Peace was restored in the Crystal Empire. All was tranquil as I laid my eyes on the kingdom before me. It was always like this until one day, I found myself in a darker, more sinister world beyond the mirror, an Empire torn apart by war .
As much as I would like to leave this world behind, something tells me my role in this world may be much bigger than I thought.
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Hey EquineTheta,
I've been on you page and seen you've written a few stories that have low view counts and little feedback, so I'm going to try provide some.
I'm actually quite surprised at the low view counts. Your stories aren't bad, and I would have expected them to do better. I do have a few suggestions that might help you attract more readers though. The first thing is that you give to much information away at a time.On this story, the synopsis goes further into the story than chapter one. You should have worded it with some questions, and minimal detail, to draw people into the mystery. The actual story doesn't have any major writing problems besides a few tense changes. You are perhaps too blunt in the explanations as well. It's quite obvious what's happening as a reader, even if shining armor doesn't notice. People would relate to him better if the situation confused them as much as it did him. I guess he is under some sort of mind manipulation thing? That can work, but if you overplay it, the story could become boring.
Some more advice. None of your stories have cover art. You may as well find some cover art. It will get you more readers. You can look on deviantart to find images, but you have to should ask the artists first. You can also get images from the show off the wiki. You don't need to credit those, because everyone knows where they are from.
Thank you for your advice and the changes will be added later on. As for the cover art, one will be on its way. Hope you continue to tune in for further story updates!
Okay, I know I'm coming into this late, but It's interesting, and I'll track and catch up on this soon.
Great work!
Wow. I didn't expect Shinning to lose it like that. I hope the other Shinning gets better soon. It was great to see this story get an update though.
Yeah. Now lets get to the fight. Great job with a moral boosting chapter.
Nice chapter. Well know that everyone is ready for the fight, a battle chapter is coming up. I'm surprised that no one thought Shining could have been a test subject as well.
4212189 Actually, I thought about writing the other Shining Armor as a test subject in an earlier draft and fleshing that bit out in another chapter but I decided against it. It didn't seem to fit well in the narrative from the speaker's point of view. Glad to know you are enjoying the story!
4222084 Best of luck with the next chapter. I also have my suspicions about this worlds shinning armor. It will be interesting to see if I am right.
Nice chapter. Lets see what happens in the next chapter. It is the final battle or a Trap?
4322054 Maybe both?
I knew Shinning was reeducated. I didn't expect Caramel to flip though. That was an intense chapter. Now it looks like we will either have a final fight chapter, or a return to your world chapter. Great job with this story.
Wow. Nice job with the funeral and wrap ups. All that is left now is for Cadence to either hugs, slap, or not notice Shinning as been gone for a few weeks (in the other world). Great job.
Will Shining Armor and Cadence be badass in this story?
4542943 Only one of them.
4540990 Thank you for your feedback but would you like to critique this fic? I want to write better stories, possibly under similar genres as this, but I'd like your input, if you don't mind.
4549812 And witch one will that be?
4550738 It's probably best for me to avoid spoiling the story if you haven't read it though to be honest, badass may not the best description for the main character.
Nice job with this story. I enjoyed it. I can't wait for a possible sequel or for your next story. Best of luck with future projects.
4611759 Thank you very much. I plan to do so!
Now things are getting interesting. What happened to this world? Who was that king with Cadance, Sombra, an Evil Shining Armor? How did this world's Shining Armor betray Celestia? Can't wait to get the ansers!
So, they don't have any proof that this world's Shining Armor is guilty of his crimes.