• Member Since 12th May, 2015
  • offline last seen 40 minutes ago

Shadow rift


"Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader." - Christopher Titus

T

Manehatten, once seen as a city of wealth, now will be seen as a city of crime and corruption. The Governor has passed an ordinance that outlaws all types of alcohol intake, possession, or purchase to bring down the cost of taxes on it's citizens In the city. Some accept the ordinance, others don't but say nothing out of fear. And in Manehatten, the two biggest rivals of alcohol production will not see that their way of profit is taken from them because of a broken politician, and thus begin to work underground to maintain their way of life.

But the two have decided that maintaining their way of life isn't enough, and thus opt to go to war with one another to become the strongest production families.

In the midst of this comes one stallion who, though may not know it yet, is about to have his life changed forever, and become a symbol of one of these families for fear, he is about to be thrown into the middle of this war. He is about to become...

The Manehatten Typewriter...

UPDATE: 3/4/2016
The story will be going into hiatus until the following Sunday. Once that passes, then story continues.
UPDATE: 5/12/2016
New Cover Art!!! Big Shout out to this dude. Check out all his stuff!!!

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 5 )

Well, never did I expect to find a science research centre play prominent role (If I can guess) in a mafia themed story. Well played. The canon character choice is interesting, I'm looking forward to learn more about how they got there. Also, yay for a biologist pony! :twilightsmile:

Well, decided to finish this in one go. I left the recording on a loop, having it accompany me thorough the rest of the chapters. Beautiful instrumental!
Story-wise, I'm hooked and really looking forward to see how you continue with this. The descriptions are well-done, illustrating the sorry state of prohibition. Each of the character has some defined traits, promising an interesting interactions and issues.

Style-wise, I'd point out a few things.
Check your tenses, especially in the last two chapters. You have there past and present mixed together in almost every paragraph. Choose just one for the whole story.
Second, when you have a normal (i.e. no question, no exclamation) direct speech followed by speaking action - said, sighed, concluded, responded... you can't have a full stop at the end. There should be comma instead.
"Write it like this," I say.

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