• Member Since 15th Sep, 2018
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Salty Alty


Editor for Synesisbassist and Scaramouch, Pony Literature Afficionado, and one Salty Boi.

T
Source

What happens when Applejack suggests they play Appeloosan Hold'Em for their monthly game night?

Prosecco based lies, awful bluffs, and hilarity ensues.




Art by DaniLi69 on DeviantArt!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 37 )

10050683
It's a type of wine. The kind of wine I'd see Rarity drinking in all honesty.

Aaaaaah, I love watching ponies play games, and I don't think I've actually seen them do a poker game yet. Looking forward to this!

Although I apologize in advance for the fact that I'm definitely going to be putting my poker nerd hat on for this. ^^

She confidently flicked three one-hundred bit chips into the pot, leaning back in her chair, taking a quick swig out of her glass of whisky.

Splashing the pot, Twi. Spike should have pulled you up on that.

"You're right, Rarity. I raise 1000 instead."

Another minor infraction which Spike shouldn't really allow (although I'm sure he's lenient enough that he would). Fluttershy already declared 750 and shouldn't be allowed to alter her bet.

Also, did everyone call Fluttershy's raise? I assume they must have because Spike starts dealing the flop, but we don't see anyone actually call the 1000.

A six and a seven of spades, and a two of diamonds.

While I'm not suggesting that you use it, I would note that if you wanted to include a visual aid for the hands, you could do so with the Unicode playing cards block:

🂦🂧🃂

Rainbow was pale in the face, giving a final look to her cards before sliding them over to Spike. "Nah, buck that, I fold. I am not gonna go out this early!" her cards fluttered in the air, revealing two Kings as Spike snatched them out of the air.

That seems like a continuity error. If she slid her cards across the table, how did they get in the air?

Also come on Rainbow, that's a killer hand. You chicken.

Her cards teleported over to the pile.

I imagine this is probably banned in Equestrian casinos. :)

I actually thought up of an alternative scenario involving four of them in a poker game. Read and enjoy.


"We're here live at the Equestrian Final championship of Appaloosa Hold 'em Poker. Our final four contestants aren't giving anything away. Faces so still, they might as well have been carved from stone."

Okay, Rainbow. You got this. And when you win, you can finally afford to buy that new kidney you need.

They cannot read you at all, Rarity. You are a sphinx. You are smooth, like the wind.

I have...no idea...how to play this game. I should have been out a long, long time ago, but I keep winning!

Breathe, Fluttershy. That's the key. AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGH! I CAN'T TAKE THE STRESS!

"And starting with the first few cards, we have the king and queen of hearts and the ace of diamonds."

Gah! Nothing again? I'm sick of waiting for a good hand! Time to bluff my way to victory! "Ten thousand bits."

"Oh, my! Looks like Rainbow Dash comes out first with a hefty bet. I wonder what must be running through everypony's heads."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGHHHHHH

Mmm, cupcakes...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH

"Nothing but calm calculation on all of their faces."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Let's see what the players do, starting with Rarity."

"Call." Keep it together. You are calm, like the wind.

"Call." What does call even mean? I am literally doing what Rarity does.

Keep...it...together...F-Fluttershy. Make Harry the Bear proud. "Call."

"Fillies and gentlecolts, we have a poker game on our hooves! Now comes the next card with the ace of clubs."

AAAAAAAH!

Okay...the bluff didn't work...time to bail. Gggggghhhhah! How can I just throw away ten thousand bits? No. I need this. Time to scare the fillies away! "Fifty thousand."

"Another stunning bet from Rainbow! But look at those faces they all have! Completely still. What is raging behind their heads?"

You wanna play? You wanna mess with this?! I am fierce! Like the WIND! "Call."

Okay, Rarity put in two blue circles and six red ones, so... "Call."

"Call." What am I doing?! I have a two and a seven! That's not good!

"The final card will be flipped over now. And oh, my, the king of spades!"

AAAAAAAAAAAH

NO! FOLD, YOU FOOLS! I NEED THAT KIDNEY! "All in."

"Hundreds of thousands of bits are on the line here! But those faces! Still utterly calm!"

MWUAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! YOU WANNA DANCE, RAINBOW? IMMA BOUT TO GET CA-RAZY UP IN HERE! LIKE THE WIND! "All in." THERE! YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN'T DO IT, DIJA? LOOK INTO MY EYES, YOU DIRTY COMMIE!

"Rainbow and Rarity are giving competitive glances now! What is raging in their heads?"

Yeah...that's right...if I lose this I'm going to find you and break your knees...like the wind!

"All in." Look at all those circles. I wonder what they mean?

FOLD, FLUTTERSHY! FOLD NOW! AND CUT! YOUR! LOSSES! "All in." WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

"Every last poker chip is in. It's tome to show the cards to see who goes home with a million bits. Rainbow will show first. Uh huh...a six and a seven. Apparently she was staking everything on a bluff that didn't go out well. I wonder what she's thinking right now."

I'm going to have...a flamingo kidney...

"Rarity next. All right! A queen and a king! This puts her on the prospective path to victory!"

I AM THE WIIIIIIIIIND!

"Fluttershy...still hasn't shown her cards yet. Fluttershy? Are you..."

Thump

"Oh, my, Fluttershy's unconscious. Could we get someone to carry her off?...And EMTs are taking care of it now. Wonderful.

"And finally, Pinkie will show.

"Uh...Okay, so apparently, Pinkie Pie was playing with Uno cards?"

Yahtzee!

10050716
Oh no, please! I love criticism!

I admit to only being moderately familiar with Poker, but it's a game I love watching. For the next hooves I'll totally make sure to correct the errors you pointed out.

Not too sure about the Unicode thing, I may give it a try, may not.

Maybe after this I'll write about the winner playing in a casino, but Unicorn fuckery is 100% illegal in professional games :rainbowlaugh:

I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!

10050727
You could 100% make that a story of its own!

10050734
Actually I just noticed that the Unicode cards don't appear to work on mobile, so I guess they're not 100% reliable.

The rule infractions aren't really that big a deal, since the dealer gets to decide how their game is run anyway. I'm just making nerdy observations. ^^

10050742
It's actually based off a Studio C sketch, so I'd get in trouble if I did.

10050759
Darn. That's what we call a damn shame.

oh this is gonna be good. go Fluttershy

10050839
Praise the flutterbutters, long may she reign

10050746
They show up on mine, I'm on mobile... A bit small, though, but still show.

You immediately have my attention. I love the idea of Fluttershy being a professional gambler so much. I'm all in. Amazing job so far.

10050727
Funny as all hell but who won? Also should Pinkie not be taken out of the game?

10051350
She's gotta pay for all her animal supplies somehow!

10051355
Well, Rarity had the best hand (or should I say hoof?) And as for Pinkie, well... She lost, but as long as she thinks she's won, that's all that matters to her.

10051452
Very nice. Rare does seem like she can play a mean game.

10050727
I love how Pinkie’s last piece of dialogue is “Yahtzee!”

Comment posted by hawthornbunny deleted January 25th

10050759
Just don´t copy it, you can make something similar.

10051609
Flutters gotta do what flutters got to do

Flutters should have raise, she had the nuts after all

10052274
Maybe she should have, maybe she shouldn't have :P

10052331
no reason not to, you know you won, need to try to get paid, and even if you don't get paid and applejack folds at least you don't give away information to her about how you play.

and yeah, i know i'm probably overanalyzing but i play this game a lot so it's kind of hard not to analyze things

I am not usually into stories like this.

But this was...GREAT!:raritystarry: And funny.

Think I share the feeling of the others over flutters.
Seems she has the deadmans stare lvl of poker face

Don't think I didn't notice that "SFM Polka Face" reference and I love you for it XD
Looking forward to the next chapter :)

so...………….. is there more??:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

10120030
I'm tryin my best, my dude! Recently life decided to hit me with a big old case of the "fuck yous" and I've been unable to actually dedicate any time to writing!

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