• Member Since 21st May, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 9th, 2019

Shyrose


E

Trixie has lost everything, and knows it, 3 years after her ill fated Ponyville show, she is basically on auto pilot, dead inside, with no ambition or drive anymore.

Can a chance meeting at her work place change her story?


This is my first Fanfic ever, so please be gentle, I hope you all enjoy it, this is very personal to me, so I hope it goes over well.

I don't own the picture, all credit to the Original Drawer,
http://rayodragon.deviantart.com/favourites/#/d55sg7p

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 66 )

This sounds really interresting, i'll read this a little later and don't worry i'll be gentle with the feedback:pinkiecrazy:

Interesting. I will keep an eye on this.

2 views with 2 thumbs up and 2 thumbs down...?

I think you were trolled by someone sir, thus I will give it a look.

After reading the prologue:

Okay, I was never a big fan of Trixie, but I don't think she deserved all that. I mean, yeah she got what was coming, but in huge doses over a VERY long time period! I don't care how boastful you may be, you shouldn't be put to suffer that long!

:raritydespair:Don't die, Trixie! (Never thought I'd say that...)

Adding my like now... :twilightsmile:

From what the others have said, and my own opinions from reading the summary, this could be a good read. I think you've got yourself a tracker sir. The feedback will be as gentle as I can do.

Very good sir. I've never liked Trixie (personal opinion) but not even she deserved getting tossed out onto the street like that for 2 years. A :moustache: for little spelling and punctuation errors.

A pair of sad eyes met Joe,s eyes
Needs to be "A pair of sad eyes met Joe's eyes."

All and all, I can see this becoming a good story:rainbowderp::twilightsmile:

Wow... I'm not usually a sucker for romance, but I just got a girlfriend myself. I like this cuddly feeling emitting from this story... Two lifeless - I almost said undead - souls comforting each other seems kind of familiar to me.

In fact, if you want, I'll even be your proofreader! I notice a lot of errors here and there, and I can help you clean em up if you want. Not bragging, but I'm really good with spelling and grammar.

Adding my favourite now... :twilightsmile:


P.S.: I'm also working on a story. It's more action-based, but if you're interested, just click my name to go to my page and view it.

I love it already, also when trixie fell in that mud in the begining you wrote lose, it should be loss. Just sayin. ^_^

It's nice, but I would recommend looking for an editor. There are numerous errors in this story, most notably the strange use of asterisks (*) and random capitalization in words that are not proper nouns.

Read it and loved it, its really a sweet story and im going to look forward to reading more.:twilightsmile: (no pressure :twilightblush:)

I can really give any critisism since English isn't my first languege, but once i a while i found a few * and / but i don't if they were intetionelly there.

Anyway let me say it once again. I loved it and im hoping for the best.

Good story, but I'd recommend to take off the ''first fan fic'' thing, because sooner or later, someone's gonna come bitchin' about it. Just a heads up! (I'm not the bitchy one)

"...and sent him into a nasty spill..."
Should be her, just something I picked up:twilightsmile:
Pretty good idea/story base, I agree that I never liked Trixie as a character, but nopony deserves treatment as bad as that!
I mean, seriously, 2 YEARS!! That's just cruel.:fluttershysad::fluttercry:

Hey, if you need any prereaders to help find errors and stuff, lemme know, i'm game.
:pinkiehappy:

Interesting... I'll be watching you sir (Or maam). :twilightsheepish::trixieshiftright:

Filly - Young Female
Colt - Young Male
Foal - Refers to both female and male
Mare - Adult Female
Stallion - Adult Male

Get it right.

Edit: I read up on a lot of equines/horses.

1318707
Hope you enjoy the story ^^
1318857
Yeah, She didn't deserve it, And plan to explore the further events that led to such a Downfall, in Future chapters

1318873
Thank you! I hope you like further installments
1321445
YAY! Hope you enjoy it=D.
1321763
Even going back and looking, pretty sure I got the term usage correct.

I went back with the help of PiquoPie's expert eye (thanks for that!) and hopefully fixed most, if not all grammatical errors. and removed my old habit of Denoting action with * in my writing.

This isn't half bad. In fact, this is actually rather good.

Wow. Just... wow. That was PAINFUL to read! I mean, I've never been a fan of Trixie but... damn.

Hat

I want to read the next chapter!
You should really fix all those grammar mistakes though.

I like how the characters are sad and are willing to confide in each other but are not moping around to generate superfluous sad feelings in the reader. Also, Trixie before her change would never have shared her house that generously; I liked your depiction of her thought process behind giving the other magician a place to stay. It is not because she wants to feel good about helping someone, nor is it to do with selfishly wanting company. She understands his position and decides, mutually with him, that they both have something to benefit from each other. They are in similar-enough states in life to have a common ground established between them, almost automatically making them friends. There's no fuss about letting someone you just met into your home because they are not really strangers to each other.

I also like the difference between Trixie's losses (down to homelessness) and what Ferris has lost (his job). But they have also both lost their passion for life. This is why, I think, Trixie does not regard his story about his failed magic trick as whining. She had lost everything she owned, not just her job. But the two still share their experiences because they are only the tales of how they lost what mattered most to them—their inner sparks.

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!

GIVE US MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage:

i cant wait for the next chapter:rainbowkiss:

And to think that people could hate trixie when she is a normal pony just like any one else:pinkiesad2:

I like this story and I think if Trixie stops being an annoyance:twilightangry2: I may like her:eeyup::trixieshiftright:

In my quest to observe the sociological proceedings of the four-hooved-equiline variety, i must claim this work of literary success to be quite enjoyable to read. In the story, i appreciated the dept of the characters transcending generic and genetic stereotypes in effort to achieve individualism. For a unicorn to abandon the very nature of "legitimized magic" in efforts of mastering slight of hoof (if you will) creates a character archetype quite unique to the writings of Shyrose. I applaud the newly formed relationship dynamic, and look forward to its future path.

... ... ... I'm interested and excited for more. As a writer you have hella potential, however, it doesn't seem like you have an editor. I saw very many grammatical mistakes. While it didn't effect my reading enjoyment (Might I add that this is a great story so far) it shows that you did this in one take. While that did work (again very well) you may want to have someone just kinda be a grammar editor because I personally wouldn't change anything in the story itself (Like some editors do) just more over make it grammatically correct.

Rating of this story... 5 of 5 :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

I don't know what it is about this story but... At the end of the first chapter i needed a tissue. I have a feeling i'm going to need more in the future because you have the skill, the story and you have the emotions almost perfectly weaved together. It flows almost naturally, and yes, i saw one or two grammar mistakes here and there but that part of English wasn't my strong point anyway. I hope to read more of this story, not just because its good but because it has the potential for greatness. I can't wait to read your next chapter. I simply must know how Trixie's and Ferris' day in the park and at the club goes. Also to explain the tears, the ending to this chapter really hit home on some emotions that everypony has felt when sleeping in an empty bed. This story will truly cause your fellow Bronies and Pegasisters to tear up...

Sorry for rambling, I eagerly await your future chapters.

Great job as all ways!:pinkiehappy:
Oh and one more thing I can't walk right now darn football got the best of me again!

I'm usually not a fan of Trixie, but this story makes me feel so bad for her... Good job btw.

You sir deserve an award for how good this story is. I await the next chapter.

I noticed just a few errors. And now for the real comment....this was an amazing chapter, and you are a wonderful author sir, and I would like updates to come faster pwease :scootangel:

I'm not addicted to the story...honest I'm not... :twilightsheepish:

this is quite honestly one of the most awesome things i ever read. you have a gift.

I enjoyed this chapter but it felt like it lacked a bit more emotions but seeing as it is only half the day i can't wait for their little adventure to hit the club.
The ending though "Her fake smile was back, and as her eyes met his, the spark could be seen fading already, though it was beautiful while it was there, it appeared that Trixie was still just as broken as before." I believe it could of hinted at something from her side of the emotions that Ferris was feeling towards her. She felt better after crying her eyes out in his embrace so their must have been some kind of progress. Trixie might be broken but from what i can see, Ferris will be the glue that brings her back together. This is only my opinion though, but i know you won't disappoint no matter the outcome.

I eagerly await their decent into the night life of the city and their adventure in the club. Who knows what will happen their... Maybe a different spark will ignite within both of them. But this is just a thoughts and opinions of a stallion that needs rest.

Now for this Stallion to hit the hey... Pardon the pun.

Very endearing chapter. Trixie may have let a lot of hurt out with that breakdown, but it apparent that a lot more still resides inside her. I really hope her and Ferris will be able to heal each other.

this such a great read
i dont know what it is but ... it just sets the atmosphere around you
it is so great im just sitting in my bed (the room's cold) with coffee and a a fritter
... it just feels ... right
let me know if you feel that way
any ways thanks for the ABSOLUTLY AWESOME LOVE STORY ,
in fact it's so sweet it might give me diabetes :pinkiecrazy:
cant wait for more :rainbowkiss:

This is one of the best Trixie stories I have read, very emotional. :pinkiesad2:

Thank you all for your support. It truly means alot to me. The fact that I am able to get this story told, (( with amazing help by my dearest love and his OC pony Ferris =P)) and for it to be received so well is amazing. I hope to live up to the high expectations of everyone!

As amazing as this is...something seems missing...i cant quite put my finger on it but something just doesnt seem right...
and personally, i think i can say this for all the bronies out there that an arrogant and egotistical trixie is better than a sad and self loathing trixie
still, keep up the good work, and keep crankin out the chapters

You can't stay Egotistical and arrogant when you have to eat out of a dumpster, you can't think the world of yourself when you sleep in a box..Perhaps the story will lead to Trixie's rebirth! I haven't written the end yet =P

THIS IS A THING OF BEAUTY GOOD SIR!!!!

I have the 3rd chapter in the works, just taking time to get it where I want it, making sure the pacing is how it needs to be. I'm not a very quick writer, so I apologize. And also, the end of the year is a busy time for me. so many family events and such

I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE THIS NEXT CHAPTER I COULD HUG YOU!:pinkiehappy:
By the way that was Kyle, You have yet again failed to disappoint. Keep up the good work!
Love, Yuko

You are doing a wonderful job. The character building in this chapter... no this whole story has been an eye opener for me and made me start thinking about my own work and how much I could improve it.

IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE! Been wondering about what happened to this story, I see you already put things from the current season.

Huzzah! I wasn't sure if this was still going or not. So glad it is I love this story.

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