For the longest time, you had a crush on the school's most well known and most attractive girl, Rarity. Seeing as how you both share a third period with one another, you've been trying your hardest to make sure she knows that you're intelligent. After all, if you can't be interested in fashion or be friends with her friends, seeing as how you can't really talk to them either, then the next best thing is hope and pray she likes smart guys.
But after one of the longest nights you ever had doing homework, you soon discover that this next assignment may bring you both closer than ever before...
This is a collaboration between me and Miss Dr. Aqua Light. Most of this story was based on the title picture above.
Rated Teen for swearing, some sexual innuendos, and more to come.
Congratulations on one of the most un-original names for a fic! Yours is the 24th fic to use that name (or very similar) on this very site!
7348280
XD. Never thought about that. Oh well, just give me a few minutes to come up with something better.
Nice start!
One thing though, is the protag's name Ridge or Bridge? Luna calls him one thing and Rarity the other; I wasn't sure if it was a mistake or if it was supposed to be a joke that Rarity doesn't even know his name,
7348348
Joke now, I suppose. XD
In reality, I'll probably wind up changing it to Ridge
Wait a minute..."right" and "left" are purely relative terms. If everyone is paired with the person to his "right"...and there's a dumb beefy jock to his "left"...then he's to the "right" of the dumb beefy jock and should be his partner?
Sorry. It's just a nitpick.
7348452
There are four rows. You are located on the third row.
Looking at it now, maybe I should change it, but only for the sake of avoiding another "nitpick" like this...
7349030
There's a lot you still don't know about me yet, E. A LOT!!!
Including my real name...
I will explain why this fails. To put it simply, who sits to the right of the person on your left? You. Essentially, if the partners are those to your right, either the whole row works together, or each person helps the one to their right without getting help from them, the left-most not receiving help, and the right-most not giving any.
Two different people are not allowed to speak in the same paragraph; it should be two paragraphs, one for each character's lines of dialogue.
Capitalize the i's, and it's yours, not your's, as "your" is already possessive, so the apostrophe is wholly unnecessary and incorrect.
7349688
...
I'll take this at face value as help. So, thanks!
7349706 Every criticism I give to authors is usually designed to be help, even if I am sometimes harsh with my wording/phrasing.
Also, my mind makes dirty jokes out of everything, including the words "more to come," because reasons.
7349706
Clear?
Insert Lenny Face here.
Seems neat so far, looking forward to more
7348293 Has the name already been changed? If not, I think it's a nice title. I like the word diamond, but I do feel that our friend 7348280 is right in saying that the "in your eye" part makes it a little cliché.
However, I personally have never seen another fic called "Diamond in your eye," certainly not 24 of them.
If it has already been changed, you may choose to ignore this comment or not!
7351379
It was changed from "Diamond in the rough"
7351383 I see. Well happy writing! Ignore me and my overly emotional ways!
7351386
I take all criticism as just a way of fixing up a story of mine. I appreciate it!
Slight continuity error, if you will. When Luna says to the right of your desk, she never indicates the row(s) this applies to. So as it is right now, that idiot of the left is working with "us" , we are working with rarity, and rarity is working with the wall (nice chapter wall, he was a reliable partner for a project on ancient china). All you need is luna saying from row 1 and 3 or something of the like. Great story, I will keep my eye on further updates!
7357995
Yup, I kinda figured that maybe I should do that, change it to that specific edit. But, regardless, thanks for the advice.
I was just wondering... When will the next chapter come out? I really love this first chapter and i'd gladly appriciate more.
7571205
I've been working on the second chapter for a good long while, but I had to scrap it because I thought it'd wind up killing this story. So now, im working on a new and improved second chapter.
>>Shadow rift
Thank you so much, i can't wait :)
you get the hell scarred out of you as a loud banging echoes through the house.
*scared
7801717
Is he really that much of a douché?
So... Im guessing this is dead?
9994546
Ill take the fact you never bothered to reply as a "yes this story is dead but I cant be arsed to set the status to cancelled"