thedragon
Joined 1st Nov, 2014 ·
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Please help someone
hoooo boy alright first things first you got your sentences wrong example of yours This is my first story . at the end of a sentence you dont put a space then a period you just put a period or question mark or whatever. the premise of the story is good yes but its a bit rushed but thats all i can see for now
paine. its pain not paine
This is quite interesting.
I can't believe you guys didn't get the that thing death said in chapter 2
5222139 Ill be editor but I will only be on like 3 hours a day
wright more bro so awesome
Seariosly no got 'forest forever remains free'
more plz
if celestia was asked by death What would happen if ponies forgot how to die? the world would be a much darker place.
It will go something like that
5255852 ZOMBIE!!!
Not zombies....................na-wate no spoilers
please make more mr.creator
wait till you meet a real meat carnivore there messy~!
lol funnest part to me if i could give you you 1/10 i would give you 10000000000/10
Nobody expects the Spanish inquestiton
5395613 spain did
NEED MORE THAT WAS FUNNY SHE ATE YUMMY BEEF THEN SADLY SHE THROW IT UP POOR MEAT:(
short yet nice but you need to work on the paragraphs a bit
continue
will you continue?
"Celestia is life." - Sounds like the headline of a propaganda poster to me.
Sun= heat which is life to grow so Celestia through whatever and how close to the sun she is would be life
Check your spelling. Either English is your second language or you're still young (15-25) and depend on auto-correct.
It's a good story but you need to get an editor.
Okay, I have one piece of advice for you as an author. Show, don't tell. Describing his vomiting as feeling as if a Timberwolf is trying to claw its way out of him is good, but what color was his vomit? Was it hay colored, or carrot orange? How far did he make it before he began puking? Also, has he been keeping himself and his clothes clean? If not, he probably smells so bad everything in the forest simply avoids him for the scent alone. If he has, then he probably smells of water and engrained sweat. Son and so forth, point is, description makes stories memorable by putting images in the minds of your readers.
Sorry to be rude, but if you don't get an editor I'm gonna throw up. The theme is good, but it needs someone to make it read smoother.
Good start but you need to slow down your chapters and put more words and details to give the reader a picture of what is happening...but overall good story so far and let me know when the next chapter will be out
6226270
6226541
6375439
What thease people said.
i want more of this its funny to all hell
Wait.....is death genderless right now? Male? Female? C'mon, give us the details!
Deaths a dude
Enjoying it so far, but obviously grammar could use some work, although there's definitely been improvement
5253848 it's everfree forest we know it was quite obvious
I would like to see MOAR!!!!!!!
Update please...
Sweet, also hi.
Great story!!
I would looooooove to see more
Dead?
Is this dead?
Is this Story, DEAD??
This is most likely dead unless the author's note at the end was a recent edit but most likely not.