• Published 22nd Sep 2012
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The Lost and Broken Trixie. - Shyrose

Trixie has lost everything, and knows it, 3 years after her ill fated ponyville show

  • ...

Chapter 2, A Trip to the Park

Chapter 2
A Trip to the Park
by Shyrose

Ferris woke up first, slowly blinking the last remains of sleep from his big blue eyes. For a moment the slate gray stallion was confused, who was this mare he held so closely? Why was the room so empty, the last night's events slowly filtered back into his mind. He thought about getting up and washing up, but thought better of it as he watched the blue mare in his hooves sleep. What would she think, if she woke to find him missing? So he stayed there in bed as the sunlight slowly spilled into the room.

Trixie slept soundly for a while longer, though showed signs of beginning to stir. When she finally awoke, her amethyst eyes widened in surprise as she felt something next to her. Remembering quickly the events of last night, she blushed sheepishly. In a voice barely higher than a whisper, she said. "Trixie, hopes she didn't embarrass you, she is very sorry. Trixie hopes you didn't mind her bed, she knows it's not the most comfortable." She hadn't turned around yet, her eyes still staring at the wall. Trixie only knew Ferris was awake by his slight movements. Trixie had a feeling he wouldn't answer, he seemed too polite to respond to her comments, but as if an after thought, she added. "Trixie, thanks you."

A wide smile crept across the stallion's face as she began to apologize. He was, as she thought, too polite to respond directly, but if she had been facing him, his grin would've given him away. He nodded a little, gently running a hoof against her mane. "You're welcome, Trixie." There was a brief pause, a drawing of breath, as if he was going to add more, but he kept his tongue. He wasn't on eggshells, but this pony needed a gentle touch. He slowly crawled away from her, waiting until all four hooves had found the floor before he stretched out, finally giving her a good view of the pair of crossed wands on a green star-burst that decorated his flank.

He turned his head to look at her, giving her a soft smile before speaking. "Happy day off. Am I going to make you breakfast, or are we going to get an early start on our adventure today?"

Trixie gave a slight smile, a hint of rose touching her pale azure cheeks. Slowly easing out of bed, she shoke her mane out of her face, before finally responding. "Trixie apologizes, but, she is afraid she has no food with in which to offer breakfast. Trixie normally just has something at work."

Biting her lip, Trixie appeared to be worrying about not showing up at work. Trixie's eyes kept darting to the clock, before she sighed slightly and returned her gaze to her guest. "Trixie thinks before anything, we should take turns in the shower, then we can worry about breakfast?" Trixie said, before gesturing to the door out of her room with a slight nod of her head. "Trixie understands though if you wish to reconsider, you do not have to treat Trixie like she is anything special, she just didn't want you to sleep in the cold." Trixie seemed to expect this offer of a 'date' was merely a repayment, she truly did not see anything of worth to her company.

"That's fine, Trixie. But, we're not eating at Joe's, ok?" He added the condition after he saw her eying the clock so intently. Ferris rolled his head from side to side, working out a kink in his neck. He couldn't remember the last time he'd spent a night with another pony; certainly since before his engagement.

"A shower sounds like a great idea, Trixie, if you.." He stopped as she offered to let him leave. He closed his big blue eyes and shook his head, pausing a moment to just look at her before he responded. Ferris didn't consider it a date, or a debt. A deserved good turn for a good turn given, a way to get closer to a new friend. "And I'm very grateful for that, Trixie. But I'm not leaving until I see you smile."

Trixie was taken aback slightly, the shock showing on her face as she cocked her head to the side, looking quite puzzled, she said. "Trixie has smiled quite a bit, she smiled in the shop last night quite frequently. In fact Trixie often smiles, it is part of her job."

It was obvious that Trixie believed her own false smile by now, and thus was confused by Ferris' meaning. putting it out of her mind, she went and got him a towel from the linen closet. Offering it to him she simply stated. "You can have the first turn in the shower. Trixie will change the sheets on the bed while you do."

Ferris shook his head at her, catching the towel up in a field of magic before draping it across his back. "You can't fool me, Trixie. When you make your living up on stage, fooling the people with magic, you can tell what's real. I'll try not to be long."

Ferris slipped out of the room and into the bathroom. He laid the towel aside and started the water, letting it run a moment before stepping in. He just stood there for a long time, letting the warm water soak through his mane and coat, head hanging, his horn lightly pressed against the wall."You really are one of them, Ferris. Tried so hard not to be. Like running away makes you any better? Slumming it, like some royal on holiday.."

He was trying to keep his voice down, at least under the water's level, but Trixie could probably hear him talking to himself. Struggling to make some sense out of his life, the twisted path that lead him from the magic school to a vagrant's life.

He had managed to wash himself during his monologue, finally lifting his head, letting the water hit him full in the face. "No more running. No more hiding." He tried to sound convincing- but the one pony he could never fool was himself. He turned the water off, drying himself off before moving back out into the hall, combing his mane back with a hoof.

Trixie had set to work clearing and making the bed as Ferris was showering, tugging the blankets away with her teeth, and placing them in the hamper near the closet. Moving up to the pillows she stopped at the nightstand with the picture on it. It had rested there for so long in that position, that the dust had come to settle on it like snow. Trixie inhaled and blew away the offended landscape before picking the picture up and glancing at it.

Prominently displayed was a young bright azure pony with a silky cream white mane. Her bright amethyst eyes shone with all the colors of the world as she stood on a stage. A blue hat and cloak, both splattered with stars and moons of differing colors adorned her. This was the day Trixie got her cutie mark. Glancing at the picture, was still too painful to look at. Opening the nightstand drawer, she stashed the picture away, maybe she'd throw it away later. It didn't matter anymore.

Hearing the water shut off in the bathroom, she acquired a towel for herself and threw it over her back. She could hear the stallion withen talking to himself, but she didn't pay it any attention, it would be rude after all, to eavesdrop.

"All yours, Trixie." He flashed her a quick smile, a bit of a sad one, before moving past her to add his towel to the hamper. Still messing with his mane, he slowly looked around her empty room. His gaze fixing on the nightstand, where the one sign of habitation had been removed. Sighing, he trotted across to the guest room where he had let his bags. He rummaged through the smaller of the two, eventually pulling out a small flyer. Ferris went to the living room, sitting on the couch and reading over it. He'd kept it as a souvenir from one of the first hotels he'd performed at, but it had a listing of local attractions, and eateries.

Alone in the shower, water cascading down her body and mane, wasn't doing anything to help Trixie's feelings at the moment. Another stage-pony who lost everything..how similar he was to her, though he was fortunate enough to have bits to make it where he wanted to go. Trixie was mildly surprised that she didn't feel bitter over that fact, she wasn't upset that he was complaining about his hardships, while hers could have been said to dwarf them, she felt slightly hopeful for him, maybe he wouldn't end up like her, a worthless no-pony, unfit to even be in his company.

Ferris was obviously a true magician, and deserved the spotlight, not what life had done to her. What good was she? she got a town half destroyed, she nearly got two young colts killed, she humiliated ponies..she was a monster: and she deserved her fate. Ferris on the other hand didn't. If he needed a day with her to get over his sadness, maybe she would try her best to at least be useful in that regard, then he could go on his way and make it back to the top, maybe Trixie would get a chance to see his show. That would be worth it she supposed.

Turning the water off, She noticed water was still falling down her face. Reaching a hoof to it, she felt herself crying again, Trixie had thought she couldn't cry anymore, why was this happening now? Stepping out of the shower, she wiped herself down by hoof, she did a surprising amount of jobs by hoof these days now that she thought about it. she even had a hoof held brush. The lack of magic never seemed apparent to her until now, how odd. After drying herself she left the bathroom, and after depositing her towel in the hamper, moved downstairs herself. seeing Ferris looking over a flyer, she slowly walked over to him. "Did you find something interesting?"

"Couple of things. There's the 'Muffinteria' between here and the park. Supposed to be pretty good." He turned his head to look at her. She looked better clean and fresh, than haggard and exhausted after a day's work. But her face still showed her pain. All that azure mare had been through, and he dared complain. He made it sound big, of course, but he'd less been run out of town as he'd run from the town. He laid the flyer down where she could reach it. "Take a look, or if there's someplace you wanted to try, I'd be happy to go." He surprised himself with that. He'd never been selfish, exactly, but he was hardly the sort to go out of his way for somepony else. A million other little doubts and fears nearly played across his mind, but he set his eyes on Trixie and pushed them back. "I hope you have a good time today, Trixie."

Trixie walked over to the flyer and looked over it. The flyer was an older one, but she remembered the names of most of the places here in Canterlot. Thinking of her own eating habits lately, she thought about all the baked goods she ate on a regular basis and thought against the Muffinteria at first, but the advertisement showing the exceedingly happy gray pegasus mare with glee written in her golden eyes as she advertised her muffins was too hard to resist. "Trixie thinks she has seen that pony before, but she can't quite place her hoof on it, but she thinks that anypony who seems so happy about their work must be worth visiting."

"She does look excited doesn't she? Give me a minute and we can head out." Ferris got up off the couch, emptying out one of his bags. He magically tied a gray and black scarf about his neck, hanging the saddlebag from his side. "It's probably still chilly out this morning. You ready, Trixie?" His enthusiasm was returning at the prospect of leaving her house. The place was dead, draining, and it did no-pony trying to cheer up himself and another pony any help. He moved over to the door to wait for her.

Lightly trotting to the door, Trixie pulled her own scarf from the peg on the way and tossed it around her, securing the wrap snugly, she allowed the door to be opened for her, and went through. Once Ferris had exited, she locked the door with a small bit of magic and they soon began trotting off in the direction of the 'Muffinteria'. Turning to her traveling companion, Trixie saw the change in his demeanor with a practiced eye, you never forget how to read a crowd, or so the saying goes, she thought to herself. "Trixie has not really seen much of Canterlot in the past year or so, she begs your forgiveness if we get a little lost." It was true, Trixie went exactly two places anymore, work and home. so was a bit out of touch with the city anymore, her definition of the best places to eat however, was not something that a noble pony would understand, nor did she wish to reveal just how bad things had been for her, thought unbidden of routes she used to take to find food in dumpsters flooded her mind briefly.

"The best navigators aren't quite sure where they're going until they get there, and then they're still not sure." He had said that as much to reassure himself as much as her. It was one of his grandfather's sayings, a goofy bit of wisdom that he always loved to hear. He hung his head a bit, thinking about the old stallion, who had been the only member of his family he really got along with. Ferris' head rose back up to look at Trixie as they walked. "So don't worry about it. We've got all day, and walking around with a pretty mare is not a bad way to spend the morning."

Trixie nodded, that made sense after all. Catching the remark about a pretty mare, she actually did a double take, looking around to see who else was walking with them. Slowly understanding that he had meant her, she blushed, and turned her head away. "T-Trixie isn't anything special, there are plenty of blue ponies in the sky.." She might have commented more, but the site of a huge muffin on the horizon made her nearly stop in her tracks, the Muffinteria was about as garish as one could make a building, a huge muffin decorated it's top, while the building itself was also given the design of a muffin. A large cutout of a gray pegasus, who was holding a tray of muffins, stood next to the door, wearing a goofy grin. "Trixie..thinks this might be the place."

When she stopped talking, he started to. "It's not because you're blue, it's... Wow." It was so out of place here, among the stately storefronts of Canterlot. He blinked a few times as he started to laugh. It was absurd, as if a giant had misplaced his snack and wandered off someplace else. "Ferris thinks you're right. I also think there's no way we're not going here, now that I've seen it. As they continued towards the immense muffin, the magician couldn't help but think that, if there was a place for a giant muffin-shaped restaurant, there would be a place for the two of them.

Walking up to the restaurant Trixie couldn't help but giggle. It was amazing the amount of effort that went into the store, it was welcoming and quaint. The smell of several different kinds of muffins baking filled the area around the shop. The front door was open to the world, a young light purplish/gray unicorn with a muffin tin cutie mark greeted the pair as the approached. "Welcome to the Muffinteria! I hope you enjoy your breakfast!" The young mare was honest and sincere, the smile on her face contagious, even managing to infect Trixie with it's mirth. acquiring seating for two, the pair sat outside in the cafe area, and after placing their orders, sat in relative silence, soaking in the atmosphere of the place.

"So, Trixie." Ferris finally broke the silence after their meal was brought out, looking across the food to her. "How's it feel being on the other side of the table?" The slate gray stallion was teasing, part way, but he was honestly curious how she was feeling. Being off after so long just working herself to the bone. Being waited on, instead of doing the waitressing. He also couldn't help but wonder how she felt about him, personally, but it was far to early to really be concerned with that. He poured them both a glass of juice from the carafe they had been brought, waiting for her response.

Watching the young waitress depart, she replied softly. "Her hat was off center, she waited a tad too long to get our order, brought us our drinks at the wrong time, didn't ask us if we cared for straws, we have only two napkins, the butter isn't warm enough to spread without tearing the muffin apart yet..." She trailed off, thinking she was being overly critical, and was fairly sure Ferris had no desire to hear her..she was surprised herself. When did she become an expert on being a waitress? "Trixie is sorry, she is not used to being waited on you are correct." Taking a bit into her plain muffin, her eyes opened in surprise. "However, Trixie has nothing but kind things to say for the taste of this muffin! It is truly amazing!"

Ferris raised a brow at her as she started critiquing the waitress. He shook his head a bit, until she finally caught herself. It wasn't so much that he was disinterested, he'd probably listen to her recite Pony Joe's entire menu, just to keep her engaged. It worried him how she'd totally missed the real direction of his question. One hoof in the front of the other, he reminded himself as he took a berry muffin and took a bite from it. He nodded enthusiastically at Trixie's assessment. "You're right! This is great."

After finishing the rest of her muffin, Trixie sat in silence, watching Ferris finish his meal. sipping on her berry juice she turned a critical eye to the rest of the shop. The blonde maned Pegasus who owned the eatery could be seen now and then, refilling the cases with more fresh muffins. At on point the young mare went to the blonde one and Trixie would swear they had to be related. Watching their antics as they playfully poked and prodded each other. Turning to her companion Trixie asked. "Trixie was wondering if you still planned on the park? Trixie would hate to keep you from something important."

"Stop worrying so much, Trixie. I'm not just going to abandon you." He was sincere, but he realized that would probably be pretty hard to swallow. All Trixie had been through, everypony turning their backs on her for so long. Nevermind that, as he'd already told her, Ferris' way of dealing with conflict was more flight than fight. He slowly chewed the last bite of his muffin, letting himself over-analyze what he was going to say next. "Besides, i don't think there's anything more important for me right now than this." He hated how ambiguous that last word was, but he honestly wasn't sure what this was. Her? Helping her? Atoning by helping her?

Luckily the young waitress had returned. Ferris smiled as he paid her, pulling the bits from his saddlebag. The waitress paused a moment, as Ferris had given her exact change. He smiled a bit at the filly. "Looking for your tip? I think it's right here.." It was an old trick, but one he still enjoyed, especially with a young audience. He reached behind her ear with a hoof, then held it in front of her, showing her the coin. She snatched it up happily, running to the owner and shouting about how she got a tip in her ear. Ferris smiled over at Trixie. "To the park?"

Trixie got up from her seat, smiling at the antics of Ferris and the young unicorn, placing a few bits on the table as well to add to the little one's excitement when she returned to clear the table. the display of magic brought an earnest smile to her face. Glancing at Ferris as he spoke, she nodded. "Yes, Trixie supposes the park would be a nice place to visit at this time of the day."

Ferris got up from his seat, just draping his scarf on instead of tying it, and secured his bag to his side. Once they had traveled a small distance from the Muffinteria, he looked over at her with a teasing grin. "I think your face lit up more than hers, Trixie. "That was a feeling he hadn't felt in months, the way a simple bit of trickery could excite somepony. "It feels good. i haven't done anything like that in too long. Sure, I did a bit of sleight down in Appleoosa, but card tricks in front of drunks aren't nearly as satisfying."

Trixie nodded a bit, before stating. "Trixie just enjoyed seeing the smile and excitement of the unicorn. you might have made her day." She found herself feeling a lot better today, it was a beautiful November day, so the stroll to the park was pleasent. walking through the gates, they took a stop at the directory to browse the different parts of the park. Picking out a nice looking area, Trixie led Ferris in that direction.

"She really enjoyed it, made her day or not." He followed along with her, rather pleased by how she seemed to be responding. No doubt that being out and going somewhere that wasn't home or work would have that effect on her. He followed her, smiling a bit that she had made a decision about where to go. They stopped underneath a tall tree, a few hold-out leaves still clinging to the branches high above. "So, Trixie, what's the plan? Are you just going to stay at Joe's forever?"

Trixie shrugged, siting down under the tree. "Trixie believes so, yes. She does good work there, and Joe needs Trixie or else he won't make nearly as many bits having to do it all himself. besides, there is no reason not to work their forever, it pays for everything Trixie needs." Ambition, Motivation, Drive. all concepts lost on her now. Though she was seemingly enjoying this day off, it was easy to tell she fully expected Ferris to leave and she would return to 'life' as normal for her.

Ferris laid down beside her. Everything she'd said was what he figured she would say. Joe had seemed quite eager to get her out of the restaurant last night and give her the day off, if he needed her so badly. Of course, he couldn't just come out and say that. "Its trite, Trixie, but all the bits in Equestria won't buy you happiness." He rolled over onto his side, watching the few other ponies in the park walking by. "But you've got more of a plan than me, at least. My plan last night was just to run. Take the first train out going anywhere. Forget about all this performance and magic, just live off of whatever foals I could play out of their money. " He rolled over to look at her. "Now, though, that doesn't seem like such a great idea."

Trixie looked over at Ferris, stretching herself out along the grass as well, and gave him a curious look. "What do you mean? if it is what you wanted to do, why change your mind now? you seemed to set on it last night. Did you come up with a plan?" Trixie's tone was concerned, yet oddly hopeful, perhaps she enjoyed Ferris' company more than she thought she did. Trixie certainly had no idea why she had let this stallion talk her out of work, or why she even cared where he went. Maybe she sensed a kindred spirit in this pony..but Trixie knew better than to get attached. If she did, he would leave. if she cared, it would ruin her..she couldn't care anymore, she had nothing left to offer.

"Last night I was. Last night I didn't want anything more than a bit of food in my stomach and a ticket away from here. It's dangerous, going off alone like that. Sure, things went fine last time, but there's no guarantees. As for a plan.." He had a few plans, but they were fragments, mostly, chunks of ideas and shards of hopes. "Just a vague one. I want to do what I was doing again. The way that waitress smiled, the way you smiled. It's not right for me to keep that from everypony else. But I'm going to need a good assistant, if I'm going to do well again."

Looking up into the trees, Trixie seemed lost in thought. "Trixie agrees a good assistant would go along way to improve your act. At least from what you told Trixie last night. Trixie hopes you find one someday, it would be a great shame if you where to end up unable to fulfill your dream." She hadn't even realized she had said the last part out loud, and the depth of utter sadness that the words carried with them. Why did it still hurt? it was three years ago..surely that was enough for her to die inside?

"That was one bad night- I did like three-quarters of my shows solo." He sighed a little bit as he listened to her. She had been willing to accept Joe's charity, why not his? There was, of course, the difference where Joe had work and a business, whereas Ferris had two bags full of props and costumes. Although living in a mostly empty house was better than the alley- and Ferris doubted Joe would forbid Trixie from taking a few nights off to work a show. "Someday never comes. But, I'm lucky in that regard. Since I've discovered that attractive mares with an interest and understanding of stagecraft can be found in any corner cafe!" At this point, Ferris would take no chances. "You're invited, Trixie. If I can get a show running again, of course"

Trixie suddenly grasped at what Ferris was hinting at, and stared at him in stunned silence. It took her a few minutes to find her voice, and yet all she do was whisper out a few words. "T-Trixie." She paused. "Trixie can not be your assistant. Trixie would...have no idea how to do such a job. Why would you ask Trixie this?" Trixie's voice started to raise, her tone not one of anger, or happiness, it was more of abject terror, as somepony facing something from their deepest nightmares. "Trixie won't..no, Trixie, can't help with that. Trixie is just a waitress, Trixie can't do stage magic, Trixie is Worthless, Trixie can't help you!" She was on her feet now, though not yelling, had the area been more crowded she would easily be causing a scene. "Trixie thinks she has wasted your time now and for that Trixie is sorry. She did not wish to give you false hope in her, Trixie is no pony, no pony at all."

Too much too fast, he thought, sighing heavily as he saw her panic. He had arguments, counterpoints, any number of things he could've said to her to convince her otherwise. So had his and his fiance's families before he bolted. No way she would listen to, let alone believe, any of that. Ferris had his limits, however, and would not let everything she said go unchallenged. He rose up onto his hooves after she did, diminishing the distance between them. Close enough to nuzzle her, though he didn't do so, at least not yet. "Trixie, please. Calm down. I'm not going to drag you up with me against your will. And you haven't wasted my time. The only reason I'm here, eating muffins and enjoying a day in the park is because of you. " He sighed a little, pressing his cheek against hers.

"You saved me last night, Trixie. You pulled me back from the edge when all I wanted was to go screaming over it. I'm not going to trot off just because you won't be my assistant on an imaginary stage. I'm not going anywhere unless you make me, and even then you've got a fight on your hooves. You're not no pony, Trixie. Joe saw that, and I see it to. " He sighed again, gently nuzzling her. "I'm sorry."

Trixie broke down there, it was all too much, she collapsed to the grass and buried her face in her hooves, sobbing, the dam had broken for the moment, and years of pain seeped out of her into the grass once more. She cried out her anguished soul, no longer caring, she had been pushed to the edge so fast and sudden;t found herself falling, she hated herself for being so weak that something as trivial as just hearing the word stage again could do this to her, she had gotten over it, she moved on, she forgot a silly foals dream, yet here it was again, the pain, the unbearable pain bearing down on her.

Unthinking, she reached out to anything, anything at all she could use to stop her fall, clutching onto the soft warm mass near her, she buried her face in the fur and kept crying. her self loathing for how weak she was fueled her despair, the thought of breaking down like this on someone she barely knew sickened her, he had real problems where she had none anymore, yet how could she act so selfish now? On the tears came, she lost track of time, the world seemed to hold little meaning to her as every feeling she had bottled up came flooding back to the surface. Strangely the more she cried, the brighter she seemed to become, more..real, more alive, it was rather odd.

As Trixie burst into tears, Ferris didn't say anything. He let her sink against him, shifting his hooves to support her weight against his own. He held her, gently, against him as she cried. An occasional "shh" or whisper of her name, or that things would be ok were all he said, even as she continued to cry against him. He couldn't keep from crying some himself, realizing again just how far she had gone, and how close he had been to the same fate. He softly nuzzled her cheek, content just to be there for her.

Trixie's crying didn't subside in the least, she just kept choking out unintelligible words as she continued to cry, sometimes a word would make it out that could be understood, but none of them where nice. "Monster." "Worthless." "Pathetic" where some of the nicer words, but they weren't directed at Ferris, they where only for her, these where Trixie's deepest feelings about herself, and she wished she was dead. She was already dead, she died three years ago. She didn't even deserve to call herself Trixie anymore, she didn't have a name, she didn't want to exist, all she wanted was to stop hurting. She cried for near an hour and a half, before she finally started to run out of tears again. she kept trying to cry, but all she managed with a kind of sad, although sort of cute, hiccuping sob.

When those words started coming out, the loathing, hateful words she used for herself, he resisted them. He wasn't even sure if she could hear him, through her tears and pain, but he wasn't going to just let her run herself down like that. "Trixie, no you're not. You're no monster. Monsters don't take lonely ponies into their homes." Every few moments, when she said something new, he countered it. Granted, his experience with her wasn't so great, but he had seen enough of her to know she was , at the very least, caring, helpful, smart. Even as the vicious words stopped, and the tears after, he still stayed there, holding her against him, hoping his presence was reassuring. "Trixie.."

Trixie kept her face buried for a while longer, just letting him pet her mane. the last thing she had said, before falling silent, was something about wanting it back. Trying to calm down and wrestle the feelings inside of her away she finally did look up. Her eyes where swollen and red, but at least for the moment, held a spark of life. Sniffling, she got to her feet and brushed herself off. Turning to look Ferris in the eye sheepishly, she spoke, though her voice was hoarse. "Trixie is sorry for over reacting. she understands if you do not wish to see her anymore. But she does thank you, for being here with her. Trixie is not sure what would have happened had you not been here."

When she met his gaze, he couldn't help but smile at her- a soft, caring smile. "Trixie.. I wouldn't have stayed with you for two hours if I had any intention of leaving you." He smiled at her, though he was still standing intimately close to her. Of course, if Ferris hadn't been there she would've been at Joe's, filling coffee and serving donuts. He hoped, so strongly, that this was the better option."Trixie, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. No reason for" he nearly said anypony, but didn't. "Me to run from you. And you're welcome, for whatever my presence is worth." After all that, and he still had the negative opinion of himself to suggest his presence was a detriment.

Trixie shook her head, and wiped her eyes with her scarf. "You can't talk like that after what you said to Trixie. If Trixie can't self hate, then Ferris can't either!" Trixie put her hoof down, and smiled. she actually felt better than she had in a long time. It felt good to get all that out of her system, she was truly grateful to Ferris for being there for her. She dreaded the thought of breaking down like that at work, and having Joe try his attempts to make her feel better through his horrid jokes again. "Trixie feels it might be better though, if we return to her place, for her to at least clean up a bit before she goes to a club."

He couldn't help but laugh as she literally put her hoof down, shaking his head at himself. "You're right, Trixie. Ferris apologizes." Ferris shook a bit of dead grass from his scarf, turning to allow her to lead the way back to her place. "Sounds like a good plan to me, Trixie. "He followed along beside her, hopeful that the breakdown had been helpful for her, longer term than just these few moments afterwards.

Returning back to Trixie's home, she let them in, and walked back up the stairs to her room. looking through her closet, she noticed all she had where work uniforms, she didn't really have anything to go out to a club in. Shrugging, she decided to just wear her scarf again. Retreated to the restroom, she freshened up and ran a brush through her mane. She spent a good while on it, trying to coax it back to life, she had no idea when she had let it go, probably when he was forced to stop caring for it regularly, so getting it into any kind of style was a lost cause for the moment.

Coming back out of the restroom, she was mildly surprised to find Ferris waiting for her in the hallway, only to realize he probably wanted to freshen up as well. Granting him access to the bathroom, she went back: into her room, and sat on her bed. given this time alone with herself she felt a small sense of peace. glancing over at the nightstand however, brought back the memories again. memories that can't be pushed away so easily, the first time a door was slammed in her face, the tenth. the first time she had to eat garbage..the winter that followed that..the time when she had gone over a week without any food...it threatened to overwhelm her again, the once Great and Powerful Trixie, had been homeless, abandoned, worthless.

She had no power, she was deluding herself, even now, she knew the peace could not last, already she felt the depression start to grip her again. Pulling open the drawer, she withdrew the picture, and held it close to her chest. she hugged it tightly, so tight the wood of the frame cracked. Her dream was well and truly dead, but maybe she could at least try to help Ferris with his, so he did not suffer the same fate as the late Great and Powerful Trixie. hearing the door of the bathroom open again, she quickly set the picture face down on the nightstand, exactly where it once rested. Her fake smile was back, and as her eyes met his, the spark could be seen fading already, though it was beautiful while it was there, it appeared that Trixie was still just as broken as before.