The Hive has suffered generation after generation of cruel rulers. After a fateful wedding, a fateful bite, they finally have a star to guide therm through the night.
An apology story for those who have been waiting for my first book. School has been killing me, but I pinkie promise i WILL finish this one. I'll probably rewrite my first book.
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some nice Badass Twilight in the first chapter? this is pretty interesting my dude
CHANGELING REVOLUTION!!!!!!!!!
derpicdn.net/img/2014/2/26/561689/large.png
(The symbol was the only non-related Chrysalis symbol I could find!)
Love this story so much! Cant wait for more
Love both your stories hope you conuntine both of them
You seem to excel at making me panic while I read. “GAH! This is going to go- oh wait, no it’s good. Good. But wait a minute... this means... Oh my- oh no-no what’s happening now... How is she able to just roll with this? I wish I could do that... Oh my, the implications of this!” And so on, and so forth.
i really like this story
pretty bueno
basically, first clutch is cmc, but with success not failures. and no explosions
Pfft...snerk...HA HA HA HA!
Did....... Shining take an overdose of stupid pills and dumb capsules?
9583469
So far.......
9586506
heh
Ah .. time skips.next chapter should be fun
*facepalm* Shining needs some sense knocked into him or something.
Needs cleaning.
Yes, it is, but could use some formatting. When it's a new speaker, use a new paragraph, please.
*sarcasm* Nice job Shining you just made your sister dislike you even more.
*facepalm*Here's a tip for Shining Armor: One should never jump to conclusions without sufficient evidence. Also hindsight may be 20/20 but stupidity is universal.
.....I'm not the only one that thinks Shining should go on leave and get some therapy or be reassigned to a different part of Equestria where he can only give orders to the guards (no personal favors though) stationed there right?
Infiltration(Exfiltration in this case) Rule #(insert number here): Guards never look up on their own.
I was wrong, this is far beyond cleaning.
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I think he did. Lol.
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*sigh*
Things certainly have gotten interesting.
seriously celestia just strip his ass of his guard rank temporarily and get him some damn fuckin help before the idiot does somthing he wil truly regret (like killing one of twis hive, "Hell hath no fury like a mothers wrath")
You know. I now wonder what Nicole Oliver would sound like if she screamed.
My question is: WTF is Cadence doing while her husband is acting like a psycho?. If I remember correctly she saw when Twilight was bit and that everything started with that. All things considered I hope Shining Armor loses the marriage along with his command status.
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I..... don't think using cleaners or soap would work or even be a good idea.
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metaphorical cleaning
- And now for something, completely different.
Needs a better, more mistrusting Twilight in the future, instead of completely calm, resigned to fate changeling Twi. don't get me wrong this story has potential, but needs a major rehaul in regards to exposition, for example why she's so reasonable to a being who (albeit unwillingly) invaded her homeland not even a week before they met, or why she's so accepting of anything he says, i can't help but think of this little scene at the end; 'Oh, i'm a Changeling now? Whatever' 'Oh, i'm actually a Changeling Queen? Sweet, better believe this guy i just met, even though he invaded my country, and tried to kill my friends and family'.
9598893
I was trying to be funny.
.....okay..Shining Armor passes the psychotically overprotective brother/main self-righteous antagonist tests with flying colors.
" No way. I've already called Scout and Spy. They'll do that for us. Plus if they get found out they'll escape no matter what." The third one said, before grabbing the first one and putting the changeling on it's back.
-
nearly spat out my soda at the timing, listening to 'Faster Than A Speeding Bullet' when i read this bit.
(if you didn't get it, no it's not a Superman/hero reference, it's the song played in meet the scout intro)
Well... it looks like things are starting to get interesting, yep Shining needs to be sent on a rather "extended leave" (not a temporary relieve of duty but close) till he cools his head and can think clearly for anger clouds judgement.
Thank you for answering some my questions/concerns about Cadence with this chapter.
things are getting spicy
yay new chapter!! also.. there's something wrong with that nymph.. i swear. xD good wrong though, summer is highly amusing.
FLUTTERSHY’S A CHANGELING!!!!!
... Well that explains her shyness around everypony.
9598893
I was trying to be funny.
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Loss of command: maybe. loss of marriage: No as he hasn't done something VERY serious.
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Maybe in your opinion but I see no saving grace in his character especially when he's this much of a raging specist that can't take responsibility for his own actions. He's effectively trying to make up for the fact that he didn't realize Chrysalis was a fake Cadence and is only showing how poor his judge of character is when he can't identify his own "loved" ones. And if he can't figure it out and recognize them despite everything practically given to him on friggin silver platter, well it calls into question how much he really cares about them beyond his own personal agendas. This story took one of the things I despised about Shining A**hole from the wedding ran with it and added tons of new things to hate about the character. Even the moment when he realized he went too far there was no concern for the one he injured or how he did it so much as his selfish concern in trying to differentiate himself from them. His "character" didn't just hit rock bottom, through his actions he's anchored a part of himself there and no matter how much his character rises a part will always be at the bottom of the abyss.
Very interesting story, looking forward to seeing what happens next. Twilight is not going to be happy.
im keeping an eye on this story ... very eager to read more
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Too be fair though he ISN'T in the right state of mind right now. (guy should REALLY get some therapy).
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You're forgetting details of the early chapters before it got out of control. Even when he believed Twilight was herself his specism kept him from loving her. There's also his actions during the wedding which can't be ignored as he has acknowledged were his choice. Even if the spell Chrysalis used on him at that point was a mind affecting spell it couldn't be anything stronger than a minor charm which wouldn't have been enough to turn him otherwise it would have risked discovery. A favorite quote of mine from a book series is
. In almost all cases Shining's actions have been determined by what he selfishly desires to be the truth because he couldn't accept any of the alternatives he could think of. I've yet to come across a story that justifies his actions during the wedding without heavily rewriting everything up to it. He couldn't tell the imposter apart from the real Cadence when she literally wasn't trying to act anything like her. I've been to and dealt with many weddings and the excuse they gave for Cadence's actions opposed to her normal personality hold no weight either.
I'm not sayin he doesn't need therapy but it doesn't excuse any of his choices or actions. Therapy won't fix all the things that built him up to this point. While it might help with his guilt of what he's becoming it won't fix the actual problem. The idea that he just needs therapy is a poor excuse to ignore his responsibility for his own actions. There are times where that sort of thing can be applied but doing so in this case is an insult to those where it really is the case.
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I'm not forgetting anything nor am I trying to excuse his behavior I'm just stating the obvious.
OG form?
Despite the little error here and there, I have only one thing to say :
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The term "To be fair" alone makes the rest of your earlier comment nothing but an excuse. He might not be in his right mind now but he drove himself there.
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I didn't mean to make it seem like an excuse, I'll concede on that point.
hello friends it occurred to me that perhaps the captain erratic and racist behavior is because he is being manipulated by the queen (dou cap 6 shows that the queen does not know what is going on when she get information thanks to the spy but she may be pretending ) or another queen in a more subliminal way. or it may be the residue of the mind control magic of the queen that is affecting he’s personality
the reason of this theory is because of what happens in the conversation between him and his sister in cap 3. and the interrogation of cap 9
cap 3
1) It was basic mind control Shining! I can do that in my sleep! I know how it works! You aren’t completely taken over! She just controls you subconsciously, giving you thoughts and making you think they’re your own! Foal’s play!
2)“ So now you’re siding changelings huh?!”
“ Where did that come from?!”
3)“ So you like being a changeling? Who’s mind controlled now huh?”
“ Where on Equestria are you getting these thoughts!?”
cap 9
Shining Armor couldn't help but feel he had done something so very wrong as he hurriedly left the room, even if his brain was saying it was alright because it was on a changeling.
I admit that I may be over thinking the matter and a great possibility that I am completely wrong but I thought to put the theory on the table