take as much time as you need.”

Mosaic stained glass of the Day and Night and of Luna’s reformation filled the room’s windows…

Mosaic-stained glass of the Day and Night and of Luna’s reformation filled the room’s windows…

Syntax

The rainbow coloured mane pony, quickly saluted, giving Twilight a determined look through her goggles before dashing away.

The rainbow maned pony quickly saluted, giving Twilight a determined look through her goggles before dashing away.

Tenses

And once her eyes turned towards the Everfree, she jumped up and sprung into action when she saw the little filly galloping as fast as possible towards the treacherous forest.

And once her eyes turned towards the Everfree, she jumped up and sprang into action when she saw the little filly galloping as fast as possible towards the treacherous forest.

Stance

This story has some interesting concepts and ideas, though I wished that they could be executed and brought out better; do check my comments above.

Content/Plot: 6/10
Flow/Communication: 5.5/10
Language/Readability: 5.8/10
Overall: 5.8/10

<For archive purposes: 5.8/10>

Alrighty, back to kidnapping Princess Snow Heart...and take over the mansion!