• Member Since 30th Dec, 2017
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Bookie-art-worm


Tears come from the heart, not the brain

T

And as he kissed each knuckle and each finger tip, he slowly whispered why he loved me, why he cared for me. And as he slowly kissed his way up my body, all I can hear is the words “I love you” coming from his mouth. For Fluttershy knew that the most powerful, most feared man in all the world loved her. She should be afraid, very afraid. But she wasn’t. She wasn’t afraid of the lord of chaos, or the ruthless king of Equestria.....

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 10 )

This intrigues me. Please, continue.

The Twin

Hmm... interesting, i'm gonna keep my eye on this.

Although there are a few errors in here, among other things afew sentences don't have periods at the end of them.

I'm curious to see where this leads, hopefully it'll be full of drama, romance, and bloodshed! (A quote from MTT.)

Uh... I think you mean proposal:
1. suggested idea or plan: a suggestion or intention, especially one put forward formally or officially
2. act of proposing: the act of making a suggestion or stating an intention

Not prostitution:
1. work of prostitute: the act of engaging in sexual intercourse or performing other sex acts in exchange for money, or of offering another person for such purposes
2. misuse of talent for gain: the use of a skill or ability in a way that is considered unworthy, usually for financial gain

but I could be wrong...

Oh my god!! I meant Proposition! Thank you so much I didn’t notice my mistake!

Hmm. You really should focus on editing your chapters before uploading them. There are a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. To name a few:

King Sombra was in a fallow mood....

I'd never heard the word "fallow" before and looked it up and...well:

[list=1 (of farmland) plowed and harrowed but left unsown for a period in order to restore its fertility as part of a crop rotation or to avoid surplus production.
2. (of a sow) not pregnant.

So I think you mean "foul."

Red jewels ingraved on the throne

"engraved"

A women with rainbow hair tied into a bun

"woman"
I could be here a while.
Also if you're going to change the point-of-view but keep it first-person, you should give some indication of who is speaking. In fact, if you're going to be switching POV like this, you might as well just make it third-person limited. Or else put the character's name at the top of the section.
The premise is interesting, just could use more detail and editing.

9281882
T-thank you I appreciate the feedback. I am sorry it wasn’t to your liking.

So that's what Sombra has in mind. Honestly, I'm curious as to how this will play out. Also, you have some spelling and grammar errors, too many for me to list. Not to sound rude or anything, but perhaps before you submit your next chapter, you give it a quick read through to make sure you didn't leave things out or that it's ship shape.

9284071
Thank you I really appreciate it.

Oooo I loved this so much! I'm excited to see where it goes!

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