Shadowpony300
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Nice!,What fetishes will be this time?
9723957
Let's just say that it has to do with veils and harem outfits
what the fuk did i just read ?
Coverart sauce: https://www.deviantart.com/mayorlight/art/Derpy-and-Sunset-belly-rolling-742774705 (SFW)
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/b8lj-1562648082-443846-full
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/023/846/lisa.jpg
The exact same energy
I hope this won't suddenly turn into mass-murder like with your other story. I think it did much better without the bloodshed. I think the votes also reflect that. Since you start off with a gigantic harem for Spike and the background suggests the zebras' eventual goal is not widespread death, I wonder if she has something planned for other males close to her, like Blueblood. You know, something other than breaking his neck. >_> With the zebras' mind-control magic, that's just not needed. It could be really funny if Celestia tries to hitch her nephew to Princess Ember of the dragons. He's probably going to freak out, and she won't be happy either, until they're both under the influence of magic. Would be fun to see him dominate the blue dragoness!
Question: Why do you have a backspace between quotation marks and the first spoken word whenever anyone talks? Here's an example:
That's the very first dialogue. It looks really, really strange. You don't need that empty space there at the beginning, it serves no purpose.
Secondly, writing conventions commonly suggest putting a comma before the name when characters address one another. That helps avoid misunderstandings. Take this example:
versus
I hope you found this comment useful.
9724920
Didn't worry no killing but some of the girls will have be first timers and so on
Ouch this chapter needs an editing pass. It is not bad but some of the sentences needs some work.
Nice cap,I want to see where all this leads and why celestia does what it does.
9740571
You will see sometime in the future
9724920
well, for the Prince Blueblood idea it´s to late, because he got killed in No Lose Ends
I really hope the new chapter gonna be today!!
9760845
No sorry but I will make the next one next week
Just a few edits I found that would help.
Well Celestia does have some interesting picks here I see. I wonder if she knew which ones would be receptive to her plan?
I'm confused what is going on and why is celestia doing this to them?!
9772220
You will see in the future
9772220
She wants a s*** ton of grandbabies my friend. I mean spike is her adoptive son and she probably wants a lot of grandbabies to spoil rotten.
9775889
Yikes
9775980
It's also probably that's anyone like to at least have a harem because the equestrian population has a male to female ratio of one male per every 8 females if I'm remembering correctly.
Please for the love of thor tell it's going to end on the good...no...great note.
After the Next one only Spike needs reforming, For the King Dragon isn't going to be of the Master Race without "Training"
9797182
What do you mean by that
9797286
Spike by his Nature is Kind and Peaceful, not Dominate and Ruling. He will need a bit of Re-Education to become the Dragon King with a Harem without going Lust Crazy and seeing ALL females as his, Instead of Greedy but Smart.
9797373
Have you ever heard the other stories that comes before this story
9797838
Yes, but spike is talked about in them, Not talking about him and his personalty. I'm basing Spike based on the Canon Spike just overly loved by Celestia, if your Spike is Different then you haven't said how different so I can only see Spike as he is shown in the Show.
So apparently this is after No Loose Ends, in other words, there was already a number of murders. Not really a fan of that, they seemed to be in there for shock value and not because it made sense. After all, why kill ponies in high positions if you can mind-control them? That's wasteful and stupid. Especially when Celestia murders her own family... It's kinda pointless. Again, not at all a fan, I had kinda sorta hoped this was a different story universe.
Also, every chapter here has been more or less the same. Nothing new's happened. You can pretty much exchange the characters' names and nothing would change. We have no idea who the OCs even are because they're immediately brainwashed and then are the same personality, nothing differentiating them from Celestia's other victims.
9799089
They are not being kill
9799151
What? No Loose Ends has a number of murders, doesn't it?
9799569
The mares are being mind control for Celestia's plans
9800148
In this story, yes, in the other, she had like half a dozen characters at least murdered. Which begs the question: Why murder when you have this mind-control? Or can Celestia only turn ponies into Spike's sex slave and the machine has no other setting?
9800417
The ones who got killed was getting too nosey so Celestia had them killed
9800445
Yes, but... why? It's silly. If she can have killers in place with all of them, she could have them abducted too. At least some, like Blueblood or Mistmane. Murdering them only creates more attention, if she brainwashed them, they could help deflect attention away from what she's doing. Now she has to cover up all those murders too.
My question is: Why, if she has a mind-control machine, did Celestia not use it on ponies already loyal to her, like Blueblood or Mistmane? What she did should create MORE problems for her, not less. Do you get my point?
9800856
No I just make the stories right out of my mind so sorry old friend but with all do respect can you please stop complaining
Wait, which one of your stories is Zebraia?
9822105
Just checked my story page
this will continue?
9825963
You will see in the next chapter
What the caribou is in equestria now what the heck is going on
I hope Spike doesn't have the same vision as his tainted traitorous mother.
can't wait for the next story
Emperor Strong Snow recognizes Spike as a legitimate son of continuing his legacy, rather than his own offspring ( who always admired dragons). I think we did not see the signs in the story was smart and good, I took it by surprise.
9829749
You like it
9829758
I was surprised with plot twist. Yes like surprise
This Celestia seems ready to active Project Insight.
Hail HYDRA!
I very much enjoyed the veil/harem outfit fetish you had present in this doc, especially with how risque and lewd you made them. You would happen to know of any art featuring such outfits, would you, aside from the cover art? I only know of one or two featuring Cadance.
Derpibooru = 1074441 and 1373862