• Member Since 12th May, 2015
  • offline last seen Feb 20th, 2022

Shadow rift


So why does it always seem to be? Me looking at you, you looking at me. It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all

Comments ( 18 )
TFZ

As a person who loves OC's I can appreciate a person being able to stand up and say "Yeah that's my fic those characters come from me"

I am a shadow myself i have never come to light with my ideas but this spoke to me it said "how do you like me now?" a few things did bug me like Arms or Money in ponydom it's Foreleg or Bits and it disrupts the illusion of the character but over all it wasn't bad nice job mate.

7826829
Lately I've been watching a lot of Sam Raimi films, and I like to say that, in a weird way, he's influenced me to write stories of my own. I've always been a fan of his, but more so a fan of his work and his attitude of "Yeah, it's my style... Deal with it."

I'm more or less trying to take the same approach with this.

More!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7828441
Working on it. Trust me, I'm not letting this one die.

I've been following Daybreak since before you rebooted it, though I have to say, as a story, even for an OC, you're moving way too fast in terms of pace.

Firstly, no one in his right mind would allow a girl into his home, specially someone he just met and allow said girl to spend the night without a reason let's say it's storming outside or snowing heavily. Unless you're planning a B rated slasher fic.

And no one, thinks up 'thoughts of being together' right after the first night.

I'd actually look into spending the first two to three chapters establishing Shadow as a character. Give us bits and pieces about his life, his hopes, dreams even his past. Define him as a characer before Arayanne comes in. Even then, don't jump right into the romance. Love is a journey full of ups and downs. Throw in a couple of conflicts here and there so in the end, you can show their love is worth fighting for.

7831230
Looking on it now, probably it would be better if I were to do that. Build it up more before all of the... Sex parts.

Still, I have the rest of the story to go on with. I'm planning to go more in detail about all of that stuff as soon as these next few chapters come out. And in terms of moving quickly, that's not a grammatical/story paced problem. I plan on using that as, more or less, a point of conflict between the two.

Talk is all this is so far. I guess it won't really happen unless I do something about it...

Doesn't it defeat the purpose of Aryanne if she isn't a nazi?

7836569
Eh, technically... :twilightblush: don't worry, nazi will show nazi soon...

7836593 Then you might wanna consider changing the description. I really like Aryanne too, but its not Aryanne if she isn't a nazi. That's just a part of her appeal.

I like it. I'd slow the pacing a bit, but either way, this is a story I'm interested in reading more of.

Nice Try! I don't trust nopony today!

This was worth the wait! Grade A shipping 📦

Very nice return for one of the first few stories I've read on this site!



If you still need a proofreader let me know.:raritywink:

Love it, the dislikers are probably Nazi haters

I remember prereading this chapter back in the day. So glad that you decided to put it in, "Yogurt Boy". :trollestia:

Seriously though, I'm proud that you are choosing to continue this story and wanting to finish it. I can tell from my own personal experience you'll feel on top of the world once you do. Don't ever let anyone discourage you, keep pushing through and you'll make it. Just like Shadow, I know you'll make it big. :pinkiehappy:

Thankful to have been your friend for these past years and hope that continues on for a long while.

-Mewrilah

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