artman7391
Joined 5th Nov, 2018 ·
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artman7391 · 24k words · 29 24 · 1.3k views
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Oi. Maybe get an editor and a couple prereaders. The grammar and structure is cringeworthy enough as it is, and that's not counting the stereotypical infodump and other similar tropes in the story.
Rip comment section
9274561
Ouch. Oops.
"Comment posted by ESTEE deleted X minutes ago."
(I could have said something about the story, but this just saves time.)
Comment graveyards are a bad look for any story. I should warn you: a mass deleting of comments will NOT put off the trolls; quite the opposite in fact.
The site's ragtag collection of trolls, windup merchants and shit-stirrers can smell this sort of thing like sharks smell blood. They will harass you now, of course, but worse: they will monitor you for future trolling opportunities.
For future reference: it's much wiser to simply ignore them. They will eventually get bored and go away.
travels to Equestria in the most peculiar of circumstance, my son, why have you done this?
Oh no.
I'm sorry dude. But if the wrong people see this story (particularly the deleted comments) you might be in for a LOT of harassment.
As for the story itself. I won't lie, it's bad...
I'm not gonna go super deep into it because it's clear the author won't listen if I push too hard. But the main character is VERY CLEARLY a Gary Stu. In fact that it is so ingrained in the story that it seems to suck all the life out of the good parts.
Yea, there ARE some good elements in this story. At least I thought so. When it started you hooked a bit of interest from the reference to a parallel version of the main six that wasn't so obvious as those in Equestria Girls, giving people a reason to move forward and see what plays out.
There is a LOT more to talk about here but I'm pushing my luck already. So I will leave with one last piece of advice.
Criticism leads to improvement. No one becomes great on their own, you will need to ask for help at some point. Ironically this is a commom theme not only in the cartoon, but also in your own story!
Good luck dude.
9275658
The truth is I used to have another account that I accidentally deleted. Here is a cover page.
https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:41Mu-nn1AIQJ:https://www.fimfiction.net/story/118130/being-brave-part-i+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
People really liked this story. And now that it's gone I tried to put it back up again. But everyone seems to hate it now.
I feel like such a failure.
9275820
The way a story is presented to someone has a big impact on their opinion of it. I can't say for sure what happened but, the best things are worth working for. Take the criticism and use it. Go back and if you can find what people are talking about. Or you can just make a new story.
Walking the line of improving yet staying true to yourself isn't always easy. But when you get it right it can turn into something amazing.
P.S. If it makes you feel better I already knew what I was gonna say long before I knew of the deleted comments and negative opinions
9275820
You could maybe ask one of the moderators to see if they can restore your account for you.
9279101
How do I do that? How do I contact them?
9284776
Fimfiction staff page
Comment graveyard. Havent seen this many deleted comments on a story since a few unmentioned authors, had copy and pasted other peoples work. Leta see how long this story stays up.
Tropy and cringeworthy from the get go. Goodish and bad; in that order. Expectations are set, let's see where this goes.
I am wondering why the typos in the description haven't been fixed.
9754102
What typos. I didn't see any.
9754145
How do you find purpose with so few options. (So little options sounds odd and is improper. So little, indicates the options are smaller in size then normal, not that there are less of them.
... he hasn't seen in friends in so long, the answers... (do you mean, he hasn't seen HIS friends in so long?)
I'm about to start on chapter 1. Fair warning: I do not withhold my opinion. I call things like I see them for good or ill. That said, I will do my best to ensure that any criticisms are constructive and helpful.
The first word of the first sentence is missing its first letter.
This is an unreasonable mindset for any school to have and no Principal would do this. Social and emotional growth MUST coincide with mental growth or else an individual would be completely unable to function in any society. Also, private school or not, no educational board would allow such a charter for any school.
Now despite all of that, you could nix any of my complaints about this by stating that the depicted events in this first chapter take place in an alternate universe than ours.
9754793
This takes place in an alternate universe. Completely different from ours.
9755036 I meant to write it in the story itself so noone will turn their noses up at it for incongruities.
9755036 The first letter of the first word in the first paragraph is still missing.
i thought these stories were gone? how did you get em back?
also why are you these stories getting so many dislikes? i think it must be cuz of the sex tag that's in em
9770534 Actually it would be the abysmal spelling and grammar.
10002792 oh yeah true
10002792 wow 51 dislikes ouch
10009158 You know, I bet that if you went back and fixed all the spelling and grammar errors that people would really love the story. (As in I would like to be able to read it)
10002792
You are absolutely right. I will fix the spelling and grammar at my soonest convenience. I will look at as much detail as I can to fix it. But will require some help to make it better. It's just sad because before I accidentally deleted it, so many people loved the story trilogy. Now it's too late and I have to start all over again. It just isn't fair.
10011417 I know what you mean in a way. I have a second story series on here. A friend put it up on his account, but still named me as the author. I wish I had done it on my own. I feel so guilty about that.
10011421
Will you at least help me with fixing some of the errors and tightening it up a bit?
10011475 sure. Just let me know when.
10009221 yeah true
10011490
If you can, will you please copy and paste me some parts of the fimfic that are very abysmal so that I can get started with editing it?
they don't realize he has PTSD