I like writing ponies. And violent explosions. For some reason, that's not a problem here.
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It's been three weeks since Thorax became King of the Changelings, and with the help of his new friends, he has started building the Changeling Hive back into a powerful nation. That's when Chrysalis contacts him with promises of a truce.
Unfortunately for her, she doesn't know just how far along he has come in his studies for being a ruler. But she will. He'll show her.
Special thanks to AssassinMonkey on DA for the cover image!
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Well... its well written but so out of character that is eerie
I get that this is supposed to be dark, and that's fine, but there needs to be an actual reason for it to be dark. This is dark and gory just for the sake of being dark and gory.
Thorax is drastically out of character. Lessons can give him the confidence and knowledge needed to be a leader, but he's still Thorax. A nice guy like him wouldn't go executing helpless prisoners or mocking and debasing someone on the brink of death. I don't see how lessons given by ponies could even give him the idea of such a thing. He had them beaten; killing them was pointless. In this story, he's basically Queen Chrysalis except without the foolish stubbornness.
The MLP world has far better ways to deal with this sort of thing. A better and more obvious solution would've been to capture the drones and show them a better way like he did with his own current subjects; teach them why those kinds of things are not a good things. If they still prove to be a problem, then more drastic measures can be taken. Meanwhile, Chrysalis would likely be locked up in Tartarus.
To be fair, this is how I think a changeling ruler should be: a magnificent bastard whose cruelty is always calculated, measured and with a purpose.
8043321 That might be the ponies' way, but it is not the way of The Prince. To secure power, and hold it, in a Machiavellian state, requires a ruler to know how not to be good. That's kind of what I was shooting for there. And while the changelings are reformed, I doubt they are already at the same point Celestia's Equestria has reached. She's been in power for millenia, remember, and we already know from the Hearthswarming episode that Equestria was a much crueller place until she and her sister took power, and I doubt it became a land of nothing but heart and understanding over night after that.
8043331 You picked a poor character for it. Thorax's personality is completely incompatible with Machiavellianism. He's been shown to prefer the pony way of doing things. That's how he ended up in charge of the changelings in the first place.
8043354 Perhaps so, maybe I just went with him because I thought he was more of a blank slate. He literally has two episodes to his character. I kind of like adding depth to a character that's kind of blank, especially one that the fandom enjoys dumping on.
And the fandom LOVES dumping on Thorax.
I mean, I'm not a fan of the changelings' transformation either, I think they look like grasshoppers that were involved in an accident at a Mountain Dew factory, but I'm not going to fill the Web with Megabytes of hatred directed at him.
Quick addendum: Besides, it doesn't matter what Thorax wants, the changeling hive might not need a kinder soul right now. It might need someone more ruthless. A good ruler becomes what his people needs, not necessarily what they or their people want.
I have to agree with
8043321
Like, where did Thorax, a guy who was a complete outsider to the "old changeling ways" and absolutely loved living the ways of ponies, somehow learn to become like this in merely three weeks of ruling the changeling hive? Especially if his tutoring in rulership came from the ponies.
Thorax may be a "blank slate" as you put it but not so much to make such a transformation into well this in such a short time.
8043434 True...perhaps expanding the time frame? Yes...yes, that would be for the best. Chrysalis needs more time to get this desperate anyway.
This story is good albeit the OOC Of Thorax...
But then again sometimes you need to be a bit cruel when dealing with your enemies... mainly those that refuse reformation.
8043369 In any case, I still think you took it a bit too far.
8043671 granted
8043676 Ding dong, the witch is dead.
Which old witch?
The Changeling witch!
Ding dong, she'finally dead!
Because Thorax took off her head!
By the way, Thorax will possibly be getting an episode of his own in Season 7. I've heard rumors of a leak for a potential episode where we get to see him managing his kingdom, and requiring a little help from the Mane 6 about some important event. Must be confirmed, but it might inspire a cool fanfic you could write or something.
8044024 I'm also looking forward to Chrysalis coming back which is damn well what is happening
Before I read this, what is the Dark and Gore tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
Even with the span of years, I agree this feels off. I think what it needs is something to weave in establishing why Thorax is suddenly so cold, compared to his canon self. He needs to have lost something, something precious, that would turn him this hollow.
Celestia then becomes an interesting foil - because then their conversations at the start/finish gain added depth if Celestia is the paragon of virtue oft attributed; the talk then, on that deeper level, isn't about Thorax's safety - it's about her pleading for a chance to save Chrysalis from the end she knows will come if she can't stop it.
But all that requires Thorax to have been burned, and burned hard, and that hasn't yet happened.
It's like Memories. That story enthralls and disturbs me, all at once - but the backdrop is what makes Twilight's final actions at the climax make sense. It takes - well, it takes what went on to justify her emotional state. And I still hate you for it because it's been nearly two years and my mind still tries to fill in the blanks as to what, exactly, was done to capture Celestia & Luna and what subsequently happened to all the Royals despite the fact such a fic would be, well - darker than dark.
8047296 Honestly, this was a really one-off thing, written in a massive heat. Yeah, this entire thing came out in just one, intense writing session, just one of those things that happened, you know? I do agree looking at these comments that expanding on the lore here might do the story well, but I'm not really sure I see it happening.
Also, nice to know I can get a reaction like that off of something like "Memories"
Thank you!
8047294 Bit of violence and gore against certain changeling queens, but I don't think I go overboard with it.
8047661 Oh, yea, I'd say if it feels done, let it be done and learn for next time!
And as for the other, yes. It's basically been a gremlin in my head since I read Memories. There was a house that exploded about two years ago. We waited a day or so but ended up walking over to look because, well, it was just such an unlikely thing that there being a house that literally blew up from a gas leak within walking distance was, well - one just had to look.
And that damn thing is the story version of the exploded house, except the story had people in it, and you know it, and yet it's still a HOUSE WHAT BLEW UP and the gremlin in the brain goes 'What happened how did it happen let me see let me see' and argh! 'She's dead, Jim' ought to be plenty but NO it refuses satisfaction and irks me about it every time I think about the subject.
Evil Hummenz does that too, but that's far more in a 'Okay, damnit, I just want more of this story because it's hilariously WTF in every best way possible'
This keeps popping up in the 'featured' section of Thorax's search page so I finally gave it a look.
Read through the comments, and I agree with the rest of the detailed commenters. Well-written, but very out of character. I don't see Thorax's​ character as we've been shown it ever capable of progressing to this point. Chrysalis? Yes. But Thorax's character was designed to be Chrysalis's antithesis - he's gentle, understanding and selfless where she's ruthless, tyrannical and self-centered.
I mean, you could throw the 'Alternate Universe' tag up if you want to drastically change an entire character, but you'd then want to develop an alternative backstory that'd lead Thorax to this point instead.
Textbook.
8862034
say what?
8862236
8863229
Yeah. Macchiavelli. As it says at the top.
8863238
Machiavelli advocated peace and love through iron fisted rule, constant civil strife and military conquest. In other words, everything Chrysalis stood for.
But since modern education below the college level can't even talk about Machiavelli without advocating genocide and slavery, Machiavelli gets dumbed down to a few choice quotes and heavily sanitized interpretations.
In short : Textbook.
8863281
I'm not saying he advocated genocide or slavery, I am saying that he advocated a way of rule that plays the political game, and holds to it to a level that may seem brutal by modern standards.
8863346
Then you didn't actually read The Prince.
Machiavelli advocated genocide on the basis that if it was done in the name of religion, history would glorify a successful conqueror.
8863432
huh, welll....there you go.
8043309
But is it out of character? Sure, he's friendly with those he cares for, and polite I'm sure, to those in station similar to his own or those he has any business relations with, but Chrysalis has made her stance known time and time again. There are few people that are all sunshine-and-rainbows and no leader can afford that attitude if they want to remain in their seat of power for long. Even in the realm of Friendship and Magic, where Discord is more of a child with god-powers than a genuine threat, he's still dangerous when provoked. Thorax is being a ruler to the best o fhis abilities. Show-wise, it may be out of character, but with a dose of reality thrown it, I think it fits.
i didnt get the ending could you help pls?
10516489
What's confusing you?
10516576
the idea thorax thought and the basket he had.(with sea green hair)
10516586
The basket had Chrysalis's head
10516609
Alright and his idea with it?
10516719
*shrugs* Put it on display?
10517519
i mean i was thinking this might the case but considering the rest of the story that seemed to simple XD
10517935
heh...sorry to disappoint
10520558
Nuh.
Wow, that was dark. A perfect example of justice without mercy. I applaud you, sir.
Dude I gotta say, Thorax is such a badass here
"A wise king do not wish war, but passes his entire life preparing for it"
Thorax took it to another lever
8043441
I think you forgot to.change the time frame somewhere. Probably the short and/or long description(s), but I don't quite remember.