• Member Since 2nd Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen Jun 1st, 2019

Zephyr Spark


An aspiring writer who will only write/read MLP stories staring Spike and Twilight.

E
Source

When Spike sees Scootaloo unhappy at the thought of never flying, he decides to personally help her take to the sky. They study a book on the art of flying from Twilight to find what Scootaloo is still missing, and gradually they begin to make some progress. But Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash are concerned that the duo might be risking their own safety as their efforts become increasingly dangerous.

This takes place in the canon MLP universe (or the canon fanfic MLP universe if you'd prefer). There is humor, here and there, but it's largely a slice of life.

I will say once again that this is not a shipping fan fiction. I am not shipping Spike and Scootaloo or Twilight and Rainbow Dash; all these relationships are platonic. That being said, I may be open to trying to create a romantic fanfic in the future, but for now, I'm sticking with platonic.

This is another idea I kept pondering and wanted to share. I thought it would be a great idea for an MLP episode but I realized those writers can't read my mind.

Huge kudos to Jerome for drawing the cover art.
Check it out on this link: http://jeronimom.deviantart.com/art/Cover-Art-2-592744966

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 34 )

Awesome chapter. Fantastic. I love it.
... just one tiny thing.

It was brief but they both had seen it. Scootaloo

6835918 Thanks for the feedback and the proofreading. It's so hard for me to find my own mistakes.

You don't like Physics? You're telling me - I'm taking Physics. My mind has imploded more times than I can count.
Anyway.
Okay, I. Love. This. Story. How the heck do you have so few subscribers?! This is amazing!
My famous Muffin Rating? *throws boxes of muffins at you* TAKE ALL THE MUFFINS! Over 9000 muffins out of 10!
*ahem* calming down a bit.
I like how this was written. I never considered the fact that Spike doesn't have wings. I love how you played up that connection with Scoots - it was a fantastic choice to include him as part of that reasoning rather than just Scootaloo alone.
I gotta give you my never-seen-before special award: The Golden Muffin. I only give this to stories that I legitimately feel could be an episode, and a spectacular one at that. Fantastic work, keep writing, and keep being amazing.
~SoDF

6836095 I can't thank you enough for your kind words (or your muffin award:twilightsmile:). It really means a lot to me that you have so much praise for this piece. Thank you so much. When I have enough free time (after finishing this semester), I intend to write more. Once again, thank you for supporting me.

6837337
No sweat ^-^ you deserve it.
I also am planning to write more once the semester finishes up. I really should've waited to post my story, because it's hanging there with only two chapters, and I barely have any time to work on it x.x Although, I am planning on doing a collab with a friend of mine, Trombone15, in the next month or so. If you want to, I'm sure I could squeeze in another one. at least, after Wednesday of next week ^-^
~SoDF

6837360 Do whatever you can when you can. But make sure you're enjoying every second of it. Good luck!

This story is really, Really, good. I'm confused at how few views it's gotten it needs so many more. I love your style with the dialogue and the sweet friendship, and care, and realistic non-dramatized reactions.

Lovely, just lovely.

6869314 Thank you! That's very kind of you to say. :twilightsmile:

Nice start!

I'm interested to see how Spike and Scootaloo will interact in the next chapters. Never really thought much about Spike being unable to fly. He is a dragon after all.

6874012 Thanks for your feedback. Unfortunately, I don't have plans to write another chapter. I feel this piece has come to a satisfying ending and I would rather not do anything that might mess it up. The idea with Spike was he was unsure if he would ever grow wings like other dragons, and even then, his wings would be different from a pegasus' wings so there was no guarantee his friends could teach him to fly and that personally terrified him. I tried to explore how he sees himself in Scootaloo; she has the tools to fly (wings), she needs the instruction. He doesn't have the tools to fly or the proper instruction. Seeing Scootaloo fulfill her dreams is a fulfillment of his dreams.

If I ever wrote a sequel to this (and that's a big if), I fear it might become a imitation of this fiction except with Scootaloo and Spike's roles reversed as the student becomes the teacher. I would have to seriously consider what new things I could explore before I wrote.

The ulna is the one of two bone in your arms that connects to the wrist.Its on the opposite side of your thumb. Well its according to a quick Google search.

Twilight really should get off her flanks too and give a bit more personal help, honestly. After all, she must have a fairly unique perspective given she got her wings from ascending as opposed to being born with them, so she learned how to fly really late in life.

Good for Scoots, she finally succeeded at the basic step of gliding. She's already been shown to be capable of hovering in the show, so baby steps.

And that ending. I'm sorry, but despite how it's supposed to be dramatic tension, I keep thinking "This will surely end in tree sap."

Scoots is on a roll of 2 for 2 for upsetting and then apologising to people who've been attempting to help her so far today.

What really gets me in this chapter though is that apparently after the last two chapters, Scootaloo had school. Whaa-? Either everypony was up really early in the morning (unlikely since Rainbow Dash likes to nap), school in Ponyville starts really late, or plot hole!

Twilight was, according to Spike, a great mother/sister figure earlier on in his life. Seems she fell out of the role over time as he turned from a son/little brother into an assistant more than anything, as evidenced by Twilight's complete reliance on him in the first chapter.

And coming to the end. I've always expected that Spike will develop wings as he grows up, but that'll probably be something we only see in the series finale as an 'everypony grown up with kids of their own' shot of the cast possibly.

That said, you could use some editing work. Not too much of an issue with spelling (wrong word usage was more common, off the top of my head I saw the word 'one' used in the first chapter when it should have been 'on'), but there's multiple cases where you don't capitalise at the start of a sentence of dialogue which you are supposed to.

6963485 I never really considered that. It's an excellent point, and I will admit I made Twilight a bit distant in this fic. That wasn't intentional but I can see why it might come off like that.

6963686 It wasn't so much school as a teacher advised project that required the CMC to meet at school during their downtime.

6977846 Amazing thing about dialogue. When you don't proofread it or say it out loud, you don't realize how awkward some of it can really sound. Yeah, I should have thought about what dirty old books imply.

This really needs a sequel about how Spike grow his wings!

7146608 Perhaps. I'd have to do a bit of planning before I was ready to write a sequel, but I would be willing to do it given the time and inspiration. I'm just not sure how to follow this story up in a sequel without repeating it all over again.

7146811 Umm...how about adding a villian? Or Spike joining the dragon race because he needs to learn how to fly? I'll like anything!

7148725 Hmm, I'll give it some thought. But first, I have some other stories to write. Thanks for your support!:twilightsmile:

Spike really needs a hobby.

Watch out for that tree. A good saying for anyone who moves around in an environment with a lot of trees.

Well... first, a note about grammar (I'll just quote myself here because I said the same thing before)

[...] your punctuation in direct speech is off. There is a simple rule: look whether the part describing who talks is a full sentence. If it is, the direct speech ends with a dot and the full sentence starts with an uppercase letter. If it is not, the direct speech ends with a comma, and the non-sentence should start with a lowercase letter (unless it's a name that is uppercase anyway, of course). If the describing part introduces another direct speech afterward, it should also end with a comma [and if not, with a dot]. And if you want your direct speech to end with ! or ?, then that always works, but doesn't change the rest.

Example:

"Everyone hates Spike," said Twilight smudgy, "that doesn't make you special." She gave an evil and arrogant grin. "Don't think I'll let you join my softball team just because you come here and whine. Get off!"

Aside from that... the writing style doesn't do it for me, unfortunately. It's too much just a sequence of things happening successively. with not enough flavor added to make it feel immersive-- which is a fairly common problem.

What type of wings does scoots have? Now I'm really curious! And what about rainbow dash?

Maybe you can write a sequel that tells of what they do when Spike gets his wings?

This is one of those fics that I WANT to like, but a few moments feel a bit too OOC.

9181276 Fair enough. I wrote this story three years ago when I just started writing and was still trying to figure things out. I'm glad you read it though.

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