- Member Since 25th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen March 12th
NightsongWrites
I love the MLP fandom, and I love all of you! I'm so grateful to have all my followers as we go down a rabbit hole of romance, adventure, and world-building!
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This is very interesting, will follow to see where this is going.
9252662
Thanks!
I can't wait for more this is good.
Love this!
Saw a couple of spelling flubs and what-not, but nothing TOO bad.
Consider this added to my Bookshelves, Faved, Tracked and Upvoted, and I am looking forward to more!
I bet in the end, they got rid of this tradition to expand royal herds through a tournament. If they gt rid of it, then Twilight and Rainbow Dash could add anyone they want to their herd. If they do the tournament too, then there's a chance that some scumbag would win and enter their herd. But, the royals themselves have the decision to kick them out of their herd.
Meaning, if someone they don't want joins their herd, then that pony can be kicked out. Unless they want to deal with angry royalty and their spouse.
I think the fight scene was well done, and well orchestrated.
One thing, though, hun: you really need to quit using these; / /; for italicizing words.
Other than that, it looks great!
And that last part is REALLY intriguing.
Can't wait to see what happens next!
9252709
We shall see!
9252715 Indeed we shall!
Quite intriguing setup and premise you have going here.
Other than some honestly egregiously silly format issues trying to express italics, things look decently put together. Off to a great start, and I hope the pacing remains this good as things carry forward.
In just this first chapter, I have already found many things I like. Honorable combat is the one thing I wish had survived to the modern era, just you and your opponent until one of you yeilds or is unable to continue. Also, I love the concept of herds so that's got my attention too. Finally seeing a house that had been branded as "traitors" and ridiculed reguardless of their pardon, it interests me. After all, it's not often one finds such an interesting break in gilded chain of "nobility."
Sweet glorious honorable combat. Nuf said.
9253713
I would look into HEMA or the SCA for combat; it's a lot of fun and an amazing way to stay in shape!
Cadence and Shining Armor were leaking to begin a herd. This looks like one of the dreaded spell check typos but I'm stumped as what would go there.
Looks very promising.
I hope that the other fighters will have different personalities and fighting styles. We had the arrogant prick type character, so it would be nice to see other types as well.
Like for example:
A Berserker who just goes in and ignores injuries.
A type who pretends to be clumsy and incompetent, but is actually a deadly fighter.
The calculative and emotionless machine like fighter.
The chaotic type who fights with extreme unpredictability.
Those kinds of things to name a few.
9253874
Fixed! Thanks!
Great chapter as always, Nightsong!
Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter!
As to that "Lout" character? You gave him the right name for this.
Trying to kill Golden and spitting at Twi's hooves?
I hope they lock him up in the deepest, darkest hole that they can find and leave him to rot!
He's an absolute disgrace to Earth Ponies everywhere!
Maybe something like this will get Celestia and Luna to finally tell the Nobles to collectively take a flying leap off the top of the Canterhorn (my headcanon name for the mountain that Canterlot sits on), and put a well deserved end to this tournament nonsense.
Again, job well done, hun.
Keep up the rad work, okay?
This keeps getting better and better.
9254310 That it does!
Can they geld him?
9254459 One can only hope.
OK, now i'm wondering what was going though that guy's head. If Golden gave up, he would have still lost using that thing.. Still to keep fighting, even with a cracked spin, that's guts.
Three stories I have read and three stories I have liked. (two in the same universe too...helps that I am a suckers for herds)
9255681
So am I. I enjoy the concept, and want to give the herding community more stories in that kind of setting.
9253874 Probably "looking to begin a herd."
That's what I've been reading it as.
Glad I found this story. This is great.
All I can say to this... both the chapter and the fight therein.
Wow.
Just... wow.
Looks like Dash was right last chapter, though.
Dream won, and it was amazing!
And the story is only beginning?!
Awesome!
Can't wait for the next chapter to see what happens next!
Once again, a job very well done, my friend!
Finally!! Golden Dream kicked some serious ass!!
9256810 Indeed she did!
The fights were good and Golden's character is nice. I liked the Dukes fighting style, but I have to admit that I'm a little disappointed that all of her opponents ended up being:
Arrogant pricks. I thought the Duke would turn out differently from the rest, but the end scene turned him over. Makes it seem that all the other competitors besides her are pricks for the sake of being pricks.
9257158
White Knight lived up to his namesake, though that will show up more as time goes. And do not fret! There will be more duels in this fic!
9257300
I certainly hope so. You write good fights, theres no doubt about that. Character variety is just the thing thats lacking right now, with all competitors so far following a certain pattern of--- being smug at the beginning--- going full rage at the end.
I will wait and see how the story turns out. This has potential!
One female entry. Tragic backstory. And the only non-creep one. Unfortunately.
But hey, maybe I'm wrong on that last one. Could be not all the stallions are walking Hate Sinks.
More noble-bashing. Hmm. Well, making the enemy easy to hate is an easy but effective writing trick to garner sympathy for the protagonist. It's much harder if their enemies are complex characters in their own right.
9257158
9257300
Thorn Buck is right. As of right now, they were all, as I worried, Hate Sinks to make Golden Dream look better in comparison. The unfortunate side-effect is that it becomes harder to care about the duels since she's pretty much fighting a single character type, not three individuals. As she's the only mare as well, it might send an unfortunate message regarding stallions and herds in this story in general. There are decent stallion characters, no doubt, but they're not romantic rivals for Golden Dream either.
Oh, you know what could be entertaining and even the playing field a little? Canterlot has a prince. Blueblood. He's a royal. If the Nobles (the bad ones, which is everyone but House Bolts it seems) can force Cadance and Shining Armor into this ridiculous mess of a tournament, they can do it with him too. In fact, I could see a terrified Blueblood come to Cadance to look for temporary asylum from his own tournament.
Would be oh so interesting to see what crazy mares he'd attract...
Addendum: You write fight scenes superbly, I should note. They're very engaging, very visceral. But as Thorn Buck said, it feels more like Golden going three rounds against the same character using different fighting styles. Then again, maybe the fight scenes are supposed to be the meat of the story, so to speak, and I simply overlooked it. It's not the first of your stories I've struggled with, something I noticed only after reading everything.
9258561
Thank you for the comments! I agree, her opponents were indeed Hate Sinks, but it won't be the last we see of them all. Especially the Duke and Lightning. We have special plans for them! This next chapter is going to be a longer one, it looks like, and of a much different feel than these fights.
BTW: Thank you- I worked hard to make the fights feel as real as possible, and I can't wait to do a few more as the story goes along.
9258710
Well, I'm really relieved. The tone I had adopted wasn't... as warm as it could've been. For you to be such a good sport about it is kinda awesome. Thank you.
9260465
It's no problem at all! I am certainly not the world's greatest writer, and I rely on my readers and (hopefully!) fans to let me know if I miss something.
Alright they're taking things slowly that's good and I like it. But why do I have a feeling those nobles that don't approve are gonna be back?
I'm waiting to see if anything is made of "His carotid artery throbbed beneath her serrated teeth" from the fight with Knight, but I'm patient. Serrated teeth is what you see in sharks.
9263692
In a lot of head canons, pegasi have sharp teeth for eating fish, because of a need for protein in their diet, and it's somewhat more bird like. Though I could clarify that in the story if that's too distracting.
While the festivities are going full force with our main character in this chapter, I have a feeling things are not going so well with the other side.
I imagine the defeated party are all currently sitting in a single room completely and utterly silent and stoic, like a football team that had just lost the finals.
Think about it, the humiliation of losing in front of a crowd is already hard enough, but to lose the chance of joining the royal couple whilst said couple is there to witness your defeat. That must feel like a cannonball to the balls. I have a strong feeling that some of the competitors are seriously considering embracing eternal sleep due to the sheer amount of pressure and shame they are feeling (which is something that did happen in the real world during ancient and medieval times.)
9263696
Ah, never encountered that before, usually when pegasi eat fish I just see reference to sharp or canine teeth, (in pegasi or ponies in general) not specifically serrated. It jumped out at me because the previous fight involved a bite attack and I was wondering for a moment if Goldie had grabbed the illegal bite weapon the earth pony had been using or something.
If you do decide to clarify in story i would suggest someone noticing the shape of her teeth at some point that she is smiling.
9263772
Good idea, I'll look into an edit when I get home!
9263657 Probably because I imagine they will be, whether we'd want them to, or not.
Mainly because the nobles don't give up that easily once they get something in their heads.
Bad pennies and all that kind of thing.
9264141
Don't worry this time Golden Dream has got the whole royal family backing her up now.
9264144 Yup, she does!
Still, what I said about the jackass nobles still holds.
9264153
Agreed.
9264154
Man this story is great. Cant wait for more.
"Oh, dear" is right.
Methinks the poor mare has absolutely no idea what she's about to get into with this request.
None whatever.
Poor thing.