• Member Since 28th Feb, 2018
  • offline last seen April 6th

Deathstroke3170


I Love Reading, Games and Transformers and want my imagination to run WILD

Comments ( 61 )

You're missing a ton of commas, but other than that, it's a decent story

This is a very interesting chapter I can't wait to see what happens next keep up the good work update soon

“WAIT WHAT!” I said, grabbing her shoulders, “How could a friend do this, he is not a real friend, I am going to kill him” as I started walking off.

You might want to reright this line as a friend could do that to a non-friend but also under the description given might be a rebellion.

Hello there, for whoever reads this story, there will be updates on songs section first as to sought of get a feel on what the next chapters are going to be about. So basically I’m going to add songs first and then a day or two later a chapter will come out :D
Also I will comment on what has come out :P

Intresting story so far. But the constant song things are somewhat anoying since i aparently are a super fast reader that reads so it 10-20 secounds ahead. And i need to find the song so i desided to ignore them since they ruin the flow for me

8903451
True it happens so now you can listen ahead of time :P

Honestly, the story could be better. You seem to be rushing into things to quickly and too open to be an assassin. You immediately said what you were. You shouldn't have told her, you should only have told her if there were no other options. Tenant number 2. Hide in plain sight.

8916740
Well I mean you appear into a world of strange ponies, its pretty hard to just bottle up when there are no humans and no Templars, so of course a normal human would most likely go insane knowing that he is a whole different place. But yeah I feel like I rushed too much in some sections

8916740
Also Hiding in plain sight doesn’t really work where your a human and everyone else is a different kind from you, if that is what you are trying to say.

This story, it just doesn't make any sense.

8918424
I think he means he could have played it of as being a guard or something else but *oh that, just an assin thing for wheb im killing royalty*

MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOORRRRREEEEEEEEEE!!

I know you put in music that you think goes well with the fic and I'm sure it does but why do you put the minute marks in too? That kinda stops the flow of the story. The music parts are awesome but the tags are too much.

Sorry it has taken so long to write this story, Highschool is hectic with exams and stuff.
A new chapter should be out by tomorrow or the next day, if not you guys and girls can kill me (I plan not to die :D)
So
14. I Loved You - Lucas Brodan
15.Fly Again - James Pagent

Sorry but the next chapter will be out tomorrow, sorry for the inconvenience

Ok so for Chapter 8 I have added a bit more description as I was writing this pretty late and saw that it needed more because it was somewhat lacking and if you haven’t read I will be on a hiatus for 2-3 weeks because of Trials that have come.

Important (EDITED)
Well I am back from my Trials and boy that was interesting but anyhow I am done with it and now can get back to writing, so expect a chapter by Wednesday (Goddam Ancient History Assignment, soz to whoever reads this) :D

Changed the song to something more suited to the feeling of Fizzlepop Berrytwist
17.A Hero Within Us - David Eman & Trevor DeMaere

9090750
What do you mean your not going to die were you injured sick? Tell me!:fluttercry:

Day 3 From Return: There were also no knights in shining armour, they appear more as guards where they wore no visor but still a helmet of some sought.

Sought should be sort.:derpytongue2:

9213268
Um I do have an editor and she is a good one and could you please explain what’s wrong instead of swearing

9213364
Thanks for your input, it’s much better than swearing and I’ll fix it as soon as I can :D

Also I'm not dead, just taking a bit more time to type the next chapter.

No Chapter this week I be having exams :(
But next week another chapter :twilightsmile:

are you still working on the next chapter?

will you be making any more chapters for this story

A slight delay in chapter 13, it will definitely be released tomorrow!
Sorry for the delays!

this is great! can't wait to read more.

Alright so far it’s pretty good my only peeve is the fact that is mostly based on the overused technique of “one giant misunderstanding” I say this because Celestia thinks silver killed for no reason and instead of trying to confirm it or anything she goes straight for “murdered without cause” and that kinda made me a bit disappointed. I understand it but its also a misunderstanding witch has been overused in my opinion. in a lot of stories. Other then that it’s ok and at least a read I can appreciate. All I hope is that this misunderstanding is cleared up soon for it just gets old real fast. Other then that keep up the good work!

10504514
Thank you for your input, I'll make sure to take that into consideration when writing. It's definitely not purely be going to based on misunderstanding, it'll lead to a lot more don't you worry. Thanks, agan! :twilightsmile:

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