• Published 18th Oct 2017
  • 3,073 Views, 75 Comments

Merch Madness - Justice3442

Tempest Shadow is called in for a meeting with the Storm King. However, the topic is not at all one she's remotely prepared to discuss.

  • ...


Tempest Shadow’s face tightened as her chubby, gray-furred, and white mohawked subordinate opened a large oaken door for her, shot a large toothy grin in her direction, and motioned for her to step inside. Grubber was pretty much only good for two things: annoying Tempest, and opening doors for her. The former was something she could certainly do without, and the latter was something the unicorn wished she could do without, but her broken horn made such things impossible. That was, of course, unless she decided to turn every door she came across into a scorched, smoldering wreck.

“The Sssthorm King awaits!” Grubber announced dramatically, or at least as dramatically he could given his speech impediment.

“Yes, thank you, Grubber,” Tempest said, not even bothering to hide her eye roll. As she trotted inside, she was immediately treated to walls covered with slogans such as ‘Q_ality: We can’t spell it without ‘u’.’ or ‘There is no ‘I’ and team, but there is an ‘I’ in Storm King,’ complete with the Storm King’s own grinning face. Speaking of which, the King himself was perched behind a big, wooden desk in his high-seated, oddly ornate office chair. He gave Tempest the same smile she often saw in his posters.

“Your excellency?” Tempest said. “You called for me?”

“Tempest Shadow! Haha!” The Storm King greeted throwing his hands out in front of him. “There’s my top earner!” He motioned to one of the more modest office chairs in front of his desk. “Come! Come! Take a seat. I have something to show you.”

Tempest trotted up to one of the chairs and scowled angrily at it. Putting her weight back on her haunches, she made a leap for the chair, landed in the seat, and screamed out “Pony feathers!” as the whole thing went crashing to the ground.

The Storm King let out a sigh as he stared down at Tempest, now lying in a heap on the floor. The -now quite irritated and slightly embarrassed- unicorn got to her hooves and began fumbling with the chair, attempting to get it upright.

The Storm King cleared his throat. “You know, I could—”

I got it!” Tempest snapped as she struggled to maneuver her armor-covered hooves under the offending piece of office furniture.

“Okay, just…” The Storm King opened his palms and spread his fingers wide. “I have hands, so—”

“I GOT THIS!” Tempest snarled as she finally got the chair upright. Eyeing the seat carefully, she placed her front hooves on it, grunting in displeasure as she momentarily struggled to lift a back leg up to the cushion. With a small jump, her leg finally found purchase and she pulled herself up into the chair. Blushing slightly, Tempest forced a serious expression on her face…

… only to realize she was now facing one of the Storm King’s posters and not the desk.

The chair began to slowly turn to face the desk. Tempest looked up to see the Storm King leaning over his desk and turning the chair by its high back. Eventually, Tempest found herself directly under the Storm King, his proximity so close she could smell his- almost overwhelmingly- minty fresh breath.

Both Tempest and the Storm King awkwardly avoided eye contact, desperate to not call any more attention to the situation.

Finally having turned his subordinate in the correct direction, the Storm King resumed standing behind his desk. “Right… Where were we?”

Tempest tapped at her chin with her forehoof armor. “Uh… You had something to show me? Perhaps our next raiding destination?” Tempest suggested.

“Oh, right, right!” Tempest said with a nod. “It’s even better than that!” The Storm King said as his smile grew. “I have an opportunity that will knock your socks off…” The Storm King glanced into open space for a moment and rolled his hand out in front of him. “You know… if socks had tested well on you with the target demographic we were going for.”

Tempest shuddered. “Yes, sire…” So many sweaty creatures crammed into one room… so many pairs of eyes leering at her. So many eyebrows, and other things, singed by lightning. “So, some new battle strategy, then?”

The Storm King faced Tempest again, his smile returning. “More like a business strategy.”

Tempest couldn’t help but frown. “Sire? You know I’m not one for business…”

“That’s okay!” The Storm King said. He held a couple of his fingers a short distance from each other. “It’s not you who has to do anything, but an army of teeny-tiny little ‘you’s that are going to fly into everyone’s hearts… for a modest price of course!” The Storm King rubbed his fingers together, the act clearly causing his smile to grow.

Tempest tilted her head and pursed her lips. “I, uh, I don’t understand… Also, I can’t fly.”

“I have that covered too!”

Tempest’s eyebrows began to slowly knit together. “You’re going to make copies of me, shrink them, then give them flying devices?”

“We already did!” The Storm King exclaimed. “I mean, sort of… the copies were small when we made them.”

“… I’m really not following this conversation, I’m afraid.”

The Storm King let out a mirthful snort. He motioned towards Tempest. "Okay, you've got this whole dark, scorned unicorn thing going, and that's cool. The kids love it!”

Tempest tilted her head. "... Kids?"

"You know... They're like... adults,” the Storm King held one palm above the other at a distance about the height of his head, “but smaller, and designed to separate bits from their parent's purses."

"I know what kids are. I'm just not sure why we're having this conversation..."

The Storm King turned to a large map, many cities and even countries in it highlighted in dark blue ink. "Empires don't just magically make money during the pillaging off-season, you know. And people are FAR less likely to grumble about the price of collectable merch than they are taxes.” The Storm King turned. “At least they GET something when they buy merch!"


"Merchandise! Try to keep up!” The Storm King rubbed his chin. “I need to get you some business 101 classes or something..."

"Uh... That's quite alright. What does my ’dark, scorned unicorn thing’ have to do with kids?”

The Storm King bent down and reached behind his desk. The sound of wood scraping against wood was heard briefly before the the monolithic monarch reached down into a drawer and pulled up what appeared to be a very small figure of Tempest and some sort of boat… cart…with wings and a pair of semi-translucent light-blue plastic baubles that jutted out from the back of the vehicle.

"... That's a tiny me... and some sort of flying... cart?"

"That shoots lightning missiles!" The Storm King said excitedly. He demonstrated by pressing a button on the back of the 'cart' and that fired off two plastic projectiles in Tempest's direction. The small items bounced off of the general’s armor harmlessly.

“Soo… It’s like… some sort of scale replica?”

The Storm King gave Tempest a quizzical look. “You’ve never seen an action figure before?”

“Er… I mostly just played ball with other ponies,” Tempest’s face hardened. “Until the incident, of course.”

“Right, right,” the Strom King replied with a brief glance towards the ceiling before his pupils arced down back to their original place. “Your tragic backstory that simultaneously explains your actions and makes you more relatable.”

Tempest frowned. “You rolled your eyes when you said that.”

The Storm King sighed. “It’s just that ‘tragic backstories’ are a tad played out.”

Wrinkles formed around Tempest’s eyes as her face tightened. “I lost all my friends when I was a filly! Is that played out?”

“Yes. In fact it’s the leading cause of creatures of all races turning ‘bad’,” the Storm King answered, placing air quotes around the word ‘bad’.

Tempest threw a forehoof in the air. “Well, I lost my horn when my face got clawed by a giant bear that was made out of space! I can’t help it!”

The Storm King shrugged with his eyes as well as his arms. “Okay, so your tragic backstory is far less lame than most tragic backstories.” He pointed back down at the figure. “What’s important is we capitalize on your aesthetic.

Tempest looked back down at her smaller self and the vehicle ‘she’ was paired up with. Her forehead and nose wrinkled. “Wait… Do we have small sky-boat-carts that I can lay down on my stomach in and fire lightning from?! Because, if so… Why wasn’t I informed?!”

“It’s just a toy! An accessory!”

The barest hints of a pout appeared on Tempest’s lips. “So… there’s no flying, lightning shooting thing? Not even a one-of-a-kind-prototype?”

“Sorry, my hand… hoof… woman… mare.” The Storm King rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a moment. “Is it my hand or your hoof? Anyway… admittedly we tried to create a small sky skiff, but ran into problems with the lightning guns and the fuel in such proximity where the former would set off the latter and then it’d explode in the sky.”


“You’d think that would have killed the pilot, but no. He screamed all the way down.”

A trepidatious look appeared on Tempest’s face. “I’ll maybe just wait until the second generation models are on their way… Still…” She tilted her head and stared intently at the tiny sky skiff. “Why pair mini-mes up with something that doesn’t exist?”

“Trust me! Your figure will sell way better if there’s a vehicle! I mean… We tried Tempest Shadow with lightning. Real lightning! This also involved a fair amount of explosions and screaming cut short only upon impact with the harsh, unforgiving ground.”

Tempest’s eyes went distant. “Our R&D department must suffer a lot of casualties.”

The Storm King let out a guffaw. “Oh, those are nothing to the great poster fiasco about a year back. Good thing we don’t have an HR department!”

“... A what?”

“Hireling Resources.”

“Ah…” Tempest trailed off as her turquoise eyes refused to stop staring at the figure and vehicle being discussed.

The Storm King smiled darkly. "Trust me! This baby is going to bleed everyone dry!"

"... Uh..." Lowering her front legs so she was laying on her stomach on her chair, Tempest leaned her head so far down it almost touched the ground. For a moment the chair began to shake and wobble like it would teeter forward. Clenching her teeth fearfully, Tempest spread her limbs out and the chair settled. Safe from crashing headfirst into the floor below, Tempest stared at one of the fallen projectiles that had bounced of her armor minutes before, nudging it with her snout. "I don't see..."

"Not literally! Figuratively! They're going to bleed money!" The Storm King's dark smile became all the more sinister. "Bleeding them of their precious blood is YOUR job!"

Tempest sat back up. “… You want to sell creatures these uh…” Her eyelids dropped and she motioned to… herself.

“Tempest Shadow figure with Sky Skiff Vehicle! Only 30 bits! The Storm King raised a hand up to his mouth as if he was blocking some unseen person from hearing the conversation. “The markup is killer.”

“Right… You want to sell… those things… then you want me to bleed the creatures you sell them to… Wouldn’t it be much more efficient if we just skip to the part where I kill creatures and take their money?”

“Uh. Love that ‘can do’ attitude, killer!” The Storm King said, swinging his fist in front of his chest. “But the creatures you kill and the ones we sell to are two completely different groups!”

“…So we uh… Figure that out with who buys these… figures with sky boat vehicle and then I kill whoever is left?”

“Uh, wow! Again, love the moxie you show, and that’s quite the brutal marketing strategy, but no!” The Storm King said, his eyebrows dropping slightly on the word ‘no’ as he half growled it out. “See, we sell your figures alongside mine and my troops’ figures, separately of course, that way parents really need to dig deep into those bags to complete the sets and repair the emotional damage to their children caused by us maybe burning down their homes—”

“Oh! So I destroy their homes first!”

The Storm King let out a sigh, he eyes going cross-eyed for a moment. “I mean… if it happens, it happens… Though, maybe you can avoid that. Our market research shows that consumers are much more likely to spend money on our merch if they don’t need to use it on boring stuff like a new house or food…”

Tempest nodded. “Okay!”

“So… You get it then?”

“Yes! Bleed uh… some creatures! But not ones that we think will buy tiny dolls of me with a flying boat that doesn’t actually exist, but makes you richer somehow!”

The Storm King let out a grumble and smacked a hand against his face.

Tempest’s ears fell as the rest of her visibly wilted in her chair. “Er… But try not to destroy their homes or eat all their food.” Tempest’s own eyes went crossed-eyed for a moment. “Wait… But if they’re dead, how are they going to spend any money?”

The Storm King removed his hand and let out a frustrated growl before turning towards his office door. “Grubber! Get in here!”

The door slowly opened and grubber waddled in, he nervously looked up at the Storm King. “Yes, your… uh… Angryfullnessth?”

“Explain action figures to Tempest!” He said as he motioned to the dark marron unicorn.

Tempest attempted to shift her weight to get her chair to turn, but only succeeded in getting it to wiggle a bit. She reached out with a forehoof towards the desk, but only succeeded and barely tapping her metal hoof protector against the edge. “Er… I can’t… I’m trying to…”

With an exasperated groan, The Storm King leaned over his desk and turned Tempest to face Grubber.

“Oh! Action figures!” Grubber began as he walked in. “Yeah! Totally. They’re like…” Grubber walked up to a chair next to Tempest and placed a hand on it.

The Storm King growled, “Sitting is for closers!”

Grinning nervously, Grubber retracted his hands and placed both in front of him defensively. “Right, right… SO uh…” He turned towards Tempest and held two fingers a little distance away from each other. “Action figures are like… little figuresth that you, uh… do actiony stuff with!”

The Storm King’s mouth pulled up into a grimace as he leveled an angry glare directly at Grubber.

“Right,” Tempest answered. “But how do they help me figure out who I kill… And what houses I can and can’t destroy?”

“Uh… They don’t?” Grubber answered as he looked up at the Storm King and nervously tapped his fingertips against each other, his eyes occasionally darting over to the empty chair.

Tempest looked straight up and behind her at the Storm King. She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders slightly.

The Storm King’s head began to quake with rage, he opened his mouth wide and stabbed an index finger into the air.

“Oh, wow!” Grubber exclaimed as he pointed at the Storm King’s open palm. “Does that thing shoot little lightning mithiles! Can I see it?!”

The Storm King paused, closed his mouth, then looked down at the Tempest figure and Sky Skiff still in his hand. “Sure. Fine. We have a warehouse full of ‘em…” He walked around his desk and handed the figure and skiff to Grubber who proceeded to excitedly grab them then dive on the floor as he retrieved the two ‘lightning bolts’ and reload them.

“Wow! This is so cool!” Grubber declared as he began to make flying noises as he raised the tiny Tempest, now riding the skiff, up and down. He pressed button on the back and fired the bolts where they promptly flew under the Storm King’s desk. “Wait! I can get those!” Grubber announced as he ran over to the desk and stuck his hand under it.

Tempest watched Grubber with a look of confusion, her left ear flicking slightly as she tried to process what she was seeing.

“There! THAT!” The Storm King said as he motioned to Grubber who had shoved his face against his desk and extended his hand under it as far as it would go. “That’s what we expect everyone to do with your action figures!”

“Uh… Play with them like a moron and lose parts of them under desks?”

The Storm King’s face lit up. “Right! Exactly! If they lose pieces, they’re more likely to buy replacements!”

Tempest wordlessly blinked a few times in response. “But… Why would anyone pay money for er… a tiny version of me?”

Pfft, are you kidding?!” Grubber said as she turned his head and pressed his cheek against the wooden side. “You’re like… crazy cool-looking!”

Tempest could feel her cheeks warm up slightly. “I’m… cool?”

The Storm King nodded. “And very toyetic!”


“ToyETic! It means you’re very marketable if shrunk down to a smaller size and reproduced on a large scale.”

“Like THIS baby!” Grubber announced as he came back up triumphantly with a skiff reloaded with little plastic lightning bolts. He immediately fired them off again, this time they landed squarely on top of the empty chair.

“Oh…” Tempest did her best to hide her smile, but it cracked out slightly from under her serious demeanor. “And you think everyone will pay for, uh… little me’s?”

“Hah! Are you kidding!” The Storm King said as he walked back behind his desk. “There’s two figures of you!”

The corners of Tempest’s lips rose slightly higher.

“What about me, thire!” Grubber asked excitedly as he reached for the plastic bolts. “Do I get a figure?”

“DO NOT TOUCH THE CHAIR!” The Storm King bellowed.

Grubber puffed out his considerably large lower lip and lifted his hand above the seat to point at the plastic projectiles resting on it.

His brow tightening, the Storm King let out a groan. He looked at Tempest and pointed towards the other chair. “Tempest, could you…?”

Tempest’s brows fell around her eyes, framing it in an angry glare as she craned her head upwards to look at the Storm King. She held up her armor-covered forehooves.

The Storm King sighed. “Right.” He leaned over his desk again and grabbed hold of the empty chair’s back. He tipped the chair towards him, causing the little plastic pieces to fall to the floor and roll under the Storm King’s desk once more.

“Ah, man!” Grubber exclaimed as he went back to the desk and immediately jammed his hand under it.

Rolling his eyes, the Storm King continued, “The ‘Grubber’ figure didn’t test well.”

“Aaaah…” Grubber said in a disappointed tone.

“So we packaged figures of you with one of the Shadow Tempest figures, and another with my figure.”

Grubber’s face lit up and he turned, bending his arm at a somewhat unnatural angle. “…I alstho get two figuresth?! Alstho, ow!”

The Storm King’s smile suddenly grew malevolent. “Yes… That way we can force everyone to pay for the same thing twice.”

“Genius, thire! Where can someone pick up one or all of these finely crafted action figuresth…?” Grubber grunted as he shoved himself against the desk with a soft ‘thump’. “Uh, ashting for a friend.”

“Why, wherever Storm King merch is sold, of course,” The Storm King informed, his statement somehow dripping with venomous intent.

“Oh good!” Grubber suddenly stood upright, missiles firmly in hand. He walked over and leaned towards Tempest. “They have those everywhere we go.”

“Yes, I know, Grubber,” Tempest deadpanned.

“Because we conquer those placesth.”

“I realize that… On account of us doing the conquering…” Tempest said, her face tightening slightly.

“Then we set up shop!” Grubber added.

“I know, Grubber!” Tempest growled.


Tempest turned and sneered at Grubber, the tip of her horn beginning to crackle with dangerous energies.

Grubber swallowed.

The Storm King cleared his throat causing Tempest to pause. Grubber turned. Tempest frowned as she looked up, realizing she was still facing the door. “Grubber? Could you…?”

“Huh… OH! Uh...” Grubber frowned. “I’m not allowed to touch chairs.”

Tempest let out a groan. “Sire?”

Grubber, just turn the freakin’ chair!” The Storm King barked out.

“Yes, thire!” Grubber exclaimed as he reached over and turned Tempest so she was facing the Storm King again.

“SO!” The Storm King clapped his hands. “If you’re satisfied, I trust there’s no further questions.”

Tempest’s expression grew serious. “Just one…” She glanced down at the figure of herself in Grubber’s hand as she gave it a good look over.

The Storm King stiffened slightly as he reached into a drawer, his open hand hovering over a piece of parchment that read ‘CONTRACT FOR CONSENT AND RELEASE FOR USE OF LIKENESS’.

“Do… Do you really think I look cool?” Tempest asked with a hopeful expression.

The Storm King clenched his hand and pulled it from the drawer, leaving the consent form. He walked around his desk once more up to Tempest and turned her chair to face him. “Tempest Shadow, baby!” He placed his hands on either side of Tempest’s cheeks. “You’re the coolest!”

“You’re cooler than cool!” Grubber chimed in.

“Ice cold!” The Storm King assured.

“W-w-really?” Tempest uttered between squished cheeks.

“Would I make tons of toys in your likeness if I thought otherwise?” The Storm King asked as he raised his hands up to either side of his head in a shrug.

“Uh… I guess, not!” Tempest said, completely unable to hide her smile at this point.

“Okay!” The Storm King rubbed his hands together. “So… Anything else?”

Tempest frowned, her brow tightening. “Hey, wait a second!”

The Storm King’s smile dropped. “Yes?” he growled out.

“I’m still unsure of when I’m supposed to kill someone!”

Grubber tapped a finger against his chin. “That would hamper their spending potential.”

His eyebrows dropping to the point where he could feel the tightness between his eyes, The Storm King grabbed Tempest’s chair, spun it around, and pushed it forward into Grubber until the little guy had no choice but to clamber on top of it. Tempest and Grubber now on the chair, the Storm King wheeled it to the door, opened it, then pushed both chair and occupants to the floor outside his office before he slammed the door shut.

Lying under both Tempest and the chair, Grubber struggled until he pulled out the Tempest action figure and skiff. “Hah! Free toy! Score!” he said triumphantly.

“That’s coming out of your pay!” The Storm King shouted.

“DEAL!” Grubber called out. He glanced up, past the glowering stare Tempest was giving him. “And you got a free chair!”

“ALSO coming out of YOUR pay!”

“You get to buy a chair!” Grubber said his excitement unabating.

“No. YOUR pay, Grubber!”

“And I bought you a slightly used chair! Isn’t that great?”

Tempest paused for a moment, looked up at the chair, then glanced back down at the figure Grubber was holding. “Yeah it’s… really cool.”

Grubber giggled and looked up to Tempest then past her to the chair on top of them. “Isn’t it?”



“Yeah, I hate the chair,” Tempest informed. “In fact, I detest it with every fiber of my being. Trade you for the tiny figure of me and the flying boat?”


Within moments, Grubber was on the chair, spinning around and exclaiming “Wheeeeee!” to his heart's content as Tempest trotted away, a miniature figure of her in a fictional flying-boat on top of her head and a smile on her face.

The End

Comments ( 73 )

I love you. :heart:

*snrk* The Great and Hilarious Justice3442 is back at it!

That was very strange, and more than a little silly...and absolutely adorable at the end. I loved it!

Yup. I can...

Oh god, this is a beta test for Twilight Sparkle teaching Tempest Shadow friendship and fire, fire, fire, fire, lightning, and fire everywhere oh my god, it's in my dreams and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

On the bright side, I love the slightly sociopathic characters you write.

Well that was daffy. :pinkiehappy:

I love this story. With all of my consumer whorish heart.

"Moichandising! Moichandising!"

Anyone else want the bobble head of the Storm King from the movie if they make one someday

Oh no no no I'm a rocket horse
Rocket horse burning out his fuse up here alone

Hmm not sure if I should read this having not seen the movie. Then again, I pretty much figured out the plot from the trailers - they get exiled by Tempest, and a bunch of characters voiced by celebrities help them get stronger and get back to Canterlot.

This was adorable! :twilightsmile:

My Little Pony: The Movie DA FLAMEFTHROWAH! :rainbowlaugh:

They could bundle it with that Cheese Sandwich tank toy, as single jet ship can't make it a game... :raritywink: jk

The one spoilerish thing is this does mention Tempest's backstory. Though, not really any spoilers for the plot itself.

The Stork King said, his eyebrows dropping slightly

Does he sell babies too?

Anyway, great and amusing read! Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

Oh dear lord...:rainbowlaugh: This is gold, right here. (And I for one, would buy that Tempest toy.) See, proof that the Storm King should be taking over the marketing world! ...Maybe.

Tempest threw a forehoof in the air. “Well, I lost my horn when my face got clawed by a giant bear that was made out of space! I can’t help it!”

Alondro holds up a finger after the manner of his troll hero, Dan, "I would like to query three important points related to said tragic backstory: 1. How did you and the other two small helpless foals escape the giant enraged Ursa Minor, as we have seen that once angered their aggression is quite difficult to sate and required a high-level magical artificer to sooth the savage beast. 2. Are we to believe that in all the history of Equestria, no unicorn has EVER broken a horn before and there is no treatment for said injury? 3. WHERE THE BUCK WERE ANY OF YOUR PARENTS FOR ALL OF THIS? DO THEY JUST LET YOU LITTLE TWITS WANDER OFF INTO DARK FORESTS ALL ALONE AS A MATTER OF COURSE?! IS THIS SOME KIND OF ARTIFICIAL NATURAL SELECTION TRIAL THAT YOU FAILED?! AND THEY LET YOU RUN AROUND AFTERWARD, INJURED AND MAGICALLY-UNSTABLE? DIDN'T ANYONE CALL PONY CHILD SERVICES?!"

Tempest Shadow shrinks down lower and lower as Alondro's enraged voice rises higher and higher to shake the fictional foundations of reality... I think that last part made sense... somehow...

Also... oh, of COURSE this was written by Justice3442. Who else could manage such sublime comedy?

8495763 THE TERRIBLE TRUTH: The legend of the stork bringing babies came about when a stork was seen carrying a baby in its beak. What few saw afterward was the stork devouring the infant alive. :fluttershbad:

(I have no idea if this is true, but it sounds darkly comedic enough to start an Internet meme over.) :pinkiecrazy:

I'm not usually one to quote the Mentally Advanced series, but when I do it's going to be this quote:

"It's like they give us a fork and a toaster and direct us to an electrical socket and a bathtub and tell us to learn a life lesson."

8495946 I wish the movie had been at least a LITTLE self-aware at that part. The backstory was so incongruous and lacking in depth, and held the assumption that OF COURSE being hurt as a foal would immediately send her to the Dark Side, it was like a farce that the writers forgot not to take seriously.

It was a place Starlight would have fit perfectly.

Tempest, "Don't you see? I was injured and rejected as a foal! Naturally I had no other choice than to become a violent dictator since nothing good could ever have come of my entire life after that!"

"Wow. I've totally never heard anything like that before..." Twilight stares flatly at Starlight, who grins sheepishly. "You two make Luna's explanation of sibling rivalry sound nuanced and deep by comparison. You suck."

Starlight and Tempest look down and sigh, "We totally do..."


Yeah. In fact, that's why that part is IN the fic. :rainbowlaugh: I actually think Tempest's backstory is slightly more sensible than Starlight's, but maaan are ponies bad at making sure foals don't go off the rails when bad stuff happens to them.

Didn't she became evil much later, because she was promised horn regeneration? She didn't became evil, because she lost horn. She became evil, because she was promised healed horn for her services. It's in the comics.
But i must wonder why her horn didn't grew back after such long time.

My Little Plastic Ponies: Merchandising is Magic

Good job making the Storm King both hilarious for the sake of the joke AND sociopathic with a complete lack of disregard for any one's life but his own.

I assume that's exactly why they're so focused on harmony, to minimize the chances of foals getting permanently screwed up because they had a traumatic experience.

I'd say the underlining issues is apparently both Starlight and Tempest had no 'social safety nets' when the bad stuff happened, at least none that we're shown. Like... if say I lost my hands in a tragic fan-fic writing accident, I have friends and family to help my life get back on track. If I was a pony, apparently I'd have no choice but to replace my damaged forelegs with SWORDS and wander off into the Everfree forest until the experience hardened me and convinced me that the only solution was to declare war on fan-fics, or join up with some crazed megalomaniac.

After the events in the movie, Tempest manages to find and purchase a Twilight Sparkle action figure.
Just to have and because they are totally friends and nothing else.
(And any claims by Grubber of her having them make out are completely and totally untrue)

I say we have an amazing new story concept there. Do it.

I find it incredibly cute that Tempest is excited to be thought as cool.

>> Implying I'm not already almost 500 words into said story concept.:trollestia:

Looking forward to seeing Justice Blades featured.
Working title------------------------------^^

:rainbowlaugh: It's not quite the "swords for arms" idea, but it does tie into the whole 'tragic foal backstory' thing we've seen from the franchise a couple times.

Aw. I was really looking forward to Crazy Edward Fanfic-Hands.

We'll see! I do enjoy abusing those Anon and Self-Insert tags. :rainbowwild:

The Storm King sighed. “It’s just that ‘tragic backstories’ are a tad played out.”

Wrinkles formed around Tempest’s eyes as her face tightened. “I lost all my friends when I was a filly! Is that played out?”

still like it.

That was nice and at the and slightly confusing but funny

I can’t wait to see the Mane Six Escape Balloon Limited Edition Collectors Set. :scootangel:

Wrinkles formed around Tempest’s eyes as her face tightened. “I lost all my friends when I was a filly! Is that played out?”
“Yes. In fact it’s the leading cause of creatures of all races turning ‘bad’,”

Storm King tells it like it is. This is why I'm sorry we didn't get more of this guy.

The barest hints of a pout appeared on Tempest’s lips. “So… there’s no flying, lightning shooting thing? Not even a one-of-a-kind-prototype?”

So Tempest is actually tempted a little at having such a cool ride. And she invokes one of the most classic reason why the villain gets a cool custom model.

“You’d think that would have killed the pilot, but no. He screamed all the way down.”


"Why would they test that in the air and not on the ground first?"

I also like the idea that the SK knows that people are more likely to pay money for cheap junk than pay taxes.

And those slogans! HAHA!

I love how it's Storm King having explain how merchandising works to Tempest!

The picture alone grabbed my attention and told me this was worth reading 👍

Whole movie I'm just looking at it going, "Storm King is literally Hasbro Marketing..."

I know, right? Between this and Fame and Misfortune there's this weird habit of the show creators subtly rebelling against their corporate overlords. :rainbowlaugh:

And at least Luna and Celestia are apparently capable of living for millennia. That's a long time for bad feelings to simmer and fester. If someone one-upped me over and over again for centuries, I might go nuts, too.

That's basically what turned Katsuhiko Jinnai from a crooked high school student playing politics into a cackling supervillain bent on world domination and it only took a few years in his case. Yet the makers of the show presented it in a way that made it entirely understandable a reaction(Note if you decide to watch El Hazard, watch the OVA, it's excellent, while the later made TV series is just bland. And I do recommend you watch the El Hazard OVA if you like anime).
In a way, this is Sunset Shimmer's problem, too. As far as I can tell, she had no one but Celestia so when she was on the outs with the Princess, she just had no one.


Worst part is, it's literally their fault in the first place. Sunset, Starlight, Tempest, were all responsible for the loss of their support group (Tempest if we assume that she had, y'know, made more friends as she got more mature instead of immediately choosing a life of villainy at like... the age of four) and went bad because of it on the spot. "I don't have friends (totally not my fault!), so I'm going to rule-and/or-destroy this world!"

8496009 Uhm, she just sort of marched off and gave up on society after apparently doing nothing to try to make her life meaningful in any other way. And apparently no one ever even tried to help her.

Her backstory was an instance of total narrative failure where NEITHER show, nor tell, were used to explain ANYTHING adequately. She loses her horn, two foals are scared, she leaves her hometown looking angry, and voila... she's evil now!

8497375 Let's just agree that the show is really bad at fleshing out 'tragic villain' backstories.

We have nothing that approaches the level of a Mr. Freeze, Clayface, or even a Baby Doll (Batman: TAS KNEW how to do tragic villains with understandable backstories. And, even when they realized they'd done wrong, it didn't instantly absolve them of responsibility for their crimes. The show writers understood the nature of cause and effect, and the lasting consequences of actions.)

8496160 And so we see that the ponies are the worst people in the multiverse.

Foal, "Mamma, I scraped my knee on the playground."

Mother, "I CAST THEE OUT!!!" Tosses the foal into the Everfree. :rainbowlaugh:

Oooooo... I sense parody potential here.

Shadow Tempest is the THIRD unicorn I've had to come up with an additional backstory to explain how she went from sweet, little filly to crazed monster.

She's an orphan!


My theory is. Based on what we're shown in the movie, ponies are quite valuable outside Equestria. According to the IDW prequel comic, the mane six were worth at least the cost of two sizeable airships. So my thoeory was that Fizzlepop ran away from home and was found! By literally anyone else who wasn't a pony! Basically, she was captured and sold on the open market (though, it's unclear how much a 'damaged' unicorn filly was worth). Her horn being broken might have been a small boon in this case as we're ALSO shown that unicorn horns themselves are valuable.

Presumably, Fizzlepop escaped at some point or was granted her freedom. Maybe she changed hands/flippers/claws/paws a few times first. She seems to be a capable fighter. So either she had to grow up learning that skill or perhaps something especially crazy happened like she was forced into gladitor like combat!

At least, that's how I made sense of it until I read her wiki and found out her backstory involves FRIENDS who left to go to CELESTIA's FRICKIN' SCHOOL FOR GIFTED UNICORNS and then she got UPSET when THEY WENT AND SHE DIDN'T! So she JUST UPPED AND RAN AWAY!

I mean... the being captured and passed around like the only joint at a stoner party idea might still work if it's sandwiched between that and where she meets up with the Storm King. Still, apparently the take away here is that when you're a foal and something bad happens to you, your only recourse is to basically slowly give into madness and/or despair!

It's already making for GREAT fanfic material! :pinkiecrazy:

I've concluded that Luna is perhaps the only antagonist who didn't just START evil we've gotten a decent backstory from... End of season 7 spoiler: Maybe except the PoS.
>>Implying I'm not already 7K+ worth of words into the idea.

>> 500 words
>> 7K


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