Whenever Songbird Serenade steps onto the stage, the crowd calls for her. They hear her voice. And more importantly, they hear the pegasus' words. But there was a time when Songbird's words were very small and not well known. During her high school days, Songbird was a poet inspired to capture the world by storm with words. Unfortunately, that mindset almost cost her the future she was destined for.
No movie spoilers will be in this story. This story is pure speculation.
I want to personally thank Crystal Wishes and the people in her Discord for making me feel welcome and happy. You are all great people. Really, thank you.
A special thanks to Sylvian for proof-reading.
I wrote this story prior to the movie's release. Cannon lore about Songbird Serenade's may contradict my story, but I wanted to touch on who the pop singer was before she became famous. This is to feed the crowd until the actual movie is out in theaters.
Link to cover art: https://www.deviantart.com/art/Songbird-Serenade-626535085
This has potential, the characterisations are fantastic, and the pacing is wonderful.
But I honestly just don't see how Serenade could be this critical of her work. Yes, we are our own critics, especially us who write our own songs, but there is a point where it begins to stretch into the unbelievable.
A habit like this, of crushing your own works and being insecure of them, would stretch well past into your later life, and more so at Serenade's rate. Yes, she seems confident in what few scenes we've garnered, but she could at least be happy about a select few of her poems, not none of them.
But I also like how, since this is through Serenade's eyes, that she only seems to really see the negative comments, never truly noticing the positive. And when she does, it seems to be short lived. I like that little detail. We are always a little more critical of our personal works than others would be.
I also like how her shyness is portrayed. It isn't the typical kind of shyness. She actually is just slightly disassociated with everyone, but her actual shyness comes from sharing any of her works. She isn't shy with people. She's shy with sharing. That's good.
Of course, I still have the nitpick about her being so self-destructive with all her work, which is just a tad far-fetched. Especially someone who radiates confidence like her in the few scenes we've got of her.
Other than that, (very constructive criticism, take it with grain of salt), the quality of this is very good, with only few grammatical errors. I like it a lot. I'll be looking forward to updates!
8463822 Holy crap, someone posted actual criticism! I may not know how to respond to it! D:
Really though, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my story and give your thoughts about it.
Glad to know my pacing is good and the characterizations are enjoyable. I am not surprised that you would question the over exaggeration of Songbird and her bitter criticism. Trust me, I was aware this would most likely be mentioned. In her defense for her behavior, MLPFim has extream over exaggerations of character tropes. I do not know anyone who is as bombastic as Pinkie Pie. When I write my stories, I try my best to stay close to the show's premise/style, while putting my own twist on it. However, that does not excuse super unrealistic characterizations, so I can see why you would say that.
As for her poems, its the criticism that makes Songbird dislike them. Whenever I got criticism on other stories I had completed, I began to hate them. But as time went on, I saw the error of my distane. All I can say about her behavior is to just read and see.
Now onto the more liked bits, you appreciated:
It gives me great pleasure to know that what I was portraying as "shy" Songbird was interpreted in the way I was hoping. I didn't want her to start off by saying, "I have no friends," or, "nopony understands me." Pitty party stories like that are just... ugh. I wanted to give a mix of yes, feeling sorry for the main character BUT focusing more on relating to Songbird. We all receive criticism and it can hit us hard when there is more negative than positive. Heck, even when I saw your long comment, I got a bit nervous because everything you said was how you felt.
To conclude with your last returning thought to Songbird's negativity, I can agree that it is a bit over the top. Finding that ceiling to where it is not unbelievable is difficult. Your feedback about her bitterness will help me in the long run by helping me not make EVERYTHING such a mess for a character and give them a few redeeming/good attributes.
The smallest advice can bear the most weight.
So, I thank you for taking the time to look over my story, give your two bits, and for looking forward to what is to come. Lucky for you, I plan on finishing this story before the movie premieres. I want to catch the moment before all the Songbird fics come along. And I expect a lot of Songbird/Coloratura romance fics up the wazu...
Thanks again and enjoy what is to come.
...This won't have any spoilers for the movie in it, right?
8464688 No. I should say that in the discription.
So cute.
8465117 :D
You have yet to disappoint. This story is definitely going into my favourites when it's done!
And the fluff just brings a smile to my face. Good job!
Also, 1 day 'til the movie! Woo!
When I saw the word "disappoint" I was like, "The story is horrible! It's getting deleted!" But your comment made me smile.
I hope to finish the story tomorrow.
Hm... unicorn magic? I know you're referencing her eyes, but it is, or would be a little confusing to the casual reader. I like it, but take that small tidbit into account.
Alas, I love the emotion and strength in the depth of the characters so far. I especially like the mutual uplifting with Four Eyes and Serenade. It's sweet and nice to read. Thus, I await the next chapter!
8469126 By what you are saying, I am using the "unicorn magic" bit a little too much? Of course, the reason why it was brought up was because of her desire to become a unicorn in the first chapter, and then she writes down words subconsciously and concludes that she may be part unicorn.
Like you said, you like it, but I want to know how to control a recurring "joke" or "reference," though I don't expect you to have an answer.
It's a yes from me.
Wonderful story, and you really put made the title a part of the story. Fantastic.
I think you really corrected the small criticisms I had, and that was just amazing, but if there was one last thing I could say to improve this story, it's that the pacing in the middle was a bit odd, but nonetheless, a well-crafted and amazing story!
I loved the fluff, I loved the emotion, I loved it all. Thanks for writing this.
8482268 Well, the smallest advice can bear the most weight. I am really glad you liked the story. I will admit Four Eyes inclusion was to have some filler but to also have someone for Songbird to talk to without getting all flustered around.
It means a lot that you liked it as much as you did. It makes me feel proud to be a writer.
*claps* I can see it...very nice.
8484239 Thanks for reading
I loved the song at the end; even though my voice is really quite crappy, I couldn't stop myself singing my own rendition of it. Thank you for moving me so much, it's been way too long!
Do you know what this story reminded me of? An episode of the show. Not a particular episode, but an episode in general. The characters, humor, overall plot, the song, and pretty much everything made this feel like it was in the spirit of the show. I think that can be hard to pull off sometimes, especially with new characters we know next to nothing about and new original characters that don't seem like copies or parodies of canon characters.
I like how the mare who critiqued everything (whose name escapes me at the moment and I can't look it up since I'm on mobile) was introduced as an antagonist but in reality wasn't trying to be one, as it was mostly the contrast between her extroverted personality and Songbird's introverted personality that caused any perceived conflict between the two. Four Eyes's inclusion was sudden and unexpected, but once I got used to that party I enjoyed the character. To improve on that suddenness, even mentioning her earlier would have made it less awkward. She's a very emotional character, which I found at times to be over the top, but then again I'm not a big fan of exaggerated displays of emotion. They did bring some humor, though, so it's not all bad. The relationship between Songbird and Feather is a fluffy one where they're both almost to shy to tell the other their feelings for each other. My favorite part was when Songbird fell through the clouds to Feather's horror and then he did the same to her horror. Also, clever using an aileron, the part of an airplane wing that controls lateral balance as the name for an assertive yet supportive teacher.
Songbird's growth from a shy and socially anxious character to one with more confidence in her own abilities as a result of her friends is definitely well done. I can definitely see it as a plausible start on Songbird's journey to one of Equestria 's most famous pop stars. The song, teased for several chapters, was greatly satisfying, and had the same proud, bold, and power of Countess Coloratura's "I Am Just a Pony", definitely fitting for one of Equestria's future pop idols.
In short, very well done. There are a few spelling and grammar errors, including one in this chapter that I can't seem to find right now. I got so many feels.
8485589 Don't worry, I have my own lyrics to the song as well. If I ever get someone to help me with the notes, I would definitely love to have this an actual song.
I am glad you liked the story. It means a lot because you do.
8485768 You know, when it comes to me writing a fan fiction, I do write it as if it is a part of the show while adding my own twist. It is good practice if I ever want to be a part of a storyboard writer. Of course, not all my stories are like this one because of all the romance I like to add and blah.
That is why I have an oversensitive character, Four Eyes. Because of how the nature of the show, things are overexaggerated. I will agree with you that her inclusion was sudden. My reason for Four Eyes was to give Songbird a character to talk to normally without getting so easily flustered. Four Eyes was also there to build Songbird's friend circle. If it was just Songbird and Feather, it would have obvious implications that the two of them would live happily along with one another. With a conflicting mare, it leaves the future of what happened among the three as they got older much vaguer.
The fluff was obvious and I wanted to evenly balance it out between the three characters by giving it. From what I can tell, the fluff works an is not excessive.
8485768 Overall, thank you for the feedback. The smallest advice can bare the most weight and I will consider your criticism about Four Eyes.
8485838
I'm the exact same way in terms of canon compliance. Which is why, unless contradicted by the show or future films, this fic is my new headcanon for Songbird's life.
8485889 Thats what I do like to do as well: give head cannons to unexplained backstories. If the show/comic/movie cannon for a story does come out, I compare and see if mine or the cannon is better.
8531307 Someone stop this reader!
I would like to know how the piano can be played with hooves
Jokes aside, this is a really good story.