Mooncake

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xRei

xRei #1 · May 7th, 2019 · 1 · ·

Contest judge with some notes.

All around solid entry. Reasonably good premise. Your scene set at the beginning was amusing.

There was one issue with the writing mechanics I feel compelled to mention though: Lavender Unicorn Syndrom. Or more specifically, alabaster, diarch, etc..

I know it's tantalizing to try and find different noun phrases to refer to characters and not re-use proper nouns or pronouns constantly, but... it's just awkward. I think a few here and there when strategically placed, sure, but there was a bit too much of it in this fic.

That aside the writing was just fine. Easy enough to read and no issues with spelling and grammar and the like.

Black--Soul