- Member Since 18th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen 6 hours ago
GaryOak
Writing graduate who loves cartoon horses and all manner of silly things. Occasionally writes serious stories. A divine Swedish woman drew this avatar.
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Because there's nopony more experienced in it then you two
!
Judge for the contest chiming in with quick notes.
I was a little disappointed at the shortness and the brief build up, but it was mostly made up by the overall good prose and the nice balance of action and narrative. Specifically the attention to emotion and feeling.
Oh, and the focus on third limited went a long, long way to keeping the story focused and engaging.
Quick and nice.
i.imgur.com/D3MqP7f.gif
HOLY SHIT! MY WRITING IDOL JOINED THE SAME CONTEST AS ME! EEEEEEEEEEEE! Gary! GARY GARY GAAAARRRRY! Remember me?!
9595141
I'm glad you enjoyed the story! I love it when quotes stand out for folks, and I'm also fond of that first one.
9596615
Thank you for the feedback. This is honestly the best critical response I could've hoped for. I didn't decide to enter the contest until less than a week before the deadline, so I knew I had very limited time to come up with something and polish it. The only reason I entered at all was because I came up with a premise that I could kind of maybe get away with less buildup (though this probably should've had more). Everything you said were exactly the notes I was trying to hit, so I'm thrilled that I managed to pull it off.
9597623
How can I not remember you? Best of luck in the contest! Personally, I'm not holding my breath for placement, since the competition's pretty intense, and this was a last-minute entry by me.
9597738
.
I am too
Hey Sempai? I read this for judging. In fact it's the first one I've set my eyes on. Who could blame me when you've been nothing short of a mentor to me. Siigggggh! Gary-Sempai.
Ahem! With that out of the way I'd like to critique now.
-There was very little to the intro and ending. Making this feel sort of a meaty middle. While both ends seemed short the word usage and entertainment value were top notch, exactly what I expected from you! So trying to withhold my bias here, but you still deserve praise for the way you describe their sensations, feelings, and pleasure. No doubt you could make something even better unretrained, but it goes without saying your skill shows with all the limitations placed before you.
Good job as always Sempai.
It's good to be the queen.