- Member Since 26th Jul, 2015
- offline last seen Dec 15th, 2023
Scourge21
Pretty chill guy who's on here for fun, but if I post something, just give me feedback please. That's all I ask
Scourge21
Joined 26th Jul, 2015 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Dragon-In-Black · 1.4k words · 29 5 · 1.4k views
- Chemtest · 27k words · 57 9 · 1.3k views
- ace_attorneyfan800 · 15k words · 42 16 · 2.3k views
- Blacklight Brony · 21k words · 34 5 · 701 views
- underrated Drake · 61k words · 57 5 · 2.1k views
- Pumpkinfright1012 · 9.3k words · 38 3 · 833 views
- Blacklight Brony · 7.8k words · 60 11 · 2.9k views
- Moonking · 53k words · 42 19 · 1.2k views
Featured In16
Human in Equestria16,976 stories ·16,820 members
- Author Support4,370 stories ·2,069 members
- OC's Unite2,401 stories ·1,477 members
- Struggling Authors25,180 stories ·3,671 members
- Humans with super powers243 stories ·534 members
School for New Writers9,608 stories ·5,008 members
I Just Want a Comment15,703 stories ·3,671 members
Authors Helping Authors8,590 stories ·2,462 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.116 seconds
Total duration
869 users online
1,334,226 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
*metal gear spotted sound* I remember where that name came from.
9852791
Yep! I asked the author of that story could I make references to his character Daniel and he said yes. But I hope you did enjoy the first chapter since this is an experiment to see what people think of this and what changes should be made
Your protagonist had good intention, but he pay the price for it. But what is he going to be in equestria, a good guy or a villain. And what will he react when he hear Daniel is still ali... wait a minute, I'll be back.
Nope, he's still the only... no, he's the first human they discover in this equestria, but I know he's brother is in that planet somewhere, or at least I think.
9852841
Well to answer both of your questions...this is an alternate Equestria to the one Daniel was sent to...think of it as DBS where universe six and seven are twin universes. But I'll let you keep thinking about what's to come when Zero finally meets Daniel. But who knows what he'll be, I'll just only say this...he's a human, humans are neither good nor evil, but they're on a very thin gray line.
Good story hope you still continue with a trio of godzillas story.
9852885
I do plan on continuing that story, but right now my focus is on this story for now since my creative juices are flowing right now so don't you worry, I haven't forgotten
9852896
9852910
=Awesom work
9852914
Why thank you! But what do you really think about it? Because this is an experiment I'm doing to see what people think about this story. Like I see two dislikes and whoever disliked isn't giving me any feedback on why they dislike it. I posted a blog saying go all out and tell me what you think
Okay. Main qualm is the randomized switching form past to present tense. Choose one, preferably past tense,present makes the story look choppy.
9853182
Thank you for your criticism, my good sir or ma'am. I didn't even realize I was doing that
Could use someone to proof read it and a editor but I like the idea
9853233
Thank you for giving me your thoughts about it. Hopefully, I could find someone when I finish off chapter 2
9853217
Your welcome. Also, might want to fix the redundant grammar here and there.
E. G.
She stopped as she heads back over to her commanding officer as she looks up at him "Yes...what is it, sir?"
Would probably sound better as
She stopped and turned backwards to face her commanding officer, "Yes...what is it, Sir?" she asked *emotion+ly*
It's a lot less wordy and gets across the same point with slightlyadded effect.
9852949
I like it becus its not overly detaild like some stories are.
That makes it quit easy to get in to this one becus i can imagen my suroundings and that is nice and i like the Idea of them fighting there way to the top of the ladder.
Keep it up👍👌💪
9853391
Thank you for telling and helping me out with some problems you have with it. I'll make sure to change it when a week goes by since this is a taste of what's to come and I want everyone to let me know the up and downs to my story
9853463
Thank you for liking it, but I do plan on making my story more detailed as time goes on but some chapters in the future won't be as detailed to let you guys as readers have tiny breaks of none detailed work and then bam, you guys are hit with eye candy of detailed work
9854093
Noice~~ Mr writer.
Yeah this is an odd style of writing. Dialogue followed by internal mobologue that repeats Dialogue in another perspective really does tsound so good.
9855047
This is what I like to see. Now I know I have to go back to fix up that part of the story. Any more areas you see that's wrong?
Do you have Any fights pland?
And this is doing good you still have my atention.
9855068
I have many things planned so you're just going to have to wait. But I'm glad I still got your attention, hopefully I could keep you and anybody else entertained
9855050
Your story format is heavily redundant and could use a lot of streamlining as well as composition editing. For example, Think this, the reader already knows they are going to be cautious around him, so instead, this,
Unknownst to any of them, Zero was listening to their conversation the whole time. He thinks to himself he has to play his cards right, otherwise they’re going to try and question him as just like a game of chess or checkers, he has to make the right move otherwise it could cost him the game. He hears them come back as he puts away his bowie knife as he looks at all of them, “So what’s the verdict?”
would read smoother as:
Unbeknownst to any of them, Zero had listened in on their entire conversation, irritation spreading like a rash on his nerves. He would need to be cautious, play his cards just right, else risk an information probe that would run like a game of chess or checkers, one wrong move and the game was forfeit, perhaps with his life. As the sounds of their footsteps approached him he tucked away his knife and with eyes focused on the six individuals, he asked nonchalantly,"So, what's the verdict?"/"What appears to be the problem?"
The dialogue after the '/' would imply that he would not have heard anything they said while yours would have hinted that he knew their intention whe, by all means, he naturally shouldn't as Rainbow just abruptly pulled twiggles into another area without warning or explanation.
Follow this same method of streamlining, just read over everything and think of how you could replace words or prevent unnecessary repetition or casually include emotion.
9855087
I see what you mean now, by doing this, it'll allow the readers to read it more clearly and so that there will be a few to no errors. Well I hope you did enjoy this chapter as I'll fix any problems you see once I get some free time since I gotta go to work soon
9855071
>:D Yeeeeesssss~~
9855110
He just said he had to restrain himself. He failed. Now he's going to lose the chess game.
9855167
Well this part is intended because he wants them to think. He wants them to be slightly afraid of the unknown. It's all part of his strategy. He's giving them some leeway and once they believe they're winning, he's going to take out their pawn. Remember, a game of chess could go on for hours between some of the best since they'll have to play it safe and make sure their moves count. Plus the game of chess isn't just for the elements
I love this. Do you have an upload schedule?
9859423
I wish I did but I do not since I am possibly starting a new job Wednesday and my only off day would be Sunday. But I'm glad you like it and I'll figure something out
I await your next update eagerly
9885197
Chapter 4 will be arriving soon. Not setting a date, just saying soon
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/ea8d3ace-1b2d-475c-b2e9-24bc6949b79a/da0qbx6-633dfbee-470f-4c00-b1cf-7ee39d10223c.png/v1/fill/w_1280,h_331,q_80,strp/vanoss_and_friends_mlp_by_superrosey16_da0qbx6-fullview.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.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.DplcMeQrUDzvvhDVJOIqpUVUUX3ENbmWm3mwGgy6nKE
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/7/26/944191.jpeg
I hoped to find more Vanoss Crew crossovers with mlp or at least anthro so it would fit :(
There are mostly normal fanarts
i.pinimg.com/originals/da/15/13/da1513b2312f50cfc688f08aa36437cd.jpg
i.pinimg.com/originals/16/1d/c0/161dc059787195db9f244654637ffd36.jpg
Wait he will get electric powers, magic right?
And he has a limited amount of bullets
Why not create a coilgun or railgun or both that will shoot magic/electric projectiles or/and bullets that are just metal without gunpowder, shaped piece of metal, etc.
⚡Electromagnetic Acceleration⚡
I don't mean, him creating them from scratch if he doesn't know how but using his normal gun, in both scenarios he should destroy all traces and instructions on how to do it while doing it alone but I don't think he is braindead/stupid to not do it secretly and enough to give ponies guns.
9887405
. You evil, evil man...woman...brony thing XD. Nah I'm just messing with you, but Huzzah, you paid attention to the details written within the story.
9887241
I love the Banana Bus Crew as well. Favorite group on youtube since 2015. But to your other reply...STAY OUT OF MY HEAD
How a bomb would be more effective than everything else, these braindead alicorns will just blow up Canterlot
9891013
Everything will be explained why they're going to use a bomb instead of the traditional way of handling it. Plus they won't be detonating it anywhere near Canterlot
So she is that dumb to only see his memories without context?
Is swear that become a cliche, with Luna looking into memories of others with the care of fast-forwarding a movie
9891028
Sorry about making that cliche pop up, but gotta make her do something that Luna might do. And from most of the fanfics I read, it's the Luna and Celestia looking into peoples heads without their consent and judge without knowing the true meaning cliche, so I'm sorry for that
9891053
It there will be a heavy punishment, it's good
What is this story drection going?
Zero getting powers and taking over the country?
If he will take over country calling out all alicorns abuse of power would be a one of the steps
9891057
I would tell you, but I wouldn't want to spoil you. But that was the original direction I was going to have Zero take but decided not to do that. But I'm not going to say anymore in the comments, if you wish to be spoiled then PM me. But if you want to kick back and relax and watch the story play out, coming up with your mini theories and whatnot, by all means do that
9891066
Why not?
That would be interesting
9891086
It would've been, but the new direction that I came up with was better, had more development ideas, had something that I was proud of making. There's love, drama, fighting and more. The old direction would've been great but the reason why I decided not to do that is simply because to me, it seemed one sided. Plus I didn't want him to be the villain, which was also one of the many original directions I had
9891094
Pointing out flaws of country, fixing them, criticizing abuse of power by rulers who are long-living and fixing that all by taking over by making pupulation side with him isn't evil or villainus
9891096
Guess you're right about that. But can't change it because I'm already on a roll with the direction I chose to go with. And I actually like this direction better since I've been writing and thinking about it mostly. Plus remember, we're still in Part 1 of his journey to be on top. But the only thing I'm afraid of his releasing the finale to Part 1 as it's a pivotal moment for Zero
9891101
-it was supposed to be edited to my previous comment
Every successful overlord is gray because being straight evil and bad to your people is like stabbing yourself
Sure, usurper can be gray or good depending on the character but not evil
The good/successful overlords, emperors have to make their people happy to keep the order and them on his side.
So no matter how much overlord was evil, those who want life have to be gray and care to play this game
9891113
I really want to tell you my direction so badly because it's so good and I need at least one friend to tell this all of this to
Mechagodzilla really