• Member Since 28th Mar, 2019
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Element of Power


I aspire to the purity of the blessed Machine

T
Source

Arriving in a strange world, you, a musician, stumble upon a unicorn named Tempest Shadow. As you grow closer to her, it reveals a growing love.

Editing done by Applefai

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 57 )

good, good story. i approve soo much!

I like it. Gonna track. Keep it up :)

Nice touch with the authors note

:facehoof: Dang it Pinkie!

good chapter man

9587638
I'm seeing a recurring theme here...

I think this is the first second-person POV story I've read that I've enjoyed. That style tends not to sit well with me. So far, it is the only gripe I have about this story. For that, I think you're doing a great job. Can't wait to read more.

Thanks, second person was never really my thing, but I gave it a try.

9590099
What makes you say that?

9590275
I don't know how to make sing notes. But for the question, I find it funny.

frightened of the creature I was carrying

She?

Great job on chapter four

Hehe, breaking the fourth wall like a boss since 2010

reverse, reverse, reverse; Moon-walking real funny man great job

This is it so far? Now it's time for the waiting game...

Kinda entertaining, I could see this becoming something I would interested in following, I just hope the chapters will be longer in the future, even if it might take a little longer.

This sounds interesting, but I've always ran away from the gore and death tags, how explicit with those tags will this fic be?

9701277
The most that will happen is talking about the past, which could include a death. Not sure If I will continue the story a steady pace though...

Dan

Sapient. Not Sentient.

9738348
So there is a difference!
Cool.

Dan

9738351
All animals are sentient. Except maybe jellyfish and seasponges and the like with the most basic nervous systems.

I like it, but the pacing should be slowed down a little. Take your time, explore thoughts, feelings, enviroments, conversations.

Dam good song good choice

She had been expecting it to be asleep, or walking around, or just gone completely, but instead, it was curled up on the couch, crying . Although she knew nothing about the creature, it broke her heart to hear such sad sounds coming from it. Her own eyes started to tear and blur her vision. Making her way down the stairs again, Tempest then quietly went over to the crying form of the creature.

Just need a space from gone completely

"So, we're going to go, and come back tomorrow. Does that sound good." [got to explain who is talking here]

I meant explain who said they'll come back tomorrow like

"So, we're going to go, and come back tomorrow. Does that sound good." Twilight said looking at both you and Tempest

9774957
Sorry, when you give me the edits, I just kinda copy and paste the whole thing without looking.

9775190
It's ok, no harm done.

Twilight, where was your patience?

Left, right, right, left . Dodging and weaving through trees, your legs pumping, hot blood flowing through you aching muscles.

Ooh, someone did research on horses' different gaits.

9578162
Oooooh, you jerk. You did that on purpose!

9587638
Aaaaaahhhh! You jerk!

9841737
I will do that every chapter

9590029
You'd better, you sadist!

While you walked along, you notice a music shop. Stopping to look, there is an amazing guitar in the window. Looking closer you realize something. That guitar looked exactly like a Synyster Gates guitar . Though you don't understand how ponies could have it, or even play it, you can't stop imagining yourself playing it. Maybe even playing a song for Tempest.

I looked that up. That's an $1100 guitar. (Long and Mcquades in Canada) dude got expensive taste.

"Then GO!" she laughs, pushing you out the door. You briskly walk to town, looking around for the shop you went to earlier. After a few minutes, you see it. Jogging over, you go in immediately looking around for Vinyl. You see her at the counter, looking high bored*(see Author's Note).

Ooh, I get to look forward to an author's note. The intrigue has been doubled.

9841774
*plays harpsichord music* Why? Why can't you be merciful and use damp instead? Must you play with my rage in this way?

Good vocals, awesome solo guitar.

That poor drummer, though. Probably bored out of his mind. The rhythm isn't that imaginitive, and the chord selection is kinda boring. All in all, not a bad song, but not a great one, either. 6/10.

9841676
Wow, the first person to notice that!

9841830
I am unamused in an amused sort of way.

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