The stories are all in my head, you get to read some of them.
Some time ago, thousands of unicorns walked out of the amazon rainforest. Fast forward some decades, they live peaceful lives, integrated into the fabric of human society. All would be well right? Well its not all sunshine and rainbows.
David Moon, first and only unicorn to be born on earth, has had a bad day. Falling into the crystal palace of a purple pony princess? Just makes it worse.
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Well, this seems like an interesting start, though I hope you'll explain just where the unicorns came from to suddenly appear on Earth. I may track this...
7979439 if only there is some almost all knowing thousand year old person who might remember lots of unicorns suddenly disappearing...
Well, nice beginning... and i'm already imagining the equestrians squicked out by our nice little necromancer... XD
"Sooo what do you do for a living ?"
"Oh, i'm just reanimating corpses to help solve Cold Cases..."
*Siglty Green* Huh...
"Not the most glamour job, but heh, get bills paid. Except when the corpses explode. That tell you you'll have a shitty day."
*Twilight ans Spike go barfing in the bathroom*
A millennial son of immigrants that actually does something useful, yet is called lazy by his pop-star aunt because she considers that it's wrong for him to be toiling with forbidden magic.
He sits on his inheritance yet instead of living a life of luxury, he is out there toiling through the bloodied and rotting gutters of NYC to solve Cold Cases.
Yet he is given an assistant by some agency that makes five star vegetarian dishes, yet hates the idea of being a vegetarian.
Seems to me like the guy is a depressed wreck that concentrates on work to avoid paying attention to his parents never paying enough attention to him when they were out doing good in the world, and selfishly is wanting them to care more for him than their work.
So yeah.
But temporary reanimation should really be that taboo, if the soul is still running around, and the body is intact enough, it's valid to interrogate the suspect. Not to mention that it's also a lot more complicated in theory than what it's shown here. But that is my deal, and I can get that what is important in this story is his American-ness when dealing with the Equestrians.
All right I'll watch.
7980404 ya hes a bit of a wreck, Unicorn Services is a dumb name but i couldnt really come up with better, its supposed to be a small gov agency that looks after the unicorns since they are quadrupeds in a biped society and have all sorts of difficulties on their own. plus who wouldnt want to work with a unicorn for a day job?
david is sort of special to them too since hes like the ling-ling of unicorns so they pay him some extra attention
i didnt touch on it though but davids parents loved him very much and pretty much wound down their music careers after he was born
7980731 Then what is he complaining about? Sorry, but I had to ask. Though I'm guessing that he is going through some guilt complex? Is his aunt right, or is he right? That is the question. Part of me likes him the other part of me can't really ignore the large inheritance.
I mean, I'm not going to take his testimony on his aunt being a Bitch.
Don't get me wrong I don't hate any of this.
My Arcanum Folklore himself is basically an Equestrian version of a 1920's Irish-American Occultist. And lived fro a short time in a Bookshop that he inherited from his uncle Archive that is located near the Canterlot Red Light district. But all he really inherited was that one shop, with nothing to really run it with.
And there is his unmentioned crime of tax evasion....
But yes, rest assured that I'll keep reading
7980770 hes just lonely because his family is all dead and his aunt really was just a friend of his parents and hes a totally different species than everybody else, plus hes worried about his magic failing him
7980996 Wow. All right.
This better get finished! You can't just hook me with a chapter like that and then threaten to not finish!
7983575 i've already gotten a little of chapter 2 down, ultimately im thinking 3-4 chapters but we'll see. its hard to find time to write sometimes
7983614
Oh, no rush. Life comes first, after all. Just so long as it does get finished eventually I'm k with however long it takes.
Hmm, this looks promising. I love the juxtaposition of the treacle-looking rainbow-maned white unicorn being a gruff, messed up necromancer who gobbles down meat and doesn't flinch at gore. I'll be tracking this as I want to see what happens when the gruff, no-nonsense SOB hits Equestria like a bowling ball in a crystal shop.
This is definitely one of the most original premises I've seen, and I'm really looking forward to the ensuring cultural clash. Just an FYI, when you have someone speaking that would normal end in a period/full stop, the correct punctuation is to replace it with a comma. For example this:
Would be be correctly written as:
Aside from that I can't see any problems.
One question, why are they all unicorns? Were they from pre-Heart's Warming Eve Equestria?
7985248 i plan to address that in later chapters but thx for the advice i cant really say it will help, i tend to write dialogue then scenery or scenery then dialogue so something thats a complete sentence suddenly becomes a part of a sentence.
I do plan on doing a pass over chapter 1 for a few little misplaced paragraphs though and I'll look into it there
glad you liked this so far though
This story looks cool so far. By the way, what did he mean when he said that his friend jack became his enemy jack? I've never heard that phrase before.
8005567 the whiskey made him sick and throw up
8005956 Ok, got it.
Well 40 years on Earth equals 1000+ years in Equestria. Yup his disappearance has been noted and is probably a cold case by now.
8088322 not quite that bad because of the magical properties of a well attuned plot portal.
So confused until I read this part omg
8088339
What kind? The old "Mistake in the original portal spell created a forward skew along the temporal axis"?
I suggest you take a little more time with your editing. Near the end there, I spotted one or two grammatical errors nearly every paragraph.
8088322
Are you sure of that? I got the impression that his ancestors may have been banished and founded "Lunestria" (in some far away and remote part of Pony World) centuries before something else happened that chased them to Earth.
8088823 ya i gotta go back and add some spaces especially at the beginning. the problem is i write in libre and then paste that here and formatting doesn't always translate well. ive yet to figure out a good way to do things
8088979 I prefer OpenOffice myself, can't save in .docx, just .doc, but who cares? You still got a decent spell/grammar check system like with Word.
I try to use Word when I can, but the new versions have that "yearly subscription" bullshit, and my ass I'm gonna pay for a word processor.
8089006
Except that LibreOffice (what I assume "libre" is referring to) is everything OpenOffice is and more.
Back when Oracle bought Sun Microsystems, they scared off all of the 3rd-party developers (and many Sun employees) with their heavy-handed behaviour and those fleeing developers exercised their rights under the license to start LibreOffice.
OpenOffice never recovered and, now that Oracle handed OpenOffice to the Apache Foundation as a last attempt to attract contributors back to something with a more "take it closed source"-compatible license, they've been having trouble finding enough interest just to patch security vulnerabilities in a timely manner. Conversely, shrugging off the corporate bureaucracy allowed LibreOffice to start its life advancing at 10 times the speed OpenOffice did, and it hasn't slowed down.
...and, last I tried, I had no problem saving .docx with it.
You can also hook the free LanguageTool grammar checker into either one, which has defaults pretty well-suited to writing fiction and doesn't require a network connection when used in LibreOffice or OpenOffice.
(Though, if you want your offline copy to match the online version's smarts for catching homophone errors, you'll need to download the ~8GiB bundle of optional n-gram data and an SSD is highly recommended.)
8089529 ya after having word for all my life and using it all through college, i was quite supprised at how powerful and flexible libreoffice is like they didn't do all the crappy simplifications that office did between 2007,10 and 16
8089529 hmmm...interesting! I'll definitely look into LibreOffice, because not being able to save in .docx has actually been kind of a pain
So, disconnected frames of reference, eh?
Hopefully when they reverse engineer the portal they'll get it much closer to his exit coordinates.
I'm really looking forward to the culture clash, especially since the main character seems to have a decidedly un-Equestrian outlook. I do have a couple of caveats. One thing I've noticed is that when it come to unicorn OC's, writers have a bit of a tendency to make them magically overpowered. Not so much as overpowered as in raw magical power, but overpowered in terms of versatility. The average unicorn, such as Lyra, or Donut Joe, has access to telekinesis, and maybe a spell related to their special talent. David Moon seems to have a bucket-load of spells at his disposal. As an alternative, perhaps you could have David use fewer spells in more creative ways that most unicorns would never think to use them in.
My second point concerns the appearance of Celestia. IN "Magic Dual" Trixie had all but conquered Ponyvile and stuck it in a giant force bubble, and she didn't show up until the very end of the episode, so it just seems weird that she would drop everything and rush over just on the appearance of an unusual unicorn.
8115928 i kind of have some not mary sue explanations for these, but he is a trained mage like twilight, with maybe less restraints but he certainly does not have good endurance
also the last couple seasons celestia does seem to visit more frequently even just to sit and drink tea.
Pls make more chapters! Also, could we maybe have a picture or something of David?
8173080 well chapter 3 probably will be a bit of a while, I work full time and have other stuff to do as well, plus I'm mulling over where this has to go.
as for cover art, I totally found something but I haven't gotten around to it yet. submissions wanted though if anyone is interested.
also I've been working on a complete story for a while now thats taken up most of my writing time but its helping me develope the idea i have for this one, it'll go up done so not too much waiting for it and hopefully work will lighten up a little later next month to give me some extra time
8174392
Well me and a friend of mine make stories like this a lot ( Though he is the one that has them stored.) and if you want I could give some idea's or pointers or whatever.
Am an average-sized American living in Japan; can confirm.
Just tossing out a guess here, but a unicorn having been born and raised working with magic in a magic-poor environment, then dropped into Equestria, might have some advantage over most of the locals. Is that what we're seeing in this story?
8223876
kind of but then he is also from a magical family kind of like twilight and shining armor
Can't wait for more.
Found this story at random and found it rather interesting. Waiting for the next chapter.
Well, this took some interesting turns. Looking forward to more.
I guess their city(?) got wiped out by some inescapable (un)natural disaster, and to the outside world it looked like it was just destroyed.
Also, bets on him and Dash being distantly related.
I really want to get back to writing this, and more, work and writing blocks suck
Oh my God, I love the concept of this fanfic. It's so different and I would love to see more chapters churn out. I wonder how they would react to his behavior and natural skill in necromancy.
Also booze galore!
8657652
I would love to see you write more of this :).
10095373
I really want to but it seems like everytime i start writing work and life suddenly intensifies by 5x and I find myself just going from work to bed to work.
I do have an outline though I've just had to do a lot of thinking on what I wanted this story to be
10096072
Excellent, Ill be always waiting for the next chapter :)
10096072
I'm still excited to see what and how this story will turn out.
So is this still dead or?
Why was he the only unicorn born on earth? Were most of the ponies who came over a bunch of prudes?
10096072
I would like to extend my best regards to you. I would love to see this story update one day but until then, take care of yourself :)