• Member Since 8th May, 2015
  • offline last seen April 9th

Oldtakufanboy


Original username Zoddtheimmortalone. I'm a fan of anime, but I enjoy the classics more. As for My Little Pony, I may not watch it as much, but I do like the show and I also love EG

Comments ( 128 )

fave and tracking

Celestia's daughter, didnt see that coming but hey at least got one nice story

8216995
Why do you think Tirek has a daughter?

I’m not sure if I’m going to enjoy the whole idea, but I definitly like it enough to give it a chance.

8217023
At least you’re giving it a chance. If it’s not to your liking, that’s okay. At least you’re being honest

Now that I’m close to her, I’m about half her size. Her father’s huge, but she’s about as tall as Celestia and Luna. She brings down a hand, making me unsure if she wants me to kiss it or hold it.

I understood that they are anthros and that makes them giants in my eyes, now that I try to compare their sizes. Well as long as you don’t make Luna or Celestia sex slaves, there should be nothing that makes me...reflective. Since I’m here there is of course nothing I have against the sex part itself, but there are some....gernes?,..ideas that I don’t like that much in such stories, but honestly sometimes they are quite okay if done right or written with the right reasoning.

“Celestia,” she answered, making my mouth drop. “My father flirted with her and she agreed to it. He told me about the birds and the bees when I was fifteen and he told me of how I was born.”

Is she his unwilling wife or something?, some kind of deal?

This is nice, the only thing that troubles me is, that I want to understand why they seems to be together, Celestia and Tirek.
It looked like she is less than happy, now that I think about it it even looked more like one of those relationships in different lands where the woman does nearly everything for the man. I guess I would like to think that the probably forced marriage isn’t the one thing that makes her unhappy but more the state of her kingdom. I would like to think she has at least a happy relationship with her daughter.

There was one thing I was asking myself all the time and I think I need to know what you where thinking while writing it to make up my mind about it. Well why did it look like our main char wasn’t that much interessted in how they feel or maybe even thinking that they have it better.

I mean yes I guess they can live better, but I guess they don’t have the nicest live either.
Not sure if you know what I mean, but I somehow always have the idea of a kind of mad ruler that makes slaves, but isn’t the type for sex slaves, maybe a bit like Wallhart from Fire emblem awakening, I think that was his name. He was someone that takes everything by force and it looked like not eveyone was happy to have him as their ruler, however I could image him to actually be kind of good to his people in his own way.

Maybe in a sequel or something (I know it is to soon to speak about it), they can change their life a bit once Tirek grows old and maybe is to weak to win a fight, at least against everyone and probably his daughter. Is it to unrealistic to think that the magic would try to slowly escape his body once he grows old and then he would maybe try to give it his daughter or the human if he thinks he is trustworthy enough and if that even works.
8217005
8216995
Because fanfiction?, maybe he had one all the time and only got her once he finally ruled over Equestria.

Like I said, this story has some nice things to offer and the situation actually makes it interessting. However in such situations I always remember weird stories where the main char kind of raped everyone, starting with the royal sisters.
Maybe I can’t make up my mind but sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it, that counts for nearly everything on this site.

8217255
Nice criticism; I like that.

There will be interactions with Celestia and Tirek. I was originally gonna make it a lot darker, but we need light in here. Celestia did make a deal with Tirek, so that if she bears his child, she and her sister will be spared and will become slaves for things like cleaning, cooking, etc., along with other guards around the castle (which there will be in the next chapter)

8217315
Glad to hear it and I think I like it more like that.

8217334
Was originally gonna make it a whole lot worse. I rather not say the original idea

Comment posted by Dark Shade 75 deleted Jun 8th, 2017
Comment posted by Oldtakufanboy deleted Jun 8th, 2017

8217347
I can image what you mean and I don’t say it would have been bad, but probably not my cup of tea.
I mean I like to see some scary horror movies, but at some point I don’t like it if it is to focused on the suffering, then it get’s even to much for me.

Comment posted by Dark Shade 75 deleted Jun 8th, 2017

8217367
So you’re saying that my story shouldn’t be on there?

Comment posted by Dark Shade 75 deleted Jun 8th, 2017

8217380
At least you’re being honest. This isn’t the first of my stories to be featured

I became a slave or Lord Tirek

Short description has an error. :P

8217406
Thanks for spotting that

8217406
May I ask, where id you find that error? Under which sentence or paragraph?

8217436
Saw it in the description that you can see in the feature box, so I’m guessing the short description.

8217444
Of course. Glad you found it.

8217380
Normally when something gets featured it means a moderator approved of it, or it hit a crap ton of likes in a short amount of time , sure the story may have some issues, but you have to be blind to miss the good in it as well

8217453
I like your words. I’m giving it a thumbs up

8217462
Why thank you.

Comment posted by Dark Shade 75 deleted Jun 8th, 2017

On the continent known as the US

WHAT. Isn’t US a country and not a continent?

8217678
Thanks for spotting that. Will edit

She sonda so cute. Also I can see where she gets her bobs if celestia is her mother.

8217855
Thank you for the compliments. She’s just like her her mother, only that she’s a centaur and daughter of Tirek

8217874
Cool. I hope to see more.

8217879
Next chapter will come soon :raritywink:

I rarely fave a new story after just one chapter. I have only done it a few times, though I will no doubt do it again. Generally, I track after one chapter, and leave a supportive comment. For you, I give you a fave. Don’t make me rescind it. I have rescinded a fave on a story I gave a fave to after one chapter before. I left a scathing review of it in the comments. Hopefully, that won’t happen. Keep this quality and there should be no problems.

Yes, I will be holding you to a higher standard than normal stories. However, don’t worry too much. The reason why I flayed the author’s skin from their bones is because the story went to shit. It went from pretty good, although most of that was due to the novelty of it, and went straight into the sewer. Absolutely forced character development, splitting focus between main character and random character that started as an antagonist who I don’t think really grew on anyone, having strange, random events occur for no reason, the main character basically being Pinkie without the fun personality, and basically, it was bad. The only thing it had going for it was originality in the beginning. Oh, also, the plot and ending seemed horribly rushed, despite the fact that the ending was something that should have happened before the story would even need to take place. Also, there’s the main character getting an album full of foal-hood pictures of her lookalike.

Look, if you retain a decent enough quality, I won’t dunk you in a figurative vat of boiling acid.

Very interesting:pinkiehappy:...

Comment posted by Tenth deleted Jun 10th, 2017

I find the protagonist to be unlikable, unrelatable, as well as unrealistic. With lines perpetually reeking of narcissism and sappy psudo-backstory, it’s an eighth wonder of the world as to why I should care at all about what happens to him.
Here are the reasons the author presents as to why I should care:

“Like a good person I am”

“but because I'm a nice guy”

“well, you seem like a nice guy.” “I am,” I said with a nod.

ecause I’m a nice guy” leaves little room for development in character, motive/incentive of character, and gives me no reason to bond or cheer-on the character.

It’s not often we see a centaur story. I look forward to reading more chapters. :twilightsmile:

8218428
It’s true. I think this idea hasn’t been done at all

"Okay! Okay!" I said, as the two guards walk beside me. "No need to be so ruff, fellas."

"Ruff" XD I'm Ded dude! Its so bad but i gotta keep reading!

This is really good. My only complaint is that the dialogue doesn’t have much description as to how someone reacts to what they say. Other than that, it’s very well written. A few words accidentally left out here and there, but I like it a lot.

8217382
What I say next is totally not against your story. I like this one so far.


While I don’t exactly share his point of view, I have at least to admit that there are stories where I wonder myself how they got featured and called one of the best.

Maybe the system doesn’T really work like he said and that gives others the illusion everything is so awesome and...you maybe know how psychology can work (that is something that is interessting for me to.)

8217453 I agree that the storie has it good side and since it is still in the beginning it is one reason why I like it so much and think it can turn out even better.
8217671
I don’t share your opinion on this story, but I agree with what your saying most of the time.
8217874
Now that I am well rested and awake, I’m kind of curious how the story plays out. I mean I kind of would like them to get rid of Tirek at some point, maybe the sequel and there it could be a part of the story to solve some psychological problems Celestia might have with (female Tirek) being her daughter, because she got it the way she got her. Then again she wasn’t raped I guess since it looked like it was part of a deal, so maybe she doesn’t have to have some unknown problems with her?

I know I kind of pleaded for Celestia to have a good relationship with Kylra? (I remember her name next time), but can’t decide if it would be interessting for Celestia to not notice her own...deeper problems with how she actually feels about her daugther being the daugther of Tirek. I guess I want some kind of familly drama, the hero to actually think about the whole situation instead of, “yo Celestia and Luna, isn’t this a nice day in slave town?”, the hero possibly reforming Tireks daugther before anything to bad can actually happen with her (because sequel), then....then I forgot what I wanted to mention next.
( I always get suddenly so many additional thoughts ideas, that I forget what some of my first thoughts were sometimes)
8218092
Sometimes if I read other comments I think I see myself, part of what you said reminds me on how I thought about different stories or how often it happens, that a story suddenly wents in the gutter or how you said it.
Sometimes to me that means always following some cliches or stuff that happened 500 times already, a main char with a personality like there would only exist certain three. .....the main six thinking they have to fix the personality of a main char or getting an antisocial badass character to be a nice one in record time.

8218406
hhhmmm It wasn’t that obvious to me, but maybe that is exactly why I wanted him to actually react to the events that happen or showing a different emotion in following chapters.

8218518 At least I haven’t seen an OC centaure yet, only a human turned Tirek one, that was pretty shitty after a while as far as I remember, but I have high hopes for this one.

I’m not sure how many of your stories are still ongoing, but I hope you don’t become on of those authors that have started 30 stories and can’t pay attention to them all, which means that at some point we won’t se an update for certain stories at least a year.

Hmmm... There is a certain drought on centaur stories, I’ll give you that, author.
More so the difficulty to find an appropriate and SFW picture for the story, since most pictures mostly depict the usual main cast or villains in centaur form.

However, since the centaur in question is the daughter of a villain, no one will say anything about resemblance.
Yet I wouldn’t have used a cropped NSFW version of female Tirek, but this SFW version from Urusee584. Lacks the golden nose ring, but hey... Nobody’s perfect.

As for the story itself... For me, Tirek feels too nice towards Darek, not like a tyrant. As of right now, the story has some plot holes that future chapters surely address. How Celestia was able to agree to have that bastard’s child is beyond me, let’s see how you explain that.

As of now, Drake is on his best way to woo the daughter of the tyrant holding Equestria hostage. That makes him a great contact for certain... resistance groups, either forcing him to change Trika’s (I would have named her Tishara or something if it had to be something with the letter T, but perhaps you wanted to limit it to two syllables...) mind about ponies, hoping to have freedom again with the death of Tirek and that Trika would give back the power to the ponies or it’s possible that certain rebels want to abuse Darek to get closer to Trika in order to hold her hostage as leverage against Tirek.

Bah, too many ideas spooking in my mind after one chapter only. It’s the author in me. :twilightblush: Don’t rush things too fast. If she’s not a centaur succubus, he shouldn’t fall so easily. Then again, if Cadance and other ponies see an advantage in bringing these two together, chances are high and so are our chances for great laughter, that he will end up drugged with some Everfree Forest Lust Potion TM to transform him into a love hungry caveman. That and if he has issues with doing that to Trika, certain mares might find ways to persuade him. And after all, why waste such a brilliant chance to get a hold of Tirek’s one and only weakness and steer things in favor of the ponies?

But maybe Trika already has plans for her... pet... :trollestia:

8217671
You know it's people like you that make writers insecure about themselves, and their stories. No story will ever be perfect when it starts. There will always be errors, or one misused phrase. And just so you know there are sex stories that are far worse than this. Now I would suggest that you stop acting like you know everything, and then "proving" you do with the phrase "sex sells". have a nice day

8219068
I'm with you on this one. He has way too many illegitimate concerns and, instead, makes broad generalisations that caters to what he wants to think. If he has a problem with how the feature box function, I'd suggest he go talk to knighty about it. And, having spoken to knighty recently, I'd go so far to say I'd hear his laughter in New Zealand.

He needs to nut up or shut up.

8217671
Alrighty then, since you're such the expert on everything clop related, I am issuing you a challenge.

Write a clop story.

That is it.

If you can hone this expertise into producing a piece of clop, I will freely volunteer my services to edit and proofread, and I have the credentials to prove that I can write and edit. You? Not so much.

Do you accept?

Login or register to comment