Epilogue
Eleven years later.
The fishing bobber floated still in the water, despite a school of yellow perch circling below it. Herman knew that they loved the grubs he used, but for some inexplicable reason, the fish didn’t bite. It was almost like they were mocking him.
It had become something of a life goal, to one day successfully catch something while fishing, but after successive years of failure, the whole thing escalated into a sort of crusade. A single human, with the intelligence and ability to conquer nature, versus the fish of Equestria. Herman’s white whale.
But despite his various attempts at improving and adapting a fishing rod to trick this world’s strange marine life, he was losing. Spring called him an old fool for even trying, and told him just to ask a pegasus to dive in and catch one for him, but his human pride took a beating each time he had to go in and buy one from Blue Dive’s restaurant.
It was then he saw it: one of the perch separated from the school and swam up to the hook, nibbling lightly at the grub. With all his senses on full alert, he took hold of the pole, ready to pull with everything he got as soon as it took the bait. He only needed to be patient and wait for the opportune moment to strike. Soon, just a little bit more, and he would show them who was the apex predator.
“Herman! Help!” a squeaky voice cried out.
He threw the pole up into the air in surprise and remembered that he didn’t come here alone.
“Herman!” the now panic-stricken voice continued.
Herman stood up from the boulder he had perched on, and as quickly as possible shuffled to the cries for help. It was close by, and when he rounded a few trees, he found the source.
It was a little red earth pony filly with a green mohawk, wearing a Daring Do costume, and she was stuck in a small pond while paddling in circles. Her distress was genuine, though Herman doubted the water level was high enough to reach above her head.
“Freja,” Herman said, as he walked up to the puddle. “What did I tell you about playing in the water?”
“I’m sorry!” she squeaked and intensified her paddling.
Herman sighed to himself, then stepped into the pond and grabbed the little filly by the scruff of her neck. The initial weight of the pony sent shivers of pain through his back, but he managed to pull her straight out of the water, then let her down onto solid ground.
“Thanks, Herman,” Freja said, then quickly shook most of the muddy water from her fur, spraying his trousers in the process.
“What were you even doing in there?” Herman asked, but the little filly had already darted away to climb on a formation of boulders. While he wasn’t the most prominent expert on ponies, he was confident that ponies with red coats were more mischievous by default.
“I saw a butterfly,” she said as if that was a perfectly reasonable explanation.
“Your mother is going to throw me out of my own house,” Herman grumbled, as he had promised to make sure Freja didn’t get dirty before the guests arrived. They would have to get her clean in less than two hours, and they still hadn’t finished fully decorating the house for the party.
“Mom can never stay angry at you,” she said, jumping between the rocks in her brown-smeared adventure outfit.
“I know,” Herman said, staring into the wrinkled palm of his hand, then went to retrieve his fishing gear. “Let’s get you home and cleaned up.”
The little filly scrunched her nose at the prospect of a bath, especially since the remaining mud would have to be scrubbed out of her coat. But to her credit, she didn’t complain and followed him from the side while stalking insects like a hyperactive red jungle panther.
When he had retired from the lumber mill, he had often been asked to watch the local foals, since they were more obedient in his presence. He had thought that retirement would allow him to spend his days slumbering in his rocking chair, but it had ended up being the exact opposite, especially after Spring and the Sheriff had been blessed with their first foal.
It had come as a surprise to him, that Spring had demanded the filly be named after Herman’s daughter, then basically asked him to become the child's godfather. He had accepted, and it had made his life almost as fulfilling as the day his daughter had been born.
He picked up his fishing rod from the ground and noted that the bait was gone entirely, with no signs left of the school of perch. Letting out another heavy sigh, he gathered all the equipment into a backpack that he swung across his shoulder, then made sure Freja followed him as they walked the short trip back to his house.
Glitter Wing was unfurling the large banner across the porch. Herman had complained numerous times about how big and flashy it was, but the others had quickly dismissed his complaints.
Happy Eightieth Birthday Herman!
“Can we play outside in the forest?” Freja asked, popping her head out of a nearby bush. She was most likely referring to Dusty’s and Fair Weather’s fillies and colts who were set to arrive by train soon. It had become a yearly thing, where Dusty and Fair Weather visited with their family for a weekend of relaxation, but today they were all gathering to celebrate him getting even older.
“Go ask your mother,” Herman said, to the little filly wagging her tail. The words were barely out of his mouth before she took off in a full gallop through the open door, no doubt spreading mud all over the floor.
Shaking his head, he went to the mailbox to see if there were any new letters. There were several, but one marked with the insignia of Princess Luna caught his attention.
The two of them had started swapping letters. It began shortly after the incident where Chrysalis had temporarily kidnaped the princesses, and at the start, it had mostly been about the progress the West Pony Trading Company had made in locating his species, or the lack thereof. He had told her several times that no other humans existed in this world, but she’d always dismissed his claims as unrealistic.
The years went on without finding a single trace, causing Luna to become more and more concerned about her inability to help him. Eventually, their correspondence switched over to philosophy about life and family. She had even invited him more than once to visit her in Canterlot, but he was too fond of his life in Rosewood. The prospect of traveling so far again at his age was no longer as appealing, so he had politely rejected her invitations.
But he asked one favor out of her, one to which she instantly complied. The memoirs he wrote and published a few years prior had not been a success, as most readers and critics dismissed them as pure fantasy, but he asked Luna always to keep a copy close at hand. And someday, far into the future, another human might find themselves stranded in Equestria, and if that ever happened, Luna was to give him or her the book.
And maybe, just maybe, someone younger than him could travel the world, uncover its secrets, and help finish what he started.
“Herman?”
Realizing that he had blanked out again, he turned to Glitter Wing, who had been shouting for him.
“Spring says she wants to talk to you inside, and she doesn't sound happy,” Glitter called, from across the road.
Herman could only roll his eyes as he walked the short distance to the door. He couldn't quite explain why, but he had a big smile on his face that just wouldn't go away.
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This was perfect.
That was a good ending to a good story.
Honestly it just kinda ended. I feel like their was allot of buildup that lead nowhere.
8395874
Agreed.
While I liked how it ended on a good note for Herman. I do feel that all the buildup was for nothing.
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8395892
Apologies for the anti-climatic ending, but from the start it had been nothing but a wild goose chase. I know people were expecting something more to happen, but alas this was never an adventure story.
8395900
Awww, I liked the ending just fine! I think that the tense moment with Armor was climactic enough.
It'd be real weird if you just ended on any other revelation really at this point to me.
Thanks for the tender ending, it did my heart some good. I was a bit worried about Herman dying of a happy heart attack at the end of last chapter!
Extremely heartwarming ending, kudos for that. Would still like to see a sequel where the mystery is solved or something like that, though.
Either way, this story was an amazing read. I'll wait anxiously for your next work
I think this is one of those endings that wraps it up nicely, but doesn't leave you wanting more, rare but appreciated. I think some authors fall into the trap of trying to make a sequel based on reader demand, but simply cannot follow through with it, leaving everyone involved unsatisfied.
A good example of saying all that needed to be said, and nothing more, nothing less.
8395900
It's not that I was waiting for a grand adventure, but at the very least a big reveal or something. The story ends with a big resounding meh. In the end we never knew much about his power to convince ponies or the real effect of his memoirs on their society and I'm sure I'm just scratching the surface of all the implications here.
8395900
It didn't have to be adventure (I don't expect an old man with back problems to go trekking across the world) but, it could have been a mystery, it could have had a bit of drama, anything other than nothing. I liked the story and the characters, but this ending almost ruined the entire thing for me. It's sweet, sure, and it could have been the same ending but with a different road, a more interesting one! That little twist, the climax, anything.
It's not really a story if there is no introduction, build up, minor drama/mid-way climaxes which eventually leads to the ending climax, and that is potentially followed by a relaxing conclusion. If even one of these ingredients is missing, then I usually lose interest entirely. I liked and pressed favourite, but now I'm left with removing the like and favourite. Not quite a dislike though, as it was a fun read, up until the ending that is, then it just got boring and disappointing.
HOWEVER, sometimes, thought not often, a relaxing stroll in Slice of Life can be enough, but even that usually has SOMETHING of an ending climax. Then again, this is just the opinion of one person, who also happens to be vocal about it.
Got to say, the ending lost me a bit, but only for a few minutes. Bittersweet, and all the more welcome for it. It's been a nice jaunt through the life of Herman. Consider this a favourite!
8396009
I'm in agreement here... so disappointed...
A great slice of life story. Sometimes, stories don't need build up and climax. A simple chapter in life, with small conflict, is all that is needed for something as enjoyable as this piece of art. I'd say the ending was perfect for this fic.
Hmm. I've been following this story for months. Most of the story was fantastic. I've been hovering over the favorites button waiting for it to finish.
But these last two chapters are a terrible anti-climax. You have all of this buildup and then nothing happens. At the peak of intrigue, he's suddenly sent home for a reason that is unsatisfying. And then you write for another couple thousand words and the story ends.
I would have liked to have seen his encounter with Celestia. I would have liked to have seen the debate resulting from his demonstration of his apparently power. The uncertainty over whether a creature capable of mind controlling Shining Armor...especially given Shining Armor's previous experience with mind control...could be trusted. Doubt cast on the reliability of Spring given the verification of said mind control. The Royal Sisters explaining that his choice to prevent Shining from signing the order demonstrated a certain amount of integrity. There was still more story to tell, and much I would have liked to have seen.
Instead, nobody believed him, go home, the end.
An otherwise excellent story with an unsatisfying ending.
I have been holding my breath for months hoping this wouldn't end with a funeral and am glad to finally inhale again.
8396057
Like, I don't hate it, and I don't dislike it enough to leave an actual dislike, but I am disappointed.
I mirror the opinions of those who find themselves disappointed. It's not tagged slice of life. It's not tagged adventure. What the "Mystery" is supposed to be... I'm guessing what the point of the entire story was?
It feels as if it can be summed up by saying: "So this happened. The End." So very unsatisfying. Not to mention so very short. I don't mean the epilogue. I mean the entire story. 50k words barely even registers as a story worth reading to me. I had hoped this would be much longer before the end.
I don't hate the story... but I am very disappointed in how it so abruptly ended.
Hm. When I saw on my feed that the story had updated with a surprisingly short conclusion, I was worried that the nice sedate pace and slow buildup of mystery that had been going on so far wasn't going to have a sudden whirlwind of action and exposition resolving everything in a flurry. That fear was allayed, I suppose. But I'm left wondering how Herman came to be in Equestria, what the nature of his "power" over ponies is and whether his theories are correct, what impact those theories would have on Equestria if proven out, and what exactly Chrysalis was up to. It seems Chrysalis' plan involved kidnapping Luna for some purpose? That's mentioned in part of one sentence in the epilogue. The rest of those are left completely unanswered.
I'm really hoping you've got answers for these and are perhaps thinking of doing a sequel to explore them. The setup of this story was fantastic, with lots of nice characterization.
8396009
That's totally fair. I suspected that people would be disappointed when I read some of the colorful speculations they made after each chapter. Most were hoping for more interaction with the main cast and princessess. When I showed the ending to my pre-readers I asked them if they felt it off in any way, and they actually all seemed to love the ending. So that was a tough one.
I was actually going to write a blog post with the final chapter to adress it, but I kinda got home late from work and only have time to finalize some of the editing.
Edit: I also think that having ponies gape at Herman for 200k words would make the story quickly outstay its welcome.
8396166
The mystery was effectively solved with his meeting with Shining Armor. The big question had always been why he was summoned to Canterlot, and the question of the changeling threat took over the mystery role, then solved again when he opened the door to his house.
8396212
The mystery of Herman's powers and how he arrived was left unproven. Of sorts. The thing with his theory was it would only make sense for another human, and even if they found solid proof there was another issue. I'm sad to say it wouldn't actually mean anything if he was correct or not, that's why the focus moved to the things that did actually matter. How the journey ended up changing their lives.
What happened in Canterlot was the Season 6 finale. But yes, captured and rescued.
I was actually going to mention a sequel in the blog I didn't have time to make, though it would likely not address many of the complaints here. It would have been a slice-of-life comedy where Luna asks Herman in her letters if she can visit him for a vacation from Canterlot. He agrees to let her come and stay of course, but didn't quite expect her to bring along a squad of guards and servants.
This is the sort of story that your happy with. You are fine that it's ended and you like the ending, but you can't help but want more. There are so many questions left unanswered. How did Herman get here? What was with all those invitations and the Changelings? Did Twilight ever interact with Herman after reading his book? Did she ever read his book? There are just too many questions! We must have more. We must have answers!
I'm afraid I also have to say that I was disappointed with the ending. As others have said, there was all the buildup on the train, his power over ponies, the concern over his memoirs, the tension in Canterlot, the meeting with Luna, the intense interview with Shining Armour, and........go back home, distant epilogue, end. The story is tagged Mystery and while some mysteries in stories are unsolved, here the mystery is not just unsolved but simply dropped. I was also expecting more with the subplot with Glitter Wing but she just comes back home. The changeling subplot is also left hanging until one sentence at the end where it appears Chrysalis wanted to kidnap Luna for.....some reason that's never explained. [EDIT: you've said it tied in to season six finale. Maybe if that was more expanded upon, how the story ties in with it, as it is it just seems an orphaned sentence if you understand me.]
I don't know, I guess I felt cheated (said the person reading a story for free) of any answers for all the questions that were raised and the fact that you said below that it was always supposed to be a wild goose chase makes it seem worse. I'm afraid I may be coming off as 'writer is not writing the story I want them to write' but the first six chapters were so good, you're a good writer, but it seems the third act is missing before the happy ending.
8396143
same here it was too good to be disliked but its too much like a 'canceled' fic with an outline of what the story would have been if it had been completed so I did what I do with all canceled fics: I unfaved and removed my like.
8395900
It was a good ending, and something I expected... Although I did kind of expect him to keel over from old age before the fic finished.
8396270
Well, that's one question that doesn't really leave us in suspense. She's Twilight! Of course she read it. I agree it'd be interesting to hear her response to his theories, though.
8396252
Ah, I didn't realize the story was directly in the main timeline at that point. With Shining Armor still present in Canterlot and with rogue Changelings being a rare-but-not-unknown presence throughout Equestria it was hard to place.
I think it would have helped a lot to know that there was something more coming. There would be opportunity to explore those hanging mysteries in that Herman/Luna interaction.
off
8395900
Honestly while I assumed he won't go back to his world, at the very least I hoped that Luna, if not other ponies, will actually fully believe what he told them instead of dismissing it, as you wrote Luna did
It's because he was born in 1853.
8396296 For once, I don't need to write out a 12-page analysis. Everyone else has said everything I would have. This built up a lot of mystery... and then answered none of the questions. A story tagged 'Mystery' tends to mean there will be a solution or at the very least a search for answers. Nopony apparently cared, in the end. It went nowhere. What else is there to say?
8396000 It ends with the ponies just deciding essentially that they don't find the interdimensional alien with mind-control powers interesting enough to explore to any degree... which is just absurd.\
I mean, it could have even ended on a WTF?! twist that Herman had commanded them all to become uninterested in him and leave us all with an unsettled feeling that perhaps he's NOT the innocent old man he purports to be... A Twilight Zone-ish sort of affair. But we don't even have the satisfaction of being shocked by an unexpected reveal.
So Morgan Fre--er--Herman was only 63 when he arrived, then none of the movies after "Nurse Betty" could ever have occurred here.
He should've been able to convince the princesses simply by drawing out Earth's continents and constellations--even if Herman couldn't draw them 100% accurately, he'd at least have a rough enough of how they looked to prove that his home ISN'T on Equus (or whatever its name is)
8396886
Har de har.
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8396985
Now, take what I have to say with a grain of salt. ESPECIALLY YOU, ALONDRO.
Anyway, to everyone else who's upset about the ending. Yeah, it's anti-climatic. Yeah, a lot of things aren't answered, but that's kind of the point with this story. We see Herman go through all these trials and tribulations, just for... what? Nothing? No, not exactly. He makes a few new friends, he helps start some families. Throughout the story, we see Herman growing restless over the fact of the visit, and at the conclusion of his trip before he leaves, himself is upset and flustered. The train ride back he just wants to go home, because the trip was pointless.
This is how life is sometimes. It's a wild goose chase.
Now, I'm not trying to say this is how everyone is to see it, but as a pre-reader/editor for the last four chapters, that was the vibe I got from it, and it made sense to me. Lots of my life has been a goose chase of sorts, and well, that's the way it goes. Nothing comes from the main journey, but along the way you make a friend or two, get to yell at a captain of the Royal Guard and not get in trouble for it, and even have a constant correspondence with Princess Luna. I'd say, in a way, that it was worth it.
Yeah, we don't learn more about Herman's influence, but did we need to? We saw how it worked. Herman himself explains his theory on it, and there is no sign pointing that he's wrong and it needs to dig deeper. He accidentally rats out his best friend, and throughout he worries about her, only to find she's now basically going to live with him. There could have been more plot twists and turns with his influence over ponies, but we see Herman never intends to use it against anyone. My best example using MLP is, we know Celestia/Luna raise/lower the sun/moon, but why? We never know, but we know they can do it. So Herman has a weird influence over ponies, and... why? Reader's choice I guess.
The big mystery in this story, above all else, is his presence in Equestria. How, why, and can he return? Not all mysteries are meant to be solved, or can be for that matter. Sometimes we get the thrill out of the adventure we go on, or trials we face. It isn't always about finding out the answer to the secrets of the universe, but the side effects of it lead us to another road. Herman's mysteries lead to finding a changeling, and making friends and helping them start families. His were not resolved, but in a way, the ponies he influenced did.
8395900
A story is a story. You're gonna like it, or you're gonna hate it. Not everyone is going to share the same thoughts and opinions as you, and that's fine. Just be able to accept that (which I think you have). My father has the best expression I know, "There is an ass for ever seat." Your story holds true to that motto. Some people dive into a story with expectations, and if it doesn't meet them, then they're upset or disappointing. That's fine and fair. Some people go into a story with an open mind, and ride along without letting nuances bother them.
I'm one of those latter ones. My only advice at this point? You need to add the Slice of Life tag, and consider removing the Mystery, because like a couple others have mentioned, the Mystery tag is kind of on the fence with this one. It works, but also ehhh. I'm terrible at tagging, so look into what others think on the subject.
8397057
It's true and you know it.
8396252
Hey, it didn't have to be a "never-ending story" or anything, just something even resembling a climax. Now, one of your pre-readers/editors did point out that life sometimes ends up being a goose chase - but I'm not looking to read a real-life story. Regardless of what the intent was, I personally, and it seems a few others, liked the story and the characters, but we're feeling like we were left hanging dry with the ending as it is. DON'T CHANGE IT THOUGH, because this is YOUR story, and an author can write damn well whatever they want, and if they post it online/publish it in any form, they will just have to take whatever the vocal readers say, with a grain of salt of course, as more often than not they don't have all that much experience writing a story themselves.
If it's actual criticism, then it can be taken to heart and be used on the next story. If it has some merit and quite a few are in agreement, just keep it in mind when posting the next story: Am I writing this story for myself, someone else, or my readers? I feel this time it's more of the latter, and by the like/dislike bar, people aren't actually disliking it, or even hating it, just some of us are feeling left out. With our thirst for reason in a fictional story being blue-balled. If that makes sense XD
Ultimately, you do your thing and I'll sit on my end of internet commenting on all the things that garner a strong of enough reaction of me.
8397057
The point was the journey rather than the journey's end? Yeah, good point.
8397057 It's not the fact that Herman's quest is a deadend... it's that there didn't even feel like a quest at all. Not even Twilight, the nerdiest magic nerd of all time, cared to go off looking for solutions? Didn't care that he could possibly be an alien from another dimension? No one follows up on his mind-control ability or how it functions? And he himself becomes practically disinterested in himself, from the look of things!
It just doesn't jive with what we know of the ponies.
You know... I really should write my trollfic now: "The Most Boring Pony Story Ever Told" since it pokes fun at this exact sort of thing by dropping every plotline, never following up on any idea, and presenting utterly flat characters not even interested in anything exploding around them.
8397189 Except he just went in a circle...
This has a good ending.
8397212
But in the journey of life, it was progress
8397097
I won't change anything unless I find minor flaws, because there isn't any real issue with how the story flows. The expectations were kinda blown out of proportions. This is of course is mostly my fault, because I ended each chapter with an ominous cliffhanger that hinted that something big was happening on the horizon (which technically it did off-camera). Another issue is that it's been a long time since the first chapter was released, and I believe people have forgotten some very important details about the story. If you've read the story from start to finish I think the end-product will make more sense.
So I think I can push back on at least some of the criticisms.
8397211
Why didn't Twilight visit? Why didn't they investigate or do this and that?
Well, the answer is quite simply. Herman isn't the center of the world. The first chapter made it quite clear that ponies didn't think Herman was anything special. And to quote Fair Weather remark on Herman "I've seen stranger things."
Herman is not special. Yes, he is a new race, but in world brimming with weird intelligent life. They mentioned that new places were discovered on a monthly basis, and presumably other races as well. He has weird abilities. Well, so do many species in MLP like the cockatrice. They did send Spring to keep tabs on him, but it was quite apparent Herman wasn't going to abuse his ability to sway ponies or break the law.
Why didn't they believe he was an alien? Well, why would they believe it? Did he have any proof? Would drawing a solar system in the sand convince them? Why didn't Twilight visit? Well, why would she? Do they know each over? Would you walk up to stranger that you've never meet and claim to be an alien knowing you lacked the evidence to support the claim?
Some readers even believe Herman had a bad back because he's old. But in the first chapter he clearly says that his has more back muscles than most people his age, but he accidentally stretched it anyways because of the situation he was in. I could go on, and if you look at all the speculations and comments you'll find that most had forgotten some small detail that had happened previously. Now I could have clarified and repeated some things there were said in previous chapters, but I won't since it's not an issue with the story completed.
8397057
It did actually have the slice of life tag at the start, but it was removed because someone pointed out that what Herman went through, being sent across the land to meet with captains and princesses, isn't exactly part of your average daily life. Sure, the pacing is as slow as most slice of life fics, but despite that it was actually more an extremely light-hearted adventure. (except the last 4k words)
The story is still all about mysterious circumstances. I would also add that the mystery was mainly about why he was sent to Canterlot, not his abilities or how he got to Equestria.
8397212
Isn't that the whole metaphor of life? From dust you rose, and to dust you shall return?
8397211
If you write that, I call dibs on pre reading.
i am siting hear thinking about this story and i can say i am vary impressed.
this story is such a good slice of life based story, and the way it all comes to gather is amazing.
vary good writing Snuffy.
8397159
8396598
Fixed! And know that your assistance has been very much appreciated.
This was a very good story. I am glad that Glitter Wing got to stay with Herman.
I couldn't agree more with this comment, might as well of taken the words out my mouth.
Fantastic work Sniffy.
(Quoted from harts fire)
8397697
When all other possibilities have been eliminated, whatever remains, however improbably, must be the truth.
Ponies lack logic. Spock and Sherlock Holmes are displeased.
8397778 I arose from toxic waste and pine needles. (Central New Jersey...)
8398026 I would... except I don't care... (Alondro has become the story in an ironic twist!)