• Member Since 2nd Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen Jun 1st, 2019

Zephyr Spark


An aspiring writer who will only write/read MLP stories staring Spike and Twilight.

E

One incident. That’s all it took to make Twilight worry Spike is outgrowing her and pledge to devote all her time to her friend regardless of any other duties.

I remembered hearing some mixed opinions over the episode Some Pony to Watch Over Me, such as AJ being out of character. I once wondered if the episode would have worked better with Twilight and Spike. This piece is an experiment to see if it could, with a different setup and plot of course.

Title may change if I think of a better one.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 52 )

First....awesome chapter can't wait for more

Okay, I don't care for the title, but I am very intrigued by the premise. I love stories that focus on Twilight and Spike's relationship, and this looks like a very promising start. I'll be keeping an eye on it.

Looks good so far, but I don't think it needs to be "Somepony To Watch Over Me" with Twilight and Spike. Just having Twilight wanting to spend time with Spike because he's growing up is enough of a premise for a fanfic. :twilightsmile:

7812443 Thank you. I can consider improving the title. I always enjoy stories that explore Twilight and Spike's relationship, so I can't wait to write the next chapter.

7812547 I guess so. Thanks for the comment.

Cool fic. Always nice to see stories that focus on Twilight and Spike's relationship. Will be fun to see how overboard Twilight goes.
Also i must give cutouts on the after movie comic discussion scene.

Aaaaand there goes Twilight's monomania again. :rainbowlaugh:

He cupped his mouth and whispered to her, “What do you think rainbows taste like?"

:pinkiehappy: <(Spicy!)

7812815

The major problem is that it's kind of an uninspired title. It's simply "Hey, it's this episode, but with these characters". Truthfully, if I hadn't read the description, I would have ignored the story altogether.

So, I didn't really care for the Cloudsdale scene, and reading it again, I think I know why. It felt rather superfluous. The point had already been made, and nothing interesting happened there.

On the positive side, I actually like that the catalyst for this was something quite simple. Sometimes, people overplay Spike being neglected or mistreated for plots of this nature, so I rather appreciate the subtler approach here. No one feels like the bad guy, and Twilight's drastic overreactions are a recurring thing with her.

Sorry I didn't give better feedback earlier. I had to mull it over for awhile. :twilightsheepish:

Pleasantly touching fanfic. Favourited.

Very interesting. Looks and feels good.:moustache::twilightsmile:

7813209 Thank you. I'm glad you liked that scene. Good to see you again ShadowSpider.

7813838 That's alright. You make fair points about the Cloudsdale scene and the title. I understand how the scene might seem unnecessary and the title offsetting, but I'm glad you're still enjoying the story. Thanks so much for commenting on the catalyst. I think it would be the little things like this that would grab Twilight's attention and make her start to worry.

This's a great premise, and a much more realistic setup than with Applejack and Apple Bloom. The beginning is very well done, but I agree with 7813838 that the Cloudsdale scene doesn't add anything new (as well as being a little hard to believe - since Twilight only got back in the middle of the afternoon, could they really get to Cloudsdale for what's essentially dinner?)

But, I'm definitely looking forward to whatever you have happen next!

And if you want another title... how about "Some Lavender Unicorn To Watch Over Me"?:moustache:

This is either going to end in tears or hugs.

7815864 I certainly will. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years to you too.:scootangel:

7815876 Thanks. I look forward to writing more.

7816533 Also, I forgot to say last night - I love how you're showing Twilight focusing on taking an active interest in Spike and his activities. That works much better than Applejack focusing on keeping Apple Bloom safe; I don't think the episode showed her even trying to have any fun together (like their farm work games in Sisterhooves Social?) Keep it up!

And merry Christmas!

7816555 Thanks. I'm glad you like it. And Merry Christmas to you too.:twilightsmile:

Spike should gather the 5 other mares for a Friendship Council. Twilight needs help realizing she can't keep going like this.

7835020 Maybe even call Starlight back from The Crystal Empire, six heads are better than five.

I have the feeling Spike is not going to have a soft nor smooth archeology session...
Did you write 5800 words in 1 hour? :pinkiecrazy:

:twilightoops: Spike!
:moustache: What are you doing here?
:duck: I followed you, What's that you have?
:moustache: A Thing that says a whole lot of ponies and dragons lived together...
:pinkiegasp: Open sez me!
:raritystarry::twilightoops::moustache: It's a bathroom?

:derpytongue2: Wow Twilight this is really good!

pre02.deviantart.net/e9a1/th/pre/i/2015/268/0/e/spike3_by_hillbe-d9awxo3.jpg

I don't know. It is pretty decently written, and is a very interesting concept, but... eh. It just ticked me off more times than i care to count so far. Guess I will track it for now.

7835331 well, you know, like when everything seems to be right, and the logic is sound, but you just feel like something is wrong? Like that.

I probably should elaborate just in case; there doesn't neccessarily have to be something wrong. It is just a thing of perception.

7835212 No, I didn't write 5800 in an hour. These chapters were already written. I just took some time to edit them while I figured out where to begin and end them. The final chapter is written and almost ready for posting. I just have to make some edits.

7837475
Doing that would sure be hard. :twilightsmile:
Take your time.

7837569 Actually, I'm about to post the final chapter right now. :pinkiehappy:

7837585
Well... hum... take your time reading the comments! :moustache:

Edit: Another touching and sweet chapter. I sure like Twilight and Spike "mother and son" fanfics. This one was especially sweet.

Yay, a happy ending for all involved! :yay:

“It’s my pleasure, Spike,” she said. “Do you want to see the Rainbow Factory?”

HECK NO!!!!

...

Oh, I was thinking about the creepypasta. :twilightsheepish:

All in all, really good start, feels like something from the show, and better than the episode itself.

:moustache: You worry about my growing up too fast, Glad you haven't had that little talk with Rarity...
:twilightoops:!?!
:raritystarry:???
:moustache: I'll just stand over here He he he he Pop corn anypony?

:derpytongue2: nice

7838343 Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!:pinkiehappy:

Another Spike and delightfully-neurotic Twilight tale; bravo! :rainbowlaugh:

7837812 Yeah, you can't say Rainbow Factory without thinking of that Creepypasta. Thankfully, Dawn Somewhere made a video about the Factory that gives me something else to think about. Anyways, thanks for saying you like it! It means a lot to me.:twilightsmile:

All this time, I never realized you’ve been growing up. Just the other day when you reached that table without standing on your tippy toes, I guess it was a wake up call. You’re not that little baby I hatched in Canterlot. I wanted to make the most of the time we have left together before you outgrow me.

They've grown up too fast when you can't play with their toechies while youre carrying them!:raritydespair:

Was that a doctor strange reference I caught in there?

Honestly I think this would of made a better episode

Login or register to comment