The Once and Future Punch
"Wow! your farm is big! I mean really, I could totally get lost here!"
Pinkie Pie's first (of many) reactions to her home rang through Applejack's mind, against her own will, as she walked through town. It was an off season for the farm where she was not needed yet and she needed some time to think without the urge to go and work that she could never avoid when at home.
She had once been amusing. Then after their friendships all went to hell it became aggravating.
Now Pinkie Pie was missing, and now it was neither. It was just...depressing.
Where did Pinkie go? Did she just vanish of her own accord, or was something more sinister in the works?
She came to a stop at the street's edge as she saw a site as welcome as Hog Sign: Sunset Shimmer.
Oddly enough Sunset was moving a bit stiffly.
Whoever did that deserved a tip of her hat and a glass of cider. Given it wasn't her or Big Mac, the next likely case was Rainbow Dash.
Perhaps just cider in that case then.
Thinking of one former friend led to back to another, not helped by a constant vibration in her pocket.
Reaching for it, she took out the offending device, and held it in front of her eye.
The golden locket with a nice apple in the middle was vibrating, pointing in Sunset's direction like a Log Pose. It was also mumbling something ,almost chanting, "Lies.Lies.Lies," over and over again.
The locket did that around Sunset a lot: the strange locket Winona had brought her after that odd light show a few weeks back reacted to anyone who tried to lie around her. Oddly enough, it was one of the least strange things that happened to her since then.
When around Sunset it kept going on about lies, like Sunset was made of lies instead of Flesh and Blood or something like that. She had no trouble believing that: the day Sunset was truthful about anything was the day she started growing Pawpaw.
Was Sunset worth following? Between Sunset's limp, her muscles, and the truth locket of hers she could probably get Sunset to spill if she did anything to Pinkie Pie.
Case solved, Sunset in jail. A good ending, that.
With a clear street she could walk on over and get Sunset to squeal like a pig; she was even going into an alleyway right now so she could have a good place to...
*TWING*
A bright light flashed in front of her eyes, like a camera flash magnified a ton.
In pain she clenched her eyes, unable to see Sunset mirror her action.
Thankfully she did not stumble in her resulting blindness into traffic. That would just ruin her day, being hit by a car.
However when she was done with her stumbling and got her sight back, she found herself in an alleyway, without a Sunset Shimmer to shake down.
"Ha ha! And they said it couldn't be done! Sure I lack physical mass, but the 13th principle of magic assures me I'll get it back when the transport spell is done."
No, instead she just was facing some sort of holographic wizard.
At least, that was what one had to call a see through fellow about Big Mac's age with large glasses, side burns, and dressed in a gray lab coat with a large staff in hand and a oversized floppy hat like one of Applebloom's get ups.
Said hat had something sketched into it: a single horn like thing in a crossed out sign with 12 tally marks next to it. Applejack didn't get what that was supposed to be, some sort of carrot competition?
"....Sure, I'll have to cross through the Dead Universe Space-Time Flux again, but the speed is so great I don't feel any trauma, and if I can't be any further traumatized we should all be fine! Operation Ark is so ago I can already feel the..." he only then seemed to notice her, stopping his conversation with himself and stopping the exposition train in its tracks.
"....Do you speak my language?" he slowly spoke, as if he expected her to suddenly start speaking Namekian.
"Ya, I do." she drawled. Oddly as she spoke his face scrunched up, as if her accent was repulsive to him.
"Oh great, a Confed. That's only a mild improvement from the 'Questries."
"Excuse me?" Was Confed supposed to be a jab at her accent? And what was a Questrie? Questry? Whatever the singular for Questries was.
"Well, I guess I might as well see if you can be of any productive help to us, it would be a first for your kind anywhere. Okay, so I am going to tell you something very important. Do remember it." he stated the last part in the slowest, most condescending way possible.
"And why shouldn't I just turn around and walk away?" Applejack challenged as the wizard eyed her darkly.
"Because Madisonite, I bring warning of humanities greatest threat, and my spell was set to put me before a person of great importance to the world. If it's before you, I can only assume, for some horrible twist of faith, that you have the potential to save the world."
Applejack didn't respond to his declaration, and so he continued with a wave of his hand, forming several images around him: a orange and red mask with fangs and green eyes that did not seem to fit a human face, a round blue key with a half a silver sun in the middle, and a metallic meteorite with glowing red energy inside it like a red lamp.
"I am Tridens, a Wizard of the New England Federation of the year 2146, as you should know we are the morally superior section of the brief United States of America that left after your kind brought us into a disastrous war we had no business being in. We suffered for your kinds greed, and so we left and improved ourselves without you Confed's weighing us down. We managed to advance to the peak of humanity's potential in technology, morality, secularity, tolerance, environmentalism, equality, health, literature, video games, comic books, and sorcery among other great aspects of man. "
He was gesturing as hammily as his commentary was offensive to her family. That was to say, a lot.
"We in New England represent the fullest expression of humanity's potential, but at the same time we were always well aware we were not the only species with sentience, even on the Earth. However we never had much knowledge of what existed in the stars beyond, before they came. Humanity's natural enemy."
"So you're sayin'..." Applejack was lost for most of Tridens spewl in her annoyance, but she picked up the last bit.
"Humanities natural enemy exists in the stars, our antithesis. A race that represents a fixed destiny, burnt upon their very flesh, vs the unfixed potential of every human. They walk with a single goal, against the beautiful and all encompassing chaos of our voice. They claimed to have found perfection and stayed there, we never did and chased it in our never ending quest to perfect ourselves. They are born with fixed limits, we are not."
"They are coming Dixie; your people are good at killing things if they can be pointed at them. Watch the stars, anything with a horn must die, and anything with a horn and wings can kill gods." and with that, the holographic wizard vanished as if he had never been there.
...
Sunset remained frozen in place for a few minutes, the image of what she had seen after a strange TWING refusing to leave her.
THAT MAGICIAN REALLY THOUGHT HE COULD CROSS THE DEAD UNIVERSE AND BE UNNOTICED?! MY REALM?! TRULY HUMANITY IS JUST AS DELUDED AS THEY COME, AS IT HAS FORGOTTEN WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME WE BATTLED!
Sunset was floating in a dark abyss, the darkness broken only by strange roots that came from nowhere, and snaked along into seemingly endless directions, covered in blister like purple flowers.
Through the place however, rang a voice. A dark, evil voice.
One so deep that it would make the Canterlot Royal Voice but a whisper.
Dangerous Reality Detected The Element of Generosity noted as she felt it vibrate in her jacket pocket. Life unable to be properly sustained, attempting to shield user. Error, user is insufficiently generous, will take energy from ones magical power to help fuel it. Remaining in universe for too long will result in use of one's own life force to sustain protections. I'd suggest avoiding that if you can.
A dark, humanoid shape formed in front of her, with claws and horns. The shape stood out from the darkness of the void, by being even darker than darkness with glowing purple eyes of evil fire.
It was looking right at her.
AND WHAT OF YOU, LITTLE HUMAN? ARE YOU WITH THAT FOOL? NO, YOUR SOMETHING ELSE AREN'T YOU? YOUR NOT LIKE THE MAGICIAN. REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU ARE, YOU ARE BUT NOTHING BEFORE THE DEAD UNIVERSE! I AM WHAT GODS FEAR AND LIFE KNOWS IS ITS END. YOUR KIND IS BUT FOR ME TO BE FEED UPON, AS IS ALL LIFE!
The being reached towards her with a claw made of pure blackness, but she was snapped out of it just before it tapped her forehead
The moment Sunset regained the ability to move, she clenched her face and shivered like Fluttershy for a good few minutes.
She'd later be grateful that she had been in an alleyway when this happened.
.....
Later
.....
The dark that was the night had swept the city, leaving only the moon to provide a natural light.
Streetlamps had rendered that mostly moot though, but it was still nice.
With a brush in both hands Fluttershy swept the place up, humming to herself as she did this mundane task.
With a set of tentacles coming out of her side simultaneously spraying air freshener, jingling kitty toys for the currently free cats, and talking on her cell phone sure, but who was watching her who'd mind her having the extra arms?
"Yes-I know it's late Rarity-sorry but I said I'd try and do a few things that we are falling behind on here-and I just need to think a bit-I'll go to bed so don't you worry-bye."
The cellphone was pocketed and after five minutes the broom and freshener returned to the closet. She shifted the cat toys into her hands, and retracted her tentacles inside of her
With a tired sigh Fluttershy took a seat at the front desk, quickly joined by several free roaming cats. A pitbull whose owners had called to inform a pickup tomorrow curled up at her feet as well.
"Aren't you all the sweetest things." Fluttershy smiled as the cats purred in unison. Still, her thoughts were still lingering on the simple, unpleasant truth.
"Pinkie Pie missing? Why, I had no idea?" Rarity had said all that needed to be said, she was quite skilled that way.
"I'm afraid so...if you know anything please tell me or the police as soon as you can." Principal Celestia had told them both earlier today.
Pinkie....of all her former friends (now former friends and her current only friend), she and her had been the most opposites.
Sure, Rainbow Dash had an ego to end all egos and Applejack was a farmer who willingly sold her cute and adorable animals for meat, but she had always gotten along with them better than Pinkie.
She was loud, had no tact, made Rainbow Dash look considerate of others, and scared small animals.
But she had been her friend once, and now she was gone.
Was she okay?
The door to the shelter suddenly burst wide open, as a stranger burst in.
The cats didn't disperse, though they did look at the newcomer with unease. Gauger the friendly Pittbull barked a welcome, even as the man stumbled through the place.
"Um, sir..." she spoke, even as the man turned her way. He was dressed in raggy, brown clothing, the sort that existed in Rarity's nightmares. The epic battles in which she turned hobos into well dressed gentlemen. It was an odd sort of dream in Fluttershy's opinion, but he did look a lot like what Rarity had described. He even had the wild beard with strange stains in it.
The man ignored her and stumbled into the room where the sink was.
Fourty seconds of water guzzling ensued. The water eventually turned back off as he returned to the room, looking somewhat less unhinged than before.
"Oh, someone's here? Well, that explains the door." he stated obliviously as Fluttershy blinked in surprise.
"Oh, um, hello then. I don't really mind letting people drink from my faucet, but you could have asked for a cup. Also, um, can you tell me why you're, um, here?"
"Oh yes, it was quite good. It has just enough copper in it to be flavored without it overpowering the water. Faucets are the superior source of water, don't you agree?" He spoke quickly.
"Well, it is more environmentally friendly than plastic bottles. Also, sorry, but that's not really what I asked."
"Yes yes yes. Now then....while I'm here I do have something I want to do." he stated, once again quite quickly, as he removed his hands from his old clothing, along with a newer looking ringed notebook and a pen.
"Oh, do you want to adopt? Or do you just want to scratch Rusty here?"
"No no, I need to continue my research!" He stated as he outstretched his left hand.
Before she could react, the hand touched her in the forehead.
Grinning widely Principal Celestia found herself alone in a well to do kitchen, one that she couldn't really tell the origin of but was probably her own. With a cake.
A very large cake she could clearly see however, the sort that generally appeared in Rarity's description of a wedding. Multiple levels, good coloration, figurines on top, the works.
She was....oddly dressed, as in she was dressed in white sweat pants and a bra, and had a large fork and knife in her hand. She was licking her lips at the cakes, oddly in a way that was quite Pinkie ish.
Before she'd see something that could only be removed with extensive therapy, she was removed from the scene and returned to the shelter, where the man was writing in his book.
"....Attractive woman eating cake. Huh.....not useful....." The man mumbled to himself before touching her head again.
Canterlot High was without light.
It was spooky, eerie, and it felt sinister.
She was looking nervously from side to side, expecting someone to lunge at her.
So was Applejack, who was looking around uneasily. Unlike her though, and come to think of it Celestia, she was somewhat see through.
The tension was building....
"BOO!"
Apple Bloom and her friends burst out of a nearby closet with scary masks, causing Applejack to fall to the ground while shouting in fright. Oddly enough the Scootaloo in this vision ran right through her before dogpiling on Applejack, with all three of them laughing, eventually joined by Applejack,
The vision again ended, as the odd man was now looking annoyed.
"Twice fail huh....well maybe three times...."
With a heroic hiss, Rusty lunged at the man before he did anything else, but he just knocked him away, causing the animals to glare at him, before he snarled back and scared them still.
"Bah, you aren't of any help. I need humans!" Again, before she could get away he placed his entire palm on her forehead, though not before that last tidbit came about.
He needed humans.....
The City was burning.
With wide eyes Fluttershy saw what looked like the end of the world, where everyone was attacking each other.
Everyone was glowing red, and they all were making demented, angry sounds. The shouting of the mad.
The screeches of the damned.
"Please stop, I'm beggin' ya!"
Fluttershy's eyes went wide with horror as she saw someone who wasn't mad backing away from one who was.
It was Apple Bloom, her eyes wide in terror.
The man was Big Mac. Glowing red, and with a demented grin that was at least 12 degrees of wrong.
"Gharrahh!" He garbled, before trying to punch her.
Whimpering in terror Apple Bloom barely managed to avoid being punched.
"Stop!" Fluttershy shouted, running at the crazed Big Mac, only to run right through him.
Shocked, she turned to the crazed Red Big Mac attempt to grab his terrified little sister, only for him to get a giant glowing fist in the side.
He was blown away, even as Rarity and someone else ran towards the crying Apple Bloom.
The unknown someone who was with Rarity was a teenage girl who lay on the sensual side of dress and body size. She looked like nightmare fuel to all with girlfriends, though her hair was oddly orange and Pinkie Pie like. A red crystal dominated her neck, held by a choker.
Rarity oddly enough was dressed oddly: she had a pink dress that didn't cover her right shoulder, with a black belt embedded in diamonds and a similar but larger diamond fixed on a the lower part of the dress below said belt. She had pink and blue stockings below them, and oddly enough looked like she had come out of Rainbow's comic book collection.
Apple Bloom, still crying in fear, ran to hug Rarity: sobbing into her clothes. Rarity didn't react to this, quite a good show of how serious this was.
The little girl did eventually notice Rarity's companion, and looked at her in fright.
"What the hell is she doing here?!"
Apple Bloom, language!
The puffy haired one rolled her eyes, "Well, I'm trying to find a way to fix things, and yet I'm being pulled out to help little brats. Don't ask me why?"
Rarity gave her a look at that.
"Aren' ya responsible for all of this?! You eat hate!" Apple Bloom snapped at the girl with an odd comment. Eating hate?
Well if she took the hate from people and consumed it, that made this girl sound like a model citizen whom could do so much good for the world.....
"....Hardly. Oh, don't get wrong when this started up I thought it was going to be a all you can eat buffet," the girl admitted with a shrug, even as a mad Snips and Snails ran at them. Rarity nonchalantly sealed them in a glowing hamster ball and sent them rolling away, "Sonata tried...she started glowing red soon after, bit Aria, and last I heard of those two they were babbling something mad about beating some chick named Gilda with a rubber chicken. They weren't making sense, more so than usual anyway."
"So....you ain't any help?"
The wonderful woman who eats hate leveled a glare at the girl, "I'm more help than you, little girl."
"Ladies, please, the world is ending and this is not the time to settle a grudge." Rarity tried to settle things.
"Yes, yes it is. The world is ending, and before she starting seeing red our favorite runaway Pony got the portals sealed both here and in the City so we can't just leave."
"Wha' abou' the one that Baron Ironblood built? I can operate it." Apple Bloom countered as the puffy haired girl blinked at her in surprise, even as Rarity springboarded a glowing red Crystal Heart student away with one construct, and swept two more away with another.
"You can?"
"I can. Sari taugh me how after the Perfection incident"
"Really?"
"Yep. Ah once teleported me n' Celestia to Zamojin, where she somehow managed to eat one of the native cakes."
".....Okay then, points to the shrimp. We go there, then get a ride, and find someone who might know to stop the....."
Before a name was spoken the vision ended, she was removed from it, even as the odd man was writing it down rapidly.
"Yes, yes......potential future data......important...this is the second time I've seen a future with red hatred as a plague, the probability is now at 5.35% or something higher than minuscule! Oh, and someone else with powers....two someones! Fascinating......I must test my own abilities on them..."
"I won't let you do that." Fluttershy declared as the man looked at her oddly.
"You? You stop I, the great and mighty Timepunch?! In my left hand is every future that may be, and in my right is the definite past! Here, let me show you why you can't stop me...."
This time he touched her with his right forehead, and she saw in one eye Rainbow Dash taking a 3rd grade math test.
In her other eye however, she was still seeing things as they were here and now.
"Wha....why I am I only seeing this from one eye? Granted it's lackluster data, but it's odd...and why is your face fuzzy and orange!?
Fluttershy's unaffected half of her face grinned, covered in orange fur with black stripes and side burns. Fangs were barred.
"Because, I'm now half-tiger. Now, do you know what it's like to be punched by one?"
"Um, no. No future or past I've seen has ever shown me what that's....." he took it in stride, though given that he was the 'great and mighty Timepunch whose left hand is every future that may be, and his right the definite past', he was in no position to be surprised by another.
He was however, sent flying by the punching strength of a tiger-human cross, and as he flew out the door scrambled on the streets and skedaddled.
Shaking her head as Rainbow Dash struggling to do sevens faded along with her fur Rusty limped back to her, while the other animals expressed sadness for being scared.
"It's no matter....that man was creepy. Now, I'm going to get something for Rusty so behave and you'll all get a treat....god knows I need a treat after seeing all that."
Indeed, as much as the Celestia thing had been odd, the one with the red hate wouldn't leave her. Chocolate did not banish it.
....
"....Tune in next week for another episode of, As the Kitchen Sinks"
"No, I want it now! Release on Netflix all at once why won't you!?"
Rarity's anguished cries over a cliffhanger were interrupted as her cell phone buzzed beside her.
"Hello?"
"It's me.....can I come over? Something happened...."
"Something? Something!? Fluttershy, are you alright!? Did something happen? Oh, if it was that Sunset Shimmer...."
"No, it wasn't her. I'm heading over now."
Bursting off her the couch in an energetic burst, running up her steps to change into the proper clothes for what could only be a horrible, horrible tragedy.
She briefly stopped at the door of her only fellow occupant of the house tonight, reaching into her pocket and leaving a 20.
A little white hand pulled it under, and a potential tattle was dealt with before it could be taled.
Tuesday Morning
"What!? A creepy person tried to attack you at the animal shelter!?" Sweetie Belle squeaked, her pancakes ignored momentarily.
Fluttershy nodded, quieter than normal. Such a feet was surprising, but doable. The difference was minute enough that only the most intense of fanatics would pick it up.
"He didn't do anything really bad...Rusty isn't even limping." Fluttershy took a small bite of her pancake as Rarity finished off a strawberry.
"Well don't you worry, either of you. Anyone that crazy is bound to picked off the street within a week. I have faith in the ability of the police to find someone like that and throw him in a cell where he belongs."
As Sweetie had not been ignoring her pancakes until Fluttershy had finished her story, the little girl had finished her plate clean, and quickly excused herself to gather her belongings, leaving behind her plate and a 20 dollar bill.
"Well, glad to see that Sweetie Belle is that well mannered. I can only assume that Applebloom is somehow responsible for it." Rarity repocketed her bribe money.
"So...this 'Timepunch' as he calls himself...he's like ourselves and Sunset Shimmer." Rarity's question was rhetorical.
"Yes. He said something about his hands and definite pasts and possible futures...he wasn't making a lot of sense." Fluttershy shivered.
"Crazy people normally don't, it's why they generally stick to radio. Sigh....and here I was hoping only one Sociopath got powers."
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It liiiiiiiives!
I get the distinct feeling it's heavily referencing something beyond the one side universe, but it's still excellent and insane.
It seems that Pinkie's multi-universal insanity is growing...
8823898
That and the Pinkie Pie in alternate dimensions chapter. But after reading the newest chapter I think I sort of understand.
Hmm... Interesting story so far... Although I have to question what the heck's going on with the people making super-soldiers. What kind of tech do they have that they could give any old criminal super-speed? Whatever it is, I want 2, wrapped in a bow.
So... Can Pinkie take anything back with her when she exits whatever universe she ends up going to? Cause I have a feeling that Sunset may need a ride... Wait, can she even get out of that universe when the teleportation net's up? Hopefully it rips a different part of reality than what they were preparing for, if only so Pinkie is able to escape...
8902094
Baccano?
Timepunch may be a problem.