• Member Since 28th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

N00813


Valar morghulis.

T
Source

In the first hour of total sensory deprivation, anxiety and paranoia sets in.

After the first two days, hallucinations start to appear.

After the first week, subjects begin to experience total psychosis.

This one has been in sensory limbo for a thousand years. She'll need a lot of help.

And so will I. After all, we're not even the same Maker-damned species.

---

[Luna x OC] [Starts after S1E02] [Fluffy romance]

Credit:
Artwork: http://marbleyarns.deviantart.com/art/Luna-Introspection-309849854
LysanderasD, for help on Luna's archaic speech patterns

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 132 )

Upload rate may be erratic.

1318453
the eyes... they're just very creepy to me... >.<

as for your story, it's pretty amazing. I look forward to more.

1318468
you can't say no to lulu:rainbowkiss:

1318473
say no? who said anything about saying no? I just said they were creepy; I never said that was a bad thing.

1318453>>1318468

Thanks!

Great start

You have intrigued me. To that end, let me offer you some advice. There is a common flaw in stories about Luna that I have seen, and it happens to be one of my pet peeves; I have seen far too many otherwise spectacular stories ruined by this flaw and I would hate to see your story added to it.

Now, this hasn't come up yet because of the fact that you haven't had Luna speak much, but I'm assuming--and I have a fair feeling that I'm correct in this, ha, ha--that as the story continues Luna will become more vocal. You are having her use the Royal We, although it isn't clear yet whether you intend to follow that through to the logical conclusion--by that I mean the particular not-quite-Elizabethan dialect that Her Majesty used in Luna Eclipsed.

If you are going to have her use Early Modern English, please, please, please make sure you understand its rules. If you are uncertain, I would be happy to help you. This story has caught my attention, I would like to see it continued, and I would hate to see misused language getting in the way of my enjoying it.

On a non-language related note--a gryphon main character? Perhaps I have a selective memory, but that seems an uncommon choice--and one I think I will be very satisfied with, if your worldbuilding efforts so far are any indication.

1318909

Yeah, I'll be honest - I need help with the dialogue rules. I couldn't find the exact dialect on the net, so any help is appreciated.

And yeah, it's going to end with her speaking the dialect she uses in S2E4.

Thanks for the comment, though.

If only this were a crossover

*coughdianatroi *

This is something that has not been dealt with. What would be the results of a 1000 years of isolation on the moon. If she was locked in stone for the entire time the sensory deprivation would be catastrophic.
We start to hallucinate in a relative few minutes. If we were kept in it for six months I don't think that what came out would be anywhere near sane. Walking around free on the surface of the moon would not be much better. Total silence ( no air). The only moving thing besides yourself the impact of micrometeorites and the rare larger strike, felt, not heard. Add in an almost total lack of color, and it's a wonder she is able to communicate at all. Excellent start, can't wait to see what you do with this

Well now, I believe you have my attention.

ACW
ACW #16 · Oct 5th, 2012 · · · 1 ·

1312974 Was this fic inspired by American Mcgee's Alice? Seems quite similar in concept.

1390775

No. I haven't played the games.

I have heard what they are about, but only at the most general level.

So maybe it is similar in concept, if only coincidentally.

ACW
ACW #18 · Oct 5th, 2012 · · · 1 ·

1390975 Ah, I see. Do keep up the good work :). I shall be waiting for more while my update is being verified.

OMC! An update to a good story!

I missed this one when it first came out. Curses!

Good effort so far, I think. I'm liking what I see, although I am slightly worried about pacing. That said, I have no idea how long you expect this to be, so I won't get too upset about that.

I can understand the narrator's slipups, and thank you for justifying those in-story. That said, you still missed a few things in Luna's dialogue.

Changes are denoted like this.

I could see Luna whirl around, eyes affixing on me. “Thou hast returned?”

“Still, thou didst not answer our question,” she continued, walking closer, ...

Other than that, looks good. I'll move onto the next one right away.

Hmm, I was afraid something like this would happen. Needless to say, you've got me excited to see where this goes! Hope for the best, I say.

Also, your little worldbuilding anecdotes are awesome and I love them. Don't stop. I want to learn more about your gryphons, and how your gryphons see ponies.

Only one mistake here.

“Why didst thou stop?” Luna called out, softly, from beneath the shade of my wing.

Good day!

1489620>>1489676

Edited and fixed.

Thanks for your kind words! I'll try my best.

Wow I can see Luna falling in love with Sig not going to end well at all

Well this stinks now what the hell am I going to read after this masterpiece has been caught up to?

1493434

Read my other stories?:pinkiehappy:

OTHER STORIES!!!

* finds table and flops shit*

Y u no tell me sooner?

I find it really annoying how much the guards harass Sigurd. Seriously, he's obviously not there to hurt Luna, just let him do his fucking job!

1530426 Quiet you, let the plot devices do their jobs.

You can never have too many Woona fics:yay:

Have I ever told you how much this story has exited me?

When this chapter came out I screamed so loud I passed out.

who needs to watch the news on hurricane sandy while it's hitting my house when i have this kind of entertainment:rainbowdetermined2::rainbowdetermined2:

1530426

They're really just doing their jobs. He's angry because he knows he means no harm, but it's kind of their job to be suspicious.

Not my fav chapter.
More philosophical than anything, but at least it gets the two of them talking. You'd think, after being left to think for a thousand years, Luna would become an expert philosopher.

Also, this will be on hiatus starting from now.

1584024............Why Why Why Why Why Why the hiatus..... I'm going to go stab something.

Why the hiatus?

1585202

Lots of work on my end.

Is the Hiatus over, or are we just getting a teaser?

1658416

I won't be updating in regular periods, that's what I meant.

1658950

"The things I do for duty."

And no, they had not engaged in illicit activity.

assets.diylol.com/hfs/e96/83f/c08/resized/piseed-off-harry-meme-generator-you-ve-made-a-big-mistake-62625c.jpg

Now Heartfelt is either going to
A) Get jealous about what happened right there
B) Tell Celestia a.k.a get you killed

You should know that this story is really awesome.

1767217

No, neither of those is going to happen. Though you have given me an idea.

Comment posted by N00813 deleted Dec 11th, 2012
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