- Member Since 13th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen Apr 17th, 2016
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dafuq did I just read?
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRIyrpXa0N6SAOBT8gqiTbiU_aaSSTRlYnTzWboA2W1bamqCMQXGA
encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTumNJJNkL4-VDR1-2FMEc2Lib_227Y5gVuCR7iWIgIJ9ZuRCro
Hmmm, no.
Here's what the folks running Sexty Minute Ponies had to say:
The chess game added a lot of nice tension to the sex, which I really enjoyed, and I was impressed by the technical detail in how it was written. My favorite detail from the story was this one though: “a lifetime of experience using their mouths and tongues made Earth ponies legendary for their oral sex skills.” I’d never thought of that before but that’s totally a headcanon for me now. And I just loved the title. Nice work!
Which was nice to read. Thanks!
The chess game is this one: http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessgame?gid=1473052
Here's what the folks running Sexty Minute Pony Stories had to say:
Now this was interesting…Rainbow Dash is usually cool and confident under pressure, yet here she seems to reluctant, almost like Fluttershy. She bows under Rarity in a way that makes her seem quite submissive. I can picture the clothes on her quite easily, and they look good. The question that lingers in my mind is, where does it go next? Does Rainbow Dash agree to have sex with Rarity? Does she blush and flee, leaving Rarity feeling terrible for having made a move she shouldn’t have made? Who can say? This was a good prelude, regardless of the direction it would take, however.
I was a little disappointed by this one, as I ran out of time before I got to the sticky but fun parts. I may come back and amend the story with some hot Dashity action sometime. The idea was that Rarity would start something with Dash in an attempt to boost her confidence, and that some of her cocky, brash personality would come to the fore as things heat up. Sixty minutes was just not enough time, unfortunately.
As for Rainbow's characterization: one of the things I sincerely like about Dash is that there is a layer of insecurity and vulnerability beneath her brash, cocky exterior. It's a pity my attempts at conveying that she felt like she was facing a challenge she was poorly equipped to handle didn't work as well as I had hoped. I really wanted to highlight that, that and Dash's unexpected yet appealing feminine side.
This was... Funny?
This is amazing. And will be the first clop I have favorited, instead of laughing at it and clicking to the next story.
Bravo.
And another glorious example of clop done right. And yes, I am aware they don't get to the banging, but the characterization and the loving attention to detail, without being completely fetishistic like most detail-oriented smut, is delicious.
I believe you've earned yourself a watcher.
This was beautiful, I always loved Dash's insecurities explored, and in this chapter it's done soo well- I wish there was more.
Interesting...very very interesting. Both 'events' had my focus equally, though I'm not good in the slightest about all these terms. It's a very visual game for me, more than something that can be described in literary terms.
Oh, and the sex was good too, but I'm not sure if 'magic' can take on a physical form, unless Twilight was using something.
I just think it would be more Pinkie, if instead of saying "absototally!" She says "Absototallutely!" Just wanted to give you my input on that. I did one of these, in an hour, it hasn't been approved yet, but you should check it out when it it. ^.^
924740 I say go for it, honestly. There's definitely something more to this story, and who knows? You may break four chapters with something like this, considering the given goal for the story :V.
Pick it up again, I'd like to see where it goes, really. Considering you already got a good grade on it, that should be motivation enough, right?
You know what's weird? My name's Chris. Talk about being in the story!
All in all a great update!
952626
lol same here.....>.>.....
At leas there's some background as to why the dude's in Equestria.
I love how you implied there was a transuniversal portal that linked Earth and Equestria. So are there still Humans in Equestria?
By the way, try seperating the flashbacks from the present time with somethin like italics or differently colored font.
Here's what the Sexty Minute Pony Stories folks had to say about "The Wedding Party":
This was cute and funny. I enjoyed how comfortable Rarity and Chris seemed together, that was a very sweet note to carry through the story. The aside with Lyra was well-told and amusing, and provided a nice punchline.
Yay.
It would have been over 1,000 words, but I ended up leaving some background stuff out -- there was a brief explanation of the Well Between The Worlds, and some of the effects of the link between Equestria and the human world. It seemed a little distracting.
Fun fact that didn't make it into the story: the ponies like our world. The nice parts are almost as pretty as Equestria, and we don't have messed-up monsters and chaos gods and the like.
in your cover, i see that AJ looks like pure shame XD
What the?
1010336
My thoughts exactly.
Dodecuple Möbius reacharound?
Dodecuple Möbius reacharound.
I'm going to be doing a quick revision of this. The 60MP folks had some issues regarding consent.
Fortunately, they were both courteous about communicating their objections and specific about what to do to rectify them, so I don't see any reason not to make the changes.
Keep your eyes peeled.
Here's what the Sexty Minute Pony Stories people had to say:
Ahh, time travel, that most confusing of plot elements. It took a while to figure out just what was going on here, but it all pretty much sorted itself out by the time we got to the sex. Seeing the Lust Liquor send everypony into a frenzy of sex all at once was a bit wild, especially with the time-shifted duplicates of each pony present. You had a lot of good alliteration here as well, always a plus.
Well, glad this worked out as well as it did.
I don't even know why I keep posting comments saying what kind of fucked up shit is this. I just keep finding more fucked up things. Hell, tomorrow I'll probably find a lesbian 5 way involving some random ponies. If anyone decides to write that, I will kill you.
YAY!
...
...
...
*Twilight looks over at Steel, raising an eyebrow.*
...
*Twilight punches Steel in the face, breaking him out of his trance.*
Say something!
Huzzahwha?! I-I wasn't watching the A-Team at 3 AM!
I mean uh yes, this story was very good! Just um...yes, it was good.
*Blood starts trickling out of Steel's nose.*
*The bleed turns into a stream.*
GOD DAMN IT, DASH!
I CAN'T BLOODY HELP IT. I've always had a soft spot for the written word, and fantasy writing like this just...TRIGGERS something in me.
Are you kidding? Fantasies are fantasies, but we're still different species. Why would I do that?
Well, sure, in your own ways, but I prefer to keep that stuff same-species, yeah? I enjoy reading about it, but that's as far as I wanna go; God forbid I ever want to join in.
Yeah, guess I'll just wait for a lady that I can share good times with.
Oh, crap, right! Um, I think my cohorts covered it pretty well though. Even though you didn't manage to make it to the 'sticky' parts, the imagery already conveyed is enough to trigger the imagination. The word choice is good, and the characters actually stay in-character (which isn't much of a plus, I can always support OOCness so long as it follows some unspoken rules.), and there's some interesting emotional development here.
You're being fitted in clothing that's going to expose you in 'all the right ways' to ponies you idolize. That doesn't bug you at all?
Surprisingly honorable of you, Dash.
Holy mother of GOD...
I-I...I CAN'T BELIEVE IT...
J-Just read this story! Just read it!
*Steel turns the laptop around to Twilight, and she scrolls through the story with slow taps of the down key using her magic. Her eyes go wide as her brain goes to work. Her cheeks flare up.*
I know, right?! I mean, this sort of thing should be IMPOSSIBLE!
I still have chills going down my spine...
Oh dear Gods...Twilight, the Panic Room!
Right behind you!
*The two race out of the room as Rarity reads the story. The glow in her starry eyes slowly fades as the story scrolls past, replaced with a rather knowing grin and half-closed eyes.*
*Steel and Twilight poke their heads out from behind a massive vault door, both sweating from once-felt terror.*
S-She liked it...?
She liked it...
*Steel looks up, holding out his hands.*
The sky isn't raining lava or frogs...so I don't think the End Times have come...
*Steel looks down to Twilight, as she returns the look.*
Agreed.
*They both duck back into their Panic Room, the vault door slamming shut. Dash comes into the room carrying a soda in her wing, and she looks over at the laptop.*
Well hot damn. Seems like the main character here is ONE LUCKY BASTARD.
Seriously though. What're the chances of that happening, eh?
AH! WHY DO YOU KEEP APPEARING LIKE THIS?!
Since all these ponies are too...bugged to present a good review, then I'll do it.
Honestly, it's short and sweet. More short than sweet, but it explores a fantasy that some bronies have, and honestly, you met that fantasy quite well. The imagery was good, but the feeling didn't quite make it, though that's probably because I was just reading, instead of...well, 'reading'.
*Pinkie gets a face full of wing as Dash stares at the story.*
...Woah.
Well...ok, sure, you do seem like the craziest one in the group concerning 'trying new things', but this seems...I dunno, out-of-place.
WHAT?! Well...God damn it, alright, if I was the same species as Equestrians, sure, I'd want nothing more than to be the guy in the story at least once. But considering I'm NOT, this would be really friggin' weird...I'm already bothered when humans show up, let alone when they're having 'fun' with you lot.
And wait a sec, where's Fluttershy? I thought I invited her...
Well ok, point to you on that one.
*Steel and Twilight stare at the computer screen with furrowed brows and quirked mouths, as if trying to comprehend what's being shown on the screen.*
So...who was speaking again?
I...think it was me?
Not sure, it's not very clear...
True, but it was FAST. Still, it is a 1 hour time limit on writing, so I suppose I can't drop points...still, if only the writer had reached that point with about...half an hour to go. It could've been made into an orgy worth clopping to!
Not bad!
Or was it Rainbow Dash?
Least the sex was good.
I agree, but alas, these chances slip from our grasp like so much fine sand...
Thank you.
How'd you guess?
Well, just read it for yourself. I'll write up the review as you read it.
Right, the story was entertaining, if confusing at times. The only problem I have is when you have groups of three or four ponies, you never mark who's speaking to who, even if it is just a back and forth between two characters. I sometimes lost my pace trying to figure out which voice to use.
The sex? A great concept, but it was written so quickly that I couldn't even feel the blood pumping. I say try this again without the time limit, and see where you go and what you do. I think there's something here that could be stretched out into a very nice one-shot.
I agree.
Also, I think I've gotten too used to these...
Happens to the best of us, Miss Sparkle.
...
Well...
Um...
Uh...
WHAT?!
Twilight did you learn anything from watching Cadence suck dicks?
Yep, immediately regretting that question nOH GOD HELP!
*Steel is immediately thrown from the group by a purple blast of magic, and Twilight leaps at him, roaring with rage.*
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T THI-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I understand! I understa-
*The sound of a slurp can be heard, and Steel's eyes immediately go wide. He falls slack against the wall, a look of confusion paralyzed on his face. He doesn't look down.*
...Please, tell me that isn't what I think it is.
...Well...this is awkward.
...Uh...can you...can you let me go now?
*Twilight comes up into his view, looking him dead in the eye.*
Aye ma'am. Never again.
Fannntastic to know. I am now mortified.
*They both stare at each other.*
...So-
I'm never doing that again.
I felt like I was gonna gag.
Shut it. That is the one time you and I are doing that.
I thought you said you were MORTIFIED?
Wasn't going t-
Well that's ju-
Oh come o-
Well...the feeling passed?
*Twilight groans as she turns around and walks back over to the computer, fuming. Steel zips himself up, still trying to process what just happened.*
Awww...
God damn it...
Absolute, and completely funny.
Interesting. Very interesting.
It took me three minutes and another five paragraphs to figure out who V.S. was.
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/60953-Shadow%20of%20Death/953/85/rainbow_dash_seal_of_approval_by_lemonyhoovesd3d8vey_display.png
will be reading the rest of this later. well done
"Standard eldritch shorthand" may be my favorite part of this, simply because now I'm intrigued by the concept.
Also, a beautifully in-character take on a sexual Twilight.
"Dude, what did we say to ourselves?"
"I dunno, let's go find out!"
yay for extremely precocious young Twilight.
Who's vs??? Am I just stupid???
1042228 Unless you're
ing, 
The face-hooves have been doubled!!
1043558 still confused... Sorry, 4 hours of sleep makes me tired and stupid
1043888
Vinyl Scratch, a/k/a DJ-Pon3
Soooo, I'm familiar with the 'brown note' , but I suppose that would be 'pink note' ?
1044663 ughhh, wzpdh2@;($/@brflajHe I need more sleep. I can't believe I forgot about vinyl scratch
Here's what Equestria After Dark's Speedclop people had to say about "A Sucky Evening":
It's true. Someone watches your kids and the only thing you can think about is sex. Well that and naps.
Heh
I like It, it's very technically sound and has a fun silliness to it. The only issue I found with this story was the use of the word "magical" I believe the word you were looking for was "mystical " or perhaps "spiritual". Good job on this story though. High five.
1044663 Of course EVERY SINGLE NAME EXCEPT HERS CAME TO ME.
I feel daft now...
Unexpectedly...positive of you.
What can I say? It's like my own Pinkie Sense, only for porn.
Exactly, well put, Pinkie.
Your denial of everything that happens here still surprises me.
Just like how magicians have their secrets, I have mine...
:applejackbemused: "Do we need t' have words later?"
Ahhh, so even the humble Applejack has some time to herself...
*Steel grins like a slimy used car salesman after selling a beat-up old wreck.*
*His grin turns into a smile.*
Admit it, Applejack. You're a horrible liar.
1056055
I'm sure we can find SOMETHING...pretty sure there's enough unique story writing out there that we'll trip over her muse.
I've no idea what you're talking about.
So be it, Miss Applejack. Though it is strange...
Don't I always warn you ponies about what stories we're going to read before we read them? And wait, where's Dash?
Well, at least that'll be a week of no town deconstruction due to her stunts...but before I stray off my point...
*Steel turns to Applejack, and Twilight looks over to her from the other side of Steel's chair.*
Why DO you show up?
So, you do li-
*AJ jams a hoof in Steel's mouth, and stares him dead in the eyes.*
As soon as I saw the name I instantly thought blossomforth. Well done good sir.