• Published 25th Jan 2020
  • 548 Views, 39 Comments

The Mane Six Play Poker - Salty Alty



What happens when Applejack suggests they play Appeloosan Hold'Em for their monthly game night? Prosecco based lies, awful bluffs, and hilarity ensues.

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Hoof 1, AKA: Applejack Can't Bluff

The six of them sat around the table, nursing their glasses of alcohol, or in Pinkie's case, chugging a one liter can of Red Bison. They stared at Spike with a furious intensity as he shuffled the deck, their eyes glued to each individual card as the small dragon skillfully flicked them their hoof.

"How the hay are you so good at this, Spike? Last time I played Poker, my dealer wasn't nearly this smooth!" Rainbow asked, giving the vest-clad drake a small grin as she looked at her cards, nearly knocking over her Jagerbomb in the process."And you know how to hook a mare up!"

Everypony looked at Rainbow with a small amount of worry on their faces, while Spike merely rolled his eyes. "All those gems in my hoard had to have come from somewhere, RD. Anyway, the game is Appeloosan Hold'Em, stacks are twenty-five hundred each. Do I need to explain the rules, or do you all generally know what you're doing?" He gave a pointed look to Twilight as he spoke, eyeing the small "Poker 4 Dummies" booklet she was reading.

Rarity coughed into her hoof, giving the drake a bashful smile, her bottle of Prosecco sat neatly off to the side next to her glass. "I do admit to being unfamiliar with the game, deary. Give me a quick reminder?"

Spike took a deep breath, shooting a small gout of green flame at Twilight's book, causing the alicorn to yelp and scrunch her nose at him. "Alright. So, here's the basics. The pony in play to my left, in this case, RD, is the 'small blind'. She has to bet a minimum amount, which will be fifty chips for now. The next mare over, which is you, is known as the 'big blind', and you have to bet double the amount of the small blind. And then the next mare over- Applejack pay attention -is 'under the gun', meaning they are the first to act. You can fold, which means you back out of the hoof and give me your cards, but you also no longer have to put any chips into the pot. You can also check and pass your action to the next player, bet, call and match somepony's bet, or raise their bet by at least double the amount. You girls following along so far?"

There was a murmur of agreement around the table. "You need to make the best possible combination of five cards to win. No combo means you have 'high card', a pair beats that, two pair beats a pair, three of a kind beats two pair, etc. If you need to look at all the rankings real quick, ask Twilight for her book. With that out of the way... let the game begin!"

The six of them immediately looked at their cards. Applejack's lips nearly imperceptibly twitched downwards, though Twilight caught it out of the corner of her eye. Rainbow was grinning like a shark, eyeing Fluttershy, who was fiddling with her stack of chips, causing small clacks to sound out, like chirping crickets.

Rainbow and Rarity tossed their blinds in, watching Applejack intently. "Now why th' hay are you two givin' me bedroom eyes?" She asked, chewing on a toothpick as she defensively wrapped her hooves around her cider, leaving the two mares to sputter indignantly. She looked at Spike out of the corner of her eye. "Ah bet one-fifty."

Twilight smirked, quickly checking her cards. "Interesting. I'll raise you. You didn't seem too terribly confident when you first saw your hoof, so I'd wager you don't have anything too good." She confidently flicked three one-hundred bit chips into the pot, leaning back in her chair, taking a quick swig out of her glass of whisky.

Pinkie shrugged, tossing her cards to Spike. "Phooey. I had nothing."

Rainbow leaned into the table, smiling at Fluttershy. "Don't be too pressured to play garbage, Flutters. It's perfectly okay t-" "I raise seven-fifty."

The entire table whipped their heads around to look at Fluttershy. Rarity blinked a couple of times, not quite comprehending what she was hearing. "D-Darling, that's rather brazen of you!"

Fluttershy hummed, thinking to herself. "You're right, Rarity. I raise 1000 instead." She scooped up a small hooffull of chips and lobbed them into the center of the table, resting her cheek against her hoof as she gave Rainbow a quizzical raise of her eyebrow.

Spike smiled a bit, drawing three cards from the top of the deck and laying them out into the center of the table. A six and a seven of spades, and a two of diamonds.

Rainbow was pale in the face, giving a final look to her cards before sliding them over to Spike. "Nah, buck that, I fold. I am not gonna go out this early!" her cards fluttered in the air, revealing two Kings as Spike snatched them out of the air.

Rarity folded as well, taking a sip from her glass. "I think I will do the same, darling." Spike eyed them as they gently came to rest in front of him, setting them with Rainbow and Pinkie's cards

Applejack chewed the inside of her cheek, her gaze flitting between Twilight and Fluttershy. "Ah think ah will call yer bluff, Flutters. Three 'undred."

Twilight looked down sadly at the table, and Rainbow snickered at her. "C'mon, Princess, where'd all that confidence go?!"

Twilight looked up at her, a grimace on her face. "Fluttershy took it." Her cards teleported over to the pile.

Fluttershy, with as stone-cold an expression as a pony could get, tossed six orange chips into the center. "I call."

Rainbow leaned in to Rarity, whispering into her ear. "I bet you twenty bits that AJ goes out first."

Rarity smirked behind her glass. "I'll put fourty on Pinkie Pie."

Spike smacked another card into the center of the table, Applejack's eyes lighting up as she saw a Queen of clubs come down.

"Ahright, Sugarcube. Ah check." She said, lightly thumping her hoof on the table.

"I'll check as well."

Spike shrugged, revealing the final card. A seven of clubs.

Applejack glanced down at her stack of chips, which was substantially larger than Fluttershy's. She grabbed five black chips, staring Fluttershy down as she tossed them into the center. "Five 'undred. Ah'd get out while ya still can, Sugarcube. Ah've got sevens. You?"

Nearly the second that Applejack finished her sentence, Fluttershy tossed another five black chips into the pot. "No you don't, Applejack. Want to know how I know?"

Applejack gulped. "How?"

"Well, one, because you would have been much more aggressive early on... and Two? Because I have sevens." She said, flipping her cards over to reveal a seven of hearts, and a seven of diamonds. She smirked triumphantly at Applejack, watching her flip her cards to reveal...

A two and a three.

Rainbow laughed, smacking the table. "Hah! You just got played like a fiddle, AJ!"

Applejack grumbled various obscenities under her breath, watching Fluttershy scoop all of the chips up like a hungry hippo.

Spike chuckled, cracking open a can of soda. "Calm down girls, this is only the first hoof."

One thing was for certain, however.

Everypony was now slightly scared of Fluttershy, who stared at her friends like she was a statue.

Author's Note:

Rainbow - 2450 chips

Rarity - 2400 chips

Applejack - 1550 chips

Twilight - 2200 chips

Pinkie Pie - 2500 chips

Fluttershy - 3900 chips

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Comments ( 39 )

What's Prosecco?

10050683
It's a type of wine. The kind of wine I'd see Rarity drinking in all honesty.

Aaaaaah, I love watching ponies play games, and I don't think I've actually seen them do a poker game yet. Looking forward to this!

Although I apologize in advance for the fact that I'm definitely going to be putting my poker nerd hat on for this. ^^

She confidently flicked three one-hundred bit chips into the pot, leaning back in her chair, taking a quick swig out of her glass of whisky.

Splashing the pot, Twi. Spike should have pulled you up on that.

"You're right, Rarity. I raise 1000 instead."

Another minor infraction which Spike shouldn't really allow (although I'm sure he's lenient enough that he would). Fluttershy already declared 750 and shouldn't be allowed to alter her bet.

Also, did everyone call Fluttershy's raise? I assume they must have because Spike starts dealing the flop, but we don't see anyone actually call the 1000.

A six and a seven of spades, and a two of diamonds.

While I'm not suggesting that you use it, I would note that if you wanted to include a visual aid for the hands, you could do so with the Unicode playing cards block:

🂦🂧🃂

Rainbow was pale in the face, giving a final look to her cards before sliding them over to Spike. "Nah, buck that, I fold. I am not gonna go out this early!" her cards fluttered in the air, revealing two Kings as Spike snatched them out of the air.

That seems like a continuity error. If she slid her cards across the table, how did they get in the air?

Also come on Rainbow, that's a killer hand. You chicken.

Her cards teleported over to the pile.

I imagine this is probably banned in Equestrian casinos. :)

I actually thought up of an alternative scenario involving four of them in a poker game. Read and enjoy.


"We're here live at the Equestrian Final championship of Appaloosa Hold 'em Poker. Our final four contestants aren't giving anything away. Faces so still, they might as well have been carved from stone."

Okay, Rainbow. You got this. And when you win, you can finally afford to buy that new kidney you need.

They cannot read you at all, Rarity. You are a sphinx. You are smooth, like the wind.

I have...no idea...how to play this game. I should have been out a long, long time ago, but I keep winning!

Breathe, Fluttershy. That's the key. AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGH! I CAN'T TAKE THE STRESS!

"And starting with the first few cards, we have the king and queen of hearts and the ace of diamonds."

Gah! Nothing again? I'm sick of waiting for a good hand! Time to bluff my way to victory! "Ten thousand bits."

"Oh, my! Looks like Rainbow Dash comes out first with a hefty bet. I wonder what must be running through everypony's heads."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGHHHHHH

Mmm, cupcakes...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH

"Nothing but calm calculation on all of their faces."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Let's see what the players do, starting with Rarity."

"Call." Keep it together. You are calm, like the wind.

"Call." What does call even mean? I am literally doing what Rarity does.

Keep...it...together...F-Fluttershy. Make Harry the Bear proud. "Call."

"Fillies and gentlecolts, we have a poker game on our hooves! Now comes the next card with the ace of clubs."

AAAAAAAH!

Okay...the bluff didn't work...time to bail. Gggggghhhhah! How can I just throw away ten thousand bits? No. I need this. Time to scare the fillies away! "Fifty thousand."

"Another stunning bet from Rainbow! But look at those faces they all have! Completely still. What is raging behind their heads?"

You wanna play? You wanna mess with this?! I am fierce! Like the WIND! "Call."

Okay, Rarity put in two blue circles and six red ones, so... "Call."

"Call." What am I doing?! I have a two and a seven! That's not good!

"The final card will be flipped over now. And oh, my, the king of spades!"

AAAAAAAAAAAH

NO! FOLD, YOU FOOLS! I NEED THAT KIDNEY! "All in."

"Hundreds of thousands of bits are on the line here! But those faces! Still utterly calm!"

MWUAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! YOU WANNA DANCE, RAINBOW? IMMA BOUT TO GET CA-RAZY UP IN HERE! LIKE THE WIND! "All in." THERE! YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN'T DO IT, DIJA? LOOK INTO MY EYES, YOU DIRTY COMMIE!

"Rainbow and Rarity are giving competitive glances now! What is raging in their heads?"

Yeah...that's right...if I lose this I'm going to find you and break your knees...like the wind!

"All in." Look at all those circles. I wonder what they mean?

FOLD, FLUTTERSHY! FOLD NOW! AND CUT! YOUR! LOSSES! "All in." WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

"Every last poker chip is in. It's tome to show the cards to see who goes home with a million bits. Rainbow will show first. Uh huh...a six and a seven. Apparently she was staking everything on a bluff that didn't go out well. I wonder what she's thinking right now."

I'm going to have...a flamingo kidney...

"Rarity next. All right! A queen and a king! This puts her on the prospective path to victory!"

I AM THE WIIIIIIIIIND!

"Fluttershy...still hasn't shown her cards yet. Fluttershy? Are you..."

Thump

"Oh, my, Fluttershy's unconscious. Could we get someone to carry her off?...And EMTs are taking care of it now. Wonderful.

"And finally, Pinkie will show.

"Uh...Okay, so apparently, Pinkie Pie was playing with Uno cards?"

Yahtzee!

10050716
Oh no, please! I love criticism!

I admit to only being moderately familiar with Poker, but it's a game I love watching. For the next hooves I'll totally make sure to correct the errors you pointed out.

Not too sure about the Unicode thing, I may give it a try, may not.

Maybe after this I'll write about the winner playing in a casino, but Unicorn fuckery is 100% illegal in professional games :rainbowlaugh:

I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!

10050727
You could 100% make that a story of its own!

10050734
Actually I just noticed that the Unicode cards don't appear to work on mobile, so I guess they're not 100% reliable.

The rule infractions aren't really that big a deal, since the dealer gets to decide how their game is run anyway. I'm just making nerdy observations. ^^

10050746
Fair enough, I spose.

10050742
It's actually based off a Studio C sketch, so I'd get in trouble if I did.

10050759
Darn. That's what we call a damn shame.

10050727
Ah, i see you’re a pony of culture too

oh this is gonna be good. go Fluttershy

10050839
Praise the flutterbutters, long may she reign

10050746
They show up on mine, I'm on mobile... A bit small, though, but still show.

You immediately have my attention. I love the idea of Fluttershy being a professional gambler so much. I'm all in. Amazing job so far.

10050727
Funny as all hell but who won? Also should Pinkie not be taken out of the game?

10051350
She's gotta pay for all her animal supplies somehow!

10051355
Well, Rarity had the best hand (or should I say hoof?) And as for Pinkie, well... She lost, but as long as she thinks she's won, that's all that matters to her.

10051452
Very nice. Rare does seem like she can play a mean game.

10050727
I love how Pinkie’s last piece of dialogue is “Yahtzee!”

Comment posted by hawthornbunny deleted January 25th

10050759
Just don´t copy it, you can make something similar.

10051609
Flutters gotta do what flutters got to do

Flutters should have raise, she had the nuts after all

10052274
Maybe she should have, maybe she shouldn't have :P

10052331
no reason not to, you know you won, need to try to get paid, and even if you don't get paid and applejack folds at least you don't give away information to her about how you play.

and yeah, i know i'm probably overanalyzing but i play this game a lot so it's kind of hard not to analyze things

I am not usually into stories like this.

But this was...GREAT!:raritystarry: And funny.

10053398
There's more coming soon!

Think I share the feeling of the others over flutters.
Seems she has the deadmans stare lvl of poker face

10055790
It's always the shy ones...

Don't think I didn't notice that "SFM Polka Face" reference and I love you for it XD
Looking forward to the next chapter :)

so...………….. is there more??:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

10120030
I'm tryin my best, my dude! Recently life decided to hit me with a big old case of the "fuck yous" and I've been unable to actually dedicate any time to writing!

10120133
ouch. been there man. trust me.

It's a pity I can't be one of them. And then I constantly have to sit alone on the site and look for myself a poker game... it is a pity that these are all fictional characters ....

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