All her life Fluttershy had suitors from near and far for as long as the pegasus mare can remember .One day the latest wedding rehearsel she messes it up badly ending up in a unwilling marriage with a corpse! But not just any corpse but the carcass of Discord a groom who was killed on his wedding day and he has been waiting for someone to ask for his hand in hopes of letting him get his etarnel rest, can Fluttershy free him? or will Discord forever never find peace? its not as easy as it would seem though.
This is my first story and hope you all will enjoy it, im gonna do the best i can.
Chapters (2)
You had the temperature right. However, there are several spelling mistakes.
I like the idea and I'm glad you're not just copying the dialogue of the movie and making some scenes your own, though some more exposition and description of the setting would be nice.
I wonder how Blueblood managed to murder Discord. Because let's be honest, there's no chance it's not him. You can look at the character roster and see it has to be him. If it turns out he didn't do it, I'll be shocked.
7739305 well im just using this as a practice, english isnt what we usally speak in my country but i am glad for your comment
I think it could be an interesting story, but I see there are a lot of punctuations, still I am getting into the story. I think you skip a little to much on describing the character personality both in the exposition an their behaviors. I makes it feel a bit generic. I would like to see how Blueblood and Fluttershy are going to interact with each other. Ironically you don't skip on the physical details of discord but his over the top acts doesn't seem to be conveyed all that well. I hope you will continue to improve in your writing this story. Hope to see more soon.
This is an interesting story. I loved "Corpse Bride."
But I have to agree with everyone. You need to work on your grammar. I know from the comments that English isn't your second language, so try and take things slow. Go through each sentence in your head, think if it needs a comma, a period, etcetera. And for additional advice, a paragraph is 5 sentences at least.
If you are still having trouble, have a friend to help you edit before posting.
Anyway, I hope you continue.
Nice story so far. Hope you continue with it one day
This story is amazing so far!