• Member Since 26th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen April 3rd

Gruvian Scripts


Bringing some class to perversion, but not too much.

Sequels1

Comments ( 32 )

Oh shit this is gonna be good

Ow my this is going to be good update :twilightsmile:

Dame you got som explainin to do.

Pretty sure sunset will be okay with this. She is a pony turned human.

Bwahahaha!! :twilightblush: meep! Oh lordy gracious me oh my, what a throbbing overcooked pickle! Bwahaha... Sorry gruvian, i get tickley geekouts over this fanfic, please provide moar. :twilightsmile:

They were one of her spevial panties for these experiments. A little small, but Twilight found that advantageous.

Special.

Twilight’s phone rang from her bag, and made her jump. She reached into her vibrating bag, and pulled out her phone as lyrics about Space
Unicorns blared. Sunset’s chibi avatar flickered on the screen. Twilight sighed.

Mid paragraph break.

Sorry I didn't catch it the first time. I was er, uh, busy reading.:twilightblush:

7788204

Soon. Should have it done by Christmas.

"Eh, he passes the Harness Test. Besides, I understand the appeal. See, Equestria has this species called 'Diamond Dogs' and this one time, at Magic Camp-"

I noticed you were confusing colts and fillies. Colts are young male horses, while fillies are young female horses. Unless you're saying that this Sunset was male back in Equestria, I'd edit the chapter to have it make more sense.

"Most found the mold like smell, sicening, but Twilight always found it soothing"

*sickening

7832005 How so? You can't just say that. You need to back it up.

7832413

because they are girls talking about who they like....


to flip the gender role, it would be like colts having "filly talk" about which filly they would want to clop with

7832567 Yeah, that doesn't make sense. Human girls call it 'girl talk' when they talk about the guys they like. I'm sure it would translate in the same way with ponies.

I don't know where you got your info, but you might want to double check those sources.

7832588

and you got to keep in mind Sunset is from Equestria and we don't know exactly the terminology is "behind the scenes" (yes I made that joke on purpose), so we just have to go with what Sunset says. Let's just agree to disagree because I am not in the mood for an internet fight because i'm a bit under the weather.

Too many unnecessary comma's. The grammar needs an edit. Makes it hard to read and enjoy.

I love that ending, and I'm REALLY looking forward to the next chapter.

When's the next chapter coming??
:pinkiesad2:

Most found the mold like smell, sicening, but Twilight always found it soothing. 

sickening
_________

However, today twilight had a different objective.

Cap.
_______

They were one of her spevial panties for these experiments.

special
_________

“Twilight, are you in here?” Fluttershy’s soft voice asked from the bathroom’s entrance. “I was sure I seen her come over here,” Sunset mused. Twilight turned ghostly pale. The ride was no longer fun.

Different speaker means separate line for dialog.
________

Spike lifted himself back up, and realighned himself. 

realigned
____________

A few paragraphs need spacing.

Fluttershy squirmed and let out a whimper as Sunset pushed her two fingertips less than one cm into her vaginal entrance, and proceed to move
Fluttershy’s fingers clockwise, around, and around. Fluttershy trembling with each circuit of pleasure.

fix paragraph.
_________

Some paragraphs need separating. That's really the biggest problem I've noticed in your chapters. Nothing a scroll through the chapter to make sure everything's nice and separated can't fix.

But I'm looking forward to more of this. It's a pretty interesting ship.

8590536
Chapters still need touching up. But still a fun read.

Just a sort of update, I'm "ending" New Licks, but will continue it in new individual stories.

I've decided doing one off stories as chapters, my original game plan, just, does to really work well with FimFic.

Expect the story, and sexual exploration, to continue in June!

Dis gon b sooooooo guuuuuuuuuuuuud!!


After I bleach my hard drive.

“Canterlot High did cover sexual education, right.”

Shouldn't that end with a question mark?

Her body had groan flush again, but this time with excitement and sweat with her breathing becoming very audible, for both Sunset and Twilight.

I think you mean "grown". "Groan" is a noise one makes, which expresses one's unwillingness to deal with a situation of some kind. "Grown" is the opposite of "shrank".

Normally, Spike enjoyed not being left out of things. Sure, he was a dog in this universe, but he didn’t like feeling like a sidekick. However, he would have much prefered to be left out of this conversation, even if it meant missing out on one of Fluttershy’s instinctive belly rubs. Unfortunately for him, he soon found himself trapped between Fluttershy and Sunset on Twilight’s bed, unable to escape without being noticed. He did get that belly rub though.

I would have expected that he would want to stay with Twilight. Spike's defining character trait is his desire to help others and especially Twilight. Sure he doesn't like being in the shadows but he still often puts the desires of others before his own. You have been doing quite well in portraying that overall here but this seems just a bit too selfish for him.

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