• Member Since 24th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

MaikaChan48


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It was supposed to be a fun weekend for our two protagonists. When one makes a mistake that cost them both, they must learn to accept each other's faults. Join Max and Michael as they have fun, make jokes, and eat spaghetti.

Need Editor. Need Proofreader.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 75 )

Hey, this is pretty good! Not the best, but not bad.

7028106 Thank You. It took me three tries to get a good story written.

Amazing story dude im looking forward to the next chapter and i tink u did a good job on it

I beat them all her- HOW DID THE PINK ONE BEAT ME HERE?!?!

Oh you poor fool, see beats every one there.

7029013 What's so bad about that?

I don't find myself enjoying this story all that much. I find neither the technical nor the subjective aspects to be appealing. The grammar is not very good, with words mixed up, dialogue incorrectly punctuated, and the entire thing is rife with typos. I don't feel that the writing itself interests me- sentences are structured for the sole point of trudging bleakly onward with the plot and little-to-no detail or elaboration is given. I'm essentially a starving person substantiating themselves on watercress sandwiches- sooner or later, you're going to lose me. The plot itself doesn't seem like much: the Friendship is Magic storyline starts off as usual, and Sans and Papyrus's insertion into the episode doesn't feel like it adds anything, since the whole thing plays out exactly as in the episode, just plus Sans and Papyrus. Sans and Papyrus as characters also aren't that interesting. Papyrus, to be fair, hasn't seen much screentime, but all we've gotten from him is that he seems happy and loves his brother. Sans has a bit more development, which paints him as sort of a chaotic neutral type: he does what he wants and what he finds to be in his interests. However, though the fact that he stops Nightmare Moon from attacking the group and putting Papyrus in danger may suggest that his interests involve protecting his brother, the fact that he elects against warning him not to buy anything from the Merchant in favor of just buying a trombone himself, sealing the fate of both him and his brother, seems to suggest otherwise. It's all very inconsistent.

Bottom line, more work needs to be done before this may be considered a "good story."

7034305 I am trying to get it right, but I'm not good at writing. If your so good at writing, then you fix it. Sorry.:fluttercry:

7034305 r u an english teacher or something? :rainbowhuh:

7034305 AHHHH TO MUCH WORDS WE CAME HERE FOR FUCKING PUNS NOT GRAMMER!

please dont be dead this story has a bright story ;(

7086081 It is not dead. It takes me a while to write.

7087068 *gets hit with Whip* Ack. Yesh Mashter.

7092719 *sweat drops down face* Not my closet if that's what you're thinking.

7093124 hmm.. THEN IT MUST BE IN MY CLOSET! *is a complete idiot*

7093361 Question which episode should I do next? Should I go in Order or jump episodes?

7095549 hmm from the order of the most funny to the least that could happen

7095553 So which episode should I do?

7095644 i dont know ask somone that dose not listen to memes all day

7098855 My ass doesn't need slapping. *sits down blushing*

Can you do more please

7123160 I would if I knew what to put next. Should I go by episode or skip to a random episode?

7099115 I Figured It Out! Episode, Filler, Episode, Filler, repeating forever.

7098859
7098865
Most hilarious conversation I have ever seen... One person who keeps making 'certain' jokes, and the other legitimately does not understand any of them. This exchange had made my day.

Oh, nice story too by the way, just a little bit dialogue/plot heavy and not enough description as things happen on a moment-by-moment basis.

7247501 Thank you for making the time to comment.:twilightsmile:

7247517 Any time! :twilightsmile: I noticed that there is a request for a proofreader... Unfortunately, I'm a bit overburdened right now, but if/when my workload clears up, if you're still looking for a proofreader, I'll send you a pm.

7247524 I'm looking for both a Proofreader and Editor... Just to make my Gaster Blaster Master Chapter Disaster better.

7247528 Love the title! I hope you find somebody who can do it soon! :twilightsmile:

7247501 EGGcelent EGGcelent *Rubs hands like the most cliche villain*

Wow Sans was really falling for Fluttershy
You could say the parents are pretty agast(er) by their appearance

7249547 Enough with the puns... I'm thinking of adding more characters... I Think that my girlfriend should be next.

7249672 hey I thought I was pretty sansational

7252674 Ok...

7250813 Do you have a pun for The Ticket Master episode?

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