The Cheesening
Twilight had watched as tradesponies built the new store on the edge of town. It hadn't taken too long to build, and from what the alicorn had seen it had some really high-tech equipment installed. When the flashing, magic-driven light was erected over the door, clearly showing some kind of circular food thing, she was completely intrigued. But of course she didn't go in.
A full week had gone by, Twilight's nose had become stained black with ink from many culinary books. At last, though, she had found out what the food was called. "Peesa?" She blinked, looking at the name. "Huh, some kind of bread dough, tomato… that much cheese?" She was drooling as she read. "And anything on top? What do they mean, 'anything'?" She reached for the next book, hoping it would contain the answers she required.
"You in here Twilight?" Spike's voice dragged Twilight away from her study.
"Yes Spike, I was just doing some research." She set the last book down and was reaching for the next. "It is quite intriguing, and I think I have discovered just what this… this… What is that smell?"
Spike waddled into the castle library. "Oh, just grabbed some pizza, you want a slice?" The little dragon held out a big, flat box.
"Pizza?" Twilight blinked at the box. It looked standard enough, made from cardboard and looking like it hinged at the back. "What is it?"
"Oh, the new place makes them, you gotta try some." Spike flipped the box open, revealing a disc of dough, covered in cheese, tomato, bell pepper, eggplant… and rubies. "You could probably push those off…" He reached in with a claw, trying to shove gemstones out of the way.
"That's a peesa!" Twilight exclaimed, pointing a hoof excitedly. "How do they make them?"
"They said it was a 'pizza'." Spike gave up trying to liberate a slice of little gemstones. "You should go and get one, they said the first one for each pony is free."
"Free? How are they making bits doing that?" Twilight had somewhat forgotten her study of the food itself, now wondering how the mathematics of their business model functioned.
"Uh, the first one is free. This is… my fifth?" Spike picked up a slice and crunched down on the ruby-encrusted pizza. "Anf ifths gwath!"
Her immediate source of information now too distracted, and likely exhausted, Twilight resolved to seek knowledge it its source. "I am going to go and get a pizza!" She beamed in delight and trotted out of the library, the books she had been working on already being organized by her trusty assistant. She really hoped there wouldn't be any tomato stains on them when she got back.
It felt good to get out of the castle, to just trot in the cool evening air. The town was still "awake", some shops were still open—the bowling alley of course, but the little cinema that had popped up was now showing films long into the night; Twilight had gone to one once, something called "Her Aching Flank"… it hadn't been the sort of movie a young mare should watch, in Twilight's opinion.
Passing Sugarcube Corner's dark windows, Twilight saw the new shop. There was no name on it, just that logo. "Pizza, huh? I guess I should do my duty as a princess and try it." Of course it was her duty, it surely wasn't because tomato and cheese were two of her favorite foods. The thought of the two combined in one food had her drooling more.
"Welcome to Cheesy Changeling Pizzas, is it time for a change?" Bored was living up to his namesake. He wasn't the smartest, or most clever. He wasn't the strongest or most agile. He was, in fact, at the lower-middle ranking on all of those charts. When it had been time, in the hive, to volunteer for duty in the Ponyville store, he had slept in and been volunteered. He noticed the purple alicorn just a moment before the purple wall of magic flew up between them.
"You're a changeling!" Twilight had summoned a wall and was charging more magic. "You may have tricked Spike, but I can see through your disguise!" She was readying a bolt of pure force.
"Whoa, just chill, you don't have to get all speciesist on me." Bored didn't back away from the counter, he wasn't quite that clever. "I just take your order and your bits, other 'lings cook it and you can take it and go."
"There are more changelings here? Why aren't you all disguised?" Twilight had stopped charging her magic, confusion reigning in her "fight or flight" urges.
Bored smiled, showing his fangs off to good effect. "Easier to clean chitin, and it isn't like anypony comes in, blasting away with their magic." Bored stood motionless a moment. "This is your first time here?" Twilight nodded dumbly. "Well, your first pizza is free then, anything from our 'bug-get' menu." Bored delivered the line with a practiced, droll anti-flair.
The shield dropped and Twilight looked around for a menu. Spotting the little fold-out pages to the side, Twilight levitated one closer. "This one looks good. What is this?" Twilight pointed at the ingredients list. "Is it… is it meat?" Twilight's shock was the only thing keeping her from going nova.
"That? No, it's not meat. It is 'pepperoni', no meat in that at all." Bored pointed. "You could try this one." He poked another pizza on the menu with his hoof. "Tomato base, pineapple, dandelions, bell peppers, and extra cheese…"
"THAT ONE!" The mention of cheese was all that Twilight needed, she suddenly didn't care if it was changelings making it, she had to try one of these "pizza" things.
"And with all pizzas today you get a free garlic bread." Bored poked his hoof at the register, the order being magically sent to the 'lings by the oven in the back room.
Twilight looked around. "So I just wait, will it take long?" The drone shrugged and stared forward blankly. Twilight realized she had exhausted the conversational opportunities that the changeling offered and turned, finding a row of chairs set up. "Lyra?"
"Hi Twilight!" Lyra beamed at her friend. "How neat is this place, they cook the food really quick." The mare was sitting a little oddly, more upright than most. Twilight knew her school-friend well enough to just accept it as a "Lyra-ism".
"This is my first time here." Twilight thought of something. "They said I would get a free garlic bread, what is that?"
"Garlic bread?" Lyra giggled. "Something that makes ponies not able to be kissed, except by a changeling." The mare noticed that Bored, standing behind the counter, cracked a half smile at the joke. "But really, just a bread roll with a lot of garlic-infused butter."
"Oh…" Twilight blinked. The place had, apparently, become the favorite of a not a few members of Ponyville.
"Pizzas for Liar?" Bored sounded true to his name.
"Lyra, how do you mess that up?" Lyra leaned forward and fell to all fours. She walked to the counter and picked up her food with her magic. "We should hang out together more, Twi, like in school."
"Tonight?" Twilight actually liked the idea of it, of being with friends a little more.
Pondering the matter, Lyra figured there wasn't a problem with it. "Sure… Bored, can you keep these warm for me until Twi's pizza is ready?" She passed the two boxes back to the drone.
"I guess. Burna," the changeling's yell made both Twilight and Lyra jump a little, "can you keep these warm?!"
Another drone poked their head out from behind a huge machine. "Uh…" Burna froze, "By the Queen, it's her!" As quick as he had appeared, he was gone again.
"Burna," Bored carried the two pizzas balanced on one hoof, "just chill, 'ling, hers is the other order." He set the pizzas down on the top of the big oven.
Lyra had, meanwhile, plopped back down beside Twilight. "So, your first pizza? You should try the extra hot Tartarus-strength inferno, one." The unicorn adjusted her position until she was seated upright again. "One of those with a dark cider really sets off the nerves."
"Dark cider? That the stuff that Applejack started brewing up?" Twilight was even more lost in this new culinary world she hadn't known existed before. Then something occurred to her. "Uh, Bored? Why are you running a pizza shop?"
"Pfft, like they would let me run the place. I just work the counter." The way the changeling was leaning, it was an even-odds bet whether the counter was holding him up, or vice versa. "Kinda sucks a bit—ponies love their pizza, they might even love the cook who makes it—"
"They do!" Burna's voice sang out from out of view.
"See? But for one second don't think that they love the 'ling actually selling the food." Bored seemed to slump more.
"So who owns the shop?" Twilight tried desperately to steer the conversation back to getting information she actually wanted. Not that finding out changeling feeding habits wasn't interesting.
"Queen Chrysalis owns all our shops." Bored gave a deep sigh. "Every single one."
"She owns all of them? But she must be raking in the bits!" Twilight's sense of danger was back online. Something was being planned. "What is she up to?"
"Well, you might need to ask her. I am like, the lowest rung on the ladder here, and before you get to the next rung you need to fly up a looooooonnnnnngggggg way." Though that meant his situation was a little static, career wise, Bored didn't overly care.
Twilight stood tall, flaring her wings. "I will get to the bottom of-"
"Pizza's ready!" From the back, Burna appeared, carrying three pizzas and a small pile of garlic bread. "Oh heck, she is going to blast us!" Pizza boxes and tubes of breath-poisoning bread rolls flew into the air.
Like a crack infiltrator, his senses honed to the precision and speed of the average kitten, Bored tried to dive and catch the food. He knew his skill, however, and luck. Bored fully expected to be wearing three pizzas and have garlic bread in places where garlic bread had no right to be. But he didn't. Risking looking up at the food-turned-culinary-depth-charges, he saw purple magic wrapped around them. "Uh…"
"Got it!" Twilight beamed, her magic having even gotten the pizzas before they flipped upside down. "You should be more careful, uh, Burna?"
Burna lifted his head, peeking out from behind a sink. "Sorry!" His head was gone again, not willing to risk potentially being a target of ire.
"It's okay, you two don't seem very threatening." Twilight was left trying to make excuses for her earlier aggression. "I was just really surprised to see changelings in Ponyville." Stacking the neat boxes on the counter, Twilight lifted her hoof up, offering it to Bored. "I hope we can be friends?"
It looked dangerous, but Bored had never really gotten why everyling was so terrified of Princess Twilight Sparkle. He reached his hoof up and bumped his hole-filled limb against hers—and fell over.
"What did you do to him?" Burna raced over to Bored, shaking the changeling on the floor. "Speak to me, Bored, what did the evil princess do?" He leaned down, pressing his ear to the other 'ling's barrel. "He isn't breathing!"
"She tastes nice…" Bored wore a smile for the first time in years, well, since his birth. He looked past Burna at Twilight, waving one hoof in a wobbly fashion. "Hiiiiiii…" He trailed off, giggling.
"You should be more careful!" Burna stood up, seeing his friend… Friend might be hasty, but he is a fellow 'ling, drugged up on happiness. "If you had given him too much he…" Burna cut short, Bored had launched himself over the counter and was hugging Princess Twilight Sparkle. Burna ducked down, expecting the blast of rainbows that would obliterate the pizza shop. He kept waiting. Any second now.
"I think you made a friend, Twi." Lyra reached out a hoof to poke the limpet-like changeling now hugging the alicorn. "Hey, Bored, you eat pizza?"
"You are going to invite a changeling around to eat pizza with us?" Twilight blinked, then looked down at her new fashion accessory. Rarity did say black was coming back in… or was that going out? "Friendships is friendship, I suppose. Come on Bored." Twilight beamed at the drone, suddenly having to carry him as he got another dose of pure, "Princess of Friendship" brand, right from the source, friendship.
"Okay…" Bored knew now, why the other 'lings talked so hopefully of love and happiness. It was the best thing ever!
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A new (and silly) story. Where will it go? Will there be another chapter? Uh, "I don't know" and "maybe" are my final answers!
This peesa has a future. And this story also. I like it.
So...wait. Twilight actually likes cheese in this story?
Okay.
7586621 I haven't even read this, and that's exactly what I was thinking from the description.
7586685
7586621 Gah, did I miss something? I did poke for research on fimwiki...
7586695 In season 4, the Mane six discovered Pinkie has an entire office space in her basement where she keeps files on everyone in Ponyville. It is revealed in Twilight's file that she has a fear of cheese, specifically Quasidias.
7586712 There, solved the problem. Tagged AU with a note. In other news, I now know what a quesadilla is. Why didn't they just call it a "grilled cheese sandwich"?
7586716 Because a qausidilla is Mexican food.
7586734 And I am Thestralian, it makes things difficult to track sometimes.
7586739 I may not have read it, but the first thing I thought was this: "Why would Twilight love cheese? She detests it, especially the gooier variants."
Well, quesadillas use tortillas, and can use more sauces than just cheese and butter and may contain meat, usually chicken and can also be spicy. Thing of it as a longer, flatter, more complicated grilled cheese sandwich with flatbread instead of toast.
7586757 Yeah, asked friends about it, they explained it. Kinda hard to dig that out of the story, however, so slapped AU tag on there.
Also, grilled cheese sandwiches can be complicated. I like mine with spicy capsicum skins, a little ham, and at least twice as much cheese as should be legal.
7586760 I like cheese. I like to rip cheese out of my sandwiches, molten or not, and then stuff it all onto the last piece of the sandwich.
7586767 Mmm, Colby or Jarlsberg is my favorite for sandwich melting.
7586760
I honestly don't have a problem with it as long as it says AU. Even then, I didn't really have a problem with it at all, just seemed like a strange thing to overlook.
At least you didn't try to change it so the pizzas are Korean pizzas. Have you ever seen those? Those are about as much pizzas as jawbreakers are gumballs.
tradesponies had built - tradesponies had built
capsicum - I'm a little curious here. To my understanding capsicum is what other parts of the world call bell pepper, but then you use bell pepper later in the story. Is there a nuance that I'm missing?
still open. The bowling alley - still open — the bowling alley
chairs setup - chairs set up
as to if the counter - as to whether the counter
against hers. And fell over - against hers — and fell over
*****
We have another cute and lovable changelings story, and lot's of gooey, cheesy goodness.
if you keep this up everyone will forget all about that whole "wedding invasion" thing and accept changelings into everyday life where they can be fed into a torpor with love and friendship.
*****
Surprisingly true. Most 'pepperoni' seems to be made of grease, salt and red-pepper flavoring and kept solid enough to slice with culinary black magic.
*****
So, Boring, what's it like being force fed more love than you've ever experienced since your hatching? Are you up for seconds?
7586716
Because it's made with tortillas and not bread. It's closer to a tex-mex mini pizza; a most excellent cheese delivery system.
7586760
Here's a tip for getting a beautiful crust on the outside of your grilled cheese sandwich. Instead of spreading butter or margarine on the outside before putting it into the hot pan or griddle, use mayonnaise. Mayo is oil, salt, lemon juice and just enough egg yolk to keep it all emulsified and when heated makes the most excellent crust on grilled cheese sandwiches.
7587032 Thank you, as always!
7587048 Oh, I totally cheat. I have a big double-plate sandwich press. Don't need to spread anything on it, with a non-stick coating you can just dry-cook them and the cheese's own oil permeates through the dry bread.
7587059
Ah, in that case you can also put cheese down on the lower plate, put the sandwich on top, sprinkle more cheese on top, then lower the upper plate. I think you'll like the way that comes out even more. It makes the outside of the sandwich into a cheese crisp.
7586739 ....and here I was calling myself a Horstralian!
7587244 Well, don't you know all us Thestralians live underground here? Particularly around Bendigo, all these awesome old mine shafts make great homes.
7587249 I've been sharing a cave with a local bunyip, she gets a bit rowdy though.
i1.ytimg.com/vi/xRCKDb4Denw/maxresdefault.jpg
1.bp.blogspot.com/-pBS1AB8yGVQ/TkZg9P_OrBI/AAAAAAAAAPM/3u4whPmbyEA/s1600/DSC_7685.JPG
7587274 Why don't you join us on Discord?
Wonder if she's seen 'Dallassoe cowcolts cheerleaders' yet?
What a cheesy idea.
Hey Lyra, hope you're taking Twi back to your place and not to the castle, Bonbon will be most upset if she misses out?
Ummm...
P.S. Also
7587577 Note, story is flagged AU (alternate universe) and in the description: "So, this universe is completely identical to the normal canon universe, except Twilight Sparkle freakin' loves cheese. (in other news, I now know what a quesadilla is)"
Also, if she hates cheese, why does she love cheeseburgers in EqG?
7587595 Those are HayBurger not cheeseburgers.
7587611 Really? Humans eat hay there? But regardless, look at the burger has has in the cafeteria scene, where she grabs the apple in her mouth. There certainly looks to be cheese on that.
7587621 I don't see it
derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/13/324222/full.gif
So...
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/543/910/c88.gif
7587629
That's shredded cheese on top of the meat patty, right? (checked on the blu-ray I have of it, certainly looks like cheese).No real reason to argue. I dun goofed (not knowing what the food was they were talking about in that original clip), the AU tag should hopefully be enough to keep me from looking too foalish.
"Pizzas for Liar?" Immediately made my think 'a this. XD
Anyways, nice lil' story you got goin' here. I'z gonna put this on my trackin' list. =3
7587630 You mean this ?
ajwholesale.co.uk/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/800x800/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/e/u/euro_buns_4.5_seeded_burger_buns_1.jpg
7587649 No, between the meat patty and the bun, this stuff.
pennmac.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/cheddar-cheese.jpeg
7587655 that's the Lettuce
7587663 Huh... looks like shredded cheese to me. Oh well, I withdraw from the argument. Still, AU!
7587663 It's actually quite odd, how different cultures can do such things. Here, it is pretty common to use shredded cheese on a burger, and use leaves of lettuce. Apparently quite different to US?
This quickfix by tagging the story AU is absolutely hilarious! Finally learned what a quesadilla is, eh? Don't worry, many people around me don't know what a quesadilla is either, and those who do still spell it casediya.
7588280
Do they also pronounce quiche as 'quickie'?
7587677
In my experience, as a United States citizen, pretty much all burgers use processed flat pieces of cheese instead of shredded cheese. I don't think using shredded cheese would be TOO different. Might taste significantly different though!
For some reason, I was hoping the au tag was going to be because this was going to be a universe where the changelings didn't invade and instead opened a pizza chain to gather love from the Equestrians. After all, what better way than to enamor yourself to a people than by introducing them to mans' finest culinary creation? The changeling race would get their own stain glass window in Canterlot castle for that.
Princess Celestia enjoyed her seventh slice of pizza as Queen Chrysalis sat across her, a look of pure content on both of their faces. "Oh, Queen, what have you done to me? I'm bloated," Celestia half joked as she scarfed down the cheesy slice of heaven.
"You and me both, Princess," Chrysalis replied with a smile. "If only your ponies knew how much you've grown to love our pizza, all the bakeries would try to become pizzerias. It's a good thing we ironed out that patent deal to make sure ponies couldn't do that."
"Something I still think you should reconsider. There can never be enough pizza, and I'm afraid your changelings are going to run themselves ragged trying to keep up with demands by themselves."
Chrysalis shook her head. "Impossible. With all the love your ponies have for pizza, my changelings have enough energy to work 24/7. Besides, I'd rather not risk the competition. I know ponies could never bridge the gap of our pizza making prowess; it's an ancient changeling tradition after all, but after having come so close to starvation, I'm rather paranoid."
Celestia gave her friend a sad smile. "Had I known of your struggles, or even your species earlier, I'd have done anything I could to aid you. Plus, had you introduced yourselves sooner, Equestria could have experienced pizza much sooner." She looked to the final slice of cheesy, tomatoey goodness wrapped in her magic, the golden aura nothing compared to the shine of that greasy, tasty cheese, and whispered with a sigh, "All the wasted years..."
"I know, it was foolish to hide away from you for so long when we were starving, but much like pizza, hiding is also a changeling tradition. Honestly, I'm just glad I made the wise decision to open restaurants in Equestria instead of my other plan. That would have been a disaster."
"Oh, and what was your other plan?"
Chrysalis rubbed nervously at the back of her head. "I was... sort of planning to invade Equestria."
"... Truly?"
"Yeah, it came down to a vote actually, 22158 for war to 22159 for pizza. Can you believe it? One vote and we'd probably be steeped in some stupid conflict instead of sitting here enjoying pizza and love in equal measure. Fate is a funny thing, is it not?"
"Indeed it is, but at least it is not cruel," Celestia agreed with a nod and a bite of pizza. "I don't even want to imagine such a world..."
"You and me both. Would you like another pizza? This one is a new recipe I've been working on with barbecue."
"Is Twilight's obsession with the written word annoying? Bring it here, Girl!"
7590497 Feel absolutely free in writing this as its own story. I would love to read it!
I remember that cover art. The changeling is supposed to be holding a pie though...
7590497
Even in the realm of Equestria and fanfiction, that sounds pretty dumb. But you know what? I'd rather see your idea on a stain glass window than someone's clopfic.
7590502 Wow...
When I tried to do that with one of my stories people chewed me out for it. You must be a god/dess to these folk to get away with that.
I envy you... (strokes your cheek and staggers away)
7591849 I like the stories I write, if somepony wants to take my idea and send it in a different direction I say go for it. Art is frequently derivative and I would rather more fun stories I like than another one I don't.
Ehehhe, that was fun.
OMG my feed is 226 entries LONG?!?! Oh geez, no wonder I missed these...
Keep going! ;)
Oh. That was fun. Wish there was more of it, but as it is it's a funny enough one shot.
And the sequel documents there experiments in which they replace the tomato sauce with a white jalapeno sauce.