I write the countless and troublesome story worlds that I see in my mind for you're enjoyment, mostly to just make them stop! GTFO out if my brain and onto the site! *SMACK*
Little over a year has passed since the invasion Tempest Shadow (Fizzlepop Berrytwist) did in the name of the Storm King. Since then she has gotten a job, done many hours of mandatory community service hours, and made a friend with the guard that was originally assigned to look after her in the first few months. Now Twilight has Fizzlepop going on a date with that same guard, and Fizzle, by request of Twilight, agrees.
A commission by: Alchemicgree
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Why is there a sex tag?
8486353
Suggestive wording.
Realisiticly well done if I may say so!
Really like how Pastel sees her for who she is not as she appears, something very heart warming when writing about a reformed villian.
Keep up the work good sir!
This is great but a few minor mistakes are letting it down.
I think that is supposed to say see
11 years of community service? It's gonna take her decades to fulfill that, especially if she's only knocking it off a few hours at a time. o.O
8565382
And along with the typo in that last one, it should either be "Why don't you ever draw me with my scar?" or "Why do you always draw me without my scar?"
8632877 Good point. Glad to see you making the corrections.
So many fics I come across are badly written; but this one is great: a nice little fluff piece.
You just desperately need an editor to give it a quick look through for the typos, spelling errors and grammatical issues. The writing and story themselves are fine.
Considering that you're doing stories as commissions, if you can get the errors cleaned up, it'd do you a big favour.
8647099
Last editor I had left the Fandom a week later, and the one after that just up and left period. I have terrible luck with editors. If you want, you can try.
Luna rose the moon shortly after Celestia set the sun. The concert was going on as ponies flocked to the crowds place. Pastel and Fizzle, however, sat further away from the stage. On a blue and orange checkered blanket they sat, the stage was visible, but you could just barely see the ponies performing, yet still hear them clearly. Paper plates were placed holding sandwiches, bowels carried potato salad and fruit salad. Fizzle had to admit, Pastel packed well and even brought her favorite drink, Lemonade Soda.
8864268
Fizzle sighed, taking a few bites of a daisy sandwich before taking a deep breath. “They were loving. The day I ran into that Usra Minor and lost my horn and got this scar, they practically weighted on my hoof and leg.
It feels like you were holding back...
Twilight could have spied much longer
At least come back one more time after she was approached :)
That be fun