King Sombra has returned and has sentenced Celestia and Luna to the same fate they forced him to suffer for 1000 years underground. Once he took power he wanted to have some ponies to have some fun with that involves stripping them of their free will... When Sombra has his eyes on Mocha Jon, he decides to put him to a special test. Will Mocha Jon be able to pass the test or will he fail and suffer a horrible fate?
Rated T for mild gore and moderately suggestive dialogue and situations.
Chapters (7)
You've suffered a terrible fate, haven't you?
7410480 You have no idea... Mocha is horribly traumatized from that and believe me he will not be happy about it
I was Sombra's prince when he ruled over the Empire and he has a lot of skills and power to make anypony suffer.
7410489 Yeah after what just happened I'm pretty sure Mocha is convinced Sombra isn't a nice guy
This looks like a promising story so far, having your own ponysona be trick into eating his own pet is certainly an interesting opening scene to the story. Normally, I would think that Mocha would be completely beneath King Sombra's, as he is a rather forgettable pony in the grander scheme of things, and his general complete even disregard toward authority figures, not to mention his snarkyness, makes him sort of make him interesting and seeing that he is being coheres into complying to Sombras demands makes fun to read. In reality, Mocha would most certainly not be be ready to test Sombra's patience, as often torture sessions are nothing to sneeze at as it is design to erode the will of the subject and break him until is is a husk of what he was and is so scared of the pain that he will not be able to think rationally and will do anything avoid pain.
With reading this work I can see now that your writing has improves substantially sense your last story and I hope you will keep practicing on it.
7410665 Well Jon is kinda seen as a test, he actually is beneath Sombra because all he was was a barista and nothing really worthy to the king. The reason .Sombra likes him is cause his friends turned slaves talked well about him and Sombra thought that having someone as snarky as him submit to him would be an interesting take on his power.
may i ask why you didn't just make it were are evil king broke one stallions at a time in-front of there love ones?
7413325 Simple really, Sombra likes seeing the loved ones suffer and after he takes the stallions, the loved ones don't know what happened to them, a lot of them think Sombra actually KILLED them, and Sombra takes more pleasure seeing them think their loved ones are dead rather than just enslaved.
7413955
then why not just make it were are king is bracing them in front of main-6 and the princess of love ?
7413960 Sombra already has the mane six broken to his will anyway. He uses Twilight's organizing skills to extremely stressful levels, making Pinkie undo any colorfully fun creativity and turn it black and boring, making Fluttershy work with the huge and scary dogs who are likely to attack her compared to the cute and cuddly ones she used to love ect.
Plus these people do get broken in front of the other slaves, Sombra likes to crush the will of his slaves before he brainwashes them and even though they are brainwashed they still have their thoughts inside so seeing ponies' wills break still hurts them.
7413960 Also, even though all the slaves are broke to Sombr's will they still are them in regards to personality, so even though they happily obey King Sombra, when they see him do the horrible acts he does they still know it as evil and it is not easy for them to watch
That first sentence is really long.
7530356 yeah, I have a problem with run on sentences and tend to explain way more than I need too in intros
7531830 Thanks, there's about two more parts left then it will be done.
so far it is an interesting story. keep it up
7548351 Part 5 was the last part
7548351 Actually I am thinking about continuing it
7568995 That would be great to read, I always like long term mind control and how broken they become. I wander how Mocha jon could snap out of it.
7569004 Yeah, I usually end stories with the mind control just ending the story, I figured I could extend on how their lives change now
7569118 Well the thing you have to remember about Sombra's powers and mind control it's that his powers are fulled by those how fear him and
Even if Mocha had his his mind control collar removed , he would most like just put on himself again so much he is afraid of Sombra, cruelty , all the powers that he weals(removing appendages and bringing the dead back to life is nothing to sneeze at) and would probably believe that there is there is nothing that is happening that he doesn't know and there is nowhere to hide from him. That is how powerless Mocha would feel against such a cruel and malicious, sense he is reduced to being his pet.
I would imagine that Mocha would quickly grow while hair seeing all the stress and fear he is under
What could actually help Mocha his snarkiness, and his irreverence toward authority and showing, but that is assuming that he manges to find who he is deep down inside and that he find what is left of his courage.
I think it was nice to see more of this story again an d you have improved a lot in your writing sense you started. At the moment I think you have trouble conveying the fear and mystery that Mocha is always living though, and show his thoughts. You could use more internal duologue for him, you might also want to make a few time skips to see how Mocha is feeling worst and worst as time goes on.
One trick to that masters uses to confuse their slaves and always be on alert is to the temperamental mood of their master give them self contradictory orders, punish them for asking any questions if they dare to ask or think about it and punishing them for not completing all his impossible criteria and punish them if they backtalk to him. The point it is to exhaust their will power them make them submissive to his will, only think about what they are supposed to do and make them know that any deviation of what they are supposed and will be met with punishment. they are supposed to fear the master and after they are used to follow orders correctly they will he occasionally be complemented for good behavior, even reward them if they are especially obedient and the slave will take any comfort and will start to equate obedience something positive and they will stare behaving accordingly in hopes of getting more. It is all conditioning training, try to read up on the subject if you can.