The Corpse Groom

by Dizziria Daze

I Do

Duke Bristle Stomped out of the Shy's residence his suit covered in burn marks and wine stains, the duke's eye was twitching in anger his teeth scraping together frustrated. Right after him an old stallion stepped out, his coat was light grey and his mane was black, his cutiemark was a cross. Duke whistled after one of the cabs nearby watching as it pulled up next to him, he turned towards the Shy's his eyebrows was narrowed looking straight at Fluttershy. Flutteshy had ducked behind Zephyr hiding from the dukes rage, she was low to the ground tears rolling down her cheeks aswell as biting the inner of her cheek to keep the whimper that threaten to come out.

''This is an outrage, that mare needs to pull herself together!'' Duke Bristle snorted his nostrils flared.

'' The engagement is off!'' The duke went to his carriage yelling for the driver to go to Canterlot and drove off.

The prist turned aswell with a compassinated look on his face, he took his hat off holding to his chest wanting to consult them but knew it was a waste. He saw the young mares sad face feeling his heart drop to his stomache, he dreaded his next words knowing she will get upset even more. The prist took a deep breath and let it out finally speaking.

''Im afraid he's right Misses Shy if your daughter cant get it together the next time she gets engaged, im afraid she'll never be a bride''

He bid a farewell leaving the household looking back at the house as he went on his way leaving the family to figure out what to do next. Mr. Shy shut the door gently with a sign it was another failer and another suitor, and a once again sad Fluttershy. The pegasus stallion wasn't sure he could handle once again seeing his daugthers tears as he have seen them over and over again, and knew neither could his wife. Both parents went over to comfort Fluttershy hoping to try again maybe the 11th time could work though they dubted it, Zephyr had already started comforting his sister he hated seeing her cry.

''Cheer up sis that duke was just an old fart, he wasnt good enough for you'' Zephyr smiled hoping it helped.

it didn't though.

Fluttershy sniffed wiping her tears away, this happend the last time and the time before that though this was worst then them all put together. The pegasus mare had stumbled over her vows, dropping the ring knocking over a candle in the progress of picking it back up aswell as setting fire to Duke Bristle and watched him run around screaming with Zephyr tackling him to pour the wine that was used for the rehearsel to put it out.

''Its okay dear im sure the next time will be-'' Fluttershy interrupted her mother.

''Better? You heard him! im a mess mother who's gonna.... Sniff who's gonna...'' the mare couldn't get the words out and broke down.

Fluttershy muttered something about needing some air and ran out barely hearing her brother call out for her to wait, the pegasus ran through town feeling everyponies eyes on her, mocking her and it made it harder for the mare to breath, it was like the eyes was everywhere which made her more anxious.

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Fluttershy had gotten over the bridge leading to the Everfree Forest it was getting dark the sun setting in the distancen, She stopped up nearby a crooked tree its overgrowed roots sticking up from the ground curling in weird directions. The pegasus sat down by a tree stump crying, she pulled out the engagement ring out of her pocket looking sadly down at it muttering defeated.

''With this hoof i will be your wine? No no no....with this candle i...i...i sign set you on fire...''

Flutterhshy got up looking around noticing how dark it had gotten, the moon had already risen making it easier for the mare to see her surroundings. Fluttershy concidered going back but she didnt feel like seeing her family just yet and she didnt want to see the town fearing she would just breake down, the mare signed she really was a mess but a voice in the back of her mind was telling her different it was saying she shouldnt give up encoraging her. Feeling somewhat confident Fluttershy took a deep breath wiping away her tears letting out the air, this time she would get it together and do it right.

''With this hoof i will lift your sorrows'' She straighted her back trying feeling more confident.

Danger...

''You're cup will never empty for i will be you're wine'' Fluttershy did not noticing the birds that had gathered in the trees around her.
Fluttershy probally had seen them but didn't pay them any mind as she continued taking a small branch to use it to imitate a candle.

Danger! Danger!Danger!

''With this candle i will lead your way through darkness'' if Fluttershy had listen closely she would had heard the birds sqawking their warnings.

Danger! Danger!Danger!Danger!

''With this ring i ask you to be mine!'' The mare put the ring on one of the upsticking roots.

The whole forest went silent after that not even the birds dared to said a pip, the mare felt a swift in the wind as the temperature fell making it unsually cold. Fluttershy looked at the root it was twirled together forming a palm and claws strangely like it was some sort of bird claw, Fluttershy couldn't see what kind of bird it was though but it didn't matter, she slowly raised a hoof to take back the ring when the ground started to shake. Fluttershy yelped trying to keep her balance but it was no use the yellow pegasus landed on her flank, she waited for the gorund to stop shaking covering her head with her hoofs shaking in fear, it ceased shortly after. Fluttershy signed in reliefe starting to get up she was to her full height when a strange noise echoed around her, she looked around to the find the source it was coming from the crooked tree near the roots to be exact, Fluttershy gasped seeing the earth around the tree going up and down like a heartbeat.

thump...............thump........thump...........thump

The Earth broke open sending dirt flying, a greenly glowing mist roused from the hole as a tall lean figure stood up covered in dirt with dust covering its face. The birds started to screech louder clearly terrorfied flying away in their panic their feathers floating around surrounding Futtershy and the stranger, Flutteshy could clearly hear their warnings now but she was to scared to move as she stood frozen on her spot. The Figure strechet his body cracking noises sounded as it did and yawned loudly like it just been sleeping, it looked towards where Fluttershy stood removing the dust that covered its face showing it was smilling. Fluttershy gasped when she could the creature's face it was a pony's face with a yellow eye, yes a eye it was missing the other, it had a goats horn and a broken deer horn a sharp fang sticking out of its mouth. Its body was long and snake like with a lion paw and a eagle claw but the claw was just bones, it was wearing an orange suit with a red bowtie. It was still smilling at her leaning towards the clearly terrorfied mare opening its mouth to speak its voice deep and scratchy.

''I Do''

Comments

[Mix-up]

I think it could be an interesting story, but I see there are a lot of punctuations, still I am getting into the story. I think you skip a little to much on describing the character personality both in the exposition an their behaviors. I makes it feel a bit generic. I would like to see how Blueblood and Fluttershy are going to interact with each other. Ironically you don't skip on the physical details of discord but his over the top acts doesn't seem to be conveyed all that well. I hope you will continue to improve in your writing this story. Hope to see more soon.

[Moon Glow]

This is an interesting story. I loved "Corpse Bride."

But I have to agree with everyone. You need to work on your grammar. I know from the comments that English isn't your second language, so try and take things slow. Go through each sentence in your head, think if it needs a comma, a period, etcetera. And for additional advice, a paragraph is 5 sentences at least.

If you are still having trouble, have a friend to help you edit before posting.

Anyway, I hope you continue.

[Annie_TC]

Nice story so far. Hope you continue with it one day

[Meadowlark16]

This story is amazing so far!