- Member Since 1st Jan, 2017
- offline last seen Sep 10th, 2022
Halo456
I am a newcomer to this site and my first story's on a public site hope you like what I write
Halo456
Joined 1st Jan, 2017 ·
Offline
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The characters dont act like real people.
The word pony was not said one time.
+1 sin-Fallout Equestria *Ding!*
+1 sin-Humans *Ding!*
Not to discourage you but. Its bad, also....
+1 sin-Oc's *Ding!*
8323568
He has not meet any pony yet that will be in the next chapter I and I am not including any oc's so take off two of those sins and don't jump to conclusions just yet
8323583
"Jumps to conclusions"
8323583
This character is not canon what-so-ever. +1 sin-Oc's *Ding!*
T h e w o r d p o n y w a s n o t s a i d o n e t i m e +1 sin- No ponies *Ding!*
Hmm looks good.
8323742
+1 sin-Praise (Ding!)
8323758
Hmm?
Looks like an interesting read. I hope you keep up with it.
Before I read this, what is the Gore tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
8324851
Pretty bad
Critique dude here
2 Things need to be accomplished:
-Get an Editor, ASAP.
-Try not to have your character speak their mind all the time (Unless he supposed to be this way), Saying "Oh that car looks abandoned" while no one but the main character is present takes away part of the immersion, especially if this is an abandoned city where anything (Including who he's fighting) can be present and talking can give away his position.
8335405
Okay I will get on that right away
Bullet magizines and clips aren’t the same the thing. Mags hold the bullets in a protective barrier and clips can act as speedloaders with no protective cover for Bolt action rifles or speed loaders for magazines. And from I’m told from Granpa (who also was a rifleman who carried a M1 they didn’t give Clips they gave him Mags. Sorry to come off as nitpicking.
8688344
No it's fine I can take it you proved some good points and have done some research which I thank you for but this is not a perfect story but making it a perfect story will be a challenge and I accept that challenge. But these in my opinion are the steps to make it perfect.
1. Improve writing skills and formatting which is now done but there's always more room for improvement.
2. Make the story more appealing to the audience.
3. More character development and background information about them.
4. Fix the problem of my Google docs not working so an editor can edit my story.
5. Make the lore more evident.
6. Research more about guns and the workings of guns so I can be more accurate with my details in the story.
7. Have more struggle for each character in the story.
8. Have longer chapters but this will be difficult due to the limited time I have each day or my laziness comes back.
9. Not make main characters overpowered.
10. Plan out the story's before writing them
11. Reach out and ask for help from time to time mainly because I am pretty stubborn when it comes to writing my story's.
12. Make sure that everything is going to be alright and that the story is not sunshine and rainbows but make it reality.
13. Be more detailed of the soundings around the characters.
14. Make conflicting situations for the characters and have a good or bad outcome and how that will affect them and the people or world around them.
Now then feel free to add to this list on this story or my main page when you click on my username. I can take criticism and take that advice and put it to work so don't think that I will ignore you or use the advice you gave me I will use it and put it to good use.