The Tragic Tragedy
Twilight Sparkle slowly trudged down the road. All that had happened... the pain... the deaths... it would all be worth it.
She fell... it hurt. It hurt for more reasons than just a very sharp rock in the knee. She knew that if Luna were still alive, she could make an arrow in the knee joke. Poor Luna. Poor overused meme using, dead Luna. She pulled herself back up, forcing herself to keep on going.
Twilight Sparkle began to cry. Not because the world ended, but rather because somepony was peeling onions next to her. She shoved him away, accidentally causing him to fall down a cliff, where he died of childhood obesity.
Dragging herself across an empty lot full of broken glass, she started to cry harder. Not because of the immense pain, or the fact that she could have simply walked around it, but because of tragic events that had happened to her in the past.
Slowly, she dragged herself along, falling into a pit of salt and lemon juice. She cried, not from the unbearable agony she was feeling, but from all the terrible things that had happened.
She then dragged herself to a Lakers Game. She was sobbing harder then she ever had, not because of the horrible events that had taken place from before, but because of the poor performance of the Lakers.
Finally, she reached a staircase. But before her stood an obstacle. A single stool.
Kicking the stool to the side, she walked up the staircase, only to have the stool fly up and hit her in the back of the head.
"Oh, so that's how we're gonna play, huh?"
The wooden stool stood there, doing nothing. Practically begging for Twilight to destroy it. Little did the stool know, Twilight was practiced in the art of Kung-Jow-Chow-Mein.
Doing a double back flip, Twilight Sparkle shot a kick at her wooden advisory. She missed completely and flew into a conveniently placed cactus.
The wooden stool just stood there. Twilight seethed in anger.
"Tonight... you die."
Twilight summed up a spell of epic proportions, one that would have surely destroyed the world had the world not have been destroyed due to a series of events that happened earlier in time.
She missed, hitting an orphanage.
"Whoops."
A butterfly, perhaps the last one of its kind, alight the top of the stool. The stool fell apart. Twilight crushed the butterfly.
"I HAVE SLAIN THE BEAST!"
Then she remembered that everypony was dead. Well, except for a few orphans, but they were on fire and would surely die soon anyway.
Slowly ascending the staircase that led to the precious object that would make this entirely worth everything, she recalled the events upon which had caused all this.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Hey Fluttershy, are we going to the movies or- why are you lighting your house on fire?”
Fluttershy was humming to herself as she poured gasoline all around the burning wreckage of the cottage.
“Well, why aren’t you?”
“Because I plan on living in my house?”
Fluttershy laughed her little laugh and waved her hoof at Twilight. “Oh, you silly. One day you’ll understand.” Whistling the tune to “Ready to Die”, Fluttershy picked up a big bag of what looked like powdered sugar and flew off.
Twilight shrugged, and went back to her house. Going through her books, she happened across a spell she had been meaning to try.
“End of the world spell. Caution: Will end the world. Do not use.”
“Well, they wouldn’t put it in a book if it wasn’t meant to be used.”
Spike noticed what Twilight was doing. "Twilight, that spell looks dangerous. I don't think you should cast it."
"Oh please, Spike. What's the worst that could happen? It's not like it'll end the world or anything."
Twilight Sparkle summed up all her magic, and then muttered the apocolytic spell that could very well end the world.
“Broccoli.”
Nothing happened.
“Oh, see, I knew the world wouldn’t end. Well, you must feel pretty stupid now, Spike.”
Then she looked back at the page.
“Oh, wait, I misread the spell, the word is actually ‘Cantaloupe.’ Silly me, sometimes I-”
Then the world ended.
Twilight was honestly expecting more. Sure, the fire rain, sulphuric oceans, ponies spontaneously exploding into giant tentacles was impressive, but really not up to par with her imagination of the event, which I would recall have I not aim to keep this story mostly non-nightmare inducing.
“This is all Spike’s fault.”
Twilight continued climbed up the staircase, which had gone on for a surprisingly long time. She then realized that she had been climbing the same step for the past forty-seven minutes.
Climbing the rest of the ten stairs up to the top, Twilight Sparkle dragged herself over to the door, and blasted it open. She had reached her destination, and everything would be fine again. She just needed to get to the refrigerator.
Reaching the marvelous white food box, she used her magic to open it. Inside, past some moldy muffins and old cat food, was a note. Twilight levitated the note out, and examined it thoroughly. She looked it over, shook her head a few times, cast a spell on it, then turned it over and read what the note had to say.
“Note to self: Buy more toothpaste.”
Twilight looked over to see Derpy eating the last of the precious tooth-care product.
“Oh! Hi Twilight, I was just enjoying my third favorite food, right after muffins and old tires. Hope you don’t mind, I didn’t know you were coming over, I would have saved some for you!”
Twilight Facehoofed. “Derpy, I needed that toothpaste badly!”
Derpy cocked her head. “How badly?”
Then the entire planet exploded.
“Pretty badly.”
The moral of the story: Always call ahead to let people know you’re coming. It could save the planet.
Author's Note: Jesus... What was I thinking when I wrote this? Anyway, I hope you all don't think I'm too weird.
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IT'S SO TRAGIC! OH DEAR GOD! WHHHYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/173/576/Wat8.jpg?1315930535
I cried buckets. And then I drank the buckets and cried them out again.
Also, new entirely true fact: Cantaloupes are the end of the world.
THE MORE YOU KNOW
Haha that was gold, good job :)
All of my wat.
The sheer sorrow that I am feeling right now is immeasurable and so immense that I just want to go down into the basement and cry myself to sleep in hopes that I wake up some time next year.
I don't even know.
1077633 I'm sorry I had to put you through that pain.
1077638 I don't even know.
1077641 ERRYTIM!
1077643 a0.twimg.com/profile_images/1079908235/borat_855_18535194_0_0_12672_300.jpg
1077646 Why, thank you!
1077654 I eat your wat. It feeds me... I grow stronger...
1077661 As long as you don't kill yourself. I don't want that kind of blame.
First I was like:
Then I was like:
Then I was like:
And in the end I was like:
alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/png/neutral-wait.png alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/png/neutral-suspicious.png
That pretty much sums it up for me.
Pretty well written other than the obvious utterly random storyline, had a few misspelled/missing/in weird places/wrong words here and there but otherwise all good.
Childhood obesity can just sneak up on you when you least expect it. R.I.P. Onion Peeler. I assume that his cutie mark was either an onion being peeled, or a tub of lard. Why must he die so young?!?!!?!?!?
P.S. Very interesting story. That video you posted beforehand was so moving, and this story just made my emotions crap themselves. Bravo.
P.S.S. I expect a complementary change of pants for my emotions
P.S.S.S.
P.S.S.S.S. ಠ_ಠ
1077675 I don't know man, you wrote it, you should have thought about that before you wrote it. just know that it's a high possibility I wont be alive tomorrow
is it really that sad?
i was the first like cuz i thought every new story should start with a like
sooooo....here we go
1077688 s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/original/000/125/539/15692%20-%20macro%20rarity%20spike.jpg?1306044151
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8gherMYYv1r02k54o1_400.gif
I wanna make a comment about how sad all of it was, but...
Dafuq did I just read?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png
In my confusion, I'll give you a favorite and a like.
1077778 Um... PCP.
i48.tinypic.com/2zzrshu.gif
That would make even Doctor Who say "wut?"
Paragraphs 1-6 made the story in my opinion. That was hilarious. Cry evrytiem.
Broccoli isn't the end of the world? Oh boy, I need to rethink some things. Lest I get pushed off a cliff or die of obesity. Or both. Simultaneously.
No, I didn't. Good day, sir. *Leaves*
Also, alternate ending, right after Twilight climbed the staircase:
Twilight offers the Amulet of Tartarus to Celestia...
An invisible choir sings, and Twilight is bathed in radiance...
The voice of Celestia booms out: "Congratulations, mortal!"
"In return to thy service, I grant thee the gift of Immortality!"
She ascends to the status of Demigoddess...
Do you want your possessions identified?
[y/n] (y) y
Pure AWESOMENESS!!!
Nice. Just fuckin' nice.
Instant-fav. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
like dis if u cry evertim
What did I just read? It made no sense and was beautiful. It's... not all that surprising to me, that that's my reaction. Weird and I like it.
Now the question I pose is: What happens when you write a weird story of several chapters?
1077708 dawwwww
1077880 EVERRYTTIM!
1078196 It ends up something like this.
Or this.
But if it's wierdness you want, then click this.
cpomusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Best-Cry-Ever-11_0.jpg
So sad...
i256.photobucket.com/albums/hh186/kylespo/Brony%20Pics/PinkieBlinkWhattheFuck.gif
It's so... sad...
This is the saddest story I have ever read.
1081907 I almost committed suicide while writing it. It's that sad.
lolwut.com/layout/lolwut.jpg
I cried so much, the saddest story around
Then I died
1077781 XD LOL i LOL'ed so hard at it i started to have laughing tears.
X9000
So remember kids, don't do drugs or you may end up like me.
(\(@@)/)
MIN D BLOW N L O
L
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/60953-Shadow%20of%20Death/953/49/mlpwhywouldyoupostthat_display.gif
I love it.
1120648 I'll try not to disappoint...
1100723
But if you do... DRINK 15 HOUR ENERGY AND BE A COP.
1124085 Epic reference is epic.
1124205
LEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOY JEEEEEENKINS!!!!!!
Wow. Just, wow. :thumbsup:
I'm not even sure if I can eat that forbidden fruit anymore. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
1188170 Damn Cantaloupes. I hath foretold the end, and it be Cantaloupes!
1188183
The word shall be spread!
Oh my. This was like a cross between Douglas Adams and, um, maybe Lemony Snicket? Anyways, this was both hilarious (
) and sad (
). Keep that Improbability Field on!
1225254 Those are two of my favorite authors. I tried to reproduce Snicket's style for this one.
Glad you liked it!