• Member Since 24th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

MaikaChan48


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[Displaced Story] Our Main Character is a huge fan of Digimon, as he goes to a convention dressed as Renamon, but unknowingly buys a real Relemon digimon egg.

As he walks away from the merchant, the merchant whispers some enchantment under his breath, and our protagonist falls unconsious.

When he wakes, he'll find that he is in a world far different than his own.

Takes place before Season 6.

May or May Not Contain Crossovers.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 94 )

Awesome chapter my friend and I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks

7863370 Wow. People actually like my stories.

7863376 I do like ur story my friend and I love Digimon I've seen all of the Digimon series from Digimon adventure to Digimon fusion keep updating the story my friend and I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks

7863379 I will. I've seen the first, second, a part of tamers, and fusion seasons of Digimon.

7863386 what you skipped Digimon frontier and Data squad. It's OK I won't judge we have different interest. I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks

7863392 Yeah. I'll get to those seasons when I can. I will keep you informed on when the next chapter is.

Alright, there's a few errors we may as well fix now. I didn't read it as thoroughly as I will at a slightly later date, so I'll just show you what I saw this time through.

First thing's first, Fox's. Foxes is plural, meaning multiple foxes are having a day out.
Second: You misspelled Character in your long description.
Third: Overall quality seems rushed, and I can tell that with a little editing and care you can do make this much more readable. The pacing is way too fast, the chapter itself has many scenes that can be fleshed out much more, or even explained. What did they find, an egg or a digivice? If it was a Digivice, how'd they hatch an egg? It seems like you wanted to get this out there without a care for quality, and that's a shame. It's an interesting premise, give it more time to get better. If you don't have an editor yet, get one, cause this story may be actually decent (unlike many other Displaced).

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate it. The quality of writing is below what I'd consider good, but that doesn't mean it isn't good overall. This may get a fuller review later on, in the format of a FiMFic Sins comment, so keep your eyes open.
Sincerely, RuneScrypt

7863455 I fixed the character problem, but in the title, it's Fox's because it's one fox. The picture is something I found because I couldn't find relemon fanart.

For the digiegg, I figured that in the real world, digieggs come out of the digivices and can hatch in the real world.

About the pacing, I'm sorry for rushing the story. It's hard to find editors in this world.

Thanks for commenting, Mettatobe EX

7863474 My mistake, I'll be sure to be more specific next time.

7863499 It's fine. I'm okay with getting these type of comments.

Well... that's something...

Funny thing is, I have a displaced Renamon

7863402 OK I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks... Digimon rules:pinkiehappy::raritystarry:

7863605 next chapter please u got me hooked please upload more chapters soon

7863614 Okay. I'll start it as soon as I can.

7863638 OK I'll be waiting my friend and please hurry

7863648 I will start tomorrow.

7863576 I also have a digimon displaced story

7863561
7863709 Looks like Maika has some summonings to do.

as I read the end i thought of "IT'S CUTE AND FLUFFY!" now I want a lilo and stitch displacement.

7864420 Wow... Never in my life had I ever heard the greatest idea ever.

7863576 Let me think on it and get back to ya

Gonna have to leave a down-vote.

7864525 There's going to be a summoning.

7864782 Arbitrary setup fueled by "I want to", bad pacing, and an unlikable/bland OC.

7864874 Isn't every story written because people want to?

It isn't an OC, It's a self insert, and I'm a bland and boring person.

So if you have problems with my character, look at all the amazing stories you wrote and explain why you are better?

7864886 For starters, I'm old enough to remember SHINRA High, so I was never dumb/egotistical enough to write a self-insert.
Second, my OCs were minor characters and didn't butcher canon or even interact with established characters so I could live out my daydream.
Third, I listened in my writing classes and didn't disregard the lessons I was taught.

Anything else?

7865096 Wasn't SHINRA high published in 2013?

7865118 Looks like I found an underage user.
P.S. The old "well look how many stories you didn't write" fallacy doesn't work when the person it's directed at writes for adult franchises.

7865133 Look... I understand that you are a writing critic on this site. I understand that I'm not as well read as you are. I started reading Fanfiction after seventh grade back in 2014, so I won't know as many fanfics as you.

7865148 You realize there's an age limit for being on this site?

7865579 There is an age limit to read mature stories. There is nothing to say a 16 year old can't be on the site.

7865579 Also people under 13 can't be on this site.

Awesome chapter my friend and I can't wait for the next upload for this story I'll be waiting my friend and keep me posted on the story thanks

Dumb Question...Is Maika going to be a Female when he/she digivolve into Renamon?

7865914 Will do. I will try to get another chapter out by Monday.

7865930 Well, technically Digimon don't have genders, so he might take advantage of the perk.

[Displaced Story] You know the story. Someone goes to a convention dressed like thier favorite character, a weird merchant sells them something and they get transported to equestria as that character. In this case, the character is the youngest form.

Buddy. Let me give you some friendly advice. When writing your short description - the one that shows on the front page and gets you a decent percentage of new readers - it helps to try and accentuate what makes your story *unique* rather than drawing attention to the fact you're playing one of the more overused tropes of the sub genre *painfully straight.*

It's akin to placing a giant neon sign above your story saying "HELLO. I AM NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE ORIGINAL HERE. I AM JUST HERE FOR THE WHOREVIEWS. ALSO I AM HERE TO BUY A RASPUTIN BODYPILLOW. CAN YOU TELL ME IF THIS CANINE LIVER WILL COVER THE COST OF A RASPUTIN BODYPILLOW? TELL ME IF I NEED TWO OR SOMETHING."

...Tl;dr it's probably the chief reason why you have those dislikes. Apart from playing that trope so painfully straight to begin with, that is.

7865993 You can't be original when it comes to short discriptions on Displaced Stories. Especially when the story idea is practically everywhere on the site.

Edit: I fixed my short discription. I hope it suffices.

7865993 NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRDDDDDDDD

7866235 I wouldn't call him that.

Comment posted by ponylover2 deleted Jan 14th, 2017

7865937 but renamon's mega level is actually a female so maybe have maika be female mostly:trollestia::raritywink:

7866825 True, but Maika loves to pull pranks on people, so he will use his genderless form to get what he wants.

7867021 but still maika's mega level is completely female

7867028 I know, but it will be a while before that happens.

7867028 But until then, nopony will know Maika's exact gender.

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