Epilogue : The Trail of Blood
Several days have passed by since we came back from Canterlot. And today was the first I heard Dr. Slovic was moving to Manehatten. It was so abrupt that I didn't really know what else to say but goodbye. Soarin, Abby, and Rare couldn't make it to the station because of work. Fiona didn't know him too well to really see him off. And Dash and Pinkie had places to be after wishing him well. Leaving me alone with him and his last few minutes in Ponyville.
It was a cold day. Snow was starting to fall late this year, thanks to Dash's negligence as weather manager. It was nice to finally see some white. But it somehow made this moment that much sadder. Watching a friend leave.
"You can go if you have somewhere else you need to be, I understand," Sombra told me. Reassuring me that it wouldn't hurt his feelings if I left.
"No, I want to see you leave. What else are friends for?" I said, trying to brighten the mood at least a little bit.
"Watching friends leave is what friends are for?" Sombra quoted me. "I think you've done that plenty enough in the past few months." He was referring to Vinyl again, like a constant reminder of fault left without proper blame. And there wasn't really much I could do about it either. It's like everywhere I walk nowadays I think of her. She appeared to me that one time when I almost lost to Nightmare Moon. Honestly, it unsettled me that I still didn't know who did it. It's always nipped at my mind. Who killed Vinyl? And why? Up until a few days ago, I thought Sombra had been the mastermind behind it all. But that couldn't be right. It just couldn't.
I looked down the tracks and saw the train approaching just a little bit away. Sombra picked up his luggage and stood next to me on the platform.
"Still, thank you," he said.
"For what?"
"For teaching me how to move forward with no regrets, no sadness in tow. And for seeing me off. I'll miss being here with y'all," Sombra let himself slip into a little country droll for a moment. As per the occasion, moving from a hick town to the city. The train screeched to a halt, the doors opening with the whistle blowing loud and clear.
If you don't ask him now, you might never know. I told myself. Sombra was going to board a train and go away for a very long time. And I knew I'd regret both saying and not saying this.
"Sombra," I began, getting his attention before he boarded. "Did you kill Vinyl?"
Sombra was silent for a moment. At first, I thought I had finally figured it out. That it was him all along. The doctor that could fight. But what he said next shattered that idea.
"You aren't the first one to ask me that, Twilight," Sombra began. "The others have asked me the same thing." And here I thought I was the only one to have accused him. No wonder he always acted so depressed.
"But you are a fighter, aren't you?" I asked just to make sure.
"Yes. Despite how hard I try to hide it, the eyes give it away. Everyone else figured that out too. Even Vinyl," Sombra gave me a weak smile, pulling his bags with him as he stepped onto the train. I felt terrible. This was the last time I would get to see him, and I send him off knowing that I thought he was a murderer.
Some friend I am...
"However," Sombra grabbed my attention, his green magic holding the train car doors open as he spoke to me. "What I didn't tell the others was that I know where the King will be next." My eyes widened with horror once he said that.
"How do you know?"
"Let's just say he was a patient of mine a long time ago, and that if you want to find him, go to the 'Ring' in the Crystal Empire."
"What's the 'Ring'?"
"The underground pro fighting league of Equestria. The Griffen Empire has something similar, but more public. Knuckle Brick Corner is an extension of the 'Ring', Soarin may be able to tell you more about it." The train whistle blew, signaling that it was time to leave. It inched forward, going East to Manehatten.
"How will I know if it's him!?" I yelled as I galloped with the train.
"He wears a mask, so the only way you'll be able to tell is by his horn! It's bent backward and it's blood red! But Twilight, please do not go after him! There are ponies who want him dead as much as you do, let them take the sin of ending a pony's life!" That was the last thing I heard from Sombra before the platform ended and the train doors shut.
And now I knew. That Vinyl's killer was still out there. And I'm certain of it. That I will not stop fighting until he pays for what he did.
To Be Continued...
In...
The Symphony of Combat
100 upvotes will be my marker for "The Symphony of Combat" to be written.
Once again, thanks for reading, and have fun with that cliffhanger!
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- BackroundVoice · 6.5k words · 29 3 · 997 views
- Widow Peak · 106k words · 94 12 · 3.5k views
- Bookpony579 · 2.2k words · 9 2 · 796 views
- BackroundVoice · 9.1k words · 67 3 · 1.9k views
- Phoenix Nebula · 1.1k words · 51 4 · 2.3k views
- OpenPage · 11k words · 48 4 · 1.3k views
- Lawrin · 10k words · 200 4 · 4.3k views
- typervader · 2.1k words · 88 2 · 1.9k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.193 seconds
Total duration
698 users online
781,582 hits today, 2,724,632 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hope the votes come in soon. You managed to buck my expectations with how the fight went. Perhaps I've read to many manga but I was expecting Twilight to do something similar to Muso Tensei of Fist of the North Star.
8409376
And there were so many times that I wanted to!!
But I had to make a decision to either make this go Dragon Ball Z or Don't.
I challenged myself not to.
But thank you for understanding my pain. Cause now I'll never get to write about Twilight and Celestia, flying through the air, fighting with their manes on fire!
i find it rather unlikely there is nothing that could have repaired twilights horn, but i still find your story well well written horribly unrealistic. you need to work on establishing consequence for otehrs for there actions, not just allowing them to get away with it for storyline lols. it seems like any form of decency just doesn't exist in this world.
8409412
The world is a worse place for it. Truly.
8409422
I think you're just mad because I hurt Twilight a lot.
There are decent ponies. I could even argue that Nightmare Moon has some kind of moral to at least bow to a worthy opponent.
I had what happened to Twilight happen so that I could break her horn, and her expulsion was so that she'd stay in ponyville.
So let me ask you, what would've happened if I didn't expel her and had her horn fixed after Nightmare first broke it?
There would not be a story about Twilight becoming a fighter, and dealing with being someone else than she is normally portrayed as.
Despite everything It was an awesome read since it makes you really think about it, truly sad that Vinyl had to go but still this is something one should read, very glad that battle turned into a last stand instead of A DBZ, where Twilight becomes super powerfull and beats the Alicornhood out of Luna/NMM, what Twilight did kinda reminds me of Noble 4 from Reach of course excluding, ya know, death.
And while I don't want to push it I think it does deserve a sequel.
Amazing work! And thanks for the story.
8409629
Thanks dood!
Glad you liked it!
8409449
that may be but A. the fact remains celestia didn't even investigate the totally out cf character disappearance for twilight. she also probably knows someway to have fixed the horn, it could have at least been an epilouge point, even a refrence of hope.
B. you have twilight family literaly drop her totaly without even checking the reason why any of this might happen.
and c. you don't really bother to have consequence for rainbow kidnapping twilight, or the group for setting twilight up. contrary to what some people might believe you don't just forgive people for that kinda thing. considering that the way applejack did it could be considered cheating and dishonest in it's own right i'm surprised granny wasn't quoted to have tore into her for it. for some reason you seem to think 'my bad' covers literally everything under the sun here. you don't get to be a total asshole and not suffer for it, it always comes back, yet these people seem utterly immune to it because you wouldn't have a story.
your a great writer but honestly this is a major plot hole, aparently the law, celestia and twilights family are all completley brain dead, and no one in this underworld seems to have had the backbone to say 'hey guys what the actual fuck?"
I just wish I could like twice...
good story that I been mean to reading
8410692
wish I could like it 100 times
8409449
if she was not hurt then they be no story, only way I see it would work if she got taste of the fight and did it only on weekend after her studys.
good story btw I enjoy it.
8416350
I need to know what that translates to
cool story bro, thanks.
8434024
vI actually got his quote wrong though, it was "Y'all are stupid" not "Y'all are crazy."
I'm sad now
8435646
No, I'm sorry and sad now!
I haven't even played Sun and Moon yet!
8436281
Spoiler alert: That's Guzma, he's ya boy, and he calls y'all stupid.
8436660
I love it
Omg !!! I love it
i can not wait to read the next
8491745
Pretty much, thanks. Some passages in chapter 2 got me confuse on how I should be seeing the scene and changing btween anthro and pony ponies.
Thou' in chap 3 I got kind irritated with the narrative because it starts saying how powerfull of a magic user TS is to just make she unablw to defend herself a scene later, for all the backstory made me believe she should have been able to "vaporize" every pony in the bar easily and she not even using teleknesis to easily restarin RD when she "locked" her in the counter was pretty much a punch in the face, I simply hate when authors do that kind of incongruent thing because plot, other than that I'm loving the story so far (chap 4).
Oh yeah, almost forgot. Just because she can't use her horn doesn't mean she is not using magic or is unable to, something like a "ki charge" to strenght her body would be an use of magic that would not break the idea of a "magicless" unicorn.
8492250
Wow, that was a lot
But yeah, I guess I should’ve written somewhwere that Twi shouldn’t use magic on other ponies, but the more I think about the dumber I feel for not adding something like that in.
And question, did I write somewhere that they had hands??? I need to know, I don’t want people thinking this is Anthro.
And the “Ki” thing.... I guess there’s something like that in this story, but it’ll most likely be expanded apon in the sequel if I write it.
And thanks for giving this story a chance!
Someone quit after they read all the stuff about Twilight getting hurt
8493347
I'm just going to say this one last time.
Vinyl and Dash never intended to get Twilight expelled or have her horn be broken.
If Twi was only out for a day, she could've explained everything to Celestia IV herself and she wouldn't have assumed Twilight was forsaking her studies for partying. And then she could've gone back to Canterlot where everything was okay.
And then she would've recovered and then everyone would be happy except one person. And that's me.
Because now, we don't have a story where Twilight learns that being a magical unicorn isn't all there is to life. In this universe, Trixie is now the better wizard. But not the better fighter.
But no, let's just blame someone what for what happened to Twilight, right? Because they clearly intended to do so.
"Cause hey, this is just like lord of the rings. I always hated Peregrin Took for ultimately getting Gandalf killed. Cause of course he intended to wake up all of Moria with the Balrog so that Gandalf would be the hero and save everyone. Because certainly, Gandalf's death had no plot significance for the rest of the Lord of the Rings story. It's not like he becomes the new white wizard to replace Sarumon or anything. Tolkein wrote that in just to make me sad."
That's what all of this "It's Dash and Vinyl's fault" sounds like to me.
There would not be a story if Twilight didn't get expelled and have her horn broken. Just like we might not have gotten Gandalf the White if Pippin didn't twist an arrow on some skeleton.
8493633
Don`t forget, everyone will still criticize you even if you give them a reason why you had Twilight get bucked.
Also assuming this is like Mortal Kombat, are they Bi-Pedal animals in this story?
8492476
Pretty sure you said hands at some point, but I think it was part of an idiom someone was saying.
8497779
Dang it!
8497727
No bi-pedal, they just balance on their hind legs a lot to fight.
And I get it that people will always be mad about what I did to Twilight, but they don't have to take it all out on Vinyl and Dash.
Cause Trixie, the King, Nightmare Moon, and Flash Sentry are way worse, yet, I see no one complaining about them.
8497836
I guess it`s cuz Flash Sentry doesn't really have a personality. Nightmare Moon is just an ass. Trixie is a show off, and The King?
Well I guess its cuz people dont like it when you have the "heroes" doing stuff like that.
8497839
Now that fault is my end for assumption.
8500665
Yes, it means I really want to keep reading it but have to stop from time to time to curse at the development, but I think this is more because I am still in the flash back...
8500676
Yeah... I probably shouldn’t have told the story the way I did. But I did.
This was turning out so interesting and then Dash turns out to be a really terrible person. This story is... kind of messed up and the moral seems... what the word... crunked.
8508641
How so?
Purely just to understand.
8508812
Damn, you're asking me to explain why I think a red sign is red. I understand this is a gritty more violent incarnation of Equestria, but I still feel this flaw should be obvious. You did nothing to create any sympathy or goal for Dash or Vinyl. You didn't even bother giving lines to the other girls in the "HARMonys" so, again no motivation. You mention afterward that they lost their apartment in a bet (and I kind of stopped around here, but this is crunked). This apartment bet should have been the first thing you mentioned after Rainbow Dash kidnapped Twilight. Picture this instead:
Twilight says she doesn't want to fight and Vinyl says, "Listen, Sparkle. I know you've been taken for a ride and you may not want to be here, but for matters out of our control but we bet our home on this fight. If we loss, we're homeless." BOOM, with that one line we not only feel sympathy and understand with Dash and Vinyl, but we also kind of want Twilight to help. If Twilight still refuses, we can even understand why Dash would feel the need to ruff her up. Instead, Twilight's reason to help is "face to counter" multiple times. Twilight is being coerced with violence and we don't know why. Hell, it's not even about Twilight getting hurt, if it was anyone else we know this situation is still wrong.
Even if you didn't do that, right after this scene we met Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie. Three more chances to develop characters and build some kind of rapport with the reader. You could have had anyone of them or all of them comfort Twilight, apology for her circumstances, scold Rainbow Dash for grabbing an innocent mare and dragging her into this, share a similar story on how they got dragged into it to relate, defend Vinyl by explaining how she's actually a really good pony/friend, or say they'll watch her back in the fight. Any of these would have made the reader feel closer to the team and more willing to accept that crazy circumstance Twilight is in as well as make Twilight feel some camaraderie to these ponies she's just met which you could have later used to help explain her sudden desire to want to protect Vinyl.
Not to mention Celestia's response was so... abnormal. What kind of school lets their top student disappear for several days, doesn't contact their parents, police, or even bother sending someone to investigate? Twilight could have been dead and they never bothered to check? Well, let's say the elite gifted school is run by assholes who honestly don't care about their students. You going to tell me Twilight's parents never stopped by to investigate this sudden disappearance and unless Shinning Armor is asshole too, like everyone in this world except Fluttershy and Twilight seems to be, you're going to tell me the loving big brother and captain of the guard didn't investigate his own sister's disappearance after 3 days of abnormal behavior and no public sightings? Twilight Sparkle, with the established canon relationships we know she has, is to high profile for no one to care that she was missing for several days. That's why AU is so tricky to work with, especially ones that retailer the whole world. These connections, which we as readers and fans expect to exist, might not exist in your story, but unless you tell us we will assume they still exist.
And that's why Rainbow Dash is a bitch, the morals are so out there or non-existent, and why the story feels "crunked". The sad thing is, all these flaws could have been solved by just a few extra lines of dialog or explanations. I can analysis this a bit further and explain why this comes off a good, but becomes so offputting when we read about Dash slamming Twilight's head into the counter for no reason (and this seems to be normal for everyone else) but that will take to long. I get that you want to point out the drastic contrast between the canon and your AU early on, but please don't' forget in future stories that if characters aren't given some kind of proper motive their actions can simply come off as cruel and malicious.
8509576
Okay, I guess I'm arguing. 
Thank you for telling me that. I need to understand these things so that I can go back and edit this.
I want this story to be better, and... I swear I'm not trying to argue, really, I'm not.
Buuuuuuuuuut...
It's just that my viewpoint of the story is that Twilight is purposefully leaving out details despite that she's talking to Fluttershy. Flutters is a stranger to Twi at first. And in my mind, she's just giving Fluttershy the gist of how she became a fighter. Not a rundown of how their AU works in detail. (Although, I could dare to try harder to make things more clear.) Yet, I believe it would be worse if I over explained things that any old pony in their universe would know. Plus, there's a whole other side to the story from the other mane six (Vinyl included) that I didn't write in because this is Twi's viewpoint.
But you're right. Me saying this doesn't change the fact that it needs polish.
I just can't do it right now, I'm working on a different project. One that's PG. I think you'll like it.
And Dash won't be an Asshole
8510287
Hey man, it's cool. I'm not trying to bring down your work and I don't want to argue either. Like I said there is definitely something here which is good and got me reading it at first. I understand that characters don't give full details all the time when retelling stories, but up to this point Twilight has been very detailed. Even giving full conversations almost verbatim. It seems weird that she would skip important details, especially details that would help defend the actions of these so-called ponies she would later call friends. The core of your story is good. I understand your premise and where you're trying to come from. I'm not saying you have to have characters spill their life stories out when you introduce them, but just something. If these characters are the main characters, the main heroes, the people we are supposed to root for then we need something to feel connected to them otherwise they come off just as bad as the villains.
Trust me, as an avid reader and writer myself, it's not always easy. It's very subtle line that can be hard to see and harder to lay down. I think you had an argument with another reader on how Dash wasn't as bad as the other villains and you're right, she's not, but you're also admitting that you know she's bad, even if it's just a little. There's nothing wrong with having a bad character. I love villain stories myself, but you can't blame the reader for not liking a bad character, especially if we aren't given a reason. That's all I'm saying. Some tiny insight or reason would have made this scene go down so much easier. Especially since it's a character that already has a preconceived personality in the reader's mind.
Again, I think you're a good writer. I just think you might have made several unknowing choices, which by themselves could be overlooked, but when combined made the issue so much more... "in my face." I don't like making long comments, I fear it makes me come off as an uptight know it all so I apologize, but if you ever want to discuss these things more in depth feel free to PM me. I love talking about story archetypes and troupes.
8510219
Forcing her to fight when she has said that she does not want to and she didn't seen to be receiving anything from those fights, in other words she was being forced to do some labor and not receiving any payment for it.
8723183
Can you imagine any other Pinkie?
Also, please forgive my ignorance but...who's Jojo?
8723873
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g79g3UBfKow
You're welcome. And please do your brain a favor and watch this beautiful show.
8726549
Can do, boss!
8997223
Man, I didn't expected an answer now since I stopped reading this some time ago and don't even remember why, since when I start something I finish it unless it becomes really bad (as an exemple I'm still reading Diaries of a Madman even thou' it has become very bad since about 50 chapters ago).
Now I'm going to have to re-read this but the lack of imagination on how unicorns should fight is likely the reason, for an idea take a look at Gladiator by not_a_hat (https://www.fimfiction.net/story/144701/gladiator), since it is one of the best on hte combat departament.
Sorry again if I'm being dumb or something here since I really didn't read over chapter 10 so far and don't rememeber that much right now.
9410797
The logic is dumb.
It would take a lot of mental and psychological strength to snap someone else's neck.
Imagine it like trying to bite off your own finger. A human finnger has the consistency of a carrot, but no matter how hard a person tries, the brain tells us: "Don't be an idiot, it's impossible to bite off your finger!" But in truth, it isn't.
Plus, this is set in a society centered around fighting, sort of like Dragon Ball. It's a form of entertainment.
If ponies just snapped necks to end a conflict, it wouldn't be a fighter society. It would be a killer society.
And that's not the kind of story I wanted to write. Killing isn't cool.
9410850
That's not slavery.
9410859
No research, the comment.
well i was wrong to think it was sombra but damn i wish you hadant canccled this stuff its epic
8700950
Twilight pretty much told Death to go fuck itself.